Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by August 10 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“Overall, you’re not doing bad for an old Giza.”
— Phil Wilson, Mobile, AL
“I’m going to refer you to a carbon dating expert.”
—Pete Critelli, Red Lodge, MT
“No recommended treatment today, but at some point we will be picking your brains out through your nose.”
—Jim Gorman, Thousand Oaks, CA
Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.
Chuckle at the Spring 2024 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“I was hoping for a necklace.”
—Harold Sanger, St. Louis, MO
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by August 10, 2024. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Summer 2024 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.
“Shall I call you Moses?”
“Your Mediterranean diet isn’t working!”
“Take two dates and call me in the morning!”
“Your insurance policy does not cover a burial in a pyramid!”
“Would you like your medical report written down on papyrus?”
“Your chariot is parked illegally in front of the hospital!”
“Sorry,but I don’t want to be buried with you.”
“If you want to be helpful,leave a good review on Yelp.”
My forever worthy opponent. 🙂
“Tut, tut.”
Okay, that about wraps it up. Schedule a check-up for 3,000 years from next Thursday.
“Our cafeteria menu for Passover doesn’t serve CAMEL SOUP with MATZO BALLS!”
Ewww, my dyslexia told me at first it was going to be ‘matzo soup and camel b@lls’
Dale,
Try it, you’ll like it!
“I’m honored you’re here but who is paying the bill?”
“Your wife says that you are an electrician.”
“Have some Cobra Juice and call me in the morning.”
Michael, I love a shot of cobra venom in the morning :^)
Dale,
My wife’s coffee jolts me every morning…..It could start or stop a heart.
“Perhaps in Luxor, your medical condition would be described as a BAD CASE of NILE FEVER!”
“And no carbohydrates for the next forty years.” — Adrian Storisteanu, Toronto (who is unable to access the comments)
“You’ll have to fix your food pyramid.”
“Sorry, none of our nurses are related to Nefertiti as you requested!”
To Marv Sager,
Can you tell me what happened to Gerald Lebowitz….I haven’t been on as much…Did I miss something?
Michael,
Everyone on this site misses Gerald Lebowitz! We have not heard from him in over 5 months which has never happened before.
Perhaps he is writing an important book or is traveling on a long cruise. I don’t know of his absence or the absence of others.
To Gerald lebowitz,
If you see this post,let us know your situation.
Congratulations, Howie!
We all miss Gerald
Tut, tut, looks like a sprain.
…Mark, I didn’t steal this one, this time :^)
“Those SCARAB BEETLES in your headdress shouldn’t be moving!”
“Your emergency contact is Nefertiti?”
“I’m sorry but we ask everyone if they want a Do Not Resusitate Order.”
“I’m sorry but we ask everyone if they want a Do Not Resuscitate Order.”
“In the AFTERLIFE, you could be a MOMMY!”
“Your ‘Pyramid Schemes’ finally caught up to you Mr. Tut.”
“So you can’t sleep since your last pyramid scheme fell apart?”
“Okay, that about wraps it up. Schedule a check-up for three thousand years from next Thursday. “
“I’m putting you on a strict natron regime. “
“I’m putting you on a strict natron regime. “
“Okay, that about wraps it up. Schedule a check-up for three thousand years from next Thursday. “
“It’s just one of my fingers.”
“Payment may be in the combination of 20 goats, sheep, and chickens, but no BULL!”
“So you haven’t traveled outside the country?…?…?”
“So you have not traveled outside the U.S.?”
“You remind me of a Sphinx: Thick-headed & smell like a lion!”
“I didn’t say get extra-fries, I said, get more exercise!”
I didn’t say eat extra-fried, I said get more exer-cise!”
“If you are going to continue eating a dozen bagels with cream cheese every day you may need to enlarge the door to your tomb.”
“So you paid $125.00 for the outfit at the museum gift shop?”
“I didn’t recognize your importance without your CROOK & FLAIL!”
Considering your straw innards go back 3000 years ago, you’re doing just fine.
Hope and Pray Gerald is well. Has not been the same here without him.
“Your scheduled meal will be late as your ESCAPED PET CROCODILE ate the cook!”
Sorry it took so long to get this appointment – we are short staffed.
“Allow me to explain everything about carbohydrates.”
“Have you tried climbing the pyramids after building them?”
“It’s called the ‘Yul Brynner Diet’.”
“Trust me: noone is looking at your nemes.”
“May I recommend Cleopatra makeup for your PALE COMPLEXION?”
“I didn’t say extra-fries, I said exercise!”
I’m going to refer you to a carbon dating expert.
It’s just a scratch, I’ll forward this to workman’s comp over at the Luxor?
I bet you make their day over at TSA.
Looks like you’re plagued by boils!
You’ve got a skin disease known as a midrash!
Your health insurance administrator — he gypped ya!
“Besides eating camels, do you smoke them too?”
“You weren’t serious when you said you’re having your favorite physician buried with you…. were you?”
“We removed a LARGE STONE from your kidney and named it ROSETTA!”
“I told you you’d be fine once the bandages were removed.”
“No boils, no lice–and looking much less stressed this year.”
I think you have a problem with your Pharoahmones.
Maybe he needs a CHIROpractor also!
Rabbi, you have an identity problem and i am referring you to a psychiatric hospital
“A sarcophagus coffin can be built for you. Would you like it to be sent to Memphis, TN, or Cairo, IL?”
You have PTSD. No wonder, after all those plagues and your army loss in the Reed Sea!
You’re in remarkable shape for someone who has been dead as long as you.
No boils, but…
“If you need a job apply at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas. You would make a realistic bell hop!”
“Please tell me I didn’t say ‘you’re a joke’ out loud.”
So what seems to be plaguing you?
What seems to be plaguing you?
“Your hospital bill must be paid in greenbacks, not sand dollars! ‘SO LET IT BE WRITTEN — SO LET IT BE DONE!”‘
“….nightmares about frogs and fear of the dark, hmm, who have you been talking to?”
“It’s better than having to look at your orange hair, but you still make me want to barf!”
“No shoes,no shirt,no service.”
“Your asp is loose.”
“We will save your organs at the time of death to donate to others. No CANOPIC JARS need be utilized!”
Mazel Tov! You’re going to be a mummy!
“Let me see you walk like an epyptian.”
“My nurse says, you want to be a dictator on your first day back, but an old man named ‘Sleepy Joe’ is keeping you awake at night?”
“Your tapeworm on the brain is the second recent case in this country. Don’t worry, it will die soon eating only a small portion!”
“No recommended treatment today, but at some point we will be picking your brains out through your nose.”
“Mr.Trump,this will not delay your trials.”
“Spend more time walking like an Egyptian.”
“We need to WRAP UP your presence at this lab, and keep it TIGHTLY BANDAGED so it never gets out!”
“I never thought YOU would overindulge in matzo.”
“Rebuild that food pyramid.”
“Good news….its nothing to stay awake worrying about…. its just insomnia.”
Tut Tut, my good man, no sphinx will ever replace you.
“By the way, I said ‘Enjoy LOTS OF LOX in the future, not Enjoy LOTS OF LUCK in the future!”‘
“You need to take a brisk 30 minute walk daily or a 10 minute walk if you walk like an Egyptian.”
For the MOMENT, the American Psychiatric Association at this hospital has a TWO-STATE SOLUTION for your kingdom as follows:
“You will rule an imaginary portion of Egypt, and another portion of Egypt will be the State of Confusion!”
“We don’t have a hieroglyphic eye chart.”
“Your wife flushed the little blue pills I gave you and now she’s upset because the the toilet seat is up all the time?”
“Eat two Cream Cheese Bagels and call me in the morning.”
“You never pay your bill so would it kill you just one time to bring me a few bagels with cream cheese?”
“I assure you Tut, my practice is not as much of a sham as your crazy pyramid schemes.”
“I’m prescribing an Egyptian cartouche to keep your EVIL SPIRITS away from the hospital staff and administrators!”
“Overall, you’re not doing bad for an old Giza”.
“You have funny bones, a funny sense of humor, and wear funny clothes. Have you considered a CIRCUS CLOWN CAREER?”
“Why do I get the feeling that YOU’RE interviewing ME?”
Gerald,Are you ok?Missed you!
“It doesn’t matter what I think, your imaginary friends think you are special!” 🙂
Welcome back GERALD!
Great day! Gerald is back!
Presidential debate tonight…..Song that the candidate walks into…….Biden…..old man River……Trump….fool on the hill
“Older Than Dirt VS. Dumb as a Rock in a Cow Chip.
”
“I still prefer Older than Dirt.”
“Sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me (unless it’s during a debate)!” 🙂
Disaster of a debate for us democrats.Joe Biden looked really old and infirm.He also looked like he hasn’t been in the sun for a long time,kind of like a vampire waking up from a long sleep.I am actually really sick about this debate because I like Joe and hate Trump,but the reality of the situation is that we can’t win with Joe.We need a new candidate and Joe,a very proud man,would have to agree to step aside.How about George Clooney and Hakeem Jeffries.Just kidding,I think!
Most likely any two people picked randomly from a phone book would be better than Trump and whatever he comes up with.
Very discouraging situation last night. Noticed right away that Biden’s voice was sounding like he had over used or strained it. Later it was said he has a cold. Bill Clinton often had (losing his voice) issues from over using his voice.
I know many people older than Biden that have sharp minds. Ronald Reagan stayed in office when he was mentally impaired to a greater degree than Biden is now.
It is a shame that our country may soon be in the tiny hands of a lying convicted felon that wants to be a dictator.
Lee,I completely agree with you.The thought of Trump running our country,with the help of the worst this country has to offer,is scary.We are in such dangerous times with North Korea,Iran,Russia,China,etc.,we don’t need a dangerous psychopath representing us.Nixon was a crook but he at least had a brain and Bush Jr.had a lot of advisors to help him along.Without being too hysterical about this,can we really survive four years of Trump.
If he gets back in he will stay in office for whatever number of years his health will allow. Then the U.S. like other third world countries will be subjected to continuous one sided dictator style elections that will be reportedly won by landslides. The hoodwinked voters that put him back in office will have to remain silent because their right to free speech will no longer exist. The fear of retribution will haunt them and they won’t dare speak against him.
His supporters think he is the answer to everything they perceive to be wrong with our country and they feel that they will be on the winning team. Just like Hitlers supporters.
To them it’s all like winning a superbowl game but they don’t realize that winning will result in loss of freedom and much more.
My comments above may seem extreme and I hope I have not offened others but the loss of freedom is so important to protect. Many have died or been mamed defending our freedom. It would be so tragic to lose our freedom. It has been said that the U.S. will fall without a shot being fired. Pay attention everyone this may be that time.
Lee,Again I completely agree.Trump is a disaster waiting to happen.It seems inconceivable that we could elect him again but unfortunately our country is made up with IQ deficient voters who think their lives will get a jolt of prosperity if he is elected.The original signers of the Declaration of Independence and the constitution must be turning over in their graves.
“I have heard (supposedly educated) fans of ‘Fox Views’ say that truth is not important to them, the reason they watch Fox is that it is number one in the ratings and it ‘smokes’ the competition. Obviously they apply the same logic in deciding which Presidential Canidate to vote for.”
Trump said in debate that other countries are laughing at the U.S. ….. The biggest laugh they had so far was probably when he was elected president despite the fact that he received nearly 3 million less votes than Hillary.”
I know she said won’t run,but if we want a democratic win,Michelle Obama would be the closest to a sure thing.I’ll pledge some dough if she runs.
I agree.
“They claim they have a lease.”
“They say they have a lease.”
“New pool cleaners.”
“They claim they have a lease.”
“The new neighbors want to know if they can join you?”
“They claim they have a lease.”
“New pool cleaners.”
“Do we need Deejays for the party?”
“I will gladly say a barucha if it’s time for food!”
“Would you like to play with my rubber ducky?”
“You would do well floating in the Dead Sea!”
“We could be your designated drivers!”
“The new neighbors are here to ask ‘the Schmuck on the giant bagel’ to turn his Jimmy Buffett CD down.”
“They said they don’t care if there’s a woman to blame or not; You and your Margaritaville CD need to waist away somewhere else.”
“Your parents are insisting on In-N-Out Burgers for lunch.”
“Your wife said she inadvertently put a DIURETIC in your cocktail!”
“Georgie, you’re in the wrong pool again!”
“The neighbors did say come over anytime but they assumed you would know that 6:00 in the morning is not anytime.”
“We know it’s past 5:00 but 5:00 a.m. is not part of the good neighbor equation Georgie!”
“You missed your Bar Mitzvah lesson today!”
Honey, can you please tell our new neighbors to find somewhere else to exist.
“The New York Stock Market crashed, our daughter crashed the car, and now my family needs to crash in our house!”