Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by December 15 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“Isn’t that out yet in paperback?”
— Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ
“Did the Maccabees win last night?”
—Rich Wolf, Westminster, MD
“Doomscrolling?”
—Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, VA
Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.
Chuckle at the Fall 2023 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“Go ahead. Have it ask us anything.”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by August 20,2023. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Summer 2023 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.
“Whatever you do, don’t be a CRACK-POT person!” (Also, don’t GIVE ME A BREAK!)
An elderly man was arrested for trespassing and called before a judge.
“You have been charged with trespassing on your neighbor’s property,” the judge intoned. “How do you plead?”
“Not guilty, your honor.”
“You were caught in your boxer shorts in your neighbor’s pond doing the backstroke directly in front of the sign that clearly said ‘Private. No swimming.’ Now how do you plead?”
“Not guilty,” the man insisted once again. “I’m not guilty because that is not what the sign said.”
“Really?” the judge challenged. “Just exactly what did the sign say, then?”
“The sign said, ‘Private? No. Swimming.’
“Since you wished for a DEVILISH good time, I summoned the Devil and he said, ‘To hell with you!'”
“Ask AI to tell us who will win the Super Bowl.”
“Vos is dos?”
“No matter what they ask for,don’t take off your clothes.”
“Yeshiva University never prepared me for this future!”
“If I was a RELIGIOUS ROBOT, then my life would be complete!”
“GOD helps those who help themselves to the AI-CHAT line!”
“You’ve been texting for more than two hours and you STILL don’t know whom you’re chatting with?”
“I asked about Nazis during WWII, and the response was, HITLER IST KAPUT!”
Is Ai kosher?
AiChat? We need to invent OyChat.
“I asked AI-CHAT if Vladimir Putin will PASS GAS BOMBS to his troops in Ukraine. The answer was if he swallows enough BEANS!”
“Ask him if he’s seen my Tallis.”
“C’mon, it’s not much different than talking with your wife.”
“It’s like talking with your kids, except you get intelligent responses.”
“AI-CHAT: Is there life after death? The answer was, ‘Are you dying to find out?”‘
Don’t hog the computer, it isn’t kosher.
Hurry up, I’m late for volleyball practice.
“AI-CHAT should I drink coffee before using the computer? (ANSWER) Yes, because usage is a daily grind!”
To HAL with it.
What the HAL?
“AI-CHAT (response): HAL-lelujah!” 🙂
Nice!
It takes two hands to handle a WOPR.
Beast two out of three?
I smell a Conspiracy Theory, or is that you?
How about a nice game of chess?
“The only winning move is not to play.”
That’s it, Jim :^)
“I asked AI-CHAT if the Messiah will be coming soon. (REPLY) Yes, as soon as he receives his security clearance!”
“Go ahead. Have it ask us anything.”
“To AI-CHAT: Is DOOMSDAY coming? (ANSWER) Yes, you are one day closer!”
Don’t kibitz or you’re kaput.
I can virtually drink anyone under the table.
Yes, a table with Dale (STOUT) beer! 🙂
“To AI-Chat: What is the secret to a LONG LIFE? ( Answer) A very LONG SLOW DEATH!”
“What’s IA?”
“Every time you have too much Manischewitz, we find you up here searching Burning Bush”
“To AI-Chat: Since life is a beautiful color world, what sexy color do you recommend? (Reply) 50 SHADES OF GRAY (of course)!”
AI Chat Cartoon Caption:
I wonder if they can make the female robots less bossy?
Does it say when the Messhia is coming?
“I know from a shtreimel, but what’s this AIC hat?”
“I ask if robots are destined to take our jobs, and if so, how soon can they start?”
“To AI-Chat: I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. What do you suggest? (Reply) Wear your glasses more often!”
“I think it’s pronounced ‘aichat’ as in challah’l
Sorry, Rebbe: I can’t add to, or subtract from, the Torah
“Ask it to prove that shrimp is kosher.”
“To AI-Chat: Why is kosher wine more expensive than similar regular wine? (ANSWER) You have to pay extra for GOD’S BLESSING!”
The AIbishster wants to have a chat with us??
Ooops, Rebbe, a typo. The “t” should be an “I.”
Why do you always answer a question with a question?
I didn’t say AI, I said “AI DI DI DI DAI”!
Funny you should ask….
“To AI-CHAT: Are the best things in life free? (REPLY) Yes, especially FREE ADVICE from AI-CHAT!”
The deadline for submitting cartoon captions has been extended to August 25th, so please send in yours! Need some AI comic inspiration? Check out Bob Mankoff’s “Oy, Oy, AI: What ChatGPT Can Tell Us About Jewish Jokes (https://momentmag.com/oy-oy-ai-what-chatgpt-can-tell-us-about-jewish-jokes/) and Bob’s entry in our AI symposium from the current issue: https://momentmag.com/is-artificial-intelligence-good-for-humanity/
If it can’t answer the TAIKU questions, what good is it?
Is from my mother… she created an AI account that tells me I never write, call or chat…I feel so guilty…virtually!
Computer, what is a Kanye West?
“Find out if we can be on America’s Got Talent.”
“Get it to write me a funny line.”
“To AI-CHAT: Why do the DRECK BOYS hate bagels? (ANSWER) With their DULL MINDS, they accuse the Jewish bakers of making too much dough!”
“Oh no, it says job seeking ‘AI Robots’ don’t require Cream Cheese Bagels either!”
“Learning the Moonwalk in the 80’s was bad enough; How will we ever master these Robot dance moves?”
“I pronounce it meh.”
“To AI-CHAT: Do you enjoy CYBER SEX? (REPLY) Yes, just push my buttons!”
AI? Must be Abraham and Isaac speaking with us from beyond.
“So where’s the Yiddishkeit?”
“Can a Jewish AI-CHAT always be right? (ANSWER) Yes, because we answer to a HIGHER AUTHORITY!”
“I’d trust my own fashion sense over that thing any day.”
“Now I believe you inquire what it’s wearing.”
“Impressive, sure, but I’m still against counting it in our minyan.”
“I hear it can scroll.”
“What’s behind AREA 51 in Nevada? (ANSWER) AREA 50 caliber machine guns pointed at you should you trespass!”
“Does Israel have secret weapons to defeat its enemies? (ANSWER) Yes, it’s called BRAINS & CHUTZPAH!”
“Why are there so many anti-Semites in the world? (REPLY) According to the old saying: There’s a SUCKER born every minute!”
“Stop nooging me, my sermon is just printing out now!”
“Eactly how long have you known about these apps for writing sermons?”
“May I call you BOYCHIK, AI? (Answer) Yes, RABBI SHMEGEGGE!”
“Does AI-CHAT have a motto? (ANSWER) Yes: TURN ON, TUNE IN, and PAY YOUR WI-FI BILL!”
“How long have you known about these apps for writing sermons?”
“What is the shrewdest animal in the world? (RESPONSE) A wise old OWL, but nobody gives a HOOT!”
(Why aren’t there more cartoon captions? I guess nobody for the MOMENT gives a HOOT here either!)
The sun is setting. Your gout is not as important as my drash.
Good caption.
“It’s the quicker picker upper”
Caption:
“I didn’t quite finish that last part, would you mind scrolling down a bit?”
“Again, you’re menschspreading.”
“Must you read the whole thing? There’s an abridged version of it in last month’s Reader’s Digest.”
“Isn’t that out yet in paperpack?”
“Check if there’s a law against what you’re doing.”
“Then your subway map must be in what you call the aron kodesh.”
“Did the Maccabees win last night?”
“I think there’s a microfiche version.”
“I am not a Jewish scholar, but I am auditioning for a role in the Yentl revival.”
“Cartoon captions should be included in the Torah, because I enjoy laughing while I’m reading.”
“The wooden shafts discourage subway hooligans.”
“Now I’m getting to the good parts.”
“I’m afraid that the kiosks don’t carry this item.”
“In case of emergency, save the Torah, and I will hang on to the handles.”
“This is public transportation, where some people are happy to lean on a pole while others are happy to sit and scroll.”
“God, it’s so hard to read these old subway maps!”
“I read the Torah to understand Yiddish graffiti.”
“It’s simple. Hold up the left side and it automatically scrolls right. Hold up the right side and it automatically scrolls left.”
“I just got it. It has the largest rollable flat display screen available.”
“According to the dress code, everyone must cover up properly. This Torah scroll covers me up properly.”
“Here we prefer doomscrolling.”
“If I chant Etz Chaim, will you put that away?”
“The reason why I hold on to my Torah is that it doesn’t fit in my backpack.”
“The bumfodder is missing from the loo”
“By opening the Torah scroll on the tram, I am BENSCHSPREADING the word of GOD from one location to another!”
“Everybody thinks that you’re studying religious tracts, but they’re only crossword puzzles.”
do they have that in an audiobook?
“I asked GOD to send me a message. I didn’t expect the WHOLE MEGILLAH!”
“To me the Torah is like the ocean. As I scroll I’m really paddling to keep myself afloat.”
“These are the times that try men’s SOUL SEARCHING!”
“I am preparing for my Bar Mitzvah.You are all invited.”
The aleph in the eighteenth row of the middle column is badly damaged.
My homework assignment
“I need to be closer to GOD and his Torah. Therefore, I require new contact lenses to focus!”
For new cartoon of Hasid reading the Torah on the Subway…
(HEADLINE) TORAH TIMES
JOSEPH RELEASED FROM PRISON!!!!!!!!
CHIEF BAKER HANGED IN CONSPIRACY TO HARM THE PHAROH!!!!!!!!!!!!
In other news…cupbearer returns to duty…………
Scroll down to accept all
“Row, row, row your Torah gently down the stream … ”
…”
You’re on the local. You may want to stand up and finish off the parsha before the next stop.
To the Fall 2023 cartoon: “I’m Jewish. This is how we roll.”
“You’re taking online scrolling to a whole new level.”
“Once I start, I have to finish!
OK by me. After all, they say that on airplanes the person in the middle seat gets both arm rests.
And you thought Subway nourishment was just a sandwich!
Jim Berk
West Bloomfield, Michigan
(If I wrote the Torah, then I would include a few Jewish words for the DRECK BOYS of the January 6th insurrection:)
“Enjoy your federal prison rat cells in hellish conditions KAKN un SHTINKEN because of your stupidity! AMEN!”
“Rabbi,I know we said we would follow you anywhere but the subway out of Manhattan during rush hour is asking too much.”
Excuse me, sir, but you’re torah-spreading.
“Some people like to rock’n roll; me, I like to scroll’n scroll.”
Can you keep scrolling and let me know how it ends.
this is for the oct contest_____ must have had trouble paying his fare
“It’s a good day to read the Torah. Besides, my hometown professional football team is not playing this week!”
“How long have you had that Rail Pass?”
“DOES IT HAVE YOUR HOROSCOPE?”
“Wouldn’t it be easier on Kindle?”
“Does it have your horoscope?”
“Are you reading your horoscope?”
⁹Scrollin, ….scrollin,….scrollin on the river.”
Any pictures I might like
Torah Spreading? Man Spreading with a mission?
“I just read the Torah without interpreting the meaning. After all, I don’t possess Artificial Intelligence!”
women: is that heavy
hassid: it ain’t heavy, its my father
Could you start ‘In the Beginning’?
Adam and Eve naked? Don’t give anyone ideas.
Do you read the ‘Wailing Wall Street Journal’?
It’s amazing you don’t need glasses. It’s upside down.
Manspreading out so far and wide, take Manhattan but give me that countryside. (Sung to the theme song for Green Acres)
I’m reading some WWII history, it’s called ‘Tora, Tora, Tora’.
I see quite a few weddings and obituaries in there.
Here comes the Underpass Passover.
“Doomscrolling?”
“Could you please stop manna-spreading?”
Nice one.
“What’d you expect on the Dead C train?”
“According to the Torah, life is a journey. On the Metro, you might be taking a ride on the WILD SIDE!”
“This is like fishing for wisdom. The problem is that the waters are often too deep.”
“Yes, you did miss the Red Sea station. Next stop, Sinai.”
“Did the Yankees beat the Red Socks?”
“The world would be a better place if there were more Torah and less man spreading.”
“My psychiatrist indicated that I have a problem with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) because I constantly read the Torah.
But I informed my psychiatrist that I only read the Torah during the day, and dream about the Torah at night.
Therefore, my psychiatrist assured me that I have only HALF a PROBLEM!”
“My psychiatrist told me that I have a problem with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) because I constantly read the Torah.
I told him that I only read the Torah during the day, and dream about the Torah at night.
Therefore, my psychiatrist assured me that I only have HALF a PROBLEM!”
“It says right here…. ‘Though shall not read over one’s shoulder.’ “
One of my newspapers yesterday pointed out that there is a growing acceptance in society that artificial intelligence will enter us into an era of understanding each other’s thoughts. Do we need a new song to introduce us to the new possibilities? How about “Send in the Clones” by the late Stephen Sondheim?
I didn’t mean for the latter to be a misleading submission, but for some reason It didn’t allow for my name to accompany it– just as well if you consider the bad pun. Sondheim would probably be aghast if he somehow saw it. Sorry again.
This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “scroll down.”
“I cherish sitting & reading the Torah. When I stand up I feel that my soul is UPLIFTED!”
“Try scrolling to the bottom… then tap ‘accept terms’.”
“How many times must I tell the scribes, it’s I before E except after C?”
“May I offer you something with vowels?”
“Because I am a SUPER SCHOLAR of the Torah, this Halloween I will wear a costume with the Star of David and the letters TRUE (TORAH-‘R-US-ECCENTRICS)!”
“I will grant peace in the land, and you shall lie down untroubled by anyone.” When? It doesn’t say.
“This has nothing to do with religion. I’m trying to read a roll of bathroom tissue.”
“Riding the subway and reading the Torah makes you feel safe. OtherWISE, carry your iPhone ready to dial 911!”
“I’m not saying Biden is old,but isn’t that his signature at the bottom.”
“How do you send ‘friend request’ on that?”
“Is it true that scrolls had to be enlarged when the Middle Ages arrived?”
“I often chant in a low Yiddish vulgar voice when riding the subway & holding the Torah. This is my way of cursing those annoying people next to me!”
“You could be kicked off this train for Torahspreading.”
For October 2023 caption contest:
“I got mine from Goodreads. You?”
OR
“My book is a top ten bestseller. How about yours?”
Thanks! Michelle Gustafson
Madison, Wisconsin
Michelle,
Two good captions. As Oliver Twist might sak, “May we have some more?”
“I read the Torah to learn about the good life. My wife teaches me about everyday troublesome life.
Lastly, my mother-in-law preaches to me about HELL & DAMNATION!”
Nu Rabbi, What’s New?
“I do my scrolling on social media.”
“I never broke a sweat the first time I went scrolling. It definitely was a DRY RUN!”
“I took it to Antiques Road Show today and it turns out it’s not worth the sticks it’s rolled up on.”
“Once while riding the subway, I gave my Torah a big hug.
The man next to me said sarcastically, ‘Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.’
I replied, ‘Thanks for your concern, Mr. Whipple!'”
“I carry this Torah because I couldn’t carry the Ark of the Covenant by myself (even if I could find it somewhere)!”
This seems to be a moment frozen in time.
“If Hamas had developed a subway system in their tunnels, then I would have considered reading the Torah to the Palestinians in Gaza.
Then again, I am capable of NIGHTMARES when thinking about Hamas!”
(Don’t you have NIGHTMARES for the MOMENT, or FREEZE UP according to Lee Lacewll.)
“I could have been an astronaut and blasted off to the moon. But, there are no subways already built for me to read my Torah!”
(Looks like I will be around the U.S.A. for the MOMENT! Will you join me, or do you plan to BLAST OFF somewhere?)
“Reading the Torah on the Metro requires adequate lighting with good eyesight, better known as TUNNEL VISION!”
“It’s turkey BRIS TIME!”
“I thought you said you were making a BRISket!”
“The turkey is stuffed and soon you will be too!”
“White meat, dark meat, or VEGAN?”
“This is practice before the next Bris.”
“First of all we can be thankful we are not turkeys.”
“Another FOWL meal without the FOUL taste!”
“Are you sure this is the right bird?”
“This is my favorite kind of briss. The patient
is in no pain during the surgery and even smiles at me later.”
“If my cooked turkey could speak, it would say, ‘GOBBLE-GOBBLE me up’ because I’m TENDER HEARTED!”
“I feel sorry for him but damn,he looks delicious.”
“I don’t know if ELIJAH will decide to PASSOVER our (open door) invitation for Thanksgiving dinner.”
“I do better on the giblets.”
“I came home, trimmed my beard, and then I prepared this dinner, with all the trimmings, according to directions I found in a large scroll on the midtown train.
“I won a 20-pound frozen turkey from the internet. I only had to pay shipping & handling & taxes & a donation to MOMENT!”
“We can be thankful for the delivery driver that left all this delicious food at the wrong address.”