Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by July 25 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“Now?”
— Norman Danzig, Bronx, NY
“Matchmaker, matchmaker, just let me snack.”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ
“Unless that arrow’s filled with prune juice and patience, don’t bother!”
—Michele Starnes, Kenner, LA
Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.
Vote for your favorite caption
Chuckle at the Spring 2025 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“Would you ever date a German shepherd?”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by Winter 2025. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Spring 2025 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.
Note: By submitting a caption, voting or leaving a reply, you are agreeing to receive Moment‘s award-winning newsletters.
“Is today a special Irish Setter day?”
“Only if they are part shenanigans and part leprechauns!”
“You need to shoot him twice,with some testosterone on the tip.”
Do you have a “swipe left” option?
“Cupid, you are 50 years too late!”
“I would settle for some kosher wine!”
“How about a back rub instead?”
“Could you hook me up with George Clooney?”
“I’m not going to share my brisket sandwich with you!”
“My crazy mother-in-law must have wished you on us!”
“I need to finish this sandwich to build up my strength before you begin.”
“Boychick, you need a Green Card and a valid visa/passport!”
“I’ll distract him and remember: jugular.”
“No, not IN the libido, FOR the libido.”
“Go get the whole ‘UZZI TOTIN SWAT TEAM’!”
“Forget love, can you get him interested in pickleball?”
“He’s the target stupid Cupid!”
“Shoot him now. I’m not sure he’ll be around much longer.”
“He’s considered a hard ass! Will the arrow still work?”
“Don’t waste your arrow…..he’s too old to do me any good or harm either!”
“These days the only thing he gets up for is bagels and cream cheese!”
“Hold up Cuppie this is too much like shooting fish in a barrel.”
“A prick, I don’t need.”
Adrian,
Glad to have you join us once again as a Moment contributor! 🙂
Thank you, Marv! Back from the cold (well, Toronto in March). I hope the cybergods (CAPTCHA et al.) will keep smiling . . .
“I’ve already had a COVID SHOT!”
Don’t play with Bow and Eros.
I’ll stick with my PBJ.
I don’t want Sir Lunch-a-lot.
I’d prefer cafeteria style.
All I ever get is leftovers.
Where’s the beefcake?
I prefer being a cougar.
Take me to see the Chippendale’s.
“Boychik, let him be with the feygelek.”
Or perhaps
“Boychik, let him be with his feygelekh.”
“Can you cure his rash before you shoot him?”
“He needs a diaper change also!”
It didn’t work in 1979. Why should it work now?
Nah. Let him finish the popcorn and leave. We’ll see who comes next.
“I asked him for pastrami on rye, not white-take him out.”
“Don’t waste your arrow Cherubim.”
“And you’re sure the poison on the tip is untraceable?”
“E-D is not his name, it’s his medical reputation!”
Are you kidding me?
“Matchmaker, matchmaker, just let me snack.”
“Don’t waste an arrow on him. He’s too old to do anyone any good or any harm either.”
“If you shoot him before he gets up will he be able to get up later?”
“He’s a GROWN-UP and when pierced with an arrow, he will struggle with a GROAN UP his butt!”
“Why is it you never show up when I’m on a bench with a George Clooney or Brad Pitt look-alike?”
“We are ALTERKAKERS and GORNISHT HELFN, except maybe reincarnation!”
“What do you mean, a match for the ages?”
“Sorry, but his medical insurance only pays BLUE CROSS-BLUE SHIELD-BLUE PILLS approved coverage!”
“Unless that arrow’s filled with prune juice and patience, don’t bother!”
“Go ahead and shoot. At his age, a little heart flutter might actually help.”
“Don’t bother….he messes everthing up. He flushed the blue pills I ordered for him down the toilet and now the toilet seat won’t stay down.”
“Oy vey, we had to have a SHOTGUN WEDDING; now do we need to have a CUPID’S ARROW rendezvous?!”
I’d prefer someone who doesn’t eat like a bird.
“I left my heart in Coney Island.”
“Don’t shoot him! He already falls down ten times more often than he’s able to get up!”
“The last time he saw his family jewels, he declared BANKRUPTCY!”
Where were you forty years ago?
“He falls more times per month than he gets up.”
“Did HINGE send you to help close the deal?”
“He’s already overdosed with Pesach BITTER HERBS!”
“I keep telling myself there’s plenty of fish in the sea; but every time I come here I find the same old crab on my park bench!”
Careful. You’ll shoot your eye out.
“He tried to be an ORGAN DONOR but was told his organ has all but disappeared!”
“I’ll take my sandwich over your shidduch.”
“He cancelled his life insurance policy, so your services are not needed!”
“Go ahead, give it a try, but just so you know, the ‘P-SHOT’ he got yesterday was a total waste of time.”
“What, you couldn’t have come when he had more hair?”
“Thanks, but I’m actually in love with this sandwich.”
The bread does ‘Wonders’. :^)
Oy are you a little late. We’ve been married for 50 years!
Ha-I like it :^)
“Give it your best shot, but aim your expectations very low!”
Where were you 60 years ago?
I know I could do better.
Where have you been all my life?
It was love at first sight!
“It was love at first SHOT!” 🙂
He’s not getting half this sandwich!
“Golda Meir always said you’d find me.”
Now?
“If all else fails, maybe DUCT TAPE & WD40 will work!”
Ok, the NEXT guy who sits down.
“You don’t want to mess with this bubbie.”
“He needs a makeover, not MAKE BELIEVE romance!”
He’s not my first round draft pick.
Beat it kid, you bother me.
We started from the bottom, now we’re here.
It’s never too late for love, but get busy.
What do you mean I have to R.S.V.P.?
You must have some pair of matzo balls.
Got any Love Potion No. 90 ?
“He aches all over. A shot of whiskey may be better!”
“He only gets up early when bagels and cream cheese are on sale at the market.”
“Shoot him with that BOW in his BOW LEGGED extremities!”
“Happy Mother’s Day! Keep your bow & arrow ready for Father’s Day!”
“Shoot i’m for he runs? He hasn’t run since Nixon left office.”
“He was a real SWINGER until he met Lorena Bobbit!”
“His back is the only thing that goes out these days!”
“How old is he? He knows how to play solitaire without a computer!”
“If there is life after death, then he qualifies!”
“Hold off, he’s in a transitional period from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde!”
“I don’t care what Moment says.These uniforms are not Kosher for Shabbos.”
“Is there a centerfold?”
“Would you be more comfy if you change into your body with the holes and dents?”
“When you said you needed to sit for a moment I thought you meant a minute to meditate.”
“For the Moment, robots will inherit the world!”
“For the Moment to visit Israel, you need a GOOD HEART with LOVE for the Jewish people!”
Don’t eschew ideology but come e-chew your bagel.
“You’re not fooling anyone by putting that Playbot magazine inside a Moment Magazine cover!”
“Are there any instructions on how to communicate with dull-minded Washington, D.C. leaders?”
I knew all your intelligence wasn’t artificial.
“If we buy a Moment Subscription, they may also throw a wrench in the works!”
“Isn’t that the Magazine that rose to fame printing the bodies of work of the best and brightest cartoon captioneers in the world?”
“I’m guessing you picked up the printed edition because online you couldn’t identify all the boxes with bicycles and they figured out you’re a robot.”
Understanding Moment cartoon captions requires mind over matter. If you don’t mind, then it doesn’t matter!
“They recommend the Bar Mitzvah tour.”
“You just open it up and start reading without entering a password or username?”
“What the hell is a Mohel?”
“You can purchase a Tesla with an AI license, and it will be driven to your home by remote control!”
” Still searching for intelligent life?”
“That Nadler guy won again?!”
Love it!
“I think it was a thing the humans read.”
“It was the magazine that said AI was a flash in the pan.”
“The captions are so much funnier in binary.”
“How close are we to peace in the Middle East?”
“What is their stand on bot mitzvahs?”
“You will see hallucinations…” (Proverbs 23:33)
ALL Jewish learning is Deep Learning!
AISH is half AI !
The Moment Debate needs a bot kol!
I love how each issue ends with the Spice Bots!
I’d love a byte from the Talk of the Table feature!
Do their writers use SchmoozeGPT?
“If you’ll get your electro-biological-smelling-device out of that magazine I’ll change into my humanoid body and put on that ‘Afternoon Delight Song’ that heats up your circuitboards so much!”
I’ve got a print subscription ’cause I can’t login and prove I’m not a robot!
“I thought a NANOBOT referred to my absent-minded NANNY!”
a little bit 😉
“The AI Rising Lion of Israel is named BOT SHALOM!”
“I didn’t say you’re lazy, I said you’re always in ‘power saving mode’!”
“You planning on becoming a Cyberg now?”
“Can you believe they sell robo pets called JUNK YARD DOGS?”
“You’ll never win the ‘Caption Contest’ if you stay in ‘Power Saving Mode’ all the time.”
“Is it possible that Ben Schwartz is a living organism that was abducted by aliens and imitates a cyborg?”
“So everything we thought was old is new again?”
“Our commander said in the Moment, ‘I came, I saw, I PLUGGED IN!'”
“Just keep trying-you’ll be a ‘favorite caption’ someday.”
“At some point, you’re going to have to install the update.”
“Don’t blow a capacitor when I say this, but only a small percentage of your parts are Jewish!”
“Quit stalling. At some point, you’re going to have to install the update.”
Any new medical breakthroughs for squeaky joints?