Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.

Submit a caption for this cartoon by May 25 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!

Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!

“I don’t know, Morty, maybe these are Florida penguins.”
— Rich Wolf, Westminster, MD

“They say they need four more for a minyan.”
—Gerald Lebowitz, New York, NY

“Honey… the map says we’re in Brrroca Raton.”
—Gideon Taaffe, Washington, DC

Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

Vote for your favorite caption

Chuckle at the Winter 2023 winning caption—and see who wrote it!


“I told you to wait till it’s dry and ready!”
—Ian D.

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by February 28,2023. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Winter 2023 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.


266 thoughts on “Cartoon Caption Contest

  1. Marv Sager says:


    “I didn’t think this vacation in Israel would bring CHILLS throughout my body!”

  2. Marv Sager says:

    “The native people here sure dress formally!”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      That is a great caption!

      1. Marv Sager says:


        Thanks for your favorable critique. Your contributions to this blog are also appreciated!

  3. Marv Sager says:

    “According to my map, we are not in Kansas anymore!”

  4. Marv Sager says:

    “It reads, ‘If you like to fish & eat sushi, then you are in the right place!”‘

  5. Michael Lomazow says:

    “They want us to sign a non disclosure agreement.”

  6. Michael Lomazow says:

    “They insist that this is a nude only beach.”

  7. Lee Lacewell says:


    “It says to be on the lookout for a missing penguin. He’s described as 18 inches in height and black and white in color.”

  8. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We’ve been subpoenaed by these process servers.”°

  9. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The guidebook says they beg for beach umbrellas.”

  10. Lee Lacewell says:


    “It says, ‘Penguins show their dark side when approached from the rear’.”

  11. Lee Lacewell says:


    “It says, don’t tell the penguins that sushi taste better when fried in butter.”

  12. Marv Sager says:

    “For our trip insurance, we should have added coverage for SNOW STORMS & BLIZZARDS!”

  13. Marv Sager says:

    “It does state that PROPER BEACH ATTIRE is required at all times!”

  14. Lee Lacewell says:


    “This is the ‘Island Welcoming/ Beautification Committee.’ They welcome us, but they are issuing us fashion citations for improper attire.”

  15. Lee Lacewell says:

    “This travel guide doesn’t even mention a formal dress code.”

  16. Rich Wolf says:

    “I don’t know Morty, maybe these are Florida penguins.”

  17. Rich Wolf says:

    “Do you feel a little chill in the air?”

  18. Rich Wolf says:

    “I wanted to go south for the winter, not winter in the south!”

  19. Marv Sager says:

    “There is a financial advisor available to help us turn our FROZEN ASSETS into PRIME LIQUID REAL ESTATE!”

  20. Lee Lacewell says:

    Congratulations to you on your high flying caption win.

    Does anyone know where Gerald has disappeared to?


    1. Dale Stout says:

      Thank you, Lee! :^)

  21. Marv Sager says:

    “Bubbe always claimed you were FRIGID!”

  22. Marv Sager says:

    “Isn’t this a crazy statement? ‘Always warm your genital area before relieving yourself!”‘

  23. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “They say they need four more for a minyan.”

  24. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Are we in the right century? Those penguins keep singing for us to smoke Kool’s.”

  25. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Somehow I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”

  26. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “.One of them keeps bragging ab0ut how his great great great great grandfather almost defeated Batman in one ot their encounters in the comic book in the fifties.”

  27. Marv Sager says:

    “Before we BREAK BREAD, we need to BREAK ICE with these strange people!”

  28. Marv Sager says:

    “Vladimir Putin now says we are in RUSSIAN TERRITORY!”

  29. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They say they will accept ten pounds of any small live fish in exchange for their time share.”

  30. Marv Sager says:

    “The members of your welcoming committee are named:
    (1) Icicle
    (2) Popsicle
    (3) Frosty
    (4) Freezie
    (5) Numbness
    (6) Chilly
    They will provide you with WARM GREETINGS!”

  31. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The translator says they just told us to get lost.”

  32. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Their boss, Penguin Ed, sent them to sell us protection insurance!”

  33. Marv Sager says:

    “The Winter Olympics have FROZEN OUT this potential location in 2024!”

  34. Lee Lacewell says:

    “One of them is black and white, waddles when he walks and he’s missing.”

  35. Marv Sager says:

    “It says FAT HEADS should eat more BLUBBER!”

  36. Michael Lomazow says:

    “They want us to make sure that the newspapers print the following;Local penguin heroes rescue lost tourists.”

  37. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I won’t be able to go with you into that very fancy restaurant tonight if I don’t have a tuxedo on. Do you think one of these little guys can tell us where he got his?”

  38. Marv Sager says:

    “A pirate woman with a BIG CHEST was buried near here, but her FAMILY JEWELS have long since disappeared!”

  39. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We could invite them for dinner at the hotel but I’m sure I saw a sign that said shoes were mandatory in the dining rooms.”

  40. Michael Lomazow says:

    “If they are Jewish,we may be able to finally find a husband for our daughters.”

  41. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Don’t refer to them as poor little fellas again; I heard their family owns Penguin Random House Publishing.”

  42. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We’re all here to celebrate the birthday of our favorite Aunt Arctica.”

  43. Marv Sager says:

    “It says, ‘Because of CLIMATE CHANGE, the temperatures will become COLDER!”‘

  44. “Water is nice, great cooling system, but Florida it is not.” — Adrian Storisteanu, Toronto (who is verifiably human everywhere but this webpage)

  45. Marv Sager says:

    “Did I mention that you are turning blue? Have you been taking VIAGRA?”

  46. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I guess I’m just not a Penguin person.”

  47. Marv Sager says:

    “If I had a COLD HEART, then I could have run for Congress like George Santos and vacationed in Washington, D.C.!”

  48. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want a vacation picture of one of them on the beach and five copies.”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


      Excellent caption! (Thanks for ALL your contributions.)

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        You truly inspire everyone that post here. Thank you for the enjoyable and wise contributions that you have provided and continue to provide.

  49. Marv Sager says:

    “Since you think I talk too much, will my TEETH CHATTERING help with this problem?”

  50. Lee Lacewell says:


    “It’s written in German. It says don’t feed penguin people food because it gives them ‘Farfrompoopen’ and it makes them walk funny.”

  51. Marv Sager says:

    “This climate reminds me of my most dreaded breakfast cereal, FROSTED FLAKES!”

  52. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee, thanks, as always.

    A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed. He told her a story and listened to her prayers. Then she said, “Please bless my father and my mother and all my friends. And goodbye, Grandpa.”

    The father was astonished.. “Why did you say the words “Goodbye Grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know. It just seemed the right thing to say.”

    The next day the grandfather passed away.

    The girl’s father was scared. Maybe my daughter has a special gift, he thought.

    The next evening he put her to bed again. Once more the little girl said her prayers, this time ending with, “And goodbye.Daddy.”

    The father panicked. This time he wasn’t taking any chances. He stayed in his office all day and worked through dinner. Finally, a little after midnight, he slowly drove home. His wife greeted him. “I’m glad you’re back,” she said.

    “Uh, did anything unusual happen around here today?” he asked her.

    “Well, yes,” she answered. “In the middle of the afternoon, the postman collapsed and took his last breath on the porch as he was delivering our mail.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Good one Gerald!

  53. “And I’m telling you this ISN’T the JCC.”

  54. Marv Sager says:

    “Let’s pray that we don’t discover frozen footprints from the ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN!”

  55. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They are official greeters; Larry and his brother Darrel and his other four brothers named Darrel.”

  56. Marv Sager says:

    “Since we are overweight, let’s not do SKINNY DIPPIN’ any time soon!”

  57. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Does anyone remember a great film from 2005 called “March of the Penguins” about the emperor penguins of Antarctica making their yearly journey? It reveals that penguin sexuality is not all black and white (forgive the pun).
    Is that perfect penguin pair really model parents correctly touted as ideal examples of monogamy? Only as long as it takes to get their little one off the egg, off the ice,and into the frigid Antarctic water, a little less than a year. Once Junior is swimming with the other eleven-month-olds–the penguin equivalent of kindergarten–fidelity is quickly forgotten, divorce is quick and painless, and Mom and Dad get back on the penguin prowl. With a breeding adult living thirty years or more, model parents have at least two dozen families in a lifetime. There have even been cases of penguin menages a trois, in which two males take turns caring for a particular female’s egg, as well as “penguin prostitution,” in which females get prime nest-building pebbles in exchange for sexual favors.

    Sorry to break the ice like this, but we’ve all got to come out of our glacier sooner or later.

  58. Marv Sager says:

    “I tried talking to these LITTLE PEOPLE, but they kept FLIPPIN’ ME OFF!”

  59. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I think we should move away. Did you notice that when we came near, they stopped talking?”

  60. Michael Lomazow says:

    “It’s a cease and desist order telling us to get lost.”

  61. Marv Sager says:

    “That moon you have been watching at night is actually watching you. It’s China’s FOREIGN TOURIST SPY CAMERA!”

  62. Lee Lacewell says:

    “It’s a fashion citation!”

  63. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The little tuxers are citing us for improper evening attire!”

  64. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want us to read aloud to them a letter from George Santos. He states that his parents were penguin refugees during the WW2 and his gggggg-grandfather taught penguins to swim. He is asking for donations to help fund one hundred free penguin clinics, like the ones he managed in upstate New York for forty five years.

  65. Marv Sager says:

    “For your information, you have arrived just in time for HIBERNATION SEASON. See you in SIX MONTHS!”

  66. Larry Lesser says:

    Were we supposed to read our GPS from right to left?

  67. Larry Lesser says:

    Oh wait, these are directions to the icebergs, not Steinbergs!

  68. Marv Sager says:

    “NOTATION: Those people with CHRONIC CONSTIPATION are facetiously referred to as ICE HOLES!”

  69. “Say, isn’t that our flier from Zabar’s?”

  70. Marv Sager says:

    “Happy Valentine’s Day to you. I would send out kisses to you, but my lips are frozen shut & my tongue is stuck to the side of my mouth!”

  71. Lee Lacewell says:

    “There’s a missing black and white penguin.”

  72. Marv Sager says:

    “My boss wired me to please extend my ONCE IN A LIFETIME VACATION!”

  73. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I don’t know if we’re being welcomed or banished to the far side of the island.”

  74. “Right there. It says formal attire.”

  75. Marv Sager says:

    “Who said something about when HELL FREEZES OVER?”

  76. Lee Lacewell says:

    “He says he can’t figure out which one of them is he.”

  77. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “It’s not that they dislike us. They’re chabad penguins and they just think we’re reform.”

  78. Marv Sager says:

    “Well, at least there are no RED LIGHTS or SPEED CAMERAS & NO RUSH HOUR!”

  79. Michael Lomazow says:

    “They want us to buy their timeshare.”

  80. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want to know if you’re a good witch or a bad witch?”

  81. “Forty years in the desert and THIS is where you want to retire?”

  82. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want to relocate to Florida; They say the ice here is not making their feet happy.”

  83. Marv Sager says:

    “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and makes strange sounds, then it’s a duck with CHAPPED LIPS!”

  84. Michael Lomazow says:

    “What the hell does Hare Krishna mean?”

  85. Dale Stout says:

    Well Shel, this is where the sidewalk ends.

    (A caption homage to Shel Silverstein-ps, sorry I’ve been a bit of a recluse lately :^)

  86. Marv Sager says:

    “Your mother wished me BON VOYAGE with a COLD SHOULDER send off!”

  87. Lee Lacewell says:

    “It says visitors that make ‘short or no leg’ penguin jokes will get a ‘butt kicking’ from one of two hired, two legged, penguin associates.”

  88. Gideon Taaffe says:

    Honey… the map says we’re in Brrroca Raton

  89. Gideon Taaffe says:

    Merv, you’re wearing the wrong kind of suit.

  90. “It isn’t a shortcut if we’re lost.”

  91. Marv Sager says:

    “The native wildlife is conditioned to this temperature. They must have ANTI-FREEZE in their veins!”

  92. “Remember when you called ME the cutest thing on the beach?”

  93. Marv Sager says:

    “This vacation is not exactly intolerable, but it is BAREABLE!”

  94. Lee Lacewell says:

    “We need you to help us relocate our cold, unhappy feet and bottoms, to a warm white sand beach in Florida.”

  95. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We’ve been invited to the Bar Mitzvah.”

  96. Michael Lomazow says:

    “It’s the bride and grooms wedding registry list.”

  97. “Next time, bring your prescription sunglasses.”

  98. Marv Sager says:

    “If this bargain vacation was any worse, then your shyster attorney brother could sue the travel agency!”

  99. Lee Lacewell says:

    “If this is Fantasy Island I want our money back.”

  100. “They already took the best spot.”

  101. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We are invited to their party but a tux is mandatory.”

  102. Marv Sager says:

    “I dreamt of drifting away from here. Too bad it was a SNOW DRIFT to nowhere!”

  103. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The complaint alleges that, with malice and forethought, we entered the wrong cartoon and continue to reside therein.”

  104. “I knew they wouldn’t have any iceberg lettuce.”

  105. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The penguins say if we’re not wearing tux and waddling as we walk, we’re in the wrong cartoon!”

  106. Lee Lacewell says:

    Opps, tuxes not tux.


    “The penguins say if we’re not wearing tuxes, and waddling when we walk, we’re in the wrong cartoon.”

  107. “What I said was I wanted to swim with dolphins.”

  108. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Upon arrival I informed them that we are vacationing thespians, and they just now informed me that we are being deported.”

  109. Marv Sager says:

    “If you ever win on a GAME SHOW again, then ask for the cash money and not the VACATION PRIZE!”

  110. “Now we’re going to miss the new issue of Moment.”

  111. “They won’t all look the same once we get to know them.”

  112. “We’re not dressed for the occasion or for the weather.”

  113. “Doesn’t this remind you of Mary Poppins?”

  114. “I don’t see how global warming will improve our situation.”

  115. “Do you want to be Bert or Mary Poppins?”

  116. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want our autographs. They think I’m Dick Van Dyke and you’re Julie Andrews.”

  117. Marv Sager says:

    “Did you know that the MERMAID who froze her ass off here is not HALF THE WOMAN she used to be?!”

  118. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want to warn us about a giant dreidel that’s been terrorizing everyone recently.”

  119. Lee Lacewell says:

    “It’s difficult to read, after all, it was written by a penguin using his foot and a flipper.”

  120. Marv Sager says:

    “I have these RED TEETH MARKS all over my body. It must be FROST BITE!”

  121. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “They’re all waiting around for the annual Penguin Random House Publishing Company stockholders meeting to begin. I hope that everyone who comes will have a chance to get in some swimming before they’re stuck inside and drowned in all the talk.”

  122. Marv Sager says:

    “Disney is considering a theme park for this area. The main attraction will be ‘FROZEN’ in time!”

  123. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Normally these penguins would have been able to hold their convention in Florida, but at the last minute Governor Ron De Santis pushed a bill through the state legislature banning certain naked creatures from congregating in the state on moral grounds.

  124. Marv Sager says:

    “These native people must all wear a bulletproof vest under their outfit. How else could they all be so ZAFTIG?”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      You have provided a new, fun word, for me to add to my limited vocabulary.
      Thank you,

      1. Marv Sager says:


        We are never too old to learn. Every day is a good day to improve ourselves!
        Keep up your excellent contributions to this blog, and besides myself, others will learn from you also! 🙂

  125. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I checked all the religious books I could find. I con’t think eihrr one of us would be qualified to complete their minyan.”

  126. Marv Sager says:

    “Their ancestors were EMPERORS from another frozen country!”

  127. Lee Lacewell says:

    “It’s a non-resident, non-penguin tax form.”

  128. Marv Sager says:

    “The only animal that could really survive in this brutal frozen place would be a FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON!”

  129. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They want to know why we can’t, just one time, show up with a few bagels or Kipper Snacks.”

    1. No cream cheese, Lee?

      1. Lee says:

        You’re absolutely correct.

        How could I have forgotten Cream Cheese? I wouldn’t blame Moment Magazine if they banned me for life.
        I’ll try to do better in future postings.

      2. Lee Lacewell says:

        I’m not sure why I failed to include ‘with Cream Cheese’ in my last comment. After all, it should go without saying, ‘with Cream Cheese’ has become a basic comment requirement and it rightfully should always follow ‘bagel’.

        I can only say that this is not my brightest, shining, ‘Moment’ moment. I feel as though I let every one down. In the future I will strive do better. Thank you for brining this to my attention.

  130. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “They’re waiting for you call their meeting to order so that they can get on with it and go on to the next cartoon.”

  131. Marv Sager says:

    “There is no jail in this vicinity because the authorities would have to give you food, medicine, and shelter!
    Better to let lawbreakers meander into the outside oblivion!”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Testing 1 2 3

  132. Marv Sager says:

    “Beware the IDES OF MARCH, as if we didn’t have other things to worry about!”

  133. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They have issued us a $500 fashion citation, but they are willing to tear it up if we give them three dozen bagels with cream cheese and two cases of Kipper Snacks.”

    1. Marv Sager says:


      What happened with the SMOKED SALMON? Don’t worry, I won’t tell Stephen Nadler about your omission!

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        “Thank you Marv.
        You are a true gentleman and a scholar.”

        “Do you think Gerald might tell him? I understand Steven may have ways of getting people to talk. If the going gets to rough and either of you have to sing like a bird I’ll understand.”

        1. Lee Lacewell says:

          gets too rough.
          You see Marv, I’m so nervous I misspelled t-o-o.

          1. Marv Sager says:


            Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Good time for GREEN BAGELS with LOX & CREAM CHEESE!
            Just add GREEN BEER to help celebrate!

  134. Lee Lacewell says:

    Thank you Marv.
    Sounds perfect.
    Happy St. Paddy’s Day to you!

  135. Marv Sager says:

    “Today is the first FULL DAY OF SPRING. Does that help THAW OUT your day?”

  136. Marv Sager says:

    “The locals now regard us as one of the LOST TRIBES of Israel!”

  137. Marv Sager says:

    “The weather is often so foggy that the President’s Mansion is called the WHITE-OUT HOUSE!”

  138. Marv Sager says:

    “My horoscope asked me, ‘Did you enjoy your April Fool, FOOL?'”

  139. Marv Sager says:

    “They don’t teach you about this place in history books. It’s a PASSOVER DESTINATION!”

  140. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Is this a Moment frozen in time?”

  141. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Honest politicians, …huh ….. so what is your second wish?”

  142. Lee Lacewell says:

    “If you wish, it may be a wise wish to use wish 3 as a wish to wisely cover the wish taxes on wish 1, and or wish 2, wishes.”

  143. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I don’t care that you won the science fair.If you want to talk to me,use a flip phone.”

  144. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I don’t know how I got here or what I’m supposed to do. I’m Jewish, you see, and never met Aladdin or learned how to use his lamp.
    Could I at least offer you a Bracha?”

  145. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Be a man and ask her yourself.”

  146. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Let me remind you again.Don’t summon me on Shabbos.”

  147. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Sorry…..the last wisher wished all future wishes to be his.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      “Would it kill anyone, just one time, to give me a bagel or two with cream cheese?”

  148. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You’re starting to rub me the wrong way.”

    1. Marv Sager says:


      (I tried to enter my caption from the first day, but it wouldn’t allow me to do so until now!)
      “MAZEL TOV, blessings from your RABBI GENIE for finally rubbing me the right way!”

  149. Marv Sager says:

    “Try rubbing the lamp on the other side to make the CANTOR appear!”

  150. Marv Sager says:

    “By the way, I could use a BACK RUB also!”

  151. Rich Wolf says:

    “No, I’m not helping you move next Saturday-that’s one.”

  152. Rich Wolf says:

    “Your girlfriend Leah is waiting until you’re married? I’ll see what I can do.”

  153. Rich Wolf says:

    “I know, but I can’t reverse what the mohel did.”

  154. Marv Sager says:

    “I’m not just SMOKE & MIRRORS even though I don’t dance the HORA & SING!”

  155. Jim Gorman says:

    “Aladdin, a clueless Arab boy, dials the wrong number. THREE TIMES!”

  156. “I can’t make anyone fall in love or win a caption contest.”

  157. Michael Lomazow says:

    Two great minds think alike.

    1. Marv Sager says:


      Good genes & brandy must be our MIND SECRET!

  158. Marv Sager says:

    “You might say that I am a TRAVEL AGENT EXTRAORDINAIRE!”

  159. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The quality and quantity of wishes have fallen victim to new supply chain restrictions. You may now choose from one of three types of bagels with or without cream cheese.”

  160. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I have provided free wishes for two thousand years. Would it kill any one of you to, just one time, bring me a couple of bagels with cream cheese?”

  161. Marv Sager says:

    “I have to look down on you, since we don’t see EYE TO EYE!”

  162. “You never had a mensch like me.”

    1. Rich Wolf says:

      Clever. Very clever.

  163. Jeff Detrow says:

    I will grant you three knishes.

  164. Marv Sager says:

    “Sorry, I tested positive for COVID. No wishes granted today!”

  165. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I’m sorry,but Kim Kardashian is unavailable.How about one of her sisters?”

  166. Marv Sager says:

    “Would you like to fill out a 3-hour survey, after your Wishes, for QUALITY CONTROL?”

  167. Michael Lomazow says:

    “A trip to Israel.No problem.Will that be window or aisle?”

  168. Jim Gorman says:

    “Wishing to convert to Judaism is not enough. It also involves circumcision, so you might want to think about it.”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      You’ll have to be circumcised. Look what it did to me.

      (More caption theft inspiration provided by Jim Gorman :^)

      1. Jim Gorman says:

        I once took a class in comedy writing at a local college. It was taught by the late, great Gene Perret, the head writer for the Carol Bennett show and several others. He described the perfect writer’s room as one in which the first line was just a starting point. Anyone else could add, subtract or rearrange it if it made it better. In that spirit, please, jump right in.

  169. Marv Sager says:

    “Can’t think what you want? Take 2 aspirins and drink better BOOZE!”

  170. Dale Stout says:

    Sorry about the exhaust but someone stole my catalytic Hasidic converter.

  171. Dale Stout says:

    I dream of Jeanie with the light brown bagels….and cream cheese.

  172. Darren Posey says:

    OH! I’m sorry? I’m( ELIJAH) I thought you were needing a brisking before marriage? You’re looking for Jennie, she’s in there. Try rubbing the sides next time… not the bottom.

  173. Dale Stout says:

    Forget the schmooze, I need some booze.

    1. Dale Stout says:

      And booze inspiration always provided by Marv Sager :^)

      (Boos and jeers perspired by Dale :^)

      1. Marv Sager says:


        You are too kind! A Dale (STOUT) Beer always works for me! 🙂

  174. Dale Stout says:

    If wishes were fishes, we’d all eat knishes.

    (Inspiration and copycatting provided from Jeff Detrow :^)

    1. Marv Sager says:


      “I can’t wait for your wishes, as I am scheduled to float bye and eat my knishes!” 🙂

  175. Marv Sager says:

    “Better to have WISHED & LOST, then never to have WISHED at all!”

  176. Lee Lacewell says:

    “A fresh bagel with cream chesse in hand is worth two plain bagels anywhere on the planet.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      cream cheese

  177. “Don’t wish for anything you’ll have to atone for.”

  178. Marv Sager says:

    “You are judged by the company you keep. I’m the COMPANY and you can’t wish for more!”

  179. Jim Gorman says:

    “Actually I was wishing for the Barbara Eden Jeannie, but maybe we can make that my second wish?”

  180. Marv Sager says:

    “This is a classic ‘RAGS TO RICHES’ story, and by the looks of you, none too soon!”

  181. Dale Stout says:

    I’ll grant your wish but 10% goes to The Big Guy.

  182. Marv Sager says:

    “I speak only YIDDISH! Now what is your wish?”

  183. Lee Lacewell says:

    “What were you were expecting; ‘Jeannie’ in a pink harem outfit?”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Opps! Redo.


      “What were you expecting, Jeannie in a pink harem outfit?”

  184. Dale Stout says:

    I’m the Advice Genie: Call your mother.

  185. Lee Lacewell says:

    “In accordance with the 1965 Revised Good Practice Geni bylaws, I will try to keep my belly button hidden at all times during todays wish process.”

  186. Marv Sager says:

    “Please use better cologne in my presence!”

  187. “Actually, you get just one wish. We don’t go with a Trinity.”

  188. Marv Sager says:

    “You don’t need a SPIT SHINE; just POLISH UP your act!”

  189. Dale Stout says:

    World peace? How about a bagel and a schmear?

  190. Dale Stout says:

    I can’t stop Phantom of the Opera from closing. How about Phantom of the Grand Ole Opry?

  191. Dale Stout says:

    I really need to stop vaping.

  192. Dale Stout says:

    Hookah cha cha, hookah hookah hookah cha cha.

  193. Marv Sager says:

    “Haven’t our people suffered enough? Do we really need another WISHFUL SCHMUCK?”

    Dedicated to Adrian Storisteanu whose presence is long overdue!

  194. Jeffrey Hirsh says:

    Caption submission for new cartoon in Spring, 2023 issue:

    “I said three knishes, not three wishes!”

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      Excellent . . . you were earlier than a similar caption below. I congratulated him, but I see you were first. I hope the jury selects the most deserving of you too, but you were first with the idea.

      1. Jim Gorman says:

        …ah should be “you TWO” I should proof read before I click “post”. Rookie mistake.

  195. Marv Sager says:

    “I never discriminate as long as you keep kosher, read the Torah, and attend SHABBAS SERVICES!”

  196. cynthia dimaria says:

    What are you, meshugge? You wake me up for three wishes? Ask Google!

  197. Marv Sager says:

    “For your meal in PARADISE, would you like ONE HUMP or TWO HUMPS?”

  198. David H Schlosser says:

    Wishes? No, no. You get three knishes.

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      Excellent . . . one of the best yet. Hope it gets included.

  199. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Next time provide me with a bigger lamp; this one was too cramped, and my back is killing me.”

  200. TK Kindel says:

    “Enough with the rubbing! I need glasses because of your obsession.

  201. Ausama Abdelhadi says:

    Were you expecting Fiddler on the Roof?

  202. Lindsay Conner and Claire Conner says:

    “No, you can’t wish for a shorter sermon.”

  203. Lee Lacewell says:

    “No more vaping! I’ve been vaping for 900 years and I know what I’m talking about.”

  204. Amy Hurewitz says:

    “Sigh, are YOU going to wish to be a rich man?”

  205. Tadd Schwab says:

    Dearest Genie,
    After 75 years I wish for a Pluralistic Israel where all Jews are welcome.

  206. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I d9n’t usually use a lamp to get me to where I have to g0. I have my special lambor-genie.”

  207. Dale Stout says:

    Stop trying to keep up with the Indiana Jones.

  208. Dale Stout says:

    You want a Genie garage door, for openers?

  209. Dale Stout says:

    I’ll sing some doo-wop with ‘Smoke Gets in Your Oys’.

  210. Dale Stout says:

    Genie: Yakov, let’s drink to Smirnoff.

    Yakov: That sounds MARVelous :^)

  211. Dale Stout says:

    I’m from just East of Eden…Barbara Eden.

  212. Jeff Adler says:

    Your wish is my commandment.

  213. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Don’t hit and run. That’s a fine and original caption you submitted, coming from an unfamiliar face. Can we receive more from you for these ongoing contests? Don’t let your talents lie fallow when they can be appreciated by so many. Thanks.

    1. Jeff Adler says:

      Kind words, Gerald, thank you. Glad to be part of the congregation!

  214. Mark S. says:

    “Only my mother calls me Genie. I prefer Eugene.”

  215. Ausama Abdelhadi says:

    “It’s like wealth management on commission.”

    BTW Jeff Adler’s my friend. I can use some love too!

  216. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I can get you into Harvard but you’ll have to provide pictures of yourself looking like you are a soccer star.”

  217. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Jeff and Ausama,

    Any congregation would be very happy to have both of you in it. We’re a site for sore hearts and eyes, and
    all responses are always very welcome.

    Thanks again.

  218. TK Kindel says:

    “I can only grant one wish. A circumcision.”
    “You have a choice though. The Prince Valiant or the standard German Helmet”

  219. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You left your keys in the couch cushions.”

  220. Ausama Abdelhadi says:

    “We’re trading places next Purim.”

    Thank you for embracing us both and promoting joy through humor. Celebrating community together.

  221. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I got Trump into college and then the Presidency,so don’t be shy,hit me with your best shot.”

  222. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A man killed a genie by mistake. What crime was he charged with?

    Answer: Djinni-cide.

  223. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Just follow Warren Buffett.”

  224. Michael Lomazow says:

    “So that’s one pizza with pepperoni,one with anchovies,and one with everything.”

  225. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    If one wants to understand everything about genies, what should he be studying?


    1. Jeff Adler says:

      Ha! Or the book of Geniesis???

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Or, perhaps, genetics?

        (That’s your second great caption, by the way, to be chalked up to skill, certainly, and not coincidence.

  226. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Cartoon caption submission:

    Religious man (having emerged from the lamp and now looking down at the boy still carrying it):

    “Aren’t you a little young to be smoking?”

  227. Lee Lacewell says:


    “Three wishes, yada.. yada..yada.”

  228. Marv Sager says:

    “The world is your oyster, but you don’t have to CLAM UP!”

  229. Marv Sager says:

    “It would be special of you if you wished for PEACE for Israel, rather than a PIECE of Israel!”

  230. Marv Sager says:

    “FYI: We have a DEAD SEA named for DEAD HEADS like you!”

  231. Marv Sager says:

    “As a MAGIC GENIE, I should make you disappear!”

  232. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Three wishes, it’s always three wishes, why can’t anyone be happy with just one really good stock tip?”

  233. Marv Sager says:

    “Your words are like SAND SCRIPT (gritty & rough to comprehend)!”

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