‘Nobody Wants This’ Has Rubbed Many Jews the Wrong Way. They’re Missing the Point

The Netflix show Nobody Wants This is a rom-com set in Los Angeles about an agnostic podcast host (Kristen Bell) and a “hot rabbi” (Adam Brody) falling in love. The show premiered September 26, and quickly garnered attention from Jews—both good and bad. On October 10, Netflix announced it was renewing Nobody Wants This for a second season, so clearly somebody wants this. 

The show starts with Joanne, Bell’s character, on yet another bad date that she will inevitably discuss with her sister Morgan (Justine Lupe) on their self-proclaimed sex podcast, also titled Nobody Wants This. Later in the episode, Joanne meets Rabbi Noah Roklov, Brody’s character, at a friend’s dinner party, and it is, you could say, love at first banter. 

Jewish stereotypes are woven through the storyline, mostly for comedic effect. The first stereotype falls apart when Joanne arrives at the party and is told that there are two single men in attendance—a recent divorcé and a rabbi. Joanne assumes the rather stiff-looking guy with a big beard is the rabbi. At the dinner table, someone asks for the rabbi’s opinion on something. When Noah starts talking, Joanne promptly stops him. “Wait, why are you talking?” she asks. “You’re the rabbi?” After taking a hit from a joint, Noah responds. “I’m the rabbi,” marijuana smoke exiting his mouth as he speaks. Certainly, this doesn’t fit Joanne’s stereotype of a rabbi.

You may be offended by or not like certain jokes, but at the end of the day, Foster delivers a funny, entertaining, wholesome rom-com with lead characters who share a notable chemistry.

In the second episode, Morgan drives Joanne, Noah and his brother Sasha (Timothy Simons) to a bar. As Morgan drives, she sends a text to Joanne that accidentally gets played out loud on the car’s Bluetooth system: “He’s cuter than I expected. He doesn’t even look that Jewish.” Noah then asks Morgan, “If I may inquire, what does Jewish look like to you? Are you picturing a bigger nose or curlier hair?” Sasha chimes in with, “Does my brother not look like he could control the media?” Some might be offended by this scene playing on stereotypical physical attributes, but I, for one, could not stop laughing. 

Beyond stereotyping, others have criticized the narrow view of Judaism portrayed in the show, claiming it’s not an accurate picture of Jewish culture. However, everyone has a different take on acceptable ways to practice Judaism or what it means to be Jewish, which begs the question: Is there a one-size-fits-all approach to creating content that will appease everyone in the Jewish community? 

Rabbi Steve Leder, the senior rabbi of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, consulted on the show by sitting in with the writers and reviewing scripts to ensure accuracy in how Judaism was depicted, according to NBC News.

“There is an exaggeration of the characters and the situations because it’s a rom-com,” Leder said. “It’s not a documentary on the life of a young rabbi. I think that’s a very important distinction.”

Viewers have also been upset by the representation of Jewish women as mean and controlling. The first example comes when we learn that Noah has broken up with his longtime girlfriend Rebecca (Emily Arlook). Instead of waiting for Noah to propose to her, Rebecca had found the key to his locked desk, taken the engagement ring she found there and started wearing it, which prompted Noah to end things. 

The danger of the depiction of Jewish women in Nobody Wants This is that people with little to no interactions with Jews may believe this is standard behavior.

Others praise what they see as a depiction of a healthy approach to relationships. Brody’s character, from the beginning, is a “green flag” in Gen Z parlance because when he felt like his relationship wasn’t working, he ended it. As heartbreaking as it is for Rebecca to see Noah immediately move on, should that stop him from being with Joanne if it makes him happy—even if his family disapproves? 

Furthermore, other reviewers believe that Esther, Noah’s sister-in-law and Rebecca’s best friend (played by Jackie Tohn), comes off as very aggressive and controlling in her marriage. In the second episode, she appears outside of the bar where her husband, Sasha, Noah, Joanne and Morgan are having drinks. Without leaving her car, she honks and screams at the men to leave. Although that reaction is excessive, I didn’t think much of it when I watched the show. Esther is a strong, independent woman with a robust sense of self, who exhibits loyalty to her best friend. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place when she is supposed to choose between being civil to her brother-in-law’s new girlfriend and respecting her best friend’s feelings. 

Noah’s mother Bina (Tovah Feldshuh) is a different story altogether. In the penultimate episode, it’s time for Joanne to meet the parents. When the couple walk through the door of his parent’s huge house, Bina doesn’t acknowledge Joanne’s existence. She goes straight to Noah, gives him kisses uncomfortably close to his mouth and tells him he’s too thin. Joanne presents a custom-made charcuterie board as a gift, which Bina has thrown away after realizing there is prosciutto, made with pork, on the board. At the brunch table, Bina criticizes Joanne’s intimate topic podcast. “Honestly it’s embarrassing. No woman should act this way,” she says. Noah stops his mother’s diatribe and she storms off into the kitchen. Joanne follows and finds Bina eating prosciutto from the charcuterie board that she removed from the trash. Joanne not only keeps Bina’s secret, she also takes the blame when Sasha discovers the prosciutto is missing. Suddenly Bina likes Joanne as a person, but she still doesn’t like her for her son. 

The scenes were mildly uncomfortable. Bina was acting like the stereotypically overbearing Jewish mother, and her eating pork out of the garbage was just offensive. Sure, it gave Joanne a way to blackmail Bina into accepting her and prove that she can keep a secret, but even though Bina disapproves of her son’s relationship, she still could have been respectful toward Joanne without the ulterior motive. My Jewish mother disliked my non-Jewish boyfriends, but she remained civil. 

No doubt a fair share of Jews dating non-Jews may have a similar experience to Noah’s. God knows, I’ve heard all of the comments behind closed doors about how I need to break up with my boyfriend because so many Jews were lost during the Holocaust. The danger of the depiction of Jewish women in Nobody Wants This, is that with limited entertainment content pertaining to life as an American Jew, people with little to no interactions with Jews may believe this is standard behavior. 

Can Rabbis Marry Non-Jews?

It’s time to address the elephant in the room: Can a rabbi marry a non-Jew? If you ask Noah’s close friends, family and coworkers at the fictional Temple Chai, the answer is a resounding no. Throughout Nobody Wants This, his family is armed with quips about him dating a “shiksa.” The only people who seem mildly supportive of Noah and Joanne’s relationship are his brother and father, bringing us back to the Jewish women being the controlling and unaccepting ones in the family. 

Noah’s dream is to become the head rabbi at his synagogue, and the moment his boss decides to retire, he is told that he would be passed up for the promotion if he’s with a non-Jewish woman. 

Two years ago, Moment’s “Ask the Rabbis” column shed light on this very topic. Nine rabbis from different denominations pondered whether a spiritual leader can be in an interfaith marriage. Five of them said yes, including a rabbi in the Reform movement. Three said no, and one said it depended on the situation. 

“I challenge folks who care about ‘how Jewish’ a spiritual leader is to specify precisely what is important to them. Is it ritual observance? Adherence to Jewish law? Depth of knowledge? Lay out the factors you care most about and then assess a spiritual leader for those qualities,” Rabbi Daniel Kirzane of Oak Park Temple said.  “I bet, when you get down to it, the religious status of a person’s spouse isn’t going to make the list.”

My only issue with the show is that we don’t get to see Noah and Joanne have these difficult and meaningful discussions. He asks her to convert, and—SPOILER ALERT—she declines after initially agreeing, but they don’t talk about how they would raise their children or what it would mean for him to give up his dream of being head rabbi to be with her. 

Others argue the true stereotype underlined in the story is the Jewish man lusting after a non-Jewish woman because the Jewish women are behaving poorly. Whether that is true depends on whom you ask. It was clear to me that there was an instant connection between Noah and Joanne, and deep down, it seems like Noah enjoys explaining Judaism to Joanne, however superficial people believe the explanations to be. One of the most endearing parts was when Joanne was upset that Noah ruined her first Shabbat, he made a makeshift Shabbat dinner setting at the restaurant where she was having a business meeting. 

“Participants in my community, most of whom are intermarried, children of people who are intermarried or partnered with people who are not Jewish, all live vibrantly Jewish lives,” Rabbi Denise Handlarski of the Secular Synagogue, an online Jewish learning, social justice and discussion community, said in her “Ask the Rabbis” entry. “In fact, we find that explaining celebrations and rituals to our loved ones can increase our own feelings of Jewish connection, for we articulate what the various aspects of Judaism are, what they mean to us and why they matter.” 

Is “Shiksa” a Derogatory Term? Maybe Not…

“Whether it is ignorance about the word’s negative con­notations, an attempt to turn the tables on them, a bit of Jew­ish and Gentile humor or some combination of all of the above, shiksa is undergoing a revival,” Nonna Gorilovskaya wrote in a Moment “Jewish Word” column back in 2006. 

The show’s casual name-calling of the “shiksa” and “Gentile” variety has an uncomfortable ignorant undertone; however, the shiksa usage falls under the Jewish and Gentile humor category. 

In episode two, titled “A Shiksa Walks Into a Temple,” Noah and Sasha explain what a shiksa is to Joanne and Morgan after Sasha makes a shiksa joke. “It’s basically you guys,” Noah says, adding, “Technically it’s a Yiddish insult that means you’re impure and detestable, but these days it just means you’re a hot, blonde non-Jew.” The sisters seem almost excited by the word as if it’s a term of endearment and even consider changing the name of their podcast to “Shiksas.”

Is Nobody Wants This Based on a True Story?

Erin Foster, the creator and showrunner of the first season, shares similarities with the main character. Like Joanne, Foster cohosts a podcast with her sister (called The World’s First Podcast) which focuses on friendship, dating, aging and religion. Contrastingly, Foster fell in love with a Jewish man who isn’t a rabbi, and she converted about five years ago. Although there are minor differences, it’s safe to say her life mirrors themes in Nobody Wants This.

The day after Nobody Wants This premiered, Foster shared photos on Instagram of herself during the show’s production. At the time, she was pregnant with her daughter, and Foster confirmed the story was based on her real-life relationship. “[It was] sweet that my girl was with me on set while we told a story inspired by her parents falling in love.”

To those affirming that nobody wants Nobody Wants This because it propagates Jewish stereotypes or inaccuracies, I urge you to consider who created the show. Foster’s experience with Judaism and her lifestyle won’t match everyone else’s in the Jewish community. You may be offended by or not like certain jokes, but at the end of the day, Foster delivers a funny, entertaining, wholesome rom-com with lead characters who share a notable chemistry.