Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.

Submit a caption for this cartoon by December 10 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!

Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!

 

“What a week, huh?”
—Michael Holmes, Moseley, VA


“Here’s my elevator pitch: In the beginning…”
—Dale Stout, Colorado Springs, CO


“Going up?”
—Yehuda Haskelewitch, Santa Monica, CA

Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

Vote for your favorite caption

Chuckle at the Summer Double Issue 2020 winning caption—and see who wrote it!

 

“It’s all about survival of the Yiddish.”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by December 10, 2020. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Summer 2020 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.

 

257 thoughts on “Cartoon Caption Contest

  1. Marvin+Sager says:

    My wife tells me I am the devil incarnate. She wanted me to ask you about an EXORCISM.

  2. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Marvin,

    I knew a woman who was confident that she didn’t need an exorcism.

    She was very self-possessed.

  3. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We will get there when they call Pennsylvania.”

  4. Marvin+Sager says:

    I confided in my wife that God cured me of my hemorrhoids. She replied, “God has better things to do than act as a proctologist!”

  5. Joseph E. Mirman says:

    Tell me, how did you find this elevator?

  6. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Marvin, but why should hemorrhoids be so bad? Aren’t we taught under capitalism that we should all aim to make our pile?

  7. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    The horns are blaring outside in celebration of Biden’s winning Pennsylvania.

    But is it too early to celebrate? Remember, President Trump will have more than two months in full control of the government before he’ll have (?) to leave, and there is a lot he could do to get even, especially for a man who has always prided himself on wreaking complete revenge against all his enemies. He has always guarded and crafted his own image, hiding all his many failures and magnifying his successes. (He never even released his school records, let alone his tax and other financial documents.) But there is no way he can hide this, and he’ll be provoked to a state of fury, so I hope Dylan Thomas will pardon me for appropriating his lines and saying that Trump will “not go gentle into that good night” or twisting Congreve’s lines to read “Hell hath no fury like a narcissist scorned.”

    The frosting on the cake, of course, would be his resigning a few days before January 20, 2021, and then having President Pence pardon him, erasing all his iniquities.

    Do I sound like a paranoid?

    Paranoids, too, can have enemies and so sometimes can be realists.

  8. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    P.S. Millions and millions of dollars were wasted on his impeachment trial, plus all the money spent on his ridiculous Mexican wall, but all this money may well be dwarfed by the federal funds that will be used to protest the election result.

    But who’s counting? It’s only taxpayer money, right?

  9. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Changing of the Guard

    Like rats who leave a sinking ship,
    Or water that drops down, drip by drip,
    Here flow the once-faithful like Chris Christie,
    Leading a procession now long and twisty:
    There’s Rupert Murdoch, who owns Fox News
    And the New York Post , who’s altered his views,
    And even chameleon Lindsey Graham
    Who spent his Senate days spreading mayhem.

    All except former NYC Mayor Giuliani,
    Who’s still loyal to Trump but–alas–no longer canny.

  10. Marvin+Sager says:

    I mentioned to my wife that God asked me, “What do you love besides your family?” I said, “I love art.” She exclaimed, “Some drunk called from the local bar and left a message, ART is waiting!”

  11. Michael Lomazow says:

    Trump will be indicted in New York…that will be fun!

  12. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    If life were a musical comedy, President Trump would now be singing this opening song from Lerner and Loewe’s acclaimed show “Camelot.” (Lyrics altered slightly to fit the situation.)

    “I know what my people are thinking tonight,
    As home through the shadows they wander.
    Ev’ryone smiling in secret delight,
    They stare at Trump Tower and ponder.
    Whenever the wind blows this way,
    You can almost hear ev’ryone say:

    “I wonder what the Donald is doing tonight?
    What merriment is the Donald pursuing tonight?
    The candles at Trump Tower, they never burned as bright.
    I wonder what the Donald is up to tonight?

    “How go the final hours
    As he sees his Presidential powers
    Being regally and legally all pared?
    Well, I’ll tell you what the Donald is doing tonight:
    He’s scared!
    He’s scared!

    “You mean that a President who fought a dragon,
    Whacked him in two and fixed his wagon,
    Will be removed in terror and distress?
    Yes!

    “A warrior who’s so calm in battle
    Even his armor doesn’t rattle
    Faces separation petrified with fright?
    Right!

    “You mean that appalling clamoring
    That sounds like a blacksmith hammering
    Is merely the banging of his royal knees?
    Please!

    “You wonder what the Donald is wishing tonight?
    He’s wishing he were in Scotland fishing tonight!
    What occupies his time while waiting to say goodbye?
    He’s searching high and low for some place to cry.

    “And oh, the expectation,
    The most dreaded anticipation
    He must feel about the parting night to come.
    Well, I’ll tell you what the Donald is feeling tonight:
    He’s numb!
    He shakes!
    He quails!
    He quakes!
    And that’s what the Donald is doing tonight.”

  13. Marvin+Sager says:

    After meeting you, God, and conveying this to my wife, she was ecstatic. She quadrupled my life insurance in expectation of my going to heaven.

  14. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    This is how the most colossal and fragile ego on the planet deals with losing the US election: he does not deal with it at all.
    by Mary Trump

    My uncle’s speech late on election night wasn’t just entirely mendacious from beginning to end. It was also deeply dangerous. It’s one thing for random Republicans to call a legitimate election into question, but this was the head of the government. The consequences of that action should not be underestimated.

    This is what Donald’s going to do: he’s not going to concede, although who cares. What’s worse is he’s not going to engage in the normal activities that guarantee a peaceful transition. All he’s got now is breaking stuff, and he’s going to do that with a vengeance. I’ve always known how cruel he can be. Shortly after the 2016 election, when I’d see him being particularly cruel, I would think about how he treated my father [Fred Trump Jr, Donald’s older brother, who died of alcoholism at 43]. He took away our family health insurance after his father, my grandfather, died – this was when my nephew needed round-the-clock nursing care, which we then couldn’t afford. That is the kind of man he is.

    After January, things look bleak for Donald. He has $400m of debt coming. Why would his lenders pay him any slack?

    He’ll be having meltdowns upon meltdowns right now. He has never been in a situation like this before. What’s interesting is that Donald has never won anything legitimately in his entire life, but because he has been so enabled by people along the way, he has never lost anything either. He’s the kind of person who thinks that even if you steal and cheat to win, you deserve to win.

    But there is some poetic justice here because he has been cheating for months. Now his tactics are coming back to bite him. He told Republicans not to vote by mail and they didn’t, but the result is he has been experiencing this slow drip-drip of disaster over the past few days. Oh, you have these huge margins! Now your margins are shrinking. Oh, Joe Biden’s ahead. Now his margins are growing. It must have been like slow torture, but he set up this failure for himself.

    The fact that the Republicans have done better than expected in Congress and the Senate will have made him extraordinarily angry. It means that people were voting against Donald Trump in this election, but not necessarily against his party. That will have added so much salt to his narcissistic wounds.

    Also, his supporters are going away. From what I understand, the thing that really ruined his election night was Fox News – his safe zone – calling Arizona days earlier than everyone else. That burst his bubble. Then Twitter was flagging all his posts and deleting them, and other more legitimate news outlets were cutting away from his speeches.

    I worry about what Donald’s going to do in the time he has left to lash out. He will go as far as he can to delegitimize the new administration, then he’ll pass pardons that will demoralize us, and sign a flurry of executive orders. Remember, he will also still be in charge of the US response to the pandemic. There could be a million Americans dead by then under his watch.

    After January, things look bleak for Donald. He has more than $400m of debt coming in the next four years. Why at this point would his lenders cut him any slack? He has never paid anyone back. His businesses are in the tank. He has destroyed his brand.

    He is going to be a factor in courtrooms in New York City more than he’s going to be a factor in politics, I think. His secretary of defense has already submitted his resignation, and I think there will be more of that. The Republicans might need him for the January run-offs in Georgia, but he could be considered a liability. If he’s acting like a crazy person, senators are going to keep their distance. People will move away from him if there’s nothing in it for them anymore.

    It’s not like he has any friends, anyway. It’s grim for him. Donald Jr, Ivanka and Eric also know their relationship with their father is both conditional and transactional. I have been saying since 2016 that I was going to have to change my name. I think they’re going to have to change theirs.

    As for saying he’ll run in 2024, that’s just a face-saving exercise. It’s a way of distracting him from the fact that he’s probably going to prison. But the worst thing Donald’s looking at isn’t financial difficulties or the prospect of jail. It’s becoming irrelevant. I don’t think he could ever recover from that.

  15. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I appreciate your faire,but I’m Jewish and answer to a higher authority.”

  16. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Bet you can’t eat just one.”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      @Michael – nice ones!

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Thankyou!

  17. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” I told your wife to try the lox.I didn’t say she’s a fox. “

  18. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The Renaissance Fair was last week.”

  19. Michael Lomazow says:

    Try the lox,not she’s a fox.

  20. Gerald Lebowitz` says:

    “The difference between a doughnut and a bagel? One’s sweet, the other’s hard.”

  21. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The only Indians I root for are the Cleveland Indians, but that wouldn’t mean anything to you folks.”

  22. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “How do I know if that bird you’re carrying is kosher?”

  23. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “My favorite music is soft rock. I bet you folks prefer Plymouth rock.”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      @Gerald – a good chuckle!

  24. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Congratulations Michael, Yehuda and Dale.
    Dale rightfully wins without fail,
    And I hope that the two other ones
    Contribute a lot and not be hit and runs.

    And Stephen, you keep going strong,
    With none of your words ever wrong.
    You’re our Sylvester Stallone, our Rocky,
    Yet humble and modest, not cocky.

    Again, congratulations all!!!

    1. Yo Adrian! Say thank you to Gerald.

    2. “Sorry, we don’t have any mayo.”

  25. Marvin+Sager says:

    “At our Thanksgiving meal we eat turkey with bagels & lox. White meat with regular lox bagels & dark meat with pumpernickel lox bagels.”

  26. Marvin+Sager says:

    “We use the turkey feathers to swat flies and tickle little children while they eat. This is called a HAPPY MEAL!”

  27. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Our turkey meals are prepared together with wild vegetables. We cook it all together and what comes out is POT LUCK!”

  28. Michael Lomazow says:

    It’s time to make some progress,pilgrim.

  29. Michael Lomazow says:

    She pulls it off.You look like a putz.

  30. Bill Agress says:

    “It’s a Thanksgiving kiddush.”

  31. Michael Lomazow says:

    Your friends are in the next room using one of the bagels in an archery contest.

  32. Michael Lomazow says:

    Is that gluten free?

  33. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “You’re too late. Sukkot is over.”

  34. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Tell me, on your voyage here from England, did you ever meet The Mayflower Madam?

    (I’m sorry. This certainly won’t win any award, but I couldn’t resist. Perhaps some of you are old enough to remember what was once a big news story.)

  35. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “They may look the same, but a doughnut is soft and sweet while a bagel is hard on the outside and only soft when you really get into it.”

  36. Michael Holmes says:

    I’m just here for the game.

  37. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Be thankful for your meal, but don’t GOBBLE-GOBBLE down your food!”

  38. Marvin+Sager says:

    “You pick your food, we pick your guest, and please nobody PICK my pockets!” (Does anyone NOSE what else not to pick?)

  39. “It’s a Thanksgiving kiddush.”

  40. Dennis Fonseca says:

    Ok, I’ll give you 5 bagels for the pie and 8 ounces of lox for the turkey. That’s my final offer.

  41. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I know you folks don’t mean it, but where I come from, to give somebody the bird is not a good thing.”

  42. jim gorman says:

    “This is lame. The Mayflower passing over the pond is a stretch, and these bagels are entirely too light and fluffy!”

  43. Bill Agress says:

    “You must be from Congregation Beth Mayflower.”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      Where’s the Wild Turkey Liquor?

  44. Bill Agress says:

    ” Rabbi and Rebbitsen Standish dress up for Thanksgiving.”

  45. Michael Lomazow says:

    If your the ghosts of Thanksgiving pasts,I say do the CAPTCHA to prove your legitimate.

  46. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Nice!

    Rebbitsen Standish, though, does seem a little standoffish.

  47. Marvin+Sager says:

    “My proud Native Indigenous People should have been invited with top priority to OUR wild turkey & coastal salmon. COWABUNGA!”

  48. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Shalom aleichem, Mr. Adams. I’m Rabbi Lissauer from Chabad Outreach in the New World. The rebbetzin and I welcome you to this area and hope to see you in our shul for services. Meanwhile we hope you enjoy some of the fruits of the land prepared by my wife. You look a little skeptical. You can rest assured that this food was handled under the highest standards of kashruth. Zei gezunt, and be sure to watch out for wild Indians who might try to kill you and steal it.”

    (Bill Agress, see what you started? You turned the cartoon around on its ear, making the pilgrims the Jews and the befuddled man the pilgrim, an example of getting outside of the box that you’ve perfected by not being hypnotized by words and concepts. If the above is chosen to receive the $1 million prize for the best–or at least most lengthy– caption, you’re certainly entitled to the money in addition to my gratitude for your inventiveness.)

  49. “Sorry, we don’t have any mayo.”

  50. Michael Lomazow says:

    Is that your horse in my parking spot?

  51. Michael Lomazow says:

    Was that turkey humanely slaughtered?

  52. Michael Lomazow says:

    Turkey,turkey,turkey.How about some antipasto once in a while.

  53. Marvin+Sager says:

    “My diet requires chardonnay or merlot wine for my bland diet. For others who like to really spice it up, there is PEPTO BISMOL!”

  54. Marvin+Sager says:

    “The only way we get invited to these Thanksgiving feasts is because we have these OLD PILGRIM COSTUMES!”

  55. Dale Stout says:

    The Mayflower had a few stowaways.

  56. Dale Stout says:

    You were expecting SacaJewea?

  57. Dale Stout says:

    Sometimes I have impuritan thoughts.

  58. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    News item: The producers of “Jeopardy” are looking for a replacement for Alex Trebek, the former host who sadly just succumbed to pancreatic cancer. A list of possible candidates is being considered, including one of the former big winners, Ken Jennings. That sounds fine. But another person on the list is a big eye opener: Donald J. Trump, whose credentials are well known.

    But maybe putting him on the list is not so much of a stretch after all. He’s put this nation in jeopardy for the last four years and jeopardized almost every person he’s had a relationship with. Wouldn’t his selection be a perfect example of typecasting?

    Oh, and one more thing. Jared Kushner will be looking for a job. He’s got three children, a wealthy wife, and a membership in one of New York City’s premier Orthodox synagogues. And references from several prominent sheikhs from the United Arab Emirates.

    Can anyone help this poor guy out? Where is your sense of compassion for someone who’ll soon be forced to leave a comfortable place of employment?

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      They should all be in a jeopardy category called “National Nightmares.”

  59. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Some Thanksgiving feasts have music, but we just have Turkey DRUM STICKS to bang around!”

  60. Michael Lomazow says:

    I wish you would go back to where I come from.

  61. Michael Lomazow says:

    Do I think you are dominating her?My sister used to be a Rockette,for God sake!

  62. Marvin+Sager says:

    We could write a play about this food and call it, “BYE BYE BIRDIE!”

  63. Bill Agress says:

    “Turkey, always turkey. Maybe next year you could bring brisket, or some smoked white fish.”

  64. Larry Lesser says:

    no, Thanksgiving isn’t one of our Pilgrimage Festivals

  65. Larry Lesser says:

    we have cream cheese here — can you swap that for Tofurky?

  66. Larry Lesser says:

    Perfect! Hodu means turkey and thanks!

  67. Bill Agress says:

    “Good thing this cream cheese is non dairy.”

  68. Bill Agress says:

    “We bought the turkey from Shlomo at The Kosher Experience and the pie is parve.”

  69. “You needn’t worry. They’ve given up raiding and now call themselves the Washington Football Team.”

  70. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I can’t accept your food. If you’re not Jewish, you’re an impure-itan.”

    (Thanks, Dale. This is the only place I know where I can see diamonds and gold and can steal without having been arrested—-yet.)

    1. Adrian Storisteanu says:

      They might just be in Purim time.

  71. Marvin+Sager says:

    Israel likes watching the “EMPIRE STRIKES BACK” Star Wars when eating Kosher EMPIRE Turkeys!

  72. Steven Wiwczaryk says:

    “Are you… not liking the spread?”

  73. Steven Wiwczaryk says:

    “I’ll put back the bagel as soon as you explain what’s happening.”

  74. Steven Wiwczaryk says:

    “Larry, Linda—what’s with the costumes.”

  75. Steven Wiwczaryk says:

    “Surf and tur-what?”

  76. Marvin+Sager says:

    Today you can dial up a Thanksgiving message on your iPhone. It is called, “A Wing & A Prayer!”

  77. Michael Lomazow says:

    We have a bigger wild turkey still in the White House

  78. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Retired Dentist.How about you?”

  79. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” I can get you 12% on your investments. “

  80. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Yitz and Hadassah, welcome. You really didn’t have to bring anything. Aren’t those the same costumes you wore st the last Halloween party?”

  81. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Tell Trump to stop sending food.It won’t affect the recount.”

  82. Marvin+Sager says:

    Sometimes there are distorted facts about history such as the following:

    After Japan was not invited to celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States in 1941, they lost face and wanted respect.

    Japanese planes flew over Hawaii on December 7, 1941 and released bombs. The commanding officer in one of the planes, overcome by religious fervor, shouted back over the radio to Japan,
    “TORAH, TORAH, TORAH!”

  83. Adrian Storisteanu says:

    “Is it Purim already?”

  84. Carol Lasky says:

    “Only if they’re smoked or pickled.”

  85. Carol Lasky says:

    “Thanksgivukkah already?”

  86. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Economists in the U.S. have been debating whether this country is headed toward inflation or deflation. Well, this debate may come nearer to reaching a solution thanks to data provided by Danny Dale, CNN reporter and fact-checker. It seems that White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany sent out a tweet saying that more than one million people attended a protest rally in Washington DC in support of President Donald Trump. “More than one million marchers,” she wrote. This, however, was followed by a tweet from Trump at 3:24 PM: “Hundreds of thousands of people …” And at 12:00 AM, the sleepless Donald had the last words: “Tens of thousands of marchers …”

    Are you reading this, Paul Krugman? If this isn’t an example of deflation, I don’t know what is

  87. Michael Lomazow says:

    Thanks for the turkey but the co-op board has some questions about your application.

  88. Marvin+Sager says:

    This year’s turkey is ROADKILL. It was a big “hit” for Thanksgiving to have a freshly killed dinner.

  89. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    I’ve written so much critical of Trump. I now want to give equal time to someone with an opposite point of view, a beautiful Orthodox woman who has been a a very good practicing dentist for twenty years, a very bright person with solid grounding in science. Jim, as someone with an interest in anthropology, you might find her views interesting. Perhaps you might be able to explain how she could have gotten them. Without further pause, let me introduce Dr. Gila Jedwab:

    **********************************

    “Monday morning, November 2, feels like two lifetimes ago. Our epic day started like this. It was just barely 9 a.m. when I reached out to my friend Michalli; she shrieked out a “yes!” over the phone when I presented my plan, and an hour later we were cruising in my car down Route 80 towards Scranton with the smell of fresh pizza wafting from the back seat.

    “Earlier that morning, I was sitting at my desk trying to make a nerve-racking decision to do something I had never done before in my adult life: Ditch my day. As I was treating my first few patients, I could not quell this excitement whirling around my gut. The sensation organized itself into words that traveled up to my brain. The message transmitted like this. There’s no way President Trump could be in my hometown of Scranton the day before the election and I would miss seeing him. I finalized the decision. Thank you, Rifky, Anna, and Hanna for holding the office down that day.

    “Three hours later, in a world-class ‘Only In Scranton Moment,’ we rolled onto rally grounds five minutes before start time and found a perfect parking spot, one block away from the rally, right outside an airport. With that kind of Divine-ease and small-town convenience, I knew I was home.

    “Walking towards the rally, we felt the love, unity, and, most of all, the normalcy exuding from the throngs of people huddled around us. As if the crowd walking in lockstep with us understood the absolute hero of this man. They collectively exuded the real subtext of his election: the continuation of freedom in America.

    “We made a friend during the rally, a 20-year-old kid with a bona fide Scranton accent that made my heart sing. He had come to the rally by himself. He leaned in close to us and yelled over all the noise, ‘You guys know, corona is over in two days.’

    “This young kid understood something profound that more and more people are waking up to: A suspicious virus coming out of China was utilized by the Democratic Party as a means of mind control and behavior control before an election. A weapon of fear that was used to terrify a nation and accomplish one agenda: to create enough chaos to get their candidate elected.

    “How do I know this, you might wonder? On Election Day, the CDC issued a statement that people with COVID can go to the polls, in person. The same people with COVID, who had been treated like lepers in hospitals, left to die alone, suddenly didn’t pose a problem at polling places. The same people made to quarantine in sealed rooms in their own homes and be contact traced with all kinds of freedom-stripping horror suddenly became free agents to move about society when they saw Trump killing it on Election Day.

    “The twisted plot has finally revealed itself. This chokehold on freedom was never about #stoppingthespread of a virus. Stopping the spread of something invisible had always been an endeavor bereft of common sense, the absolute height of futility. Inside this election is where coronavirus unmasked itself to be a fear-fueled, gas-lit attempt towards disorientation of the masses.

    “These past eight months were about preventing the reelection of a man inconveniently standing in the way of a hostile Democratic Party takeover. Only we weren’t supposed to notice because we were afraid of a virus. Our president was the only barrier standing in the way of their steady hypnosis of the masses towards exchanging every personal and religious freedom for an illusion of safety.

    “If coronavirus was about an American election, why did other countries fall for it? Other countries saw an opportunity to grab the wheel of a shiny new updated model of communism and take it out for a test drive. This virus offered countries a one-size-fits-all vehicle of dictatorship, for the leaders of the world to give a whirl and steamroll their own vested interests and flatten their people. (Except for Sweden. I’ll never understand Sweden.)

    “The virus was a premeditated — we might even say ‘pre-media-tated’ — pre-election distraction. Do not spend another ounce of your precious energy discussing a virus that was used to fool you. A virus that caused medical mismanagement and panicked mistakes. We all know people who got sick; we all heard about people who died. That is called life. We don’t shut down Torah and mitzvot out of fear of things we cannot control. In 5,000 years, we never have.

    “The media knew something sinister. They knew if they held a magnifying glass to disease and death it would obscure our peripheral vision. Distraction was the name of the game. But we are waking up. We have our full vision restored and can spot our most precious commodity hanging in the balance, Freedom. We will never again let our freedom be tampered with.

    “This election, and all the horrendous fraud that came with it, made me notice an interesting phenomenon about evil. Evil is myopic. It cannot see itself. Evil has tunnel vision. Evil is so frantically over-calculated and hyper-focused that it doesn’t notice the people standing around it, looking right at it with their mouths gaping open. It doesn’t see its own blatant scrambling. Covering windows. Blocking access. Stalling for time. Being statistically and mathematically implausible. Bursting water mains. I mean, ‘C’mon man.’

    “One video in particular stood out to me. A video of an ordinary-looking woman filling out a stack of ballots, one by one, while a man captured it all on video above her.

    “We are witnessing the banality of evil. I always thought evil looked like the Joker from Batman. Turns out, it looks more like the nice lady from down the block who found herself caught up in something no good.

    “But I come to you with good news. I drove home from the Trump rally with a palpable goodness that remains nestled inside my heart as I sit here writing. The goodness of ordinary people joining together with no ulterior motive than to carry the torch for a prosperous and free country to the next generation. I still feel the warm positive energy that coalesced around me on that cold blustery day. I remember the split-second whoosh of masculine energy that emanated from President Trump as he strutted right past me on the tarmac from Air Force One. He was the tall embodiment of alpha energy and strength. Only in Scranton is it that easy to work your way through the crowd and come face to face with a president. Kayleigh, too.

    “The internet has shown us weeks of massive grassroots rallies and marches for President Trump, all the way from Beverly Hills to Amish country. When the most innocent and unmanipulated among us hang Trump flags off their horse and buggy, I will get behind that.

    “Here’s the good news. That mammoth, worldwide volume of enthusiasm and gratitude towards Trump pre-Election Day is not lost. Einstein said that energy is never lost, only converted. That energy is now being rechanneled and redirected toward G-d. All that love for President Trump and for the freedom he represents is now organizing itself upwards towards storming the heavens for the sake of truth to prevail.

    “There is a strong parallel trend on Facebook. The same people who express love for President Trump also speak of how salvation comes to us from one place, Heaven. UncorkedLiving.com founder, purveyor of healthy lifestyle supplements and podcaster David J. Harris, Jr. said it best: ‘I turned off the news last night and this morning. Because for me, as a believer, I have to guard my heart. Guard my peace. I believe there is something very spiritual happening. We have to rest. We have to go pray. We have to really hear from G-d. If you really press into Him, He will speak peace to you. He will give your heart rest. He is at work doing something. We cannot forget the founding fathers all believed and loved the Bible. And because of that, I believe that G-d loves this country. And because you and I are praying for this country I believe that there will be stop-gap placed. We don’t have to see how, we just have to believe.’

    “We are praying for our beloved and beleaguered president like never before. Our love, hope, and faith is being registered, unified, and codified by our King of Kings in Heaven. Our job now is to trust G-d’s timing and be loyal to our president, to remember every good President Trump has done for us.

    “Understand this. We create reality together with G-d — Asher barah Elokim la’asos. Creation is an infinite verb. Creation is constantly unfolding. How do we know we are part of the creation process? We are called Tzelem Elokim by G-d. He called us by the only name He used for Himself during creation. Why? To remind us we have constant influence over creation. How do we influence outcomes? By using our good mood and robust imagination to think good and know it will be good.

    “’Vaya’ar Hashem ki tov — And G-d saw that it was good.’ Hashem’s model for the creation process was presented so simply so we could easily mirror it. Think it, speak it, then stand back and admire how good it came out. Repeat.

    “By now, most of us have heard rumors about ballot watermarks and a possible sting operation set into motion by President Trump because he feared this exact kind of voter fraud. When I watched a video about that, I felt a flush of endorphin release into my veins. All I could think was, ‘Hashem, You wondrous Hero. You created the refuah before the makkah.’

    “I suddenly remembered a loop of Divine redundancies that struck my eye last week. Three similar-looking alephs from three different places jumped into my field of vision. Aleph points to the master, Hashem, Alufo shel olam.

    “The first aleph came from the Lubavitcher Rebbe who predicted 30 years ago that this year would be the year of ‘P’la’ot Ar’enu — wonders I will show you.’

    “I spotted the second aleph in Parashat Lech Lecha: ‘El ha’aretz asher Ar’eka — To the land that I will show you.’

    “The third aleph reached me from a verse of Tehillim I read on Shabbos afternoon. ‘Zove’ach todah y’chab’danini, v’sam derech, ar’enu b’yesha Elokim’ (Psalms 50:23). He who offers praise, glorifies Me. He who sets his path, I will show the salvation of G-d.

    “Let us set our path on the constant praise and glory of G-d. I don’t want to miss a single minute of the miracles He will bring. Hang on tight; the #YearOfAmazement has arrived because the best is yet to come!”

    *****************************

    Now may I go back to teasing Trump again?

    1. jim gorman says:

      Okay Gerald, I swore I wouldn’t get sucked into another one of these political diversions. This wonderful Caption Contest site is occasionally hijacked. And here we are once again. I wonder how much longer Moment’s editorial staff will indulge us?
      I suspect your curiosity was peeked, first by Dr. Gila’s creds buoyed by her medical training as a dentist and second by the ease with which she quotes scripture, chapter and verse. One need to visually experience her rant rallies to understand the flavor with which this op ed might have been delivered. This is available on her various YouTube offerings.
      Okay so Dr Gila, from an anthropological standpoint? Anthropology is one of those behavioral sciences that overlap all other disciplines that touch human activity. This includes linguistics, religion, family lineage, economics, politics, a sense of self, a sense of tribe, a sense of the outside world. But most of all it is the study of how these come together to exists in relative harmony, and how this perpetuates itself from generation to generation.
      As such, Dr. Gila and her style of Trumpism would be explained better from a sociological perspective than from an anthropological one. And more specifically as a cult phenomena.
      For a while now I have believed Trump popularity is best explained as a perfect storm of individual self-interests. There were the “there is no Constitution without the 2nd Amendment” people, the fundamentalist Christians for whom the “Right to Life” was enough to seal the deal. There were the republican legislators for whom the selection of an electable and sustainable candidate remains an existential criteria. And there are the blue-collars whose interests, long championed by the Democratic party, have been abandoned in favor of climate change, immigrant rights, the “Me Too Movement” and “Black Lives Matter”. They ‘believe these distractions, coupled with overly regulating business, cause their jobs to be lost.
      Certainly the vast majority of these self-interest Trump supporters agree. He is a poor excuse for a human being. He is a morally and philosophically degenerate, but a degenerate that will advance their agendas.
      This doesn’t include a last group of followers, a group that seems to be growing daily. I am sitting here at my computer, and in the background I am listening to a PBS documentary on the massacre at Waco. Dr. Gila’s description of her adoration of the Donald seems very much like what was going on with the Branch Davidians on their road to complete yet irrational devotion. Jim Jones and Charles Manson are two others whose ability to attract and control people whose upbringing and moral backgrounds make understanding what happened difficult. A cult believes the leader is:
      • Divinely ordained, miraculous. Opposing the leader offends G_d
      • Endowed with super human insight
      • Exempt from standard rules of conduct
      • Deserving of loyalty that trumps all previously allegiances
      • Irreplaceable. Loss of the leader ends the cult
      And this is the behavioral science background with which I choose to understand Dr. Gila Jedwab.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Jim, thanks for your wonderful analysis of Trump’s ascension It is much more sophisticated than mine. You were right. The contrast between Dr. Jedwab as a bright, sensitive scientist and her adoration of Trump was what was so startling. Dr. Jedwab’s ancestry, by the way, traces to Jedwabne, a Polish town which suffered terrible pogroms with the rise of Nazism. Those not taken to camps were burned in their homes or shot in the streets by their fellow townspeople. In times of fragmentation and confusion, people look for a savior and often wind up with an authoritarian leader. Remember, Mussolini’s slogan in seeking election was that he would make sure the trains ran on time. Trump followed the pattern of a would-be dictator. He eschewed logic and truth and seemed to rise above ordinary standards, not wanting to be confused by the facts. Anything he disagreed with was fake news. The most unlikely people seemed to bend to him, a force above logic, only to be thrown aside later when he had no more use for them. What mattered most to him was not their human qualities but their allegiance. And he got over 70 million votes.

        Do you want to read a marvelous book? It’s “The Art of Psychoanalysis” by Jay Haley, written in the 1960’s. It should be in most libraries. It’s very funny but with very deep implications. Haley worked with and for Gregory Bateson, whom we previously discussed. Please let me know what you think. It’s very worth looking at.

        Thanks again for your always perceptive viewpoint and, even more, for your kindness. And thanks to everyone here who contributes to making this a wonderful, humane oasis.

  90. JR says:

    “The Wampanoag were one of the 10 Lost Tribes.”

  91. D Rokach says:

    “I give thanks every day.”

  92. Barry Kushner says:

    Did you remember to bring the schmear?

  93. Barry Kushner says:

    No, this is a turnkey breakfast operation.

  94. Barry Kushner says:

    Are you sharing with the lost tribes this year?

  95. Barry Kushner says:

    I’m with PBS. I give thanks for NOVA.

    1. Barry Kushner says:

      That’s an interesting shtreimel you’re wearing, pilgrim.

  96. Jonathan Mayer says:

    Oy! Another veritable smorgasbord — turkey or whitefish. Vhat to do?

  97. Dale Stout says:

    It’s tradition.

    1. Marvin+Sager says:

      Dale,

      How do we balance on the roof? TRADITION! (“Fiddler On The Roof”)

      1. Dale Stout says:

        It really is one of the best movies and musicals :^)

  98. Jonathan Mayer says:

    What are you talking about? Lox and pumpkin pie is a perfect match!

  99. Marvin+Sager says:

    Questions that need answers for Thanksgiving:

    (Q) What do you do after your big meal?
    (A) You wash your hands, but don’t lick them!
    +++
    (Q) What happens to the leftovers?
    (A) With the host present, you point at the food you want (right index finger), and (with the left index finger) you point at your stomach!
    +++
    (Q) What do you do if there weren’t the side dishes you expected at the feast?
    (A) When leaving you tell the host, next year I will volunteer to bring (the side dishes missing)!

    Obviously there are other questions & answers you should consider. But, you don’t want to appear an ungrateful GLUTTON!

  100. Carol Lasky says:

    “Good gravy!”

    1. Marvin+Sager says:

      Carol,

      Is the opposite of good gravy, VERKOCHTE GRAVY?

  101. Carol Lasky says:

    “Let’s give thanks for nosherai.”

  102. Jonathan Mayer says:

    No Wild Turkey for me. I’d prefer Manischewitz Concord Grape with my bagel.

  103. Carol Lasky says:

    “Is that an everything turkey?”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      Hi Carol-I looked up and my subconscious must have stolen your caption-what a Turkey I am – I’m sorry :^)

  104. Dale Stout says:

    I’ve heard of everything bagels but that’s ridiculous.

  105. Dale Stout says:

    Neither a borrower nor a Lender’s bagel be.

  106. Dale Stout says:

    I admire your chutzpah.

  107. Dale Stout says:

    You have your tryptophan, I have mine.

  108. Dale Stout says:

    The best part of a New York bagel is having it My Way.

  109. Dale Stout says:

    The right to assemble my bagel shall not be infringed.

  110. Dale Stout says:

    This country was founded in order to promote a more perfect bagel.

  111. Marvin+Sager says:

    Another big Thanksgiving event. A SUPERSPREADER with all the trimmings!

  112. Marvin+Sager says:

    A special NUDE turkey for Thanksgiving this year was prepared. It was PLUCKED OUT as the best of the best!

  113. Marvin+Sager says:

    My Bubbe always favored me when serving the turkey. She would smilingly ask, “Would you like the JUICY right breast or the SCRUMPTIOUS left breast?”

  114. Michael Lomazow says:

    Your catering company could use an update.

  115. Michael Lomazow says:

    Deliver that to the White House.We would like them to sleep till January 20.

  116. Michael Lomazow says:

    Sorry,our leader says only KFC allowed.

  117. Michael Lomazow says:

    We voted for bagels and lox,but lucky for you,they were all mail ballots.

  118. Michael Lomazow says:

    Sorry,Trump wants you terminated because he saw you on MSNBC.

  119. Dinah Rokach says:

    “Have you checked with the OU?”

  120. Carla Main says:

    “Whoa now, fella. I was told we’re going vegan this year!”

  121. Marvin+Sager says:

    Our turkeys require a basting, and that is based on how you like to BATTER your victim.

  122. Marvin+Sager says:

    There are many reasons to give thanks on Thanksgiving. But, to say, “NO THANKS” when offered a second helping is frowned upon!

  123. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We would like to trade you this bird and this pie for two of those things with the hole in the middle.”

  124. Dinah Rokach says:

    “Come back at Purim.”

  125. jim gorman says:

    “How is it this bad boy didn’t make it? I hear there will be a lot of turkeys pardoned this year.”

  126. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You’re so predictsble.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Spelling! !!

  127. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You’re so predictable.”

  128. JR says:

    “They have cranberry filling.”

  129. JR says:

    “What are yams, but overcooked bagels?”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      JR, Popeye had a very hard and muscular build. Maybe that’s why he once said, “I yam what I yam.”

  130. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Orson Welles improvised the following short speech on the set of his film “The Third Man”:

    “In Italy, for thirty years, under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.”

  131. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We just heard that Manhattan was sold for $24 worth of trinkets to the Dutch by the Indians. What could we get for this food?”

  132. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “What you’re eating is bupkis. This is food that would make your bubbe proud.”

  133. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Do you mind if I have a little nibble….and a piece of Turkey too?”

  134. Marvin+Sager says:

    Save a seat at your Thanksgiving party for Eliyahu Hanavi (“Eligah the Prophet”). If he can’t make it, maybe I can.

  135. Marvin+Sager says:

    When you want the best, serve Einstein Bagels. It is a matter of relativity.

    1. Dale Stout says:

      Marvin – I Noah what you mean – Einstein’s are the best, ‘relatively’ speaking. The only other place I can get bagels is Costco, and they’re also Einstein bagels, just ‘holesale’.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Dale, that’s a funny concept. “I bought a dozen bagels holesale. I saved a lot of money, but when I opened the package, there was nothing there.”

        Thanks.

    2. jim gorman says:

      “I wasn’t Certain if I should try some of Heisenberg’s taters when SchrÖdinger’s cat grabbed a wing and up and died, or not!”

      1. Marvin+Sager says:

        Dale & Jim,

        The only Heisenberg “Uncertainty Principal” I can think about at this time of the year, is whether or not I should eat gehakte leber with my Einstein bagels & turkey. After all, if Schroedinger’s cat is going to steal the food, then let him CATegorically enjoy if he can, or not. It may be a wild goose chase, and in the end I am not chopped liver, but I am addicted to delicious “holy” bagels & food.

  136. Dale Stout says:

    Next year, I can’t decide between Cajun Turkey from Popeyes or KFC.

  137. Dale Stout says:

    Let’s leave politics out of this. Pass the loxbox.

    1. jim gorman says:

      Let us pray (hmm … lettuce? There is a joke in here somewhere). Father give me the strength is resist temptation (especially when Gerald prods me so). And help me confine my comments to the ironic and politically benign. Amen

  138. Dale Stout says:

    I’m winging it.

  139. Dale Stout says:

    Where’d you stuff your giblets?

  140. Dale Stout says:

    Apples, peaches, pumpkin pie…plop, plop, fizz, fizz…

  141. Rich Wolf says:

    “Did you have to bring cosplay into the holidays?”

  142. gerald Lebowitz says:

    “What I’m holding isn’t a bagel or a doughnut. It’s a fully grown Life Saver.”

    1. Marvin+Sager says:

      Gerald,

      Do you mean you have a Life Saver Inner Tube? Just don’t BEACH at me for asking.

  143. Marvin+Sager says:

    Turkeys sometimes try to fly the coop. In many cases, reluctant lovers try to fly the coop also when their prospective fathers-in-law chase them with shotguns!

  144. Dale Stout says:

    According to Samuel L. Jackson, that one bad Moe’s faux turkey.

  145. Dale Stout says:

    Is she wearing the Scarlet Bagel?

  146. Dale Stout says:

    Try it, you’ll like it.

  147. Addie Model says:

    “The invitation clearly said ‘dairy potluck’…”

  148. Marvin+Sager says:

    Try going “cold turkey,” if you can’t stand the heat!

  149. Marvin+Sager says:

    When in doubt, baste the turkey with schmaltz. TRADITION!

    Dedicated to Dale Stout, a traditional type of guy.

    1. Dale Stout says:

      I raise my Schlitz to Schmaltz!

  150. Marvin+Sager says:

    Enjoy your turkey now, because your goose may be cooked later!

  151. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Are turkeys OK to eat for Thanksgiving? Let me prove it to you, with logic that might possibly even convince very skilled lawyers like JR and Michael Lomazow.

    “The Hebrew word for ‘Jews’ is ‘yehudim,’ which comes from the root of the Hebrew word ‘hodu,’ or ‘to give thanks.’ ‘Hodu’ also happens to be Hebrew for ‘turkey.’

    “I rest my case, in time for you to enjoy Thanksgiving in the new world.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      You’ve convinced me!

    2. jim gorman says:

      So what you are saying is that Tevye might be playing “Hodu in di shtroy” fom his roof top?
      Gerald, you always amaze me with your depth of knowledge and willingness to share. Me, not so much. I looked up “straw” on an on-line translator.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Thanks, Jim, but my so-called depth of knowledge is augmented by all the things I can look up to fill the gaps in my sometimes failing memory. All the people on this site never fail to amaze and delight. Dale Stout and Marvin Sager create marvelous word balloons that soar into the sky. Stephen Nadler’s knowledge certainly dwarfs mine, and if his humor therapy might somehow fail, he always has the medical skills to prescribe or give physical therapy. Dinah is a scholar in both secular and Judaic literature, and JR is a legal scholar whose essays are among the best on the internet. Adrian’s great skill sets are in computers and chess. And Michael is a shrewd sports fan and former prosecutor with plenty of stories to tell. I’m just a minor player whose joy is to celebrate the shooting stars that blaze across the skies of this site. I get more than I give, and for that I always say thanks.

        P. S. Your gamut of interests, by the way, ranging from engineering to anthropology to politics to human relationships to humor, is proof of a life well-lived and filled with insights and compassion. You would be an asset to any group.

  152. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Thank you for coming to cheer me up,even if are just an apparition.My friends and family are all staying safe in their homes.We speak by phone when we can but its obviously not the same.I hear their may be a vaccine soon but we will have to wait for the roll out.I haven’t seen my son or new grandson as they live out of state and its not safe to travel.Having you visit though is a good pick me up.My best to you and your loved ones this holiday season and I pray for better days ahead. Happy Thansgiving!

  153. Michael Lomazow says:

    “This may turn out to be our best AA meeting yet!”

  154. Marvin+Sager says:

    People have been advised to have Thanksgiving with their NUCLEAR family. Just what we need, another BOMB!

  155. Marvin+Sager says:

    This year I can’t have Thanksgiving in New York because it was canceled. Unfortunately, I can’t make it there! So, I can’t make it anywhere!

  156. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Thanks for the turkey.Most of ours fled to the Hamptons months ago.”

  157. Michael Lomazow says:

    “So you’re from the Massachusetts part of the family?”

  158. David Korn says:

    A comment on the cartoon in the November/December issue. My answer to the cartoon is “TRADITION! TRADITION!”.

  159. D Rokach says:

    “That turkey may be Butterball, but it’s fleischig nonetheless.”

  160. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael, it’s obvious by all your contributions here that you’re a skilled pro, that you’ve been writing captions for a long time. May I recommend a wonderful site for you to visit? It was created by our own Stephen Nadler and is called “Attempted Bloggery” and covers art and cartooning and all kinds of humor down through the years. The most amazing thing is that although Stephen has much to brag about, he’s not egotistical at all. A big part of the site lists the many captions that he’s submitted that never won any recognition at all, although they are generally very good. This reminds me of Oscar Hammerstein II, whose first musical with Richard Rodgers, “Oklahoma,” opened to great acclaim after his many flops with other collaborators, prompting him to take out a full-page ad in “Variety” saying, resignedly, “I did it before and I can do it again.” It’s a great site. I’ve recommended it to so many people and they all come back to me, thanking me for the opportunity to enjoy the richness of its contents.

    It’s a pleasure to have you here, and let me close by imitating Dean Martin at the end of every 60’s TV show when he said, “Keep those cards and letters coming in.” In other words, please keep writing.

    Thanks.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Thank you for your reccomendation.I will take a look.I’m hardly a pro,though.I’m just a retired guy who lives baseball,walks his dogs 4 times a day and enters contests like this.I try and keep my 74 year old brain going strong.I was always too busy to even think of contests before retirement but now,with plenty of time and a pandemic in full force,it helps to pass the time.I volunteer at the local humane society by walking dogs,try and read newspapers and books,and wait for some normalcy so I can visit my son again.Your community is practiced and strong.I’m just visiting.

  161. Michael Goldstein says:

    I think the Brotherhood only wanted scrambled eggs for the morning brunch.

  162. Marvin+Sager says:

    This year all turkeys will be pardoned for Thanksgiving at the White House. In return, there will be a LAME DUCK dinner celebration.

  163. D Rokach says:

    “Come back at Purim.”

  164. Marvin+Sager says:

    Many politicians are atheists, but people around Thanksgiving tell them to KEEP THE FAITH!

  165. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Trump promised him a pardon but after he commented on the polls,he was toast!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Before he was toast, was he well-bred?

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Good One!

  166. Michael Lomazow says:

    Vexatious Litigator=Trump.Look it up.

  167. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I know he’s dead but did he vote ?”

  168. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I’ve got a 66′ Vette for sale.Interested?”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Has the Corvette been vetted?

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Yes,the Vette’s been vetted.

  169. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “This isn’t 1620 In Plymouth; it’s 2020 in New York City. You made a 400-year wrong turn somewhere along the way.”

  170. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I too used to want to go backward and forward in time, but I found that it made me too tense.”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      I used to want to shuttle between the past and the future, but I found that it made me too tense.

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        If you could go back for one day to any event or time,what would it be?I have pondered this periodically.

        1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

          Michael, I’d go back to the very day of my birth with full intellectual functioning so that I could confront head-on all the forces that would mold me and be able to shrug off those which I deemed destructive.

          Did you ever read that Ray Bradbury short story in which a baby is born with full intellectual capabilities and is so angry at the indignities he is exposed to that he is determined to kill his parents? It is, I believe, called “The Small Assassin” and is Bradbury at his early best.

          You always ask good questions, by the way. I could picture you in court, pinning a defendant down with your expert but not necessarily unkind observations, a true artist at work.

          1. Michael Lomazow says:

            I love that answer.I would never have thought of it.

  171. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “This isn’t 1620, it’s 2020; somewhere along the way, you made a 400-year wrong turn.”

  172. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Just listen to We Didn’t Start The Fire,and you’ll be caught up.”

  173. Michael Lomazow says:

    Biden’s cabinet choices are in such sharp contrast to Trumps as to startling proclaim,We Are Back.

  174. Marvin+Sager says:

    Yesteryear, you had psychedelic drugs to alter your thoughts. Today you have virtual reality politics (for Thanksgiving) where you TURN ON-TUNE IN-BLOW YOUR MIND
    watching all the WILD TURKEYS trotting around the White House.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      When all the wild turkeys leave on Jan.20,I’m not sure how long it will take us to appreciate the calmness that will prevail.No more gobble,gobble,but the sweet sound of professional speech and realistic goal settings.I can’t wait.

  175. Marvin+Sager says:

    Follow up to the above entry:

    You can get your turkeys at food marts, or stand in long car lines, or you can dial the White House and ask about turkeys. They may answer you by saying, “Our turkeys are ready to go and are stuffed with FOWL TRIMMINGS!”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Yes,foul trimmings and definitely ready to go.

      1. Marvin+Sager says:

        Michael,

        Free delivery if you take ALL the turkeys! 🙂

  176. Michael Lomazow says:

    Its 830AM in California and the stock market is bouncing around 30,000.Trump must be pissed.

    1. Marvin+Sager says:

      Michael,

      You can TAKE STOCK in it, if you are willing to invest! 🙂

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Although I only need to drive about 3 hours to reach Las Vegas,I stay away because gambling doesn’t interest me,or so I tell myself.Yet,I do have stock market investments because I feel safer,and it isn’t gambling.(Ha!)

    2. Michael Lomazow says:

      Trump comes out triumphant about 930,taking credit for the market,not admitting its a reaction to the transition to Biden.I can’t help how much I hate him.Stupid and evil is a bad combination.

  177. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    I just made up a joke. Many years in the future, thanks to Elon Musk, spaceships are sent out from the United States to explore the universe. One of our ships crashes on a small planet on the other side of the galaxy. There our astronaut is confronted by an alien, who approaches him tentatively. “Where are you from?” the alien asks. “I’m from the planet Earth,” our astronaut answers. “The planet Earth?” the alien repeats, astounded. “Then you must know Louis Cohen of Tallahassee, Florida. Tell me, how is he doing?”

    The reason for the joke? It occurs to me that two of the nicest guys on the site here live on the West Coast, in California, James Gorman and Michael Lomazow. We are living in a time of isolation in this age of the coronavirus. It would be wasteful if two very good people who might be living relatively near each other failed to meet at some point.

    Just musing, although, of course, it’s really none of my business. Sorry, but I do like to bring people together.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Gerald,that’s very nice of you to say.I would love to meet everyone on the site.Maybe when the pandemic is over we could have a group diner. I do get into New York about once a year to visit my brother and sister.Since I was born and bred in Brooklyn,moving to California when I was 24,I still have ties to the area.I graduated from New Utrecht High in 1964 and moved to California for law school in 1971.Paradoxically,my son grew up in California,moved to the East Coast for law school and stayed in New York for several years,before settling in Seattle.Incidentally, he met his wife to be in the elevator in the building he was moving into.They married a year later.I now have two grandchildren,who I haven’t seen since March.Of all the places I have been,and I travelled quite a bit ,I have always regarded new York as The best.I guess I agree with Woody Allen that new York was the ultimate place.I left for law school in California to experience a change and I stayed in California because circumstances encouraged it but I have often thought that I could have easily made my life in the big apple.However,today its 72 degrees and sunny and it still feels great to be here.

  178. Michael Lomazow says:

    Gerald,I just noticed that you called me a former prosecutor,which is true but I was also a defense attorney for 15 yesrs.After 12 years as a prosecutor,I switched to defense work and with my partner,we established a busy felony defense firm.After 15 years and over 100 trials(including 45 muder trials),I was worn out by 60 hour work weeks and decided to retire.However,my good friend who was the District Attorney of our county,talked me into coming back into the DA’s office while he finished his last term.By this time,the office had grown to 250 lawyers and over 700 total bodies.I stayed 6 more years,finishing my career with about 240 trials.Yes,I have many tales of the cases I handled.When I was a prosecutor,there were 6 of us who comprised the homicide team and we would have a beeper when it was our turn to be notified of a murder.I responded in the middle of the night several times to murder scenes and would then attend the autopsy.The thinking was that the prosecutor should be involved as early as possible.I have countless tales about these cases and suffice it to say,they were memorable for a variety of reasons.Many of my trials involved death penalty litigation which obviously takes its toll.I loved my career but on the very last day,I took a sigh of relief and have tried not to think about it to much.Dog walking is a lot easier.
    I

  179. Marvin+Sager says:

    So many turkeys have been pardoned at the White House that a request was sent to the President to BUY THE FARM. The President replied, “Emphatically, NO! I’ve paid enough personal income tax already.”

  180. Dale Stout says:

    What is this, a schmear campaign?

  181. Dale Stout says:

    Trump just pardoned Corn Pop.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Corn Pop worked at Mar- A- Lago…He was spotted with Alan Dershowitz

  182. Dale Stout says:

    First you fast, then we feast, now let’s try some roasted beast.

  183. Dale Stout says:

    Pardon me, would you have any Grey Goose?

  184. Marvin+Sager says:

    Can you guess who is coming to Thanksgiving dinner? No, it’s not Rudy Giuliani. We are content to have only one “turkey with his head cut off!”

  185. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I’m afraid John Alden gave you the wrong address. There’s no Priscilla here.”

  186. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Donald,Ivanka,witness protection has outdone itself.”

  187. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I was going to skip Thanksgiving this year,but why not a wing and a prayer.”

  188. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    At long last! We had to wait until almost the end of President Trump’s term of office to get an announcement from the White House containing more than a grain of truth.

    In one of his last official acts, we are told, our president officially pardoned a turkey named Corn for Thanksgiving.

    Isn’t that a-maize-ing?

    There is a rumor, however, which hasn’t been confirmed, that the turkey is Roger Stone’s uncle.

    The Pentagon has expressed interest in recruiting the turkey for service overseas. As you might have guessed, if he takes the job, he will be given the rank of Kernel.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      There is a further rumor that Corn has now tested positive for the virus and is currently in isolation with Melania,who has told Trump her doctor has ordered her to have no contact of any kind with him.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Is there a kernel of truth to that rumor?

        Corn’s ancestors, by the way, were very interested in baseball, especially from the time his great grandmother was involved in a relationship with Ty Cobb.

  189. Michael Lomazow says:

    Maize,Kernel,Cobb…..genius!

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      His great grandfather must have been very peckish over the relstionship….Never mind,I’m terrible at this!

    2. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Thanks, but not really genius. Just corny.

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        There you go again!

  190. Marvin+Sager says:

    We have been assured that the pain you experience this Thanksgiving will pass, unless you have LARGE KIDNEY STONES. In this case you will need a lithotripter to send more SHOCK WAVES to your body before relief occurs!

  191. Michael Lomazow says:

    Just got back from our afternoon walk.Truman,Abigail and Winston strike terror in the hearts of anyone who gets too close to us by shrill barks that scare the hell out of all who pass.I’ve gotten real good at apologize and yes,I’ve tried to solve the problem but all three of them were found running on the street and by the look of them,had been fending for themselves for quite some time so they are the product of their environment.They are great dogs however and all have a piece of my heart.Abigail is the boss.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Apologies for apologize

    2. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Your dogs present a puzzle of sorts.

      Truman is obviously (?) Harry S, the guy who ordered the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

      Winston is either Britain’s prime minister during the war who was then booted out of office unceremoniously after it ended or the cigarette whose ads once generated a lot of controversy with the words “Winston tastes good LIKE a cigarette should, causing all the English teachers in the world to rise up to object. Churchill, by the way, smoked ten cigars a day and was a heavy drinker and yet lived to the ripe old age of 90—there’s a lesson there somewhere.

      Now Abigail poses a problem. Was she named after Abigail Adams, the wife of our second president? Or was that the name you impulsively pulled out of a hat? I once knew a guy whose name was 7 1/8. I asked him how he had gotten that name. He told me that after he was born, they didn’t know what to call him, so they put a lot of names in a hat and someone accidentally pulled out the size.

      But I digress.

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Winston actually was a mistake naming.I was thinking of the Tom Hanks movie where he was marooned on the island after the plane crash and he was kept company by the ball that has been on the plane.The ball was a Wilson and when I named Winston,I was actually thinking of the ball but got the name wrong.I decided to leave it as Winston when I found out.Abigail was the product of me reading a book about Adams at the time of the naming.Truman was indeed inspired by Harry.I had a golden retriever for 15 wonderful years whose name was Kennedy.

        1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

          The man named Kennedy certainly had plenty of gold to retrieve but unfortunately not enough years. As Robert Frost put it in an unforgettable line,

          “nothing gold can stay.”

          Sad. Thanks for sharing.

  192. Michael Lomazow says:

    “If you crossed statelines,you need to isolate.If you crossed timelines,you need to forfeit that bird.”

  193. Marvin+Sager says:

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all who share a few words on this blog from time to time. Others can remain the SILENT MAJORITY no matter how “deafening” that might sound. Remember, at this time of the year, “THE BIRD IS THE WORD!” So, munch & crunch for this holiday and be safe!

  194. Michael Lomazow says:

    “How about a shvitz.You can bring the bird.”

  195. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Look,you may be my kids,but I can’t accept any gifts from your crazy cult.”

  196. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Two meshugana and a bird…coming to a theatre near you.”

  197. Michael Lomazow says:

    “What,you come to bury Ceaser,not to braise him?”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Spelling and grammar ain’t my thing !

  198. Michael Lomazow says:

    “What,you come to bury Caesar,not to braise him?”

  199. Michael Lomazow says:

    After the morning walks,my dogs on top of me,kissing.I’m good!

  200. Dale Stout says:

    That’s outlandish, Standish…Happy Thanksgiving.

  201. Michael Lomazow says:

    “No,I haven’t seen Pet Cemetary.Why?”

  202. Michael Lomazow says:

    “No,I haven’t seen Pet Cemetery.Why?”

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