Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.

Submit a caption for this cartoon by August 15 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!

Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!

“They’re very nice, but my people want a commitment carved in stone.”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ


“I climbed all the way up here just for this?!”
—Susanna Levin, New Rochelle, NY


“Forty years in the desert with those people and you think FLOWERS are going to do it?”
—Paul Root Wolpe, Atlanta, GA

Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

Vote for your favorite caption

Chuckle at the Winter 2022 winning caption—and see who wrote it!

 

“I know the whole ‘It’s a tree of life for those that hold fast to it’ thing is probably a metaphor, but I’m not taking any chances.”
—Robbie Shaefer, Alexandria, VA

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by August 15, 2022 Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Summer Issue 2022 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.

 

575 thoughts on “Cartoon Caption Contest

  1. Marv Sager says:

    NEW MOMENT CARTOON
    (Personnally, I have no idea what this cartoon is all about. The hand of GOD with a bunch of flowers, a dust mop, or what, for Moses?)

    “Take this Moses and let MY SECRET SCENT give you a good sniff of what to expect in the LAND of MILK & HONEY!”

    P.S. The new & improved Marvin is now “MARV!” (DO YOU LIKE IT?)

  2. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I came here for a tablet, not a peace offering.”

  3. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    In other words, Marvin is out and Marv is in, ironic since everything’s changed because the original in is now out.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Gerald,

      How about MARVOUTrageous?

  4. Marv Sager says:

    “You don’t like my flowers? Then walk around the desert and enjoy those flowers!”

  5. Lee Lacewell says:

    “A few bagels with cream cheese would have been a hands down better choice.”

  6. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Is this a peace offering?”

  7. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Is this a peace offering–or another commandment?”

  8. “You remembered Prophet’s Day!”

  9. “We should stop with the valentines.”

  10. “They’re very nice, but my people want a commitment carved in stone.”

  11. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I understand.Insert key into safe deposit box #10 and retrieve tablets.”

  12. Marv Sager says:

    “Thanks GOD! In exchange for your flowers, would you like a MANICURE?”

  13. Michael Lomazow says:

    “It’s too heavy for me.Couldn’t you have it delivered?”

  14. Marv Sager says:

    “Can we shake on this deal?”

  15. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The listings agencies blocked the use of the previous burning bush model due to an over stated energy efficiency rating.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

  16. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Forty years in the desert and now its hand-me-downs?”

  17. Michael Lomazow says:

    Lee and Stephen,
    Congratulations on your nominations in the climb the tree cartoon.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Everybody who enters the MOMENT CONTEST are winners, even you Michael! Group Congratulations (PAST & PRESENT & FUTURE).

    2. Lee Lacewell says:

      Thank you Michael, and the new and improved Marv is correct that the entire group is made up of winners. I voted for Steven’s entry this time.

    3. Thank you, Michael and congratulations to you on the win.

  18. Marv Sager says:

    “The other hand has a POISON APPLE, so take your pick!”

  19. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Are you too ashamed to show your face after our last encounter?”

  20. Marv Sager says:

    “Reach Out & Touch Somebody’s Hand…” is MUSIC intended for you!

  21. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Marv,

    What flower keeps coming back to life after it dies?

    Answer: A rein-carnation.

    (Sorry, I should’ve prepared you better for this.)

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Gerald,

      What do you call a women that covers her head & says a few words for Shabbos?

      Answer: A blessing in disquise! (I just made it up to make myself worthy of my new & improved name!)

      1. Marv Sager says:

        Gerald,

        A “disquise” is a “disguise” not just bad spelling!

  22. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “You can’t bribe me.”

  23. Marv Sager says:

    “Please don’t shake the flowers; I’m allergic to pollen!”

  24. Michael Lomazow says:

    Does anyone know what’s in the hand?

  25. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “That flower is dangerous. After all, it contains a pistil.”

  26. Marv Sager says:

    “Does your gift make me a FLOWER CHILD?”

  27. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I hope there are chocolates that go along with that.”

  28. Marv Sager says:

    “You will now be known as, GOD’S HANDy MAN!”

  29. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Since you seem to be hung up on the number forty, I am officially requesting forty bagels with cream cheese.”

  30. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Is this your way of telling me that we don’t have to take all of your commandments that seriously?”

  31. Marv Sager says:

    “Do you want a HAND DOWN or a HAND OUT, or BOTH?”

  32. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Thanks. How’d you know it was my anniversary?”

  33. Marv Sager says:

    “I said I need FLOUR not FLOWERS!”

  34. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    One strategy that would return President Donald Trump to leadership in Washington, D.C., has been closed down – by former president Donald Trump.

    In an interview this week he said he has little interest in becoming the speaker of the House of Representatives, which easily could be accomplished with the expected return by the GOP to the majority in the body.

    “No, I think it’s not something I want to do. A lot of people bring it up. It’s brought up all the time. No, it’s not something I want to do. I want to look at what’s happening, and then we’re going to be doing something else. No, it’s not something I would be interested in,” he said in an interview.

    Aren’t you relieved?

  35. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Yes,I know you invented cumulus clouds.”

  36. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Why do I always have to to stand near the edge?”

  37. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Is it medicinal or recreational?”

  38. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Isn’t a prescription required to dispense this?”

  39. Marv Sager says:

    “I’m trying not to SNEEZE at your present!”

  40. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I have been meaning to tell you, I only made it down the mountain with two of the three tablets that you gave me last time I was here.”

  41. Michael Lomazow says:

    Just made appointment for 2nd booster shot and 4th overall.Anyone over age fifty is eligible if your last booster was at least 4 months ago.Do it!

  42. Marv Sager says:

    “I will use your flower bouquet at the next Jewish Wedding, and you will be invited!”

  43. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I see it now, no fingernails, manicure brush not needed.”

  44. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    For Marv, welcome to the site. Give best regards to Marvin if you see him:

    A man wearing a mask jumped into the path of a very well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

    “Give me your money!” he demanded.

    Outraged, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a United States Congressman!”

    “In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

  45. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Why do I get the feeling that I am about to get the brush-off?”

  46. Marv Sager says:

    For Gerald,

    “Dear Lord, give us a well educated MENSCH in the future, and let us praise him as Gerald Lebowitz!”

  47. Marv Sager says:

    “On the 7th day you rested. With flowers like these, does that mean you RESTED IN PEACE?”

  48. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “You didn’t have to do that. I know you love us in spite of ourselves.”

  49. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Stop bringing flowers to apologize.Just get here on time.”

  50. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Its

  51. Michael Lomazow says:

    “It’s a yellow and gold wedding.Take these back.”

  52. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I called Tripple A.Who knew you’d be the dispatcher.”

  53. Marv Sager says:

    Marvin says, “VOS MACHST DU?” Marv says, “SHALOM!”

    “GOD, to prove it’s really you, do you have an identification TATTOO or BIRTH MARK?”

  54. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Please excuse my less than stellar response, but the last time I stared at holy vegetation I did a forty year stent in the desert.”

  55. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The flowers are nice but how about electricity,air conditioning or running water.”

  56. Marv Sager says:

    “While I’m up here, I would appreciate another BURNING BUSH to warm my hands!”

  57. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A pick-me-up for the weekend?

    Two elderly people were living in a Miami Beach mobile home park. He was a widower and she was a widow, and they had known one another for a number of years.

    One evening a supper was held in the communal room, and the two found themselves at the same table, seated across from one another. As the meal progressed, the guy made several admiring glances at her, and he finally gathered his courage to ask her, “Miriam, will you marry me?”

    After about five seconds of “careful consideration,” Miriam answered. “Yes. Yes, I certainly will.”

    The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective rooms . However, next morning, the guy was troubled: Had she said yes or had she said no? He just couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

    So it was with some trepidation that he went to the telephone and called her. He explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired gingerly, “Miriam, when I asked if you would marry me, did you say yes or did you say no?”

    He was delighted to hear her retort, “Why, I said yes, yes I will, and I meant it with all my heart.”

    “Wonderful,” he said. Then she continued:

    “You know, I am so glad that you called, because, try as I might, I just couldn’t remember for the life of me who had asked.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      That is a good one anytime.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Thank you. Your postings always liven up the day.

  58. Michael Lomazow says:

    “How do I know it’s really you?”

  59. Marv Sager says:

    “We have your Arc of the Covenant. But, is it real gold or fool’s gold?
    I just thought I would ask because today is APRIL FOOL’S DAY!”

  60. Joseph E. Mirman says:

    April Cartoon: It’s time for you to stop and smell the flowers.

  61. Lee Lacewell says:

    Here is a extra corny joke for April 1st. It has nothing to do with April Fools Day, but here it is anyway.

    A man takes his ailing pet duck to his local Veterinarian Clinic. The Vet checks the duck over and tells the man that there is nothing to be done for the duck and that will be $50. The man is visibly distraught and ask the Vet to do everything necessary to be absolutely sure of the diagnosis. The Vet leaves the room and returns with a golden retriever and a cat. The cat and dog sniff the duck, then shake their heads and leave the room. The Vet again tells the man, “there is nothing to be done for the duck and that will be $600.” The man says to the Vet,” hey a few minutes ago you said $50.” The Vet replies, “yes but that was before the lab tests and cat scan.”

  62. Jim Gorman says:

    Michael, a few days ago you asked the question “Does anybody know what’s in his hand?”. I keep looking at the drawing, and I’m with you. What is that anyway? This has to be one of the more confusing cartoons. I love Doc Schwartz. He’s one of my heroes, but whoever nails this one is also going to be one of my heroes.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Jim,
      I guess the prevailing opinion is that it’s flowers but I, like you am not convinced.I find it disconcerting to have to try and unravel the meaning of the cartoon.My wife thinks it looks like like the representation for covid but why would G-d be passing out this dangerous item.Then again,why pass out flowers.I pointed out in one of my suggested captions that there are many things they could use rather than flowers,etc.If you figure out an answer,please let me know.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Michael,

        Is the flower God’s way of later apologizing to Moses for the severity of His commandments? The trick is to make Him human, capable of a pratfall or a regret. No?

  63. Kyle Gerstel says:

    “The burning bush was a fire hazard.”

  64. Marv Sager says:

    “Maybe next time I can talk directly to you instead of TALKING TO THE HAND!”

  65. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Devoid of empathy, incapable of humility, and unfamiliar with what means to suffer consequences, Trump behaved and spoke in ways most would never dare.”

    –From : “Insurgency: How Republicans Lost Their Party and Got Everything They Ever Wanted” by Jeremy W. Peters.

  66. Dale Stout says:

    These are for Rosenbloom.

  67. Dale Stout says:

    I miss bagels but you don’t bring me flours anymore.

  68. Dale Stout says:

    We can’t make bricks without hay fever.

  69. Dale Stout says:

    I beg your pardon, I never promised you a Rosen Garden.

  70. Dale Stout says:

    We deliver anywhere free in a 100 cubit radius.

  71. Dale Stout says:

    Since you parted the Red Sea, these are from FTD.

  72. Marv Sager says:

    “Instead of talking over flowers, let’s belly up to the nearest bar!”

  73. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You had me at ‘Be Fruitful And Multiply’.”

  74. Michael Lomazow says:

    “This is a desert,not the Garden of Eden.”

  75. Dale Stout says:

    Are those DaffyDale’s?

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Dale,

      These “BUDS” are for you!

      1. Dale Stout says:

        Marv,

        We’re best ‘Buds’ :^) thanks, Dale

        1. Marv Sager says:

          Dale,

          I’ll drink to that! 🙂

  76. Michael Lomazow says:

    “There’s no one else around.How about a good peek of you?

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      “There’s no one else around.How about a good look at you?”

  77. Marv Sager says:

    “Could you provide a MIRACLE ELEVATOR to help LIFT MY SPIRITS?”

  78. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I don’t mean to be nosy, but is that a posey?”

  79. Marv Sager says:

    “No Roundup fertilizer was used in the growth of these flowers!”

  80. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Do you happen to have any decongestant?”

  81. Marv Sager says:

    “Each member of my tribe will be passed one flower, then we will commence with PASSOVER CELEBRATIONS!”

  82. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    There’s a saying in finance, often attributed to the economist John Maynard Keynes: “The market can stay irrational longer than you can remain solvent.”

    In other words, turning out to be right doesn’t do much good if you run out of money first.

  83. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael,

    Everything has a positive side if one looks hard enough.

    For example, gas prices have gotten so high here in the U. S. that even the coronavirus has stopped traveling.

  84. Marv Sager says:

    “Now people may call me a PROPHET SEEKER. But I will make no money from these flowers!”

  85. Dale Stout says:

    Aaron gets the flowers and I got the shaft?

  86. Dale Stout says:

    I didn’t know you invented Miracle Grow.

  87. Dale Stout says:

    Are you sure there’s nothing up your sleeve?

  88. Lee Lacewell says:

    “So I was supposed to have delivered a third tablet labeled 11-15?”

  89. Dale Stout says:

    It’s our fortieth anniversary.

  90. Dale Stout says:

    I always thought life was like a box of chocolates.

  91. Dale Stout says:

    Have you been to Hobby Lobby?

  92. Dale Stout says:

    I’m dying to know why the flowers.

  93. Marv Sager says:

    “Count your BLESSINGS, not just your flowers!”

  94. Marv Sager says:

    “These flowers are real, not just a SLEIGHT OF HAND!”

  95. Marv Sager says:

    “Call me stingy, but I can only HANDle so many flowers at one time!”

  96. Marv Sager says:

    “I used a rain cloud & hydroponics to produce these NEBULOUS FLOWERS!”

  97. Marv Sager says:

    “A flower by any other name is not necessarily a rose!”

  98. Marv Sager says:

    “Smell the sensuous flowers and POLLINATE your nasal cavities!”

  99. Michael Lomazow says:

    Gerald,
    We got our 2nd booster shot(4th overall shot) so we are certainly trying our best to keep the virus away.On another subject,I see the Yankees opening day game has been postponed due to bad weather.Is it a big storm?I actually prefer the rain to the intense heat we are getting for the next couple of days here in Riverside,close to 100 degrees.The dogs love the sprinklers ,though.Hope you are feeling well and happy Passsover.

  100. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I’ll take it, although truthfully I would have preferred an olive branch.”

  101. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael,

    Thanks for the update. I had been thinking of writing to your dogs directly for information. Yes, the Yankees opening has been postponed till tomorrow, although I really don’t know why. The reason given was “inclement weather,” although the weather for tomorrow and Saturday is supposed to be almost as cruddy as today’s. There’s been a lot rain here, accompanied by strong winds. The weather, as well as everything else, has been upended. We can’t blame the new patterns on Trump except to say that if he were still president, nothing at all would’ve even have been thought of to fight global warming.

    Do you ever feel a little guilty for taking Dr. Schwartz away from his medical practice to create cartoons for us to ponder? Sometimes I wish other artists would also take a shot at creating the art that we use as backgrounds for our words. I even think that you could do very well without a cartoon, riffing on the news of the day to create wonderful humor. And I keep thinking that one evening I’ll click on “Jeopardy” to see your wife in for Mayim Bialik, egging the contestants on. I’m sure she’d be a smash there, just as you are here.

    Thanks for everything.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Gerald,
      Thanks for writing back.My wife use to accompany me to court,particularly when I needed to travel to an out of town location.Besides trips we took out of state to far away courts,we traveled a lot within California.On one particular occasion,we were in a small court in Northern California.I NEEDED TO LEAVE THE COURT TO TALK TO THE PROSECUTOR so I asked my wife to sit in the court and wait for me.When I returned,I found my wife standing in front of the judges chair speaking to his honor,who had apparently invited my wife up to talk.I guess the surprised look on my face caused the judge to ask me if I was surprised.I told him that the only surprise was that she wasn’t wearing his robes by now.The judge treated me particularly well after that

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Michael,

        I’d be surprised if anyone didn’t treat you well. You never blow your own horn yet you and your wife are very open and bright and absorb the essence of most situations without letting your egos block the picture, like the person who saw that the emperor really wasn’t wearing any clothes. Most people can be blinded by doubletalk and flattery. That great imposter, Ferdinand Demara, was once asked how he was able to fool so many people, and his answer was that most of those he fooled could be flattered to the point where their doubts about him vanished.

        P.S. The Yankees beat the Red Sox 6-5 in 11 innings today.

  102. Jim Gorman says:

    “Fragrant herbage? Does this mean we have a deal?”

  103. Marv Sager says:

    “I use my hand for flowers, not to SLAP DOWN comedians!”

  104. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael,

    I once said that you could never go far wrong if you bet against what I say. This apparently also applies to weather forecasting. Where is the “inclement weather” that I predicted as a cause for the postponement of the Yankees opener? The sun is out as I write this morning. Not a cloud in the sky. No wind. The temperature is in the high fifties, warm for this time of year. A perfect day for a baseball opener.

    So don’t ever go by what I say.

    All the Yankees have to do today is pick up their bats and play.

    Best always.

  105. Marv Sager says:

    “I teach – you preach – no breach – a peach of a deal decorated with flowers!”

  106. Gereald Lebowitz says:

    “I often have a problem distinguishing between what is a blessing and what is a curse. Now is that a beautiful flower that you’re offering me or is it the coronavirus?”

  107. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Many years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about crafting fishhooks or creating clay pots or grinding stones.

    But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thighbone) that had been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal.

    A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts, Mead said.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Gerald,
      Very interesting.

  108. Marv Sager says:

    “Are you now a believer in DIVINE FLOWER POWER?”

  109. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I know that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but what do you call that?”

  110. Marv Sager says:

    “These flowers make for a beautiful MORNING GLORY!”

  111. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I don’t think that flower was meant for me. I’m really Charlton Heston.”

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Gerald,

      From my COLD DEAD HANDS! (That’s what Charlton Heston would say.)

    2. Jim Gorman says:

      Gerald, going back to your Margret Mead reference, I’ve often wondered what she’d have thought about Charlton Heston’s Planet of the Apes offering.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Jim,

        From what little I know, Margaret Mead never officially took a moral position on any aspect of human behavior, preferring to study different societies and the imprinting which established different roots in each one. She was criticized in her later years for trying to bring modern values into some of the older cultures she studied. I guess she would conclude that we all reflect the opportunities of expression encouraged by the societies we are born into, that culture determines identity. I’ve often thought that we’re really all one person making believe that we’re separated. The beloved Hasidic Rabbi Menachem Mendel in the 1800’s once strangely said, “If I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you.”

        Thanks for your question. I wish I knew more in order to better answer.

  112. Rabbi Stephen Weiss says:

    Moses, when I said bring flour to the Tabernacle as a sacrifice, I meant F-L-O-U-R.

  113. Andrea Chassen says:

    For the Spring 2022 issue caption contest:

    So this Flower Power is a thing ?

  114. Marv Sager says:

    “With such beautiful flowers, I was expecting a BOWTIE RIBBON!”

  115. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Did you know that Donald Trump’s frame of reference has always been the movies?

    As a very young man, he had dreams of making it big in Hollywood. He initially wanted to attend USC, not the Wharton School, and enroll in film school. Trump once recalled how his life might have taken a different turn if he had done this. But he would ultimately cave to his father and pursue real estate as a developer of houses and apartment buildings. He also adopted his father’s concept of masculinity, which had been formed in the 1940’s.

    Instead of following his passion for the arts, Trump joined the successful family business. After he branched out on his own in real estate, he liked to tell people that he approached the business with the movies in mind.

    “I brought Hollywood into the real estate business,” he often liked to say, somewhat wistfully.

  116. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Night after night I stand here alone,
    Weeping my heart out til the cold gray dawn,
    Praying that you’re lonely and you’ll come here too,
    Hoping by chance just to catch a glimpse of you.

    John Ramistella
    AKA, Johnny Rivers
    From Mountain of Love

  117. Marv Sager says:

    “With those flowers & enough flour, I could pair them together as an UPSIDE-DOWN FLORAL CAKE!”

  118. “Seriously? That’s supposed to make us the chosen people?”

  119. Michael Lomazow says:

    Took the dogs with us for lunch at our friends house..Their yard has a nice pool which Abby took one look at and proceeded to take a running dive into It.She had done this at a pool at a hotel a couple of years ago so I should have been prepared.She swam for a couple of minutes and then used the stairs and came out,rolling in the grass.At that point,she wanted to eat.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Abby sounds more dignified than some people I know, certainly deserving of respect.

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        She is hysterically funny and so sweet……She sits on her haunches and watches TV intently….She is a big MSNBC fan.

        1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

          What are her favorite TV shows? Her favorite movies? News sources? Sports stars? Is she dogmatic about her choices? (Sorry. Couldn’t resist.) Is her bark worse than her bite?

          Next time I’ll ask her directly without having to bother someone else.

  120. Marv Sager says:

    “My mission in life will include this meeting in DAISY LAND!”

  121. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Dear Abby,

    I’ve been meaning to write you. Michael has been proudly talking about all the things you like to do, and I’m impressed.

    By the way, what is your relationship with Michael and his family? Are you really part of it or just a pet? I really can’t see you as someone owned, because the way you’re described reveals a conscious person, proud of her successes and pleasures and able to contribute a great deal to the family she’s part of. In other words, I can’t see you as anyone’s property. You’re your own person, equal to anyone else in the family.

    I don’t want to take up any more of your time, but I am curious about some of your pleasures, such as what food and music you like. Firms like Purina might be willing to pay well for an endorsement. Do you like classical or show music? By the way, if you have time, I’d suggest you might enjoy Downton Abbey (no relation), a drama on PBS about life in an upper-class British family over six seasons.

    If you don’t have time in your busy schedule to respond, a pawprint will do instead of a printed post or autograph.

    Rest assured, Michael has certainly made you famous in our rather small circle.

  122. Lee Lacewell says:

    For some reason I picture Abbey as a red or blond Retriever or Spaniel?

  123. Michael Lomazow says:

    Gerald,
    Thanks for inquiring about me.I eat Hills Science Diet,which I know is ordered for me online.I also get organic Turkey slices.I am treated as a family member and in fact,I feel like I run the show.I am more of a visual person than a music person so rather than music,I enjoy TV,PARTICULARLY shows with animals.The only thing I don’t enjoy is going to the vet.In the next couple of weeks,my teeth need a cleaning and the procedure will require me to be put To sleep.Oh well,everything can’t be perfect.All in all,life is pretty damn good.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Abby,

      Thanks for the quick response. I know that you’re really the star of the family and that you take care of everyone, who would be lost without you. Being with you on walks keeps them physically fit, and I know that’s what you intend. May I make a small suggestion?

      Ask Michael if he can sign you up for Social Security to protect you in the future. Life changes, and you’ll have to be helped when you get older. For one thing, organic dog food is expensive, and you deserve to be able to afford the very best. Also tell Michael about Date My Pet, a great dog dating site especially designed for those who hate online dating but an enterprise that might provide you with a mate and ease your loneliness. Although Michael at first might be a little jealous, he’ll see the benefits of your being less dependent on him. As you know, he’s a very smart man and can see all sides of any issue.

      I must confess, Abby, that I’m a little jealous of you, romping and enjoying the wonderful weather on the West coast while we in the East are freezing without adequate heat. But Abby, you’re an inspiration to us all. You make living a dog’s life sound like paradise!

      Love to everyone in your household. Because of you, they’ll all live to very ripe old ages!

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Gerald,
        Thanks from Abby.

  124. Lee Lacewell says:

    My 14 year old tear filled eyed grandaughter came to our door one afternoon holding a 1 year old blond Cocker Spaniel named Abbey.
    She had been visiting a friend down the street and Abbey (her friend’s dog) had scratched the new swimming pool liner at her friends house by trying to climb out of the pool. Her friends father came home and when he saw the scratches he began threatening to shoot Abbey. My grandaughter picked up Abbey and ran down the street to our house. The father yelled to her “I don’t ever want to see that dog ever again.”
    That was 9 years ago and Abbey has lived a very comfortable life with us. She continues to be very much a member of our family.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Lee,
      A very lucky dog.Good for you!I love stories like that.They are all G-D’creatures,just a little better than us.

  125. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    According to a new NBC news poll, Joe Biden’s approval ratings have plunged to the lowest level of his presidency, bad news for Democrats, especially those hoping that they can retain a majority in the Senate and good news for Mitch McConnell, who hopes to re-take the crown of leadership if he can only restrain Trump from using his big mouth and spoiling his chance. Yes, we do live in interesting times.

  126. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Is that a real flower or a fake one that splashes people who admire it with water? I’m a little tired of all your jokes, Lord.”

  127. Dale Stout says:

    I got these at Bloomingdale’s.

  128. Dale Stout says:

    Forget-me-not

  129. Dale Stout says:

    There’s a card, “Ben Schwartz sends his love. Could you please send bagels?”

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Back of the card, “Ben Schwartz LOVES that Dale STOUT BEER, it gives you that FOAMY-PUN(GENT) SMILE!”

      1. Dale Stout says:

        Marv – I love the foamy beer PUN(GENT) comment-thank you :^) -Dale

        1. Marv Sager says:

          Dale,

          You’re more than welcome. Everyone loves your puns!
          I try every so often to add a few (silly) words to your puns as a “REWARD!”
          Sometines a HAPPY FACE is included! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  130. Marv Sager says:

    “GOD, do not give me more than I can HANDLE! Flowers are lightweight, so it’s O.K.!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Marv,

      Every time I look at your great post, I read “hondle” instead of “handle”: “God, do not give me more than I can hondle.” Isn’t that what a warped Jewish background can produce?

      1. Marv Sager says:

        Gerald,

        We should “HONDLE” this with care!

  131. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Abby,

    Writing to you has made me aware of many reasons why I might be jealous of YOU. Here are six:

    1) If something itches, you can scratch it, even in public. Can I?
    2) You don’t have to bathe or take a shower every day like me.
    3) You don’t need to be entertained in some fancy or expensive way. A bone makes you happy.
    4) You never have to pay for meals Or practice good table manners. I do.
    5) You can spend all day sleeping it you wish. I could never get away with that.
    6) You have a trusted and very wise friend to make all the important decisions.
    7) And last but not least, if you gain weight, it’s somebody else’s fault!

    So, Abby, who really has it better?
    To borrow one of Michael’s expressions, I rest my case.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Gerald,
      I also have someone who picks up any waste,no matter where I go.That’s what I call empowering.

  132. Michael Lomazow says:

    Lee,
    I adopted Abby about six years ago.She was found running on a street in a rural area and appeared to be about 4 months old.She was running with another dog who I also adopted and who I named Winston.I have two other dogs as well.Prior to them,I had a golden retreiver who passed at age 15,who I loved dearly.Abby is tan colored and appears to be a mix between a chihuahua and terrier but I’m not really sure.I haven’t done a dna test.She is about 20 pounds .Winston looks to be a poodle mix,very Handsome!I also have a couple of labs but Abby is the boss and seems to enjoy swimming even more than the labs.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      You undoubtedly have a very good group of dogs.
      The mixed breeds are usually special in terms of intelligence and usually have a unique appearance. Sounds as if your group gets along great. They are generally much smarter than they get credit for.
      They know when they are cared for and they know who cares for them.
      I wish the human race would take a lesson from the k9 kingdom when it comes to getting along. It’s a shame that the most vicious and lethal dogs are that way because of human interference.
      Some days I am embarrasment to be human.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Lee,

        Isn’t dog behavior or that of other animals a reflection of how these animals have been treated? We’re all reflections of the communities we come from, whether we’re animals or human beings. Someone once asked the writer Stephen Crane what the people would be like in the certain area he was heading for. Crane asked him what they were like in the area he had just left, and when the man described them, Crane told him that wherever he went, he’d meet the same kinds of people. I believe that in a very deep sense we are all mirrors.

        So any animals that Michael has have got to be resourceful and kind because he treats them with deep respect.

  133. Michael Lomazow says:

    Lee,
    It’s hard to find a bad dog and when you do,it’s almost always a humans fault.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald and Michael,
      I agree completely.

  134. Deanna Young says:

    “I admit it, Moishele, it’s not stone … and it’s got no letters. But its fragrance is magnificent… and you all desperately need to smell good right now.”

    With smiles,
    Deanna Young, Boulder, Colorado

  135. Marv Sager says:

    “Can you send down an ANGEL for my shoulder. I will need further guidance in my adventures!”

  136. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    New York City celebrated a new hero on Wednesday: a 21-year-old Syrian who moved to the United States five years ago, speaks five languages and lives in Jersey City, New Jersey.

    The man, Zach Tahhan, a security camera technician whose name has been spelled in varying ways on social media, said he was working on updating equipment at a shop near St. Marks Place and First Avenue in Manhattan’s East Village, when he saw Frank R. James, the man implicated in the mass subway shooting, through one of the security cameras.

    In an impromptu news conference to a crowd of reporters and bystanders on Wednesday afternoon, Tahhan said: “I thought, ‘Oh my God, this is the guy, we need to get him.’ He was walking down the street, I see the car of the police, I said, ‘Yo, this is the guy!’”

    Tahhan said he ran out onto the street, following the suspect and warning those around him to keep their distance. “People think I am crazy, like maybe I am on drugs. But I’m not. I’m fasting,” he said, in reference to his observation of Ramadan.

    The police have said they received a tip that James had been in a McDonald’s not quite two blocks away, and were searching for him in the area. Two law enforcement officials with knowledge of the investigation said it appeared that James had called the tip line himself.

    The police have not yet confirmed whether Tahhan’s action led to James’ arrest.

    But Tahhan’s upbeat demeanor and charismatic energy made him a sensation on social media. There is now a hashtag #ThankYouZack trending that people are using to share clips and videos of his news conference.

    Others are also claiming a role in leading the police to James, which carries a $50,000 reward.

    In an interview, Francisco Puebla, manager of Saifee, a hardware and garden store on First Avenue at Seventh Street, took a gentle dig at Tahhan, whom he had hired to help upgrade the store’s security camera system.

    “He’s all over social media,” Puebla, 46, said, throwing his arms outward in a gesture apparently signifying bigness. “But I’m the one who took action.”

    Puebla said he saw a burly man with a backpack walking slowly up First Avenue. He felt panic, he said, and feared calling the police because he didn’t want to be wrong. “I don’t want to put someone in trouble,” Puebla said.

    But when a police car happened to stop for a the red light at the corner. Puebla said, he walked to it, waved and said, “Police officer, I might be wrong but the guy that did the shooting is right in the middle of the block.”

    Moments later, several police cars converged on James just to the north.

    A New York portrait painter, Lee Vasu, also said he alerted the police.

    Vasu told the website Artnet that after having lunch at Cafe Mogador on St. Marks Place near First Avenue with his mother, wife and 8-month-old daughter, he spotted the suspect walking. Vasu said he went up to a police car that was parked on First Avenue to point out James’ location, and within seconds police cars started arriving from every direction.

    As the drama of life unfolds, it appears that the once famous New York City comedian Jimmy Durante was on target with his catchphrase “Everybody wants to get into the act.”

    One day’s hero may very well turn out to be the next day’s goat.

  137. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Matzoh symbolizes bread that didn’t have time to rise when the Jews had to hurriedly flee Egypt. That’s what an Orthodox storekeeper once explained to me during the holiday of Passover.

    But although he was strict, he had a twinkle in his eyes. “We are suspicious at this time,” he said, “of anything that rises.

    He concluded: “That is why we would never sell Viagra, especially now.”

  138. Susanna Levin says:

    I climbed all the way up here just for this?!

  139. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Then of course there’s the classic Passover story of the rabbi sitting on a park bench during Passover, eating his matzoh lunch when he notices a hungry looking blind man on the next bench. Feeling sorry for him, the rabbi offers him a piece of matzoh, which the man gratefully accepts.

    But then the rabbi sees the blind man running his fingers feverishly over the matzoh and growing more and more agitated. Finally the rabbi can’t retrain himself any longer. “Why are you growing so upset?” he asks.

    “Why shouldn’t I be?” the blind man answers. “This newspaper has nothing but bad news in it today.”

  140. Marv Sager says:

    “Our enemies are now PLAGUED by the fact that we have received heavenly flowers.”

  141. Michael Lomazow says:

    Happy Passover and Easter.

  142. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Corresponding with the President

    The President of the United States gets 100,000 emails a week as well as 65,000 handwritten letters. You can request a special greeting for a birthday, wedding, anniversary or retirement by writing to The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500.

    Good luck.

  143. Marv Sager says:

    “I assume these flowers are blessed which would save me the trouble!”

  144. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Three ladies getting on in years were discussing the travails of growing older as they were having lunch together.

    One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I was taking it out or putting it back.”

    The second lady said, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can’t remember whether I was on my up, or on my way down.”

    The third lady chimed in, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have any of those problems. Knock on wood.” With that, she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, “That must be the door. I’ll get it.”

    (Thanks, Rebecca)

  145. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “If I’m understanding you correctly, I need to give these flowers to my wife and admit that forty years of not taking her advice in asking for directions was a mistake?”

  146. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “Last time I was here you gave me two tablets and said I should call you in the morning.”

  147. Marv Sager says:

    “Is this the 11th commandment? Thou shall have no other flowers before me!”

  148. “The Israelites want something a little more substantial.”

  149. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Major Evans: Just what do you have in mind, Marshal?

    Matt Dillon (Marshal of Dodge City, Kansas): I’ll have to tell you later, if it works.

    Major Evans: I just hope you know what you’re doing.

    Matt Dillon: Major, does a man ever know?

    (Gunsmoke, Episode 89: “The Gun Smuggler”)

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      When I look back on it, all these years later, I believe Matt Dillon was one of the best role models this baby boomer could have asked for.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Jim,

        Thanks for your response. James Arness, who played Matt Dillon in the Western series, had originally been recommended for the part by his friend John Wayne. Arness had previously acted in that great S-F film of the 1960’s, “The Thing from Another World” but had not gotten too far after that in his career until he got his role in the series; he is not related to the contemporary not-as-good actor and director also improbably also named Matt Dillon.

        We all have role models that help us mature, don’t we? I’m glad you picked a good one; you certainly turned out great.

  150. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “That men would die was a matter of necessity. Which men would die, though, was a matter of circumstance, and Yossarian was willing to be the victim of anything but circumstance. But this was war. Just all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.”

    –Catch-22, Joseph Heller

  151. Lee Lacewell says:

    “You showed me a long time ago what a desert can do to my soul.”

    “But it did’t really take me anywhere, anywhere I didn’t already want to go.”

    “I get an easy peaceful feeling and I know you won’t let me down,”

    “Cause I’m already standin, always standin on your ground.”

    Eagles, “Easy peaceful feeling, modified.”

  152. Marv Sager says:

    “I could write a journal of my trepidations. If I titled it, MY STRUGGLE, then they might conclude I am a SICK LEADER!”

  153. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A flying saucer pulls into Earth’s orbit and begins to check us out. Two aliens are at the controls.

    One says, “This is interesting They have a lot of nuclear weapons.”

    The other says, “Really? Do you think it’s a sign of intelligent life?”

    The first replies, “I’m afraid not. They’re all aimed at themselves.”

  154. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Storks live long lives. They can reach the age of seventy, and when they mate, they mate for life. Younger adult storks feed their elders and offer their extended wings as a crutch to enfeebled parents. Ancient Romans called this loving care of the elderly antipelargia. The Roman senate was so impressed with the stork’s generous nature that it passed legislation titled Lex Ciconaria, or the Stork’s Law. This law obligated adults to care for their elderly parents “in imitation of the stork.”

    —From “Backbone” by Karen Duffy

  155. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Did you know? Damage to the brain caused by a lack of blood flow is called
    a “stroke” because in the seventeenth century it was widely believed that the sufferer
    had actually been “struck” by the hand of God.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Gerald,

      Only “NAZI HUNTERS” like Vladimir Putin should get a STROKE!

  156. Marv Sager says:

    “I was born under the SIGN OF CANCER. Is there a flower cure for my troubles?”

  157. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    I can hear at least a few of you groaning, “Uh oh, is this guy submitting another post? Doesn’t he have better things to do?” But what I am is an appreciator, especially of writers like Michael, Stephen, Lee, and Marv here on this site. (I also used to like Marvin, but he’s no longer with us.) And when I appreciate something, I like to share it. That’s my nature.

    Of course I also appreciate my ability to be able to appreciate.

    Anyway, here’s another interesting piece of writing I came across and want to share:

    “In the early 1900’s the Hammerstein Theater featured performing dogs, monkey acts, and a human billed as ‘Sober Sue, The Girl Who Never Laughed.’ The producers offered a $199 cash prize to the person who could make Sue crack a smile. At first, audience members went on stage and told their funniest jokes and made their craziest faces. Then professional comedians took the challenge and performed their best material. The act was wildly popular, and it was a lucrative move by the producer, as the audience was entertained by the best comedy of the day.

    “No one ever won the prize for making Sue crack a smile. The reason was not a poorly developed sense of humor but the fact that her face was paralyzed. She had Mobius Syndrome, a condition caused by by the development of abnormal cranial nerves, which results in a permanent mask-like expression.

    “Sober Sue was paid twenty dollars a week, which was a very decent wage at the time, especially for sitting in a chair all day and not laughing. Today Sue could have had a very good career as a hospital chaplain or mortician.”

    Was this such a bad entry? If so, I apologize until the next one.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      I, for one, look forward to your post. Especially the humorous stories like the senior ladies that were having trouble remembering. I share those stories with my wife and they bring smiles and a grins to both of us. Keep posting! A light hearted post is most welcome during these days of depressing news stories.

    2. Marv Sager says:

      Gerald,

      I talked to Marvin about his abrupt leaving of his MOMENT POST. He indicated that he was compelled to leave because too many women were leaving their husbands
      because of his SEXY INNUENDOS. So Marvin took a leave of absence without pay to seek out these disgruntled women. Of course, these women demanded more from Marvin, but I am not at liberty to reveal their outcomes. All in all, Marvin is doing a great service (If you get my drift) in easing the heartaches of these women!

      So, for better or worse, I will be available to somehow fill the void. I will earnestly try to do a good job, and perhaps you will take it easy on me. THANKS! –MARV.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        It’s easy to remember. Marv is in, and MarVIN is out.

        But both of them will always be treasured for their humor and creativity and warmth.

  158. Dale Stout says:

    Pardon me, do you have any bouquet Groupon?

  159. Marv Sager says:

    “From the tranquil essence of your flowers, I feel HIGHER THAN A KITE!”

  160. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    Thanks for the response. The funniest stories, you know, come from real -life situations, like the one a neighbor had when trying to disconnect her mother’s phone and listening to the Verizon representative tell her that since the phone was in her father’s name, only he would have to be the one to discontinue the service. Patiently she tried explaining to him that that would be impossible since her father had died thirty-five years ago. But to no avail. Finally she said, “I have a solution. If my mother just stopped paying, you’d just have to stop the service, wouldn’t you?”

    The representative snapped back: “But you just can’t do that. That would ruin your father’s credit.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      In similar fashion, after my mother inlaw passed away last year I phoned to cancel her television cable service and arrange
      to return the cable box and remotes.
      I informed the customer service rep that she had passed away and that I needed a return shipping label to return the equipment. The representative ask me to hold for a minute so he could discuss the situation with his boss. Upon returning to the phone he ask if my mother inlaw would agree to continue the service if the company gave her six free months of HBO.

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Does anyone have this problem?All of my past posts are still on my moment cite from as far back as over two years ago..Each also says awaiting moderation.Is this problem unique to me and how do I get rid of the posts?They are all grouped together.I am computer illiterate.BTW,I’m using an iPad.

  161. Marv Sager says:

    “Counting my LUCKY STARS will now come second to counting my LUCKY PETALS!”

  162. Michael Lomazow says:

    Please see my last post.

  163. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Is that a trick flower that squirts your face with water when you look at it? I’ve had enough of your practical jokes, G-d.”

  164. Marv Sager says:

    “Can we make this conversation short? I see a swarm of BEES heading this way!”

  165. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The hardest and most meaningful times in our lives resist moralizing because they contain everything. Focus on the joy, and you will be lying about the pain. Focus on the pain, and you will only be telling half the truth.”

    –Valerie Biden Owens

  166. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    An elderly man was sitting on a bench in the park when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.

    The boy’s hair was yellow, green, purple and orange. He had black makeup around his eyes.

    The elderly man kept staring at him.

    Finally the boy said, “What’s the matter, old man? Haven’t you ever done anything wild in your life?”

    The old man thought for a moment and then answered, “Well, yes. Actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a peacock.

    “I was just wondering if you were my son.”

    There’s no record of the young man’s response.

  167. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A farmer owns thirty young hens and one old rooster. As he feels that the old rooster can no longer handle his job effectively, the farmer brings one young rooster from the market.

    The old rooster takes the young rooster aside. “Welcome to join me. We’ll both work together to do our jobs.”

    The young rooster answers, “What do you mean? As far as I can see, you’re old and should be retired.”

    “If you feel that way,” the old rooster responds, “I challenge you to a competition. If I win you have to allow me to have one hen. If I lose you will have them
    all.”

    The young rooster is puzzled. “What kind of competition?”

    “A fifty-meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start the first ten meters before you.”

    The next morning the young rooster allows the old rooster to start off early, but when the old rooster crosses the ten meter mark the young rooster chases him with all his might.
    Soon enough, he’s right behind the old rooster in a matter of seconds.

    Suddenly, there’s a big bang. Before he can overtake the old rooster, he’s shot dead by the farmer,
    who curses,

    “Hell, this is the fifth gay rooster I’ve brought back this week.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Good one.

  168. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Christianity made the continent of Europe fetid. When Christians exiled the Greek and Roman gods, they tossed the Greco-Roman tradition of bathing out with the bathwater. Early Christians believed that cleansing the body was a pagan rite and ungodly. It wasn’t until the Renaissance that water-based rituals reappeared.”

    –Karen Duffy

  169. Marv Sager says:

    “Now do I receive a FLOWER MAGAZINE subscription with my bouquet?”

  170. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    From “The Prison Minyan” by Jonathan Stone, a novel about Otisville, America’s Jewish prison where Michael Cohen, Trump’s fixer-attorney, was sentenced for incarceration after trial:

    “If you grow up slowly realizing how hateful you are, and you are smart and aware enough to know you’re going to have to hide that hate as shrewdly as you can in order to survive with it, then it’s understandable, and arguably ingenious, to gravitate to the rabbinate, where all the talk is of doing good.”

  171. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    ” Anonychia is not so awfully bad if you consider the time and money you save on nail trimming.”

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      Thank you Lee, That’s the thing about this contest. I am ever expanding my vocabulary, Anonychia, I never knew.

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        I had to google it .

  172. Jim Gorman says:

    While I’m here, congratulations Michael , on your turkey minora caption win Better late than neve I guess.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Jim,
      Thankyou.I appreciate it.

  173. Marv Sager says:

    “The next time someone calls me a FARSHTUNKENER, I will point to the flowers!”

  174. Marv Sager says:

    “During the day I will now count flowers (with my shepherd’s hook) along with counting sheep!
    At night I probably will just go to sleep, tired from counting!”

  175. Max Weintraub says:

    With my hay fever, you should give me a dandelion?

  176. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Did you hear about the guy who got a new computer and was soon asked to supply a password in order to get into a site that he thought would be interesting. He came up with “mypenis.”

    But the poor fellow was soon informed that it was rejected because it was too short.

  177. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A guy suspects his wife is cheating on him, so he comes home early from work one day. His wife meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. “

    Where is he?” he demands. “Where’s the guy who’s been sleeping with you?”

    “I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear,” she answers, so the guy tears the house apart looking for him. Finally he’s on the second floor in the kitchen, he looks out the window and sees a guy sitting in a Volkswagen. “That’s him,” the guy thinks. “That’s the guy who’s been sleeping with my wife!” He’s so furious, he picks up the refrigerator, throws it out the window, has a heart attack, and dies.

    St. Peter meets him at the Gates of Heaven. “Why are you here?” he asks and the guy answers, “I knew my wife was cheating on me so I came home early. I saw her boyfriend sitting in his Volkswagen out on the street, threw the refrigerator at him, had a heart attack, and died.” St. Peter scowls and says, “You don’t belong here. Go to Hell.” He pulls a big lever, a trap door opens, and the guy disappears.

    A couple of minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven. “What are you doing here?” St. Peter asks and the guy answers, “I don’t know! I was just sitting in my Volkswagen, minding my own business, when somebody threw a refrigerator at me!” St. Peter wags his finger at him and says, “I heard about you. You go to Hell too!” He pulls the big lever, the trap door opens, and the guy disappears.

    A couple of minutes later a third guy comes up to St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven. “What are you doing here?” St. Peter asks and the guy answers, “I don’t know! I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business …”

  178. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Two young fish are enjoying a leisurely swim in the ocean when they see an older fish coming from the opposite direction.

    “How’s the water, boys?” he asks, and continues on his way.

    The two young fish resume their swim. After a couple of minutes, however, one of them turns to the other.

    “What the hell is water?” he asks the other, puzzled.

  179. Scott Benarde says:

    Dear God, the flowers are nice, but how about those tablets you promised?

  180. Marv Sager says:

    “If I become a stranger in paradise, will you take my hand?”

  181. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “There is nowhere to hide. The leafing date of trees triggers the emergence of caterpillars, which determines when birds that feed on the caterpillars will lay their first eggs; even a slight shift in this equation can have cascading consequences. Bees typically take their cue to emerge from the temperature, while many plants take their cue to flower from the length of the day, causing another mismatch as springs and winters get warmer and warmer. One scientist says, “We’re getting this decoupling between pollinators and plants and that’s starting to mess up all these very delicate , very sophisticated food webs.”

    –From “The Insect Crisis” by Oliver Milman

  182. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    During the opening days of World War II a joke began making its way around the more cynical quarters of Berlin:

    “An airplane carrying Hitler, Goring and Goebbels crashes. All three are killed. Who are saved?”

    Answer: “The German people.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      Your postings lightened up the end of an otherwise trying day.

  183. Marv Sager says:

    “Your flowers have given me SMELLY THOUGHTS about a SWEET FUTURE!”

  184. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    I feel exactly the same about YOUR postings.

    Thanks again.

  185. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Jews have no idea what the hell they are doing in the kitchen. These people have no cuisine: celery, crackers, jam. I’m like, we’re losing people.

    “After breakfast, they fall apart, the Jews. After a bagel, cream cheese, lox, where they going? They got nothing. They have nothing. Has anybody ever said to you, ‘We went to this Jewish restaurant last night. The gefilte! Amazing?'”

    –Sebastian Maniscalco

  186. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Home is a place we all must find, child. It’s not just a place where you eat or sleep. Home is knowing. Knowing your mind, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we’re always home, anywhere.”

    –Glinda, the good witch, to Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz.”

  187. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Which is worse? Ignorance or apathy?

    If anyone asks you that question, tell that person:

    “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

  188. Marv Sager says:

    “I am not ungrateful, but are there roses with long stems at the next higher level?”

  189. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    To ghost (definition): “To make headway slowly when there appears to be no wind.” (From “The Sailing Dictionary”)

    A riddle: What’s at the end of a great love affair?
    Answer: A survivor in love with a ghost.
    (by Barbara Lazear Ascher)

  190. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “There are two things impossible to do right, raise children and govern nations.”

    –Sigmund Freud

  191. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Love cracks us open to the truth of who we are, a revelation with the caveat that we respond to what is revealed. It exhorts as Thomas does in the Gnostic gospels, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” We knew this to be true.

    –Barbara Lazear Ascher

  192. Marv Sager says:

    “Should I come back later for a song & dance? A real celebration!”

  193. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “One of the huge mistakes people make is that they try to force an interest in themselves. You don’t choose your passion; your passion chooses you.”

    — Jeff Bezos

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      So what Jeff is really saying is that if I am particularly “interested” in beautifully curvaceous girls it is really they who have the hots for me?

  194. Marv Sager says:

    “I heard of shekels (pennies from heaven), but this is the first time there are flowers from heaven!”

  195. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Jim,

    In a way, nobody lives in a vacuum. We project onto others what they project to us. It takes two to tango. But we can’t really take this to the extreme of saying, for example, that the black slaves in this country before the Civil War changed their lives personally asked to be in that situation. We can say, however, that a lot of us do get ourselves into scrapes and then blame others for their predicaments. According to screenwriter Bill Broyles, “Part of the love of war and violence stems from its being an experience of great intensity. It replaces the difficult gray areas of daily life with an eerie, serene clarity.”

    Similarly, according to a reporter’s account of the blitz in England during World War II, the citizens of London were “pulsating with life.”

  196. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    The previous post reminded me of the classic meeting of a masochist and a sadist.
    Masochist: “Hit me, hit me, hit me, please.”
    Sadist: “No!”

  197. Marv Sager says:

    “When receiving flowers at my age, COLOR BLINDNESS & SINUSITIS is a problem!”

  198. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

    The jury was out an entire week and did return with the verdict of manslaughter.

    After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s home, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

    The redneck replied that it had not been easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter.

    Most of them had wanted to let him go.

  199. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Jim,

    Another thought: You must have studied Archimedes’ principle, that density can be determined by how much water an object displaces. In the same way, our value is obtained by how others respond to us, how much “water” we displace in out dealings with others. If no one laughs at a comedian’s jokes, for example, he’s not funny. This is why ineracting with other people on this site can be gratifying .

    What do you think? How much water did I displace with this post? In a vacuum I’d have no way of knowing.

  200. Marv Sager says:

    “Seeing you holding these flowers, my ADAM’S APPLE chokes me up!”

  201. Jim Gorman says:

    “Dry them out and put them in a scrapbook?” That’s the best you can do!

  202. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

    “You talk?” he asks.

    “Yep,” the mutt replies.

    “So, what’s your story?”

    The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
    But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

    The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

    The guy says, “This dog is fantastic. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

    The owner stares at him disgustedly.

    “Don’t go by what he says. He’s just a goddamn g liar.”

    (Thanks, Rebecca)

  203. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Two guys are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.

    Saul, a banker, says to his friend, “So listen, Morty, you know I don’t swim so well.” Morty remembers how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So he begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, however, he begins to tire.

    Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, “So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?”

    Saul replies, “Morty, I know we’re friends, but this is a hell of a time to be asking for money.”

  204. Marv Sager says:

    “I’m so excited about the flowers that I can’t wait to eat dinner as a MANNA of choice!”

  205. Lee Lacewell says:

    “When I ask for a flower and you give me a bouquet!”

  206. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I ask for a flower and you give me a bouquet!”

  207. John Fiedler says:

    “Thanks, Lord, but a simple “thank you” would have sufficed.”

  208. Marv Sager says:

    “I now feel rich & filthy, or do I mean FILTHY RICH?”

  209. Lee Lacewell says:

    “All these years I was sure you had finger nails and I thought you were a lefty.”

  210. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I thought you were a lefty.”

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      I love it! Best yet.

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        Thank you Jim, but I am not sure I would deserve credit for the caption.
        A similar 1993 Bob Mankoff cartoon shows a left hand descending from a cloud holding two stone tablets (Moses standing on a hill) with the caption:
        “Hey, what do you know-a lefty.”

        1. Lee Lacewell says:

          This moment issue flower cartoon drawn by Schwartz is very similar to 1993 Mankoff cartoon. Don’t know which came first. Each handing items
          ( either flowers or stone tablets) from a cloud to Moses.

          1. Jim Gorman says:

            It is said “There are no stories”, only existing themes, different words. I suppose it is also true of cartoons.

          2. Jim Gorman says:

            that should read “There are no new stories”

  211. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Is this a symbolic gesture meant to raise my awareness of the negative effects of future global warming or did you just decide to give me flowers today?”

  212. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Overheard on a city bus:

    “When I was a kid my mother used to send me to the supermarket with just a couple of bucks and I’d bring her back bread, potatoes, milk, strawberries, and canned fish. But I can’t do that today.

    There are too many security cameras.”

  213. Paul Root Wolpe says:

    “Forty years in the desert with those people and you think FLOWERS are going to do it?”

  214. Marv Sager says:

    “I could have been a contender, or a pharoah, or just a mensch. Now I am just a WANDERER!”

  215. Marv Sager says:

    “Shall I tell it on this mountain, LET MY PEOPLE GO? But who will listen if I have only flowers?”

  216. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “You know I’m allergic to pollen. Are you testing me?”

  217. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Mama remembered to tell me there’d be days like this, but forgot to warn me about the forty years of wandering in the desert?”

  218. Chava Kagan says:

    “I’ve been up here for 40 days – and you want me to smell the flowers??!”

    “They’ve made a Golden Calf down there – I don’t think Forget-Me-Nots will cut it!”

    “What is this, a peace offering?”

    “Uh, I don’t think they’ve invented proms yet…!”

  219. Marv Sager says:

    “This flowery date will be recorded as, CINCO DE HANDO!”

  220. Marv Sager says:

    “A handful of flowers is worth two in the BURNING BUSH!”

  221. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Sorry for my confused look…. but I have always pictured you as a lefty.”

  222. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael and Lee,

    You should know by now to take anything I say with a grain of sea salt, but now President Biden is saying that his first priority before the midterm elections will be to conquer inflation.

    So what he will HAVE to do is reduce the money supply. That means reducing the money the public gets, including dropping the value of equities. The government has been pumping money into the country like crazy, which of course stokes inflation. This will have to stop. You cannot continue to supply liquor to drunks if you want them to give up their habit.

    Of course this strategy is dangerous to anyone looking to run for office, but the sooner Biden does this, the better, as we have more than two years to go before the next presidential election. By that time, it is hoped that the economy will have had time to recover and people’s resentments will have gotten hazy.

    But if there is any time to bring the nation out of its artificially induced sense of well-being, it has to be NOW.

    I hope you’re both ready to detox, to finally go cold turkey as the external stimulation almost comes to an end.

    Remember what my old friend, Marty Zweig, once said: “Don’t fight the Fed.”

    The Fed will no longer be on your side.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      I for one pay close attention to your comments, both light hearted and serious.

      I, as many others fear that Biden’s mental and physical health is declining quickly. I also fear for the continued existence of the U.S. if Trump returns to office. I often wonder why, as a country, we cannot do a better job in selecting decent, mentally and physically healthy, sincere, qualified presidential canidates to run for office.

      I am probably the absolute worst person ever to give investment advice. Years ago I invested in natural gas and regretted it. Especially after big oil bought out all the natural gas companies. I resisted the urge to sell (with the hope that it would make a come back. Recent increases in NG have me thinking I may be able to recoup my investment and perhaps a little gain. I can’t really say it was a bad investment, but it certainly was not the best time and place to have invested.

  223. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Henry David Thoreau has always appealed to us as a symbol of independence and as an example of the virtues of solitude and self-sufficiency.

    But did you know that his solitary cabin was on land owned by Ralph Waldo Emerson, his close neighbor, and that he often went to the Emersons’ for dinner? He also entertained many friends at his cabin and had his meals brought to him daily by — his mother.

    Oh, well. Another seemingly divine being stripped of his wings. Thoreau can now join the crowd.

  224. Marv Sager says:

    “You now make a good shepherd. The right clothes, a strong staff, and flowers to feed your flock!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Marv,

      Excellent! That’s just what God would have said to Moses; that what seemed out of place at the time was what was perfectly necessary in His eyes. Your best caption yet!

      1. Marv Sager says:

        Gerald,

        Thanks for liking my caption. I am of the opinion that if I try many times, one cartoon caption may stand out!

  225. Michael Lomazow says:

    Gerald,
    About a year ago,I reduced my stock portfolio to about 20% of my investments.I was using that formula that says to subtract your age from 100 and invest only what you have in stocks.Thus,someone approaching 80 would have 20% in stocks.I know there is no real answer but I thought it was prudent to be more conservative.As a result,I have suffered less than I could have and I don’t spend a lot of psychic energy worrying about it.Whatever goes down will eventually come up so I’m in for the long haul.I would expect the Dow to fall even further,maybe below 30,000 but I think it will bounce back and more.

  226. Marv Sager says:

    “Would you happen to have some bird seed? While I’m up here, I’d like to do some BIRD WATCHING!”

  227. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee and Michael,

    Thanks for your words. From talking to people whose visions I respect, I’ve come away with the opinion that the most significant event for the United States was the breaking of the link between the dollar and gold in 1971. From the time of that decoupling, the dollar has become unmoored; the money supply has exploded, and the value of each dollar has decreased, the increasing value of real estate being only one example of how our currency buys less and less every year. Where is this heading? Is it too late to really put the brakes on the dollar’s decline? The pessimists I know say the Fed cannot really increase interest rates too much now, as we’ve reached the point of no return and the result would be to completely crush the economy. So, they say, we are headed toward a disaster, the rumblings of it shown by the irrational behavior of all those people illogically still supporting Trump and willing to run wild and commit violence on his behalf. We are living in very strange times. I don’t know what the end will be and when it will occur. But something is waiting in the wings to make an appearance.

    Thanks for being here.

  228. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee and Michael,

    I’ve tracked down a book that everyone concerned about the markets should read. Its title is “Collusion,”and its author is the investigative journalist Nomi Prins, about whom you can discover a lot on the Internet. Most public libraries have this book, so you won’t have to spend anything for it.

    I understand she’ll be coming out with another book later on this year if you’re interested.

    Best of luck always!

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Thank you, I will literally ‘check it out soon.”

  229. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael,

    The classic investment story concerns the guy who reads about a small over-the-counter stock and tells his broker to buy some. The broker buys 500 shares at a dollar a share.

    The next day the man is pleasantly surprised to see that each share of his stock has gone up fifty cents, so he instructs his broker to buy another 500. The next day the stock goes up another fifty cents, so he excitedly calls his broker and buys another 500. When he reads the business pages the next day he sees another fifty cent rise in the price of his stock. So he buys another 500 shares. He sees the same increase the next day, so he continues buying. Finally, after three weeks of this, he calls his broker. “Please sell all my shares,” he says.

    And his broker asks after a pause, “To whom?”

    OK, that story won’t score high on the laugh meters, but his stock did rise–for him only, as the sole buyer.

  230. Marv Sager says:

    “Let me know when you want to put your foot down, and I’ll leave the mountain!”

  231. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Marv,

    A good line! Regards to Marvin if you see him.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Gerald,

      Many people have SPLIT PERSONALITIES, such as Dr. Jekyll & Mr. HYDE. Marv & Marvin have SPLIT BRAINS!
      Right-Sided Marvin & Left-Sided Marv. So if something like this happens to you, then maybe people can call you Gerald & Gerry!
      You may even have 3 personalities, such as Gerald, Gerry, and GERMANE! Let me know your outcome. BEST OF LUCK!

  232. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Marv,

    The name you use doesn’t matter. Your warmth and ingenuity and skill always shine out of all your contributions.

    I once met a guy whose name was seven-and-an-eighth. I asked him how he got that name, and he answered that when he was born they didn’t know what to call him, so they put a lot of names in a hat and somebody accidentally pulled out the size.

    Please keep that story under your hat but again rest assured that the name doesn’t really count. It’s the personality and talent-and ingenuity-of which you have plenty–that stand out.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Gerry,

      Your words are always reassuring and inspirational! 2 or 3 names are many times better than just 1 name.
      We wouldn’t have SPIES if they only had 1 name. Even the DEVIL has multiple names such as DEMON, MONSTER FROM HELL, LUCIFER, and BEELZEBUB!
      No one can deny that your name is GERMANE when it comes to prophets & saints!

      Please give my best regards to Gerald as a new MOMENT is coming!

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Marv,

        Have you forgotten? I also have a whole branch of medicine named after me: “geriatrics.”

        1. Marv Sager says:

          Gerald,

          So that’s where you got the name, GERITOL!

  233. Marv Sager says:

    “To brighten my day, I was expecting SUNFLOWERS!”

    Dedicated to Gerald, Gerry, and GERMANE who brighten’s the MOMENT DAY!

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Hang ten and peace to the world!

  234. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Why are you covering up the dirt under the flower?”

  235. Marv Sager says:

    “Behold the promised land of MILKWEED & HONEYSUCKLE, or some combination!”

  236. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “A while back I heard the Jesuit priest Father Greg Boyle of Los Angeles speak about the Christian sacrament of communion. He said something about how Jesus is concerned that we’ll forget not that the cup is sacred but that it’s ordinary. Somewhere along the way in my theological formation, I think I was taught that spiritual life is something still, something stopped in time, something carved away from the ordinary world or the rhythm of an ordinary day. But as I get older I see examples of prayer all around me that look more like chores. They are varied and endless and ordinary: cooking a meal, setting a table, planting trees, taking someone’s temperature, turning compost, feeding animals, packing a child’s lunch, weeding garden beds, mowing the lawn, raising children. All these, when practiced mindfully, can clear the head, open the heart, reconnect us to something hopeful, and create space in the day to praise the living world.”

    —Tallu Schuyler Quinn

  237. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We all spend so much time looking for what’s right before us, in front of us, inside us. We search for God, for ways to be faithful, for something to deliver us from present worry or strife. It’s not wasted time, but when we catch a glimpse of God living right where we live, we remember that our deliverance has already been sent.”

    –Tallu Schuyler Quinn

  238. Marv Sager says:

    ++++++++++THE JEWISH VALUE++++++++++

    “B’tzelem Elohim.” (That all human beings are created in GOD’S IMAGE!)

    CAPTION: “With my flowers to you, God commands you to keep up your GOD’S IMAGE and smell good!”

  239. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Is that a boutonniere? I’m sorry, but I haven’t worn a tuxedo in years.”

  240. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “When Joe Biden became vice president, his son Hunter landed a no-show role as “of counsel” for the New York based law firm Boies Schiller Flexner LLP. Hunter wasn’t obliged to keep office hours or to attend meetings, but Boies paid Hunter $216,000 per annum, among other payments made to Hunter by those who profited by being close to his father.

  241. Marv Sager says:

    “Grow & blossom Moses, like my flowers, and try not to wilt in the near future!”

  242. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Before you get married, give the person a computer with a very slow internet connection. You’ll find out what they’re really like.”

  243. Marv Sager says:

    “These are not PEEtunias; you won’t get wet!”

  244. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    From “Aftermath: Life in the Fallout of the Third Reich, 1945-1955,” by Harald Jahner:

    “In hard times property rights were not abolished, they were redefined. Anything that could not be attributed
    to a concrete individual had, in the popular sense of justice, passed into a vague kind of universal ownership,
    and was regarded as available for the taking. Even a nameplate on a door only protected an apartment under certain conditions.
    A tenant’s lengthy absence eroded property rights to furniture and household goods, and they became common property.
    The owner night have fallen in the war, after all.
    For many, taking up residence in his home was perfectly legitimate, a kind of unofficial billeting
    that was accepted as a kind of informal aid.
    The state had broken down to such an extent that anyone could consider themselves as its proxy.
    The arbitrariness of war’s vicissitudes inevitably altered attitudes toward ownership.
    In the eyes 0f many, possession was a ‘chance result, justified by nothing and in need of change.'”

  245. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Thanks to those who’ve brought new flowers into the garden (Paul Wolpe, Chava Kagan, and others).
    You enrich our soil.

  246. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Usually I find it relatively easy to empathize with others. But today I find it hard.

    Here in the East the temperature has reached the nineties, the hottest day we’ve had for a long while, with a strong sun beating down. Although I’ve tried, I find it hard to commiserate with our esteemed punster, Dale Stout, who, living in Colorado Springs, has suffered all day under temperatures in the 30’s with a cold forecast of snow.

    Is the weather there where your wonderful humor comes from, frozen instead of melted?

    Maybe my sense of humor would improve if I moved to Colorado Springs.

    Just asking, Dale. It’s only a thought.

  247. Marv Sager says:

    +++++++++++++Moses Flower Day++++++++++++

    From this auspicious day, your GOD has decreed that all antisemites will have the STAIN OF MONKEY POX on their houses!”

  248. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “One hundred percent of nothing is nothing, but 50% of something could be worth millions. I’d rather own half of the Pacific Ocean than all of Lake Erie.”

    –Jay Samit

  249. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We’re all mere beggars telling
    other beggars where we found bread.”

    —Martin Luther

  250. Marv Sager says:

    “Moses, if I provided you with a GARDEN OF EDEN, would you still leave me?”

  251. “Hey, Nobody’s perfect, including Me. Cheers, Mo.”

  252. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    In answer to the question, “What should college students have learned when they finally leave?,” may I put my two cents in even though I wasn’t asked? They should have been taught how to explore their own boundaries, their unique rivers and cliffs and desserts. They should be comfortable in their own skins and know how to navigate, hopefully not being too surprised at or unfamiliar with the terrain they find. Can this sense of equanimity and balance ever be taught? I don’t know. I only know that if we don’t learn this skill, we’ll be subjected to charlatans who are always here to pick our pockets and try to sell us our own sense of self-worth.

    what is the

  253. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A husband and wife got into one of their frequent arguments. Although they only been married only a short time, the wife was insistent on going over her husband’s past.

    “Tell me,” she asked him, “How many women have you had outside of our marriage?”

    The husband hesitated. “I’d rather not go into that,” he said.

    “But I insist,” she pursued. “How many women have there been besides me?”

    Finally the bedraggled guy waved his hands.

    “Let’s see,” he said. “There was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, you, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen …”

    There is no record at all of how satisfied his confession left her when he was finally finished.

  254. Marv Sager says:

    “Since we don’t always SEE eye to eye, in the future you might bring a TELESCOPE!”

  255. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    ‘A man who wants to lead the orchestra
    must turn his back to the crowd.”

    –Max Lucado

  256. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “There is a video of Joe Biden at a campaign stop in New Hampshire in 1987, angrily berating a man who had asked politely what law school he had gone to and how well he had done.

    “‘I think I probably have a much higher IQ than you do,’ says Joe. ‘I went to law school on a full academic scholarship, the only one in my class who had a full academic scholarship, and ended up in the top half of my class. I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year. I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school, and I’d be delighted to sit back and compare my IQ to yours.’

    “Of course his claims were false, as all the newspapers who covered him reported at the time. There was no full academic scholarship, his grades were poor through college, and he finished near the bottom of his class at Syracuse Law School–seventy-fifth of eighty-five.

    “He also was almost expelled in his first year for plagiarism; he did not win an award for being an outstanding political science student. And he graduated with one degree, not three.”

    Is anybody really above reproach?

  257. Marv Sager says:

    “From now your name is MO’ (for MO’ Flowers with MO’ love from above)!”

  258. Jim Gorman says:

    Gerald,
    Back on May 1st, you asked me the question, referring to “Archimedes Principle”, “How much water did I (meaning you) displace?”.
    I have taken a little time to answer this. You picked an apt day to start this discussion. Shortly after radio became capable of transmitting voice, it was decided, quite deliberately, the short alliteration “May Day, May Day”, suited this purpose. And so as to respect our caption contest, it is also traditionally a day for gathering wild flowers. Wikipedia, look it up.
    And again, according to Wikipedia, 90% of an iceberg is below the water. I’d say that is how much you displace, just enough to sink a ship.
    I have often wondered how far Moments Editorial staff would allow us captioners to stray from the course? Just when I think we have completely stepped over the line (now that’s a mixed metaphor), something new is posted that is wildly out of bounds.
    Initially I disapproved when this happened, but I’ve come to embrace it. I may be one of the worst offenders. And Gerald, I open the contest daily specifically looking for what new interesting tid-bits you are offering today. You, as much as anyone, have made this contest the enjoyable diversion you have for is today. I am a Moment Magazine subscriber, but I might not have been were I not a follower of cartoon editor, at the time, Bob Mankoff.
    I will go ahead and post this. The 17th is the last day of the last contest postings. If the editors do as Gerald and others have advocated, this will disappear shortly. Good luck to everyone. And, Gerald, keep posting for everyone’s enjoyment.
    Does anyone else think this will be removed?

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Jim,

      “Home is where the HeArt is!” This saying should only add to your comments, and means your input on this site is valuable!

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        Am I reading this correctly, the 17th of ? May be the last Moment Cartoon Caption Contest?

        1. Jim Gorman says:

          I meant May 17 is the day after which we might see a new cartoon. Guess I missed that by a mile!

          1. Lee Lacewell says:

            SORRY! I read it again and it was me. I just had another of my frequent senior moments.

  259. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Is there anyone on this site with a good reason to re-elect Texas Governor Greg Abbott in the election this November in the Lone Star State after his disastrous handling of the pandemic and the latest school shooting?

    Thanks for your input, if any.

  260. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Is there anyone on this site who lives in the Lone Star State and plans to vote for Greg Abbott to be re-elected as governor this November after his handling of the pandemic and the recent school shooting?

    Just asking. Thanks.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      I don’t live in the LSS, but if I did I would never vote for Greg Abbott or Ted Cruz. Not because of their politcal party, but because, in my opinion they, like many DJT supporters, generally put their self interest ahead of the voters that they have taken an oath to
      represent.

  261. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I don’t believe the dead are waiting for us to arrive.
    They are already with us, waiting to be seen.”

    —Joseph Han

  262. Marv Sager says:

    “Beautiful flowers are in the eyes of the beholder & GOD SCENT!”

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      Maybe that should read “bee holder”.

      1. Marv Sager says:

        Jim,

        That would BEE divine! Thanks for your input!

  263. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Overheard on a bus:

    “My mother was a complete saint.
    For over fifty years, believe it or not,
    she served our whole family nothing but leftovers.
    As a matter of fact,
    The original meal has never been found.”

  264. Marv Sager says:

    “Since you have a long venture ahead, take a quick flower sniff and BUG OFF!”

  265. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Who says Jews aren’t resourceful?

    Bloomberg, on a business trip, found himself using a public toilet. He had just made himself comfortable when he noticed that the toilet paper roll was empty. He called out to the next stall.

    “Excuse me, friend, but do you have any toilet paper in there?”

    “No, I’m afraid there doesn’t seem to be any here, either.”

    Bloomberg paused for a moment.

    “Listen,” he said. “Do you happen to have a newspaper or a magazine with you?”

    “Sorry, I don’t.”

    Bloomberg paused again, and then asked, “How about two fives for a ten?”

  266. Marv Sager says:

    “If you agree, perhaps next time we could combine BIRDS & FLOWERS and call them the BIRDS OF PARADISE FLOWERS!”

  267. Sean O'Donnell says:

    We’ve only been together for 40 years. You’re coming on a little too strong.

  268. Marv Sager says:

    “You know what words are important to remember from me: The Ten Commandments. So, accept these flowers as a bribe to repeat them!”

  269. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Bill Gates, Elon Musk, The Dalai Lama and a junkie are traveling in a small plane. Suddenly, the plane shudders and shakes, and goes all quiet.

    The pilot comes into the cabin and announces, “Well chaps, we have an engine failure and are about to crash. We have only four parachutes and I’m taking one. You four sort out the remaining three among yourselves.” He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

    Elon Musk says, “I hold the future of the world in my hands so I need to live.” He also grabs a parachute and jumps out.

    Bill Gates then announces, “I’m the world’s smartest man, so I need to live too.” He grabs another parachute and jumps out.

    The Dalai Lama tells the junkie, “Son, I’m old and have lived my life. You are young, so take the remaining parachute for yourself.”

    The junkie smiles and says, “Sir, we have enough parachutes for us both. The world’s smartest man just jumped out with my backpack.”

  270. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A man enters a doctor’s office and goes up to the receptionist.

    “Can I have an appointment today?” he asks.

    The receptionist looks at the schedule and shakes her head,

    “I’m sorry the doctor has no appointments for today. How about 2 tomorrow?”

    The patient looks surprised.

    “Oh, no, I just want one appointment.”

  271. Marv Sager says:

    “From your observation post, GOD, you have a PEAK-a-boo advantage over me!”

  272. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A well-known womanizer with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood local bar and ordered a drink.

    The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.

    “I’m worried sick,” the stud replied. “Some crazy husband just wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop playing around with his wife.”

    “So stop,” the bartender said.

    “I can’t,” the womanizer replied, taking a long swill.

    “The guy didn’t sign his name.”

  273. Marv Sager says:

    “Thanks GOD for shining your light on me along with your flowers. It helps with my NIGHT BLINDNESS!”

  274. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Yesterday I was reading all about Donald Trump’s unsuccessful attempt to overturn the presidential election result in Georgia, the home of Marjorie Taylor Greene among others, so as to give himself the presidency, and I was reminded of that great British novelist Charles Dickens, who was greatly loved but also mercilessly criticized for making up such ridiculous names for so many of his characters.

    What brought this on? Trump’s state operations director in Georgia for his proposed con was named–are you listening, Mr. Dickens?-Robert SINNERS. Even you could not have dreamed up such a ridiculous but such an appropriate name like that.

  275. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Am not as bright as Dinah Rokach is in reviewing books but did pick up an interesting one, “The Handbook of Near-Death Experiences: Thirty Years of Investigation.” I’m sure most of you have read about near-death experiences. The question these experiences raise, or course, is this: If consciousness can function apart from the irreversibly dead body, perhaps it does continue to function after death. Four cases were presented in which resuscitated patients presented evidence they could not have been aware of, and their doctors responded with shock and uncertainty as to how to proceed.

    The bottom line, then, is really this: Is a functioning brain necessary for consciousness?

    Sorry to burden you with such a heavy question, but, you must admit, it is a fascinating one.

    After all, you must admit, we just did have a president without, it appears, a functioning brain.

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      It begs the question. Is it more important for a president to possess a brain or a soul? It seems like it is an either / or choice these days.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Jim,

        I’m the wrong person to answer your excellent question. A much more qualified person would be the Tin Man (Jack Haley) from “The Wizard of Oz.” And he sings better than me, too:

        “When a man’s an empty kettle
        He should be on his mettle
        And yet I’m torn apart
        Just because I’m presumin’
        I could be kinda human
        If I only had a heart

        “I’d be tender, I’d be gentle
        And awful sentimental
        Regarding love and art
        I’d be friends with the sparrows
        And the boy who shoots the arrows
        If I only had a heart

        “Picture me, a balcony
        Above a voice sings low
        (Where art thou, Romeo)
        I hear a beat, how sweet
        Just to register emotion
        jealousy, devotion
        And really feel the part
        I could stay young and chipper
        And I’d lock it with a zipper
        If I only had a heart.”

  276. Marv Sager says:

    “Thanks for reaching out to me with flowers. You really TOUCHED the fabric of my outer being!”

  277. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Jim,

    One more remark: The main song from “The Wizard of Oz,” “Over the Rainbow,” has won so many awards since it was written that it is interesting to talk a little about its history. After an advanced screening, MGM executives abruptly removed the song because they felt that it slowed down the action. Then one of the producers of the film stepped in to fight to defend the song. Louis B. Mayer, the head of the studio, then capitulated, saying, “Let the boys have their damn song. It can’t hurt the picture.”

    The rest is glorious history. Nobody ever really knows how things will turn out.

    Thanks always for your comments.

  278. Marv Sager says:

    “Moses, teach your followers the difference between YAHWEH and YOWIE, and you will be worthy of my flowers!”

  279. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    If anyone has children peering at these posts, here’s one they might like:

    A man has two doberman pinschers. One of them is named Timex, and the other he calls Rolex. One of his neighbors asks him how he arrived at those names.

    “It’s simple,” he retorts.

    “They’re both watch dogs.”

  280. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    For everybody, young and old, even dogs and cats:

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.

    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

    Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

    After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

    When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

    “It was Bob the next-door neighbor,” she replies.

    “Great,” the husband says.

    “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

  281. Marv Sager says:

    “Moses, you have climbed GOD’S FLOWER MOUNTAIN, and now your wish is GRANITE!”

  282. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael, Lee, Jim:

    One email warned of a “left wing mob,” seeking to undermine the results of the presidential contest. Another said then-President Donald Trump needed campaign contributions to “fight back.” And in another instance, his supporters were urged to “step up to protect the integrity of the election.”

    Those examples of Trump’s relentless post-election fundraising flashed on a screen Monday during the public hearing of the House committee investigating the January 6, 2021, attack on the US Capitol. The panel sought to demonstrate in its second public hearing that the former President had ample proof from many people in his inner circle that his claims of election fraud were baseless, but he still peddled them in the race to collect massive campaign sums in the waning days of his presidency.

    The roughly $250 million (!) that poured in after the election largely went to the former President’s political action committee, rather than to the “election integrity” effort touted to his donors, the committee said.

    WHY were so many people suckered by Trump? I am especially thinking of “America’s mayor,” the once greatly respected Rudy Giuliani, who is now almost completely broke and totally discredited.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Kimberly Guilfoyle, partner of Donald Trump Jr., was paid $60,000 for speaking for 2 minutes and 30 seconds at the White House Ellipse on January 6th just before the rioting went into high gear. That money came directly from the money raised to support Trump in fighting election fraud claima.

      I hope that all the people who contributed their hard-earned money to Donald Trump can read this and truly feel relieved that the money they sent to Trump did go to support a worthy cause.

    2. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      Most GOP voters, at present, do not seem to realize that their party has been stolen. These power hungry, no morals, criminals have convinced these GOP voters that their lives will somehow be better with them in office.

      I have friends, family and neighbors, that should know better; people that I previously considered patriotic and moral that have fallen right in line to support Trump and his band of liars and thieves.

      The loss of our democracy is quickly becoming a very real possibility.

  283. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “In one day alone, New York City consumes enough water to fill ten Yankee Stadiums.”

    –A.J. Jacobs

  284. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “It seems odd that birthday celebrations are all about the kid when they really should be honoring the mom. The emphasis is askew. I mean, what did I do on that date so many decades ago? I came out, I cried, I demanded food. The real hero is my mom. She’s the one who had her body dangerously distorted by my infant skull.”

    –“Thanks a Thousand”

  285. Marv Sager says:

    “Moses, by accepting my present, it can be construed as a HANDsome FLOWER gift!”

  286. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever.”

    —Saint Thomas Aquinas

  287. Marv Sager says:

    “Moses, did you pack a lunch? Only flowers are on the agenda for today!”

  288. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    Thanks for your comments. Our situation today is very much like that in Germany before the rise of Hitler. And Hitler was made a joke of by his audiences in his first attempts to achieve power. Our society, like his, was demoralized by massive inflation, his caused by the huge reparations imposed on Germany after the first world war. So Germany, like our country, simply printed more dollars to try to cover the debt.

    Will Trump turn out to be the new Hitler? I don’t know, but something very unpleasant seems to be waiting on the horizon for us to try to face.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      I (as well as others, I am sure, on this site) look forward to your take on any topic that you decide to comment on. Particularly the light hearted jokes that provide a welcome break from the depressing evening news stories of each day.

      The stories of the rise to power of Hitler and Trump do seem to align a bit to close for comfort. Your comment about for something unpleasant awaits us made me think of the old story, “Something Evil this way Comes.”

      The last couple of years have brought unforseeable change to almost every sector of our economy. Some areas continue to prosper while others a struggle to stay afloat.

      I have a relative ( A true Trump supporter) that owns a rice farm. The farm has been passed down through the family for generations. Now high fuel cost, the reduced availability of repair parts for existing farm equipment, and no new equipment available for purchase is threatening to put a hault to the whole operation. He probably could stay afloat if things improve next year, but the uncertainty of how long these conditions will continue has placed his family in a crisis situation. He does not want to sell but if things do not change soon he literally may lose the family farm.

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        Correction to senior moment:
        “Something Wicked This Way Comes.”

  289. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Melvin is 92 years old. Martha is 89. They live in Florida and are very excited over their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss their wedding. On the way they pass a pharmacy.

    They go in, and Martha addresses the owner. “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

    The owner nods.

    Melvin: “How about medication for impaired circulation?”

    The owner nods in the affirmative.

    Martha: “How about prescriptions for rheumatism and scoliosis?”

    Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

    Martha: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis?”

    Pharmacisr: “We carry a very large selection.”

    Melvin: “What about. vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s?”

    Pharmacist: “We have everything you could possibly want.”

    Martha: “Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

    Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

    Melvin and Martha:

    “Perfect. We’ve both decided to use your store as our official bridal registry.”

  290. Marv Sager says:

    “GOD, the sight of you with flowers is a real CLIFF HANGOVER!”

    Dedicated to those of you participants who have a HANGOVER waiting for the next auspicious MOMENT!

  291. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    Remember the famous tag-line from the X-files: “the truth is out there”? Well, it is, and it came my way to answer my question to you as to why Trump has had a hold on so many people. It’s fear, articulated by none other than the contemptible Senator Lindsey Graham, of all people.

    From “Newsweek”: “Senator Lindsey Graham, a South Carolina Republican, praised former President Donald Trump on Friday for making everybody “afraid” while he served in the White House, lamenting that people no longer feel that fear.

    “The GOP senator made the remarks as he spoke at the Faith & Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority Policy Conference held at the Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center in Nashville, Tennessee. Trump also spoke at the event, as did a slate of prominent Republicans, including Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, Senator Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations and former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley, Representative Jim Jordan of Ohio and Georgia senatorial candidate Herschel Walker.

    “‘You know what I liked about Trump?,’ Senator Graham said. ‘Everybody was afraid of him.'”

    You have to admit, someone like Trump, although exasperating, is more interesting than someone who is predictable and. always comes out with pre-packaged statements. You never knew what Trump was going to say or do.

    He kept us on our toes, didn’t he? And we’re still shivering.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      Yes, fear of Trump has killed the GOP. It is too bad that Trump supporters do not realize that the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up against them from the get go or forever live in fear of them. Trump, through fear has stolen the GOP and will continue to control it as long as no one stands up to him.
      I can imagne Lindsey Graham being, throughout his school days, bullied on a daily basis. Based on his fear of Trump I would think that Graham has never tried standing up to anyone that he felt could harm him. Trump supporters seem to see DT as a heroric character (as in a novel or screenplay) that they feel will use his bullying and lying abilities to correct all the wrongs that have been created and forced upon them by Liberals.
      Wish GOP voters would wake up and realize that their party has been hijacked, and the Trump saga is not a fictional story. They need to realize that there will be real world consequences when the U.S. is ruled by a dictator of their own making.

      P.S. Do you understand what the word “Woke”
      being used by the GOP is all about. It
      seems to be a slur used against anyone that
      is not a GOP supporter. I have not figured
      it out yet?

  292. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    For: Michael’s Wife:

    “One Jeopardy! scenario has not yet been put to the test. Jeopardy! policy holds that if all three players have negative scores or $0 after Double Jeopardy!, Final Jeopardy! will not be played.

    “It has never happened. Or at least not yet.”

    From Claire McNear’s book “Answers in the form of Questions: A Definitive History and Insider’s Guide to Jeopardy!

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Gerald,
      My wife thinks that it is extremely unlikely that three players could go without money after double jeopardy but if Trump,Don Jr. and Melania were to play,Bingo.

  293. Marv Sager says:

    “Moses, it says a lot that you are calm and not likely to JUMP to conclusions!”

  294. Michael Lomazow says:

    If Trump is ever prosecuted(and God knows it’s way overdue)he would be facing a very tough decision…………….Not testify in a case where he would really need to,or testify and get filleted by any decent prosecutor.

  295. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    Regarding your question, I’m not a language expert, nor even a dictionary-maven, mostly figuring out words by their context. It seems to me that “woke” originated somewhere in hip-hop and meant someone very sensitive to social issues, especially involving LGBTQ matters. But it has since expanded to mean someone soft and liberal and unrealistic, someone not able or willing to expend the hard efforts needed to effect change, used in this way by hard-line conservatives to mock liberals.

    Most words change meaning depending upon who’s uttering them, just as your comments on this site make it a dynamic and very interesting place to be.

    Always, thanks for that.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Thank you Gerald for your excellent explanation. If some one uses ‘woke’ to describe me in the future I will now understand what they are meaning.

      It seems that a new word should be developed to describe GOP supporters that are not willing to stand up to Trump.

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        Gerald,
        I think that the main reason I was confused with regard to the use of the word ‘woke’ is that James Carville of Louisiana used it during interviews over the past couple of years. James is certainly not generally in alignment with the GOP. I had wondered if James Carville and the GOP had differing ideas of the words actual meaning or whether the meaning had changed in a very short span of time.

  296. Marv Sager says:

    “You don’t need to give a speech Moses, just PETAL your wisdom to the CHOSEN PEOPLE!”

  297. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Did anyone else read today’s very mportant news? It seems that one of Trump’s family, a bloodhound appropriately named Trumpet (what else?) won the title of Best in Show at the 146th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in Tarrytown, New York. There was a definite jowly resemblance to our former president in addition to his name.

    Trumpet may very well be remembered one day with more fondness than will our former chief executive.

  298. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Pence is Complicit in a Long list of Trump’s Worst Offenses

    “Pence must have recognized Trump’s manifest unfitness for the presidency, but all the while he said nothing. Perhaps he thought the Republican-passed tax cuts and the conservative judicial appointments were worth overlooking Trump’s misconduct. Perhaps he hoped to someday inherit Trump’s loyal following and become his successor. Whatever his mind-set, he was complicit in the toxic dysfunction of the Trump era.”

    — Eugene Robinson, Washington Post

  299. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Sol, 97, is on his last legs, waiting to die. when he smells the wonderful combination of cinnamon and yeast wafting its way upstairs to his bedroom. He calls to his daughter and in a plaintive voice says, “Hannah, please give a dying man his last wish. Bring me a piece of your mother’s delicious babka.”

    Hannah rushes downstairs but quickly comes back up empty-handed.

    “Sorry, Pa,” she says. But Ma insists it’s only for after.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      “Comparing Donald Trump to a Blood Hound makes sense, I just hope the blood hound does not get too upset by it.”

  300. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The dumbing down of America is a real and continues to grow in intensity.” e.g.

    My grand-daughter is now teaching her second year as a elementry, 4th grade educator. She confided in me recently that the principal at the school where she teaches instructed she and the other teachers to do as follows:

    For students that cannot or do not complete their test or assignments, the teacher is to complete the test or assignment for those students and sign the student’s name to the work.
    The teacher is then to give the student a passing grade.

    In my elementry school days principals instructing teachers to do this would have been fired and would have likely found themselves stretched out on the floor from an angry teacher or parent.

    My grand-daughter decided she wanted to be a teacher from the time she was 12 years old. Now she is so discouraged she wants to change to a non-educational career.

  301. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    There’s one more thing to add to my last post. Everything in life, not only meanings of words, depends on context. For example, take the word “bark.” What does it mean? Well, I can think of at least two ways to answer that. One is to say “the bark of a tree” and the other is to say “the bark of a dog.” In both cases the final word completely changes the meaning of the past, just as in life the outcome of a situation can change the evaluation of a past event. If I buy a lottery ticket with my last funds and the ticket turns out to be worth a million dollars, then I’ve done something wonderful, but if the ticket turns out to be worth nothing, then I’ve done a very foolish thing with my money. So in life it becomes very difficult to accurately judge the outcome of a situation in a world where what happens in the future can completely change the valuation of a past event. Sorry for this digression, but separating cause and effect is oftentimes not so simple.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      Thank you again for your posts. They provide humour, insight, entertainment, education and most of all they always are interesting and fun.

      1. Jim Gorman says:

        Amen to that. Gerald is definitely the wise old man on our mountain.

  302. Marv Sager says:

    “You have climbed high in life, and now a flower trophy is bestowed upon you! You are a MOUNTAIN of a MAN in HIGH STANDING!”

  303. Lee Lacewell says:

    “The Tump name should always be associated with Free DUMB, with an emphisis not so much on Free but more so on DUMB.”

  304. Lee Lacewell says:

    Marv,
    Since Marvin left I have been withholding commenting on Marv’s comments until I was sure that Marv was going to stick around. For a while I did not think that Marvin’s unique writing skills could ever be equaled……
    But now I feel safe in saying that while I miss Marvins contributions, I find Marv’s writings to be equal to or superior in almost every way. You possess a very unique style that would be impossible for anyone else to duplicate and in my opionion this site becomes much more interesting and entertaining with each comment that you provide.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Lee,

      When Marvin was overwhelmed by being regarded as MARVELOUS MARVIN, he turned to his inner self and persuaded Marv (myself) to continue contributing
      while he was in emotional recovery. Marv (yours truly) has continued to provide (silly) humor and provocative cartoon captions but always consults secretly
      with Marvin on important issues. It’s funny (forgive the pun) that you should mention the confusion between Marvin & Marv. Rest assured that your kind
      thoughts along with others culminate in a 2-for-1 contribution (by us) to this MOMENT in time! THANKS FOR YOUR OBSERVATIONS!

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Freud would analyze this situation very well, seeing Marv as the ego (the reality principle) and Marvin as the superego (the morality principle) in back of everything. But his analysis wouldn’t really change a thing. Marv and Marvin are both beloved by us all and provide marvelous entertainment and humor to anyone lucky enough to come upon their writings.

        Thanks, again, Marv, and thanks always from all of us, of course, to Marvin.

        1. Marv Sager says:

          Gerald has once again demonstrated his knowledge of Sigmund Freud with wisdom & pizzazz!
          Many of you recognize his fame as the GERITOL MAN since he is well known in geriatrics! We (Marvin & Marv) should also point out the contributions of the YIN & YANG! Our lives are governed by GOOD V. BAD, RIGHT V. WRONG, LOVE V. HATE, etc. Therefore, Marvin & Marv will continue to strive as a somewhat dynamic duo to add to this community!

          Thanks again to Gerald along with Gerri and GERITOL for their leadership & friendship!

          1. Jim Gorman says:

            As long as we are exploring opposites let’s not forget the male female switch, and of course that was flipped by comedian, or should I say comedienne, Flip Wilson and his character Geraldine. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. The Devil made me do it.

  305. Marv Sager says:

    “Dear LORD, could you provide some bubbly wine as I need to SPARKLE over your gift!”

  306. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    One of the most prolific authors of modern times has been James Patterson. His new book, however, is not a novel but a memoir, “James Patterson by James Patterson: the Stories of my Life,” a series of short tales. Although I’m not a James Patterson fan, I’m copying this section of the book for you to read and(hopefully) enjoy:

    Okay, I am walking along Broadway in New York City. I’m walking pretty quickly. I arrive at my local Barnes and Noble on the corner of Sixty-seventh Street. I see three copies of my novel “Along Came a Spider” in the window.

    I’ve been pretty much waiting for this to happen since I first came to live in Nee York in the 1970’s. It’s now January of 1993.

    I go inside the bookstore. I’m hyperventilating a little. I want to make this moment last.

    It’s a Sunday. I’ve just seen that “Along Came a Spider” is number 6 on the New York Times bestseller list. I don’t think that could be a mistake, but I’m a little afraid it might be.

    I know there were 12 copies of “Along Came a Spider’ here a few days ago. Now there are 6 copies.

    While I’m heading toward “Along Came a Spider, ” a woman picks up a copy.

    I stop walking.

    Now here’s another thing that happens with some writers. If we see you pick up a copy of one of our books at the store, we watch you. If you buy the book, I swear, it makes our whole day. But if you put the book down, reject us, as it were, it breaks our hearts.

    She reads the flap copy, then she reads the author blurbs on the back cover. Then she puts “Along Came a Spider ” under her arm.

    I’m trying to be cool about this, but I want to go over and give her a big hug. I watch this wonderful, wonderful person walk down a a long narrow aisle–and then she slides “Along Came a Spider” into her shopping bag.

    She stole the book.

    And all I can think is, Does that count as a sale?

  307. Marv Sager says:

    “Excuse me, but I don’t quite GRASP these flowers as you do!”

  308. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Interesting–for your perusal:

    A lot of recent layoffs have come from what have been hot, high-growth parts of the economy that did especially well during the pandemic.

    For instance, the exercise equipment company Peloton took off when gyms closed. Similarly, Netflix’s popularity soared when people were stuck at home, binge-watching TV shows and movies.

    But now, people are going out for entertainment, movie theaters and gyms are open, and fewer people need expensive exercise bikes. In February, Peloton’s CEO stepped down, and the company cut almost 3,000 jobs.

    Similarly, the trading app Robinhood attracted millions of investors, who opened new accounts during the pandemic. People were flush with money from big stimulus checks from the federal government. Others saw bank balances balloon from reduced travel and eating at home. The stock market was hot and many wanted to trade.

    Robinhood hired aggressively to keep up with this growth, growing six-fold, from 700 people to around 3,800, CEO Vlad Tenev said.

    Two months ago, Robinhood laid off 9% of its staff. Tenev said he is now scrutinizing the company’s headcount growth targets.

    “Doing so enables us to be more resilient in hard times, and stronger during the good,” he said in a recent memo to Robinhood employees.

  309. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A priest walked into his vestibule one early Sunday morning. He saw a very young boy gazing intently at a large brass plaque on the wall.

    Curious, he walked up to the boy.

    Before he could say anything, the boy turned to him and, pointing at the plaque, asked, “What’s that?”

    The priest responded, smiling, “Oh those are the names of all the men who died while in the service.”

    Wide-eyed, the boy gazed up at the priest and finally asked,

    “Was it the 8:30 service or the 10:30 service?”

  310. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Most of us live with regrets, either from not having done things we should have done or from having done things we should not have done. The master of light verse, Ogden Nash, once even wrote a couplet about this state of affairs:

    It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin
    That lays the most troubled eggs under our skin.

    And leave it to the good old Chinese to come up with a good proverb:

    The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago.
    The next best time is now.

    Peace to all of you for a good Fourth of July and after.

  311. Jim Gorman says:

    Let’s try this again. “Hey, the seventh day is over when I say it’s over.”

  312. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I see much more this way than I would by merely surfing the internet.”

  313. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Later,Dudes.”

  314. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I’ll be shooting the curl in Maui.You’re in charge.Don’t screw up.”

  315. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Heaven can wait!”

  316. Rich Wolf says:

    “Trust me-the waves won’t be an issue.”

  317. Rich Wolf says:

    “Don’t worry-all three of us will fit on the board.”

  318. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “I’m carrying a surfboard in one hand while waving with the other. I know you two can figure out where I’m going if you just think about it a little longer.”

  319. “While I’m gone, replace all the Hallelujahs with Cowabungas.”

  320. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “I’ll be back after the mid-term elections are over.”

  321. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “You two can just hang lose while I hang ten.”

  322. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Yes, life always will flow and then always will ebb,
    And I’ll catch it all on the world wide web.”

  323. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “Would it have killed any one of you to have packed me a few bagels and cream cheese?”

  324. Marv Sager says:

    “Praise the Lord and pass the suntan lotion!”

  325. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “There’s aloha (hello) and aloha (goodbye). This is definitely not the first one.”

  326. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “More and more people have been asking if there’s surfing in heaven, so I have decided to promote surfing as a replacement for the, never ending, nerve racking, hideous clanking game that you two call pickleball.”

  327. Marv Sager says:

    “I have to lose weight, one foot keeps getting lost in the clouds!”

  328. Marv Sager says:

    “I just love SURF & KOSHER TURF!”

  329. “Zeus was never this cool.”

  330. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The surf’s always up somewhere in the world. The trick is to go far enough to find it.”

  331. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Sorry,no one will believe they are water wings.”

  332. Marv Sager says:

    “I am dressed for summer beach weather. If this was winter, I would wear a SHTREIMEL”

  333. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A 65-year- old man goes to the doctor.

    After the examination, the doctor says, “Moshe, you’re in remarkable shape. I don’t even have any suggestions. Just curious, how old was your father when he passed away?”

    Moshe says, “What, my father died?”

    The doctor responds, “No, I just figured at your age, but I’m not surprised. How old is he?”

    Moshe quips, “He’s 85.”

    Doc says, “OK, how old was your grandfather when he passed?”

    Moshe, with a look of surprise, asks, “What, my grandpa died?”

    The doctor is incredulous. “Your grandfather is alive too? Amazing! How old is HE?”

    “Well, he’s 105, and he’s why I’m getting my physical. I have to fly out to his wedding. He’s marrying a 25 year -old.”

    Doc asks, “Why in the world would a 105 -year -old want to marry at 25 -year -old?”

    Moshe responds with a big smile:

    ”Who says he WANTED to?

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      That is at least a 4.75 out of 5 on the chuckle meter. Good one!

  334. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Lee,

    And your note is at least a 1,000,000 out of 10 on my own favorite response scale.

    It’s the fuel that keeps me going.

    Thanks.

  335. Reed Cowan says:

    After working for so long without much appreciation, God ventured off for a much need 40 day/40 night vacation.

  336. Marv Sager says:

    “My sweet angels must stay behind and be BUSYBODIES!”

  337. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I have 2 weeks per year worked vacation coming. I’ll be seeing you in approximately 150 thousand years.”

  338. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A man in New York City calls his son in San Jose, California, in the middle of November.

    “Your mother and I are getting divorced,” he screams. Forty-five years of marriage are enough. We really can’t stand each other any longer. Please tell your sister.” And then the father abruptly hangs up.

    The son immediately calls his sister and tells her what their father has just said. The girl explodes in frustration. ‘They’re not getting divorced if I have any say in this,” she yells. “Call Pop back and tell him we’re coming over and not to make any decision at all until we see them.”

    The son does what his sister told him to do.

    In New York City, the father turns to his wife. “Okay, they’re both coming,” he says with satisfaction.

    “That takes care of Thanksgiving. Now what do we do about getting them to come for Christmas?”

  339. Marv Sager says:

    “The devil messaged me that my surfboard warranty has expired! HOW DID HE KNOW?”

  340. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “It seems, at this moment, the excessive amount of time I spend dealing with the current world situation is turning my dream of becoming a champion surfer into a pipe dream.”

  341. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “If anyone ask, just tell them I am out chasing my pipe dreams.”

  342. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “I would have filled out a vacation request but I don’t have a boss to send it to.”

  343. Marv Sager says:

    “Once in a while I surf naked! At this time my PERSONAL LIGHTNING ROD produces shooting stars throughout the universe!”
    (This is what I call a humongous out-of-body experience!)

  344. Lee Lacewell says:

    Captions:

    “I didn’t fill out a vacation request form because I don’t have a superior to send it to.”

    “I know I’m chasing pipe dreams.”

    “I realize my dreams of becoming a world champion surfer are probably just a pipe dreams.”

  345. Dale Stout says:

    My people haven’t surfed enough.

  346. Dale Stout says:

    Haven’t my people surfed enough?

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      I love this one Dale.

      1. Dale Stout says:

        Thanks, Jim!

  347. Larry Lesser says:

    I love to drop in!

  348. Larry Lesser says:

    Rabbis say I should check out Surfaria!

  349. Larry Lesser says:

    My people should all be on board!

  350. Larry Lesser says:

    Can’t fear making waves!

  351. Larry Lesser says:

    I want my people all on board!

  352. Larry Lesser says:

    It’s all about balance.

  353. Marv Sager says:

    “Life is a beach, then you go surfing!”

  354. Marv Sager says:

    “I found a letter in a bottle at the beach. It said, TAKE OUT THE TRASH!”

  355. Dale Stout says:

    I heard Nancy Pelosi is at the beach.

  356. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I realize now that my dream of becoming a world champion surfer is just a pipe dream.”

  357. Lee Lacewell says:

    “If I don’t schedule more surfing practice time, becoming a world class champion surfer will just remain a pipe dream.”

  358. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “You say yes, I say no, I say goodbye, you say hello. I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello, …..hello hello!”

    I know this makes little sense as a caption, but since I am caption word blocked I thought it might help to write down a few lyrics from an old song.

  359. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Maybe ‘We All Live In A Yellow Submarine’, would have been a better choice, from a lyrical standpoint.”

  360. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “OK, guys, I’m going surfing. Flap your wings and send a few good waves my way.”

  361. Lee Lacewell says:

    I apologize for this in advance, I think the devil may have made me do it.

    “It has been said in America that U.S. president number one threw his first silver dollar across the Potomac River, and in Russia it is said of U.S. president number 45 that he married his first three fifty cent pieces.”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Lee,

      It’s true that our first president was actually able to throw a silver dollar across the Potomac. Nobody could do that now. The reason? Money went further in those days.

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        Gerald
        Very funny and correct!

  362. Marv Sager says:

    “My favorite song, Oh When The Saints Go Surfing In!”

  363. Dale Stout says:

    I’ll be at the Beach, Boys.

  364. Marv Sager says:

    “The best things in life are free! But, a sunburn is not one of them!”

  365. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I hear surfing cloud 9 is heavenly this time of year.”

  366. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    We’re all getting a little too festive here, so I feel duty bound to remind everyone that on this Sunday is the yearly Fast of Tammuz, the beginning of a three-week mourning period commemorating, among other things, the destruction of the two Holy Temples in Jerusalem as well as the breaking of the tablets containing the ten commandments by Moses after he is infuriated when he comes down from the mountain to see his people worhipping the Golden Calf.

    The fast is broken at the end of the day with an especially prepared meal of Tammuz’s English muffins, manufactured just for this occasion.

  367. Marv Sager says:

    “My 2 angels are always in conflict. Therefore, I named them ROE vs WADE!”

  368. Dale Stout says:

    The only sharks I know live in Jersey.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Dale,

      Would you like to meet the TRUMP SHARK of New York?

      1. Dale Stout says:

        Marv,

        The Great White Shark?

        :^^^^)

        1. Marv Sager says:

          Dale,

          A mix of the GREAT WHITE SHARK & BULLY SHARK! 🙂

  369. Marv Sager says:

    My greatest fear of surfing is that I hit a giant wave and my swim pants fall down!”

  370. Marv Sager says:

    “When I am in a hurry to surf, I wear a SPEEDo!”

  371. Philip Naveen says:

    “I know hot air rises and everything, but your confidence still amazes me…”

  372. Marv Sager says:

    “My little angels enjoy their staycation by SURFING THE COSMIC NET! (No surfboards necessary.)”

  373. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Americans have more food to eat than any other people
    and more diets to keep them from eating it.”

    —Yogi Berra

  374. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    ‘A bagel is a doughnut with the sin removed.”

    –George Rosenbaum,
    Food-Industry Analyst

    1. Dale Stout says:

      Gerald,

      I like Sin Eh, Mon bagels

  375. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    After many, many years of not having attended church, a man finally decides it’s time. After all, you never know how long you have.

    As he enters the church, he muses, “I haven’t been to confession for over 30 years. There’s an opportunity I should certainly start with.”

    So he goes into the confessional and sits down. To his surprise there are three different wine dispensers and over a dozen different beer spigots. He thinks, “Wow, things are looking up. The church really got its groove on.”

    Just then the priest knocks on the confessional door, opens it up and sternly admonishes him.

    “Son, you’re on the wrong side.”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      That was a chuckle out loud :^)

  376. Marv Sager says:

    “Learning amateur surfing is a good way to get your feet wet and cleaned at the same time!”

  377. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    I had a dream last night of Senator Joe Manchin wandering lost in the middle of the Sahara Desert, his skin covered with red blisters as the extremely hot sun blazed down on him. When he saw me, he begged for relief in the middle of the most intense heat wave ever. I turned away from him, something I normally would never do, smiling in the knowledge that he was finally getting what he had long deserved.

    Does true justice only occur in dreams? Stranger things have happened, haven’t they?

  378. Marv Sager says:

    “I set a high SURF BAR! (Don’t want to bang my head in the clouds.)”

  379. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Being human is living in a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

    —Rumi

  380. Barry Davis says:

    Goin’ to hit the waves before Noah disembarks.

  381. Fred Kranz says:

    Re. Moment Cartoon Caption Contest – Summer Issue 2022

    “See you later! I will be out this week, supervising long-overdue maintenance on Project Creation, Day 3, Subtask: Seas. “

  382. Marv Sager says:

    “I don’t really need to wear sunglasses. I just don’t want to be confused with MOSES!”

  383. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A photon walks into a swanky hotel in New York City. Immediately a hotel employee steps out.

    “Nice to see you, sir,” the employee says. “May I take your baggage?”

    “I appreciate your offer,” the photon says, “but I don’t have any.

    “You see, I’m traveling light.”

  384. Marv Sager says:

    “The devil wants me to BREAK A LEG when I go surfing. But, this would CAST me in a bad light!”

  385. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A professor in the language department of the University of Rome goes into a bar and orders a martinus.

    “Excuse me, Sir,” says the bartender. “I didn’t get that. Would you repeat the order?”

    “A martinus,” says the professor.

    “Don’t you mean a martini, Sir?” persists the bartender.

    “No,” says the professor. “If I do want another one, I’ll ask for it.”

    1. Jim Gorman says:

      That’s what I love about comments here. I can read one, and it sends me on a half hour excursion on Wikipedia looking up Latin suffixes.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Jim, that’s not the end of it. You have to figure out whether to use Latino or Latina or Latinx or, if the person is from a specific Latin-American area, Hispanic. It’s a complicated world out there, and if you use the wrong word, you can possibly provoke a quarrel.

  386. Marv Sager says:

    “The last time I looked at the phrase, HANGING 10, it referred to the January 6th Dreck Boys!”

  387. Howie Slomka says:

    Be right back. I need to show them how to run a Synagogue Board Meeting.

  388. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “It’s important to hold on to your beliefs, and this year I believe I should spend more time at the beach.”

  389. Dale Stout says:

    Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

  390. Marv Sager says:

    “Inscribed on my surfboard: GOD BE WITH YOU OVER TROUBLED WATERS!”

  391. Devin says:

    “It’s time to hang-10…Commandments.”

    “Plan B – In case the sea didn’t split after all.”

    “Hawaii Phar-oh.”

  392. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I’m gonna take it on down to Kokomo,
    that’s where I wanna go. I’m gonna get there fast then I’ll take it slow, down in Kokomo.”

  393. Lee Lacewell says:

    ” By the time I got that Beach Boy’s song out of my head, I was half way to Kokomo.”

  394. Marv Sager says:

    “Surfing with the stars & dancing with the stars are my favorite hobbies. I’m just a STAR ATHLETE!”

  395. Lee Lacewell says:

    “They think I go surfing on Tuesdays, but actually I just go to the beach to relax and eat cream cheese bagels.”

  396. Lee Lacewell says:

    Captions:

    “When stressed, be blessed, be a surfer obsessed.”

    “When I’m stressed I am blessed because I’m a surfer obsessed.”

  397. Lee Lacewell says:

    Captions:

    “Clouds up! Gotta go.”

    “Heaven will still be here after I wipe out.”

  398. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “Days spent surfing are not deducted from eternal life.”

  399. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Have we all fallen down a rabbit hole and emerged at a new level of reality? It’s depressing to read that most Trump lovers have not changed their minds and still feel that the last election was stolen from him.

    Reminding me again of a story I told here before.

    It seems that a psychiatrist’s patient was convinced that he was dead, and the poor psychiatrist was unable to convince him that he was wrong.

    Finally the therapist had a what he hoped was a solution. He injected a needle into the patient’s arm. “What do you see now?” he asked.

    The patient answered, “I see a drop of blood.”

    “Ah,” said the psychiatrist. “And what does that prove?”

    “Very simple, Doc,” said the patient.

    “It proves that dead people bleed.”

  400. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A group of surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.

    The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is neatly ordered, either accounts payable or receivable.”

    The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded and labeled.”

    The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order using the decimal system.”

    The fourth surgeon chimes in, “I still like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you had said it would.”

    But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up. “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. They have no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts — the mouth and the backside – both interchangeable.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Very good, I would like to pass that one along if you don’t mind to a few people I know that could benefit from a chuckle tonight.

  401. Marv Sager says:

    “Without my little angels, my surfing vacation is a lonely TIME SHARE!”

  402. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Dale,

    Are you OK? There’s been a torrent of rain and flooding across Colorado Springs. I know that your sense of humor is irrepressible, but can you use any help?

    1. Dale Stout says:

      Hi Gerald,

      We’re doing fine on this one where we’re at. I’m sure other places got hit a lot harder. Thank you for asking :^)

      Thanks,
      Dale

  403. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Read the following. Sometimes I get the feeling that some of you think I’m making some things up:

    “A New York Times/Siena College poll released this month found that 64% of Republican primary voters without a college degree believed that Trump was the legitimate winner of the 2020 election; 44% of Republican voters with a bachelor’s degree or more said Trump was the winner.”

    These are the people who would presumably try to convince the psychiatrist that dead people bleed.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Gerald,
      Made up or real, original or borowed doesn’t really matter; by the time you put the Lebowitz unique spin on it, it becomes an interesting and fun read.

      1. Lee Lacewell says:

        Gerald,
        I wish I had your ability to express my thoughts clearly. I for one, never think you make up referenced information posted here, statistical or otherwise.

  404. Dale Stout says:

    Take 5 while I hang 10.

  405. Marv Sager says:

    “Heaven surfing is a difficult sport for me. It is hard competing against myself!”

  406. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Jerry Seinfeld:

    “I just read a study that said the number-one fear of the average person is public speaking. Number two is death.
    That means to most people, they would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.”

  407. Marv Sager says:

    “In inclement weather, what do I wear as undergarments, DEPENDS!”

  408. Jim Gorman says:

    “ . . . and after the last one steps ashore I unpart it and ride the curl all the way to the promised land.”

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

      Good caption, like that one!

      1. Jim Gorman says:

        Thank you Lee.

  409. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A woman goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”

    “What do they say?” the priest inquired.

    “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'” the woman repeated embarrassedly.

    “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are upset.”

    He thought a minute and then said, “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that … that phrase in no time.”

    “Thank you,” the lady responded. “This may very well be the solution.”

    The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.

    As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.

    Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

    After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

    There was a stunned silence.

    Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said,

    “Put the beads away, Francis. Our prayers have been answered.”

    (Thanks, Rebecca)

  410. Marv Sager says:

    “Tide’s in -Tide’s out, my clothes are cleaned with the Tide, and I have a cocktail in the early evening to TIDE ME OVER until dinner!”
    (What would we do without TIDE? So, TIDE-Y UP your life!)

  411. Jeanne Isaacson says:

    Caption Submission:

    Before there was internet surfing, there was Moses, the iCloud surfer!

  412. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Sarah, Murray, I’ll be back before you know it. I’m just going to try to catch a few waves in Oahu if I can, mixing business with pleasure as always.. If you need to reach me, send a rain cloud.”

  413. Chris Keegan says:

    “I’m off until the High Holy Days. Make sure that your rabbis are slaving over their sermons!

  414. Chris Keegan says:

    “Hold down the fort – I’ll be back in time for Avinu Malkeinu!”

  415. Marv Sager says:

    “Some think I am dressed to the nines. In actuality, I am dressed to the threes: SHIRT, PANTS, and SUNGLASSES!”
    (Others say, everything goes in THREES.)

  416. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I am really headed to a great bagel shop near the beach. The board and sunglasses just make me look like I belong there.”

  417. Dale Stout says:

    I’ll be at the Red Sea or Galilee.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Dale,

      I’m glad you are well and not at the DEAD SEA! 🙂

      1. Dale Stout says:

        Thank you, Marv :^)

  418. Marv Sager says:

    Some say, “You are too old to surf.” But, I have yet to WIPE-OUT!

  419. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:

    “Why bother with goodbye? I am omnipresent.”

  420. Gloria Felsenthal says:

    TSAngel Approved: Earth on Heaven

  421. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “I don’t have to wear cool shades, but why not?”

  422. Sy Zilberstein says:

    Cartoon caption for summer edition:
    “I’m taking a Sabbathical…see you in seven days!!”

  423. Lee Lacewell says:

    Caption:
    “This is the way I dress when I get board.”

  424. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I was onboard with paddleboarding but I soon became bored. Now my interest are on a broader board I bought from a advertisement on a bulletin board. Broadly speaking, gotta go dudes, surfs up.”

  425. Shalom Aleichem!
    you two really are angels, but surfs up!

  426. Marv Sager says:

    “According to my sermon on the water and with the aid of my surfboard, I may SIT, KNEEL, or STAND with CURRENT issues!”

  427. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A group of 40- year- old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

    Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

    Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

    Ten years later, at 70 years of age ,the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and even had an elevator.

    Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never eaten there before.

  428. Dale Stout says:

    I’ve got the rainbow connection.

  429. Marv Sager says:

    “I could have been a fisherman, but I am HOOKED on surfing!”

  430. Lee says:

    “The life I love is hanging 10 with my friends.

    1. Lee Lacewell says:

  431. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “No matter how big or important a person may be, we all have to test ourselves against the ocean at one time or another.”

  432. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I know that what I’m doing looks silly, but unless one truly becomes like a child, he cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

  433. Dale Stout says:

    I’ll be back for the jet ski.

  434. Marv Sager says:

    “I have to be good at surfing, as the MAN IN THE MOON is watching me!”

  435. Jonathan Schreiber says:

    Shaloha!

  436. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts moving, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus.

    The bus stops at the next stop. The drunk then reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the drunk man keeps fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once more. Next stop, the same thing happens. In fact, every time the bus stops, the man staggers to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later, the drunk finally starts to exit the bus from the front.

    “Hey,” shouts the bus driver. “You didn’t pay your fare yet!”

    The drunk, still reeling, shouts back, “Why should I?!

    “I walked all the way.”

  437. Marv Sager says:

    “I occasionally SEAM to have trouble with a RIP CURRENT on my swim pants!”

  438. Dale Stout says:

    Gerald,

    That’s a good one. It reminds me of Foster Brooks!

    Thanks, Dale

  439. Dale Stout says:

    I’m going to catch some fresh salmon for my bagel.

  440. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    It was the final exam given to students in a college philosophy course. The question, written on the board, was to use everything they had learned during the semester to prove that the chair that had been placed in front of the classroom really didn’t exist.

    All the students busily wrote away except for one who merely glanced at the examination paper, wrote a few words and then walked out.

    At the end of the exam period, he was the only one who had received a perfect grade.

    His short answer, scrawled hurriedly on the bottom of the paper?

    “What chair?”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      :^)

  441. Dale Stout says:

    They call me ‘The Chairman of the Board”.

    1. Marv Sager says:

      Dale,

      Glad you are not called “The Chairman of the BORED!” 🙂

      1. Dale Stout says:

        Thanks, Marv ;^)

  442. Marv Sager says:

    “Without a boardWALK, I shall not RUN to the beach without proper shoes!”

  443. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    A very wealthy family owned a mansion in the exclusive Beacon Hill area of Boston.

    One day the owner invited some of his business associates to dinner. At the end of the meal, the man’s wife saw something that bothered her. She called the maid.

    “See here,” she said. “Just yesterday I noticed that the toothpick holder was full. Now it is almost empty. Can you explain?”

    “”It wasn’t me, ma’am,” the ma.

    “Every time I use a toothpick, I put it back into the holder when I’m finished with it.”

    Was the owner’s wife too picky? There is no record of how satisfied she was with her loyal maid’s explanation.

  444. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    ‘I’m headed for Heaven, doin’ what I did again, acting like a kid again … waves, here I come.”

  445. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Corrected version. Sorry.

    A very wealthy family owned a mansion in the exclusive Beacon Hill area of Boston.

    One day the owner invited some of his business associates to dinner. At the end of the meal, the man’s wife saw something that bothered her. She called the maid.

    “See here,” she said. “Just yesterday I noticed that the toothpick holder was full. Now it is almost empty. Can you explain?”

    “It wasn’t me, ma’am,” the maid said.

    “Every time I use a toothpick, I put it back into the holder when I’m finished with it.”

    Was the owner’s wife too picky? There is no record of how satisfied she was with her loyal maid’s explanation.

  446. Marv Sager says:

    “On board BOW to me, and I will guard the STERN!”

  447. Dale Stout says:

    I need a bumper sticker from Ron Jon.

  448. Marv Sager says:

    “I just received a credit card application with frequent walking miles. My new sandals will soon be in the mail!”

  449. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    There were a new husband and wife, both of whom were doctors.

    He was a doctor of theology, and she was a doctor of medicine.

    They had just moved to a new house and hired a young
    new housekeeper who doubled as a cook.

    One morning the doorbell rang, and the housekeeper promptly answered the door.

    The visitor asked for “the doctor.”

    Without missing a beat the housekeeper queried,

    “Do you want the one who preaches or the one who practices?”

  450. Marv Sager says:

    “Please don’t refer to me as, BIG FOOT. Be accurate and call me, BIG FEET!”

    1. Dale Stout says:

      Marv,

      Does Big Foot worry about his carbon footprint?

      1. Marv Sager says:

        Dale,

        With no scissors, BIG FOOT worries about his TOEnail FOOTprint! 🙂

  451. Dale Stout says:

    How do you like my Roy Bans?

  452. Dale Stout says:

    Al Gore did not invent surfing.

  453. Dale Stout says:

    Don’t worry, I won’t fall over during any interviews.

  454. Dale Stout says:

    I did create the first nude beach.

  455. Dale Stout says:

    Surfering succotash.

  456. Dale Stout says:

    Like the Fonz told the Beach Boys, I’m surfing USAaaaay!

  457. Marv Sager says:

    “I see a MERMAID swimming! Half is a beautiful human woman, and the other half is a FISH TALE!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Marv,

      What is the opposite of a mermaid? That’s easy. A Merman, who, incidentally, was one of the biggest musical comedy stars in the first part of the twentieth century. Her name was originally Ethel Zimmerman, shortened for the marquee to Ethel Merman. One of her greatest roles was as the sharpshooter, Annie Oakley, in “Annie Get Your Gun,” a smash musical by Irving Berlin.

      Too much trivia?

      Thanks for all your wonderful posts.

      1. Marv Sager says:

        Gerald,

        Many mermaids and mermen are considered MERFOLK! Now that’s a group of many TALES!

        THANKS for your extraordinary trivia.

        1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

          Marv,

          “Extraordinary trivia” is an example of an oxymoron, two opposing words thrown together, like “jumbo shrimp” or “virtual reality.” But it’s not like being called a moron, so it’s a very appreciated compliment for which I send back many thanks.

          P.S. I always send back thanks to you for all you do to enliven this site.

          Best always.

          1. Marv Sager says:

            Gerald,

            Every time I write now, chances are there is a double meaning. Only an astute person like yourself can identify with more than one meaning.
            To me, “EXTRAORDINARY” can mean exceptionally ordinary. Or, an ordinary meaning with additions.
            With my limited abilities in vocabulary & grammar, I try to extend my conversations as best as possible.

            So thanks for trying to understand my FARMISHT expressions!

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