Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.

Submit a caption for this cartoon by April 15 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!


Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!



“Say hello to 1918 for me.”
—William Agress, Lawrenceville, NJ

“You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
—Dale Stout, Colorado Springs, CO

“You should have stopped at murder hornets.”
—Molly Brown, Hobe Sound, FL

Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

Vote for your favorite caption

Chuckle at the November/December issue 2020 winning caption—and see who wrote it!


“So you’re from the Massachusetts part of the family?”
—Michael Lomazow, Riverside, CA

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by April 15, 2021 Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the January/February 2021 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.





327 thoughts on “Cartoon Caption Contest

  1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    It was a general comment, applying to me, to you, to all of us. We never know whether what we do is going to pay off in a positive or negative way. As far as your still carrying around part of your educational training, I meant it as a compliment, that you’re a very clear communicator. Let me say something else to extend what I meant. I am reading a new book by that famed biographer Walter Isaacson. It’s called “The Code Breaker: Jennifer Doudna, Gene Editing, and the Future of the Human Race.” In the not too distant future we may have the skill to genetically engineer the types of humans we want to have. The question is, how to decide. In the days when this nation was being formed, we needed rugged individualists, Daniel Boone types, to ruggedly explore the new terrain. But will that type be what will be needed in the future? If not, what? What if our planet is threatened by other forms of life, for example? The point is, we don’t know. Nothing is certain. All any of us can do is guess and cross our fingers.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      My guess is that we will always need Daniel Boone types but the egg-head(Dr.Fauchi)will also be indispensible.Former astronaut Mark Kelly,now Senator,may be the next version of the type of leader who will impact our country.He reminds me of John McCain,the national hero who could be electable.McCain fell to Obama but that was a unique circumstance.I can see our country uniting behind the rugged ex astronaut individualist.However,who knows what’s next.Get rid of any Trump or kiss ass Trump disciple and I’ll be happy.

  2. Michael Lomazow says:

    The Grammy awards are on tonight.I saw a commercial for the show and I think I recognized one or two names out of the approximately 10 that are supposed to perform.I’ll watch but the show may have already passed me by.

  3. Marvin+Sager says:


    “I see Gerald, Dale, Michael, and Carol Lasky (who was recently a winner on THE NEW YORKER), but where is Marvin?”

    (Those mentioned above can thank me later!)

  4. Marvin+Sager says:

    “We have enough members for a card game of STRIP POKER.”

  5. Marvin+Sager says:

    “If Marvin was here, we would be celebrating with bottles of brandy!”

  6. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Beware the (COVID-19) IDES OF MARCH!”

  7. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Each of you has a religious TABLET, so SWALLOW the meaning!”

    1. “Okay now. Michael you’re on my right. Gabriel on my left. Uriel move to the end. And Raphael get behind me.”
      (Genesis 49:18)

      1. Marvin+Sager says:


        You are an ANGEL for mentioning these names! THANKS!

  8. Michael Lomazow says:

    To Dale Stout,
    Congratulations on your new nomination!It also looks like your elevator friend is back in the new cartoon.If I’m reading it right,the elevator cartoon is still mistakenly up for display whereas it should be the pilgrim cartoon.Hopefully,they will notice and fix it!

  9. “There’s been some grumbling that the board has too many dead white men.”

  10. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I had to cancel yesterday’s meeting. I apologize if the bread is a little stale.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Good caption,Gerald

  11. “All right, who’s got My halo?”

  12. “Say, what if this year we turned a little profit?”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      I like this one!

    2. Michael Lomazow says:

      Really good caption

  13. “I see. Does anyone wish to second the motion to dispense with the reading of the Commandments?”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Very good caption!

  14. Marvin+Sager says:

    “To keep your position here, you need more than a WING & A PRAYER!”

  15. Marvin+Sager says:

    “If you men had your BRIS, then you are a CUT ABOVE THE REST!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


      If you had a bris, wouldn’t you be a cut BELOW the rest?

      1. Marvin+Sager says:


        In heaven, you would be a cut above the rest on earth!

  16. ” Matzah is supposed to be round or square.
    But not tablet shaped. “

    1. “I don’t know why we say goodbye.
      We say halo. Halooooo.”

  17. “We’ve got a problem. Elijah is missing. He was last seen at a Seder in Highland Park. “

  18. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Dress code here is casual so just WING IT!”

  19. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Membership at this table is free, so you don’t need TOUPEE for it!”

  20. ” So we all agree ” It’s a Wonderful Life ” is our favorite movie. “

  21. Amanda Arena says:

    Seriously guys, where did you hid the afikoman?

  22. Amanda Arena says:

    Gentleman, that ends our diversity training. Now who can spare a rib?

  23. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “How many times must I tell you? When you go to Vegas to gamble, you’ve got to cover your halos and wings.”

  24. Lee Lacewell says:

    “No returning to earth this month, all Guardian Angels will be teleworking until further notice.”

  25. Michael Lomazow says:

    To Gerald,Marvin and Stephen nadler,
    I don’t get the print edition of Moment until June so I’m a little confused about the Pilgrim Contest.Was my caption about being from the Mass.part of the family picked as the winner?And if so,why do they still have the elevator people cartoon up paired with my caption?Mistake,right!?It should be the pilgrim people,not the elevator people!

  26. Michael Lomazow says:

    In the new cartoon,bread on the table.Any significance I’m missing?

  27. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The Dodgers just traded their only Jewish player.Guess who is not winning the World Series this season.”

  28. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    In my understanding, bread represents the body of Christ, and its distribution symbolizes the sharing of the divine spirit. It’s also my understanding that your caption won the pilgrim cartoon contest (for which, congratulations!!!) but that the powers that be printed the wrong cartoon over the announcement. Ironic, no, coming after a discussion about the humor that can come from moving captions into unrelated drawings? The take? Be careful what you wish for …

    But your caption deserved to win, whatever the surroundings. Many good wishes!

  29. Michael Lomazow says:

    “OK,I get it.Angels don’t live on bread alone.Tomorrow cheese ravioli.”

  30. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I’m telling you this idea is the best thing since sliced manna.”

  31. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The slice of bread next to each of you represents the fourth quarter dividend.”

  32. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The winner of the contest has an Ace of Spades under the bread.”

  33. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” Forget the bread.It was leftover from the bakers meeting. “

  34. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Enough about the bread.It comes with red herring.”

  35. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” Our best Angels get grilled cheese so pick it up! “

  36. Michael Lomazow says:

    Bread being a little stale Very Good caption.

  37. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We’ve been trying to economize lately, so what you see before you on the table is slices of Wonder Bread from the supermarket.”

  38. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We have a center,a point guard,a three point specialist,and two power forwards.Who could beat us?”

  39. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” Whoever throws the bread furthest,wins dinner with the big guy. “

  40. Lee Lacewell says:

    “I call it sliced manna.”

  41. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You don’t have to be Jewish to love Lev’s but it helps.”

  42. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” You don’t have to be Jewish to love Levy’s but it helps. “

  43. Marvin+Sager says:

    “A message from earth indicates that all of you have sinned.
    You let your car warranty expire! Shame on you!”

  44. Michael Lomazow says:

    “It’s manna bread,the new and improved version and you are the first manna-ettes. “

  45. Michael Lomazow says:

    “It’s cloudy with a hint of bread.”

  46. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” Pizza club meets at 6PM.Get there early or you won’t get in. “

  47. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Donald Trump issued a message (since he couldn’t Tweet) that heaven is fake news.
    So, needless to say, he will not be allowed here!”

  48. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Did you eat the plates?”

  49. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” No,I didn’t clean the table.Do I have to do everything? “

  50. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Try to look as if you’re interested. I don’t want this to be a bored meeting.”

    (Sorry, Dale)

  51. Michael Lomazow says:

    “No,I don’t know why Angels need glasses.”

  52. Marvin+Sager says:

    “On the menu for lunch & dinner is definitely ANGEL HAIR PASTA!”

  53. Marvin+Sager says:

    “For dessert, we have ANGEL FOOD CAKE! Were you expecting flaming Baked Alaska in heaven?”

  54. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Izzy is in Angel re-education for eating the bread.”

  55. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You’re not a fallen angel just because of the missing bread but you are getting warm. “

  56. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You’ll be covering the Senate.They need divine inspiration.”

  57. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I called you all here today to discuss who really won the 2020 election.”

  58. Michael Lomazow says:

    Confucius says that everything has beauty.You must decide if you want to acknowledge it or keep quiet so as to prop up yourself.

  59. Rich Wolf says:

    “Congrats to those of you who completed the water to wine trick. Your new task is rather obvious.”

  60. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    New sign on the window of a Manhattan barber shop:

    Men’s haircuts: $20
    Overdue haircuts: $28

    Do you think that the barber, in making this distinction,
    is really splitting hairs?

  61. Rich Wolf says:

    “We’ll have sandwiches when I start seeing a prophet.”

  62. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    I once knew a man who in his will left money to some of his children but not to others.
    I guess you could say that he was splitting heirs.

  63. James M Gorman says:

    “Each of you will butter your bread and slide it off the edge of the table. Those of you whose slice lands buttered side up shall go forth and spread good fortune around the world. The rest will spend eternity explaining to the unfortunate why bad things happen to good sandwiches.”

  64. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We’ve got to be practical, you know; a lot of people have accused us of having our heads in the clouds.”

  65. Michael Lomazow says:

    “We are all tired of meetings.From now on E-Mail will suffice.”

  66. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Before I call this meeting to order, I want to stress that you’re free to leave at any time although you’re predestined to stay.”

  67. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Since there’s no social distancing here, I must ask all those who haven’t had the vaccine to leave.”

  68. Marvin+Sager says:

    “When you see my hands like this, that means this discussion has been “tabled” until later!”

  69. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Gaslighting is only permitted on earth. Up here we let the sunshine in to improve the atmosphere!”

  70. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Take your bread with you.You are going on a long trip.”

  71. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” You are all guest hosts on Jeopardy. “

  72. Michael Lomazow says:

    “As for your suggestion,sorry.Dead men don’t wear plaid.”

  73. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Never ask me to elaborate on my sermon, because the DEVIL is in the details!”

  74. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Originally we had been promised the use of the ballroom at Trump’s International Hotel in DC for this meeting, but that offer fell through after the election, so we were forced to turn away many deserving people and gather in this small space. I’m sorry, but even G-d can’t predict the winner of every presidential contest.

  75. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Thou shall have no other Gods before me. If you don’t agree, then g*ddamn you!”

  76. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Groucho,Rickles,Brooks and Dangerfield all applied but G-d was afraid we’d get nothing done.”

  77. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Your jobs are to spread good cheer.Fixing the lottery just seems a bridge too far. “

  78. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Don’t get cocky.Wings and bread are standard issue to newcomers.”

  79. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Ask not what your Deity can do for you…Ask what you can do for your Deity.”

  80. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Everybody is Irish today on St. Patrick’s Day except for the POPE. Unfortunately, the POPE doesn’t like GAY celebrations!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      And those that are not Irish are green with envy.

      1. Marvin+Sager says:


        Let us toast with a GREEN BEER to your cheers (SLAINTE)!

  81. Rich Wolf says:

    “I realize it’s the root of all evil, but if we don’t start making some, it’s bread daily.”

  82. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Did anyone get 16-across in today’s New York Times crossword?”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      My wife ,the smartest person I know,says tweet.

  83. Rich Wolf says:

    “Profits are also the root of better lunches.”

  84. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all, and may all your SHENANIGANS be a blessed memory on this important occasion!”

  85. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    God is good. It’s just a matter of adding another “o.”

  86. Michael Lomazow says:

    My wife,who knows all,says tweet for Cross word puzzle.

  87. Michael Lomazow says:

    Going to dinner with psychiatrist friend tonight…Haven’t done this for a year so I’m happy to get out(patio dining).Also,free yearly psychiatric evaluation!He’s crazier than I am!

  88. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    You know how to tell that someone’s a psychiatrist? He’s the one who greets you with, “Hello, nice to see you. You’re okay, how am I?

    If you decide to mix business with pleasure, he can examine you and you can cross-examine him.

    Have a good dinner in any event.

    P. S. Your wife is very smart!

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Met the forensic psychiatrist 40 years ago.He testified in several criminal cases I handled as a prosecutor.The defendants were never able to prove insanity based on the circumstances of the case and his testimony.Always murder cases.Always horrible crimes,too descriptive to talk about.By the way,and I may have mentioned this previously,my uncle,my mom’s brother,was a very well known forensic psychologist,author,poet and university professor.He died at age 100 a few years ago.He examined the Boston strangler and also Jeffrey McDonald,the green beret doctor convicted of killing his wife and kids and blaming it on hippies who he claimed invaded his house.I read all the court psychiatric reports.My uncle obviously disliked McDonald and this was apparent in his report.One interesting thing my uncle concluded was that McDonald was a latent homosexual,which finding enraged the defendant.?

  89. Marvin+Sager says:

    “This is a board meeting, not a BORED meeting!”

  90. Adrian Castillo says:

    Listen, when it comes to humans I appreciate the groups innovation and outside of the box thinking, but some things just look better on paper.

  91. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Your prompt attendance at this gathering proves you are DEADLY RIGHT, or RIGHTLY DEAD!”

  92. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    If you want to examine your psychiatrist friend, here is an article for him to read. Look at it as a kind of Rorschach test. It’s by British journalist Melanie Phillips ( a strong supporter of Trump, by the way). If he thinks that her arguments have merit I’d suggest you wait more than a year before you see him again:

    “A cultural crisis was illuminated last week by the mutually exploitative encounter between Oprah Winfrey and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Many people (including U.S. President Joe Biden) hailed what they saw as the bravery of the Duchess, the former Meghan Markle, in talking about her mental-health issues.

    “They thus appeared to see nothing wrong with her trashing her in-laws and smearing the entire British Royal Family as racist, heartless and cruel.

    “This reaction was morally bankrupt. If Meghan and Prince Harry are psychologically frail, that deserves sympathy. But that doesn’t excuse Meghan blaming this on an allegedly racist Royal Family (other than the Queen, whom she exempted), media and British public.

    “This vague and contradictory series of smears was backed up by no evidence at all. What kind of daughter-in-law behaves like this towards her husband’s family? What kind of a son behaves like Prince Harry in making bitter accusations about his father in public?

    “The pair were also hypocritical in revealing the ostensible content of private conversations and making themselves the biggest story in the world, while ferociously asserting their own right to privacy.

    “Yet this has been lapped up uncritically by millions. Without any knowledge of the truth or otherwise of these claims, and without knowing anything about the royals other than what they’ve read in the media or from watching the often viciously fictionalized soap opera, “The Crown,” they now “know” as an unchallengeable fact that Meghan and Prince Harry have been victimized by the heartless racists of the Royal Family.

    “It appears that, if someone who is deemed to belong to an “intersectional” racial minority claims to be the victim of racism or to have been driven by white society to mental illness, then this must be accepted as true without even hearing the other side of the story. Indeed, there can be no other side.

    “Instead, it’s those who point out that the behavior by Meghan and Prince Harry was contemptible who find their positions in jeopardy.

    “This has become a terrifying looking-glass world where morality has been turned back to front. It’s where in the minds of millions—particularly, the young—venality, disloyalty and spite register as evidence of moral worth.

    “This reversal of truth and falsehoods, justice and injustice, victim and victimizer has been accelerating over several decades.

    “Years ago, I realized that the onslaught against the Jewish world is deeply intertwined with the onslaught against the West. The key is Jewish values.

    “Although Christianity embedded those values in Western culture, it is the Mosaic codes themselves that are in the cross-hairs of those who are intent upon destroying justice, truth and sexual continence and unraveling biological identity.

    “One of the most fundamental of those biblical values—so egregiously absent from the behavior of the Sussexes—is the concept of moral responsibility.

    “This is the duty to restrain our own wants and desires in the interests of others. This code of obligation and self-control is vital for a co-operative, generously minded and mutually respectful society. Without it, society fragments instead into hostile groups fighting for power over each other.

    “That’s precisely what’s happened in the West as the result of decades of assault by cultural revolutionaries. Promoting their Marxist view of the world, these have sought to replace national identity by competing factional power blocs.

    “Biblical morality has been junked in favor of universalizing ideologies such as moral and cultural relativism. These have replaced the notion of objective truth with subjective opinion. “What is right or true” has become “what is right or true for me”—echoed in Oprah’s grating reference to Meghan’s claims as “your truth.”

    “If there’s no objective truth, there can also be no such thing as a lie. That’s one reason why even verifiable factual evidence doesn’t dent the blind certainty of the Israel-haters.

    “All this and more has given rise to the malign madness of the culture wars. What’s less recognized, however, is the ultimate cause—the loss of belief in religion, the fundamental source of the West’s most precious values of morality and rationality.

    “The secular world, including many secular Jews, tells itself the opposite. It claims that the West’s most valuable achievements, such as science and the promotion of freedom and equality, come from having dumped the Bible as mere mumbo-jumbo involving punitive codes of behavior that destroy freedom.

    “On the contrary, these are values and achievements that could not have existed without Judaism and Christianity. And every one of the ideologies which has replaced the Hebrew Bible—ideologies that have helped extinguish freedom and equality and undermined scientific integrity—is anti-Judaism or anti-Israel.

    “Moral relativism denies the Mosaic moral codes. Egalitarianism denies the differentiation and distinctiveness that underpin the very idea of right versus wrong.

    “Environmentalism, which denies the superiority of humankind over the natural world, devalues humanity in favor of the planet. Materialism, or the belief that everything in the universe has a material explanation, denies the existence of God. Transnationalism dismisses the importance of the individual nation with its particular culture and laws, which is the very essence of Judaism.

    “Responsibility for the crisis in the West, however, doesn’t only lie with the liberals—and liberal Jews—who subscribe to these ideas. Conservatives have conspicuously failed to fight them.

    “After the fall of communism, conservatives thought their anti-Western fox had been shot. They turned instead to defending liberty against the state at home. But liberty shouldn’t be an end in itself. It should be the means to a more important end: how to live a civilized life and help create a civilized society.

    “The failure of conservatives to understand this, coupled with their tendency to view the world through the prism of economics, meant they were largely blind to the urgent need to defend the West’s core values of individual and collective moral responsibility.

    “In general, observant Jews tend to be politically conservative. So are some religiously liberal Jews, but these are vastly outnumbered by politically liberal Jews who are either secular or are trying to refashion Judaism itself into a secular and liberal Golden Calf.

    “The challenge for Jewish conservatives is to find the language to reclaim and communicate Jewish values to both the Jewish and non-Jewish world, and to use these values to drive the defense of the Western nation and its culture against the forces that seek to obliterate it through the moral chaos we now see all around us.”

  93. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    A group of us were having dinner the other evening and someone suggested that we go around the table with each of us sharing the greatest wisdom we’d picked up so far in our lifetimes. When my turn came, I said, “The smaller the dog, the louder the bark. The bigger the dog, the less need he has to make a big noise; he just looks at you as if to say, “Why are you messing with me? You know I could take you with one swipe of my paw.”

    As a dog lover and owner, would you quarrel with my comment???

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      I agree with your remark and I am constantly entertained by the behavior of dogs.I don’t know how I would function without their friendship and love.Not a day passes where I don’t find them irresistable.I have just lost my blanket to my dogs and although I loved that blanket,I get more pleasure watching them enjoy it.Winston likes to steal my socks as well and I find them hidden all over the house and yard!

  94. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Of course, the gist of the whole idea was that my comment, of course, applies to people, too.

    Sorry I left that out.

  95. Michael Lomazow says:

    Bitter accusations against his father in public!Obviously true since no one could or would make that up(worry about a dark skin baby).What is unbelievable is what was said to Harry by his father about Harry’ s son.I regard an accusation as “My father is racist.” When you detail the racist remarks,it’s much more than an accusation.If an accusation was a gun,what Charles said was the ammunition.

  96. Michael Lomazow says:

    Putting the relationship between Harry and his father back together again is probably impossible but maybe what is more important is the self respect Harry gains for himself and how his wife knows she can count on him.I’d like to think that deep down Charles becomes a better person as well.Without dwelling on this,I gained some respect for Harry.I think he handled himself very well

  97. Michael Lomazow says:

    To prove that our captions sometimes get mixed with the real world,here is a good example.When you earlier asked for a crossword answer,I didn’t notice the quotation marks around your request so I didnt realize it was a caption.I quickly yelled up to my wife who responded quickly with the answer in today’s crossword.Hours later,just a while ago,I noticed it was a caption!I’m glad we could supply you with the answer to your caption question!!!

  98. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I call your slice of bread and raise you a loaf.”

  99. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Winston Churchill would be honored to know that his name was being carried on as a loyal and valued member of a household here in America.
    I would not allow any blanket statements to be made that might be critical of his behavior.
    Of course, maybe I’m jumping the gun. Maybe Winston is actually named after the once-popular cigarette (remember the grammatically controversial ad–“Winston tastes good LIKE a cigarette should”?).
    Or perhaps you named him after the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints.

    Whatever, you have every reason to feel proud. Thanks for all the input.

  100. jim gorman says:

    Okay I posted this caption a several days ago, but it disappeared a few hours later. Admittedly it is a little bizarre, but is it offensive? Or did I just do something wrong procedurally?

    “Each of you will butter your bread and slide it off the edge of the table. Those whose slice lands buttered side up shall go forth and spread good fortune around the world. The rest will spend eternity explaining to the unfortunate why bad things happen to good sandwiches.”

  101. Marvin+Sager says:

    Today’s subject is+++++++contrast+++++++CONTRAST+++++++CONtrast
    “The act of comparing people or things to show the differences between them.”

    (1) People on earth++++++++++”There are things that I would die for!”

    (2) Angels in heaven+++++++++”There are things that I would live for!”

    (3) Robots anywhere+++++++++”There are things to live or die for, I just can’t think about it!”

    (Remarks from Marvin++++++++”There are many things to consider for a conclusion, so I would defer to Gerald Lebowitz for divine inspiration.)

  102. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The first item on our agenda is whether Satan and his legions are entitled to any Economic Impact Payments.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      They would just use them for pipe bombs,etc.,to blow up public buildings.

  103. Michael Lomazow says:

    From my “psychiatric dinner” last night.(1)He’s never seen so many disturbed,depressed people,all suffering because of the pandemic.Solution:Get out of the house!Wear a mask but get out….Take off your mask if you can be safe.I picked him up at his office and we both relished the opportunity to take off our masks and talk,as we both have been fully immunized.Today my wife and I,masks on,ate lunch outside on a patio of a Mexican restaurant.I talked baseball with the host and my wife joined in.It felt good.We have a cleaning women at our house today for the first time in a year.As much as we tried to keep it clean,a very deep cleaning is so much better.Sunny and 70 degrees today also picks up the spirit.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


      Psychiatrists aren’t the only ones seeing the effect of the pandemic. “According to an American Dental Association poll of its members, the pandemic has given rise to a 71 percent increase in teeth grinding and clenching (or bruxism), a 63 percent increase in chipped and cracked teeth, and a 62 percent increase in pain and compromised movement of the jaw and surrounding muscles, known as temporomandibular disorder (TMD).”

  104. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Let us get to the bottom of this.How can your submissions to The Moment Caption Contest keep arriving if you’ve all been here for a year?”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      To Gerald and Marvin,
      I thought you’d chuckle at My above caption!

      1. Marvin+Sager says:


        If I understand your cartoon caption, then I should drop dead (laughing) to complete the above entry.
        Then again, are you trying to drive me to drink more?

        1. Michael Lomazow says:

          Please don’t do anything drastic!What I was suggesting(I think)was that there was some nefarious plot underway to keep the captions coming,even after death.Was there a ghostwriter(pun intended)working for the angels,or some other cosmic force at play.Would death disqualify you from competing?I doubt that would be in the rules!If you could figure out a way to keep the captions coming,even a year after death,you would deserve a lot of consideration.

          1. Michael Lomazow says:

            I guess you would have to embrace the saying, ” Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. “

  105. Marvin+Sager says:

    “An ANGEL OF MERCY will be visiting today. So, have MERCY on her soul!”

  106. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    From Kate Sheehy:

    A GoFundMe page set up to pay off the mortgage on Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s $14.6 million California estate has gone bust — after raising a measly $110, a report says.

    Anastasia Hanson, 56, of California told Britain’s the Sun that she started the fundraising effort because she seriously felt sorry for the multimillionaire royal couple — after Harry publicly whined to Oprah Winfrey about being financially cut off by Buckingham Palace.

    “When they came to the USA, they were without jobs and with limited funds,” said Hanson, who lives about 25 minutes from the princely pair’s palatial estate in swanky Montecito.

    “They’ve stated that they’ve had a very rough time, so this fundraiser is a way to give help, compassion, and love by paying their home loan in full.”

    A fundraiser to help pay off Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s $19 million Los Angeles mansion has been shut down after reaching just $110.

    In Markle and the prince’s bombshell TV sit-down last week, Harry defended their inking of a multitude of uber-lucrative media deals since leaving royal life, saying, “My family literally cut me off financially, and I had to afford security for us.”

    Hanson’s online bid to try to financially help the royals was started a few days ago — and shut down by Saturday after just three donations, the Sun said.

    Hanson kicked in $5, while “A Supporter” gave $100 and “Anonymous” bestowed $5 on the fund.

    The page had read, “I am Anastasia Hanson of Ventura, California and I am raising funds to pay off the mortgage for the Montecito, California home of Harry and Meghan.”

    Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided where they want to live and purchased an 18,000 square foot mansion, that rests on 5.4 acres, in Montecito , California, about 90 miles from Los Angeles.

    “Were 2 million supporters to donate just $5 each, the Goal is met and the loan can be paid off. After their interview, I was moved with compassion to help get their home paid off. As they are now financially independent, this will help and be a loving gift.”

    Harry and Meghan bought their nine-bedroom, 16-bathroom manse — dubbed the Chateau of Riven Rock — in August for $14.65 million.

    The prince reportedly inherited what now amounts to around $13 million from his late mother, Princess Diana.

    The pair also have an estimated $100 million production deal with Netflix and are said to rake in $1 million a pop for speeches.

  107. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Don’t forget…No ghostwriting services allowed.”

  108. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Make sure you all sign the non-disclosure agreement.”

  109. Thomas McMullan says:

    “These aren’t commandments! They’re just funny tweets you’ve found!”

  110. Michael Lomazow says:

    “The bread is for the pigeons.Don’t know how,but they are everywhere. “

  111. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Female joining us next week.Don’t make fools of yourselves.”

  112. Marvin+Sager says:

    “We have a HEAVEN’S GATE. But, not the one Marshall Applewhite & his followers revered!”

  113. “Everyone else in the cloud is making a bundle.”

  114. “The readers of Moment are having a good laugh at our expense.”

  115. “Then it’s agreed: no graven images except for cartoons.”

  116. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    For Michael and for all other dog lovers everywhere, thanks to Mira Fox:

    “In early lockdown, my friend Jess got a pandemic puppy. She told me she was considering naming him Knish. I suggested Babka, and, as though it was an unspoken truth that the new puppy must be named after Jewish food, we ran through every example we could think of.

    “Latke was too obvious, and Cholent sounded more like a bulldog. Mufletas was dismissed as ‘too hipster.’ Eventually, I suggested Sufganiyah. Jess, who works in the Jewish nonprofit world, jumped on it. They would call him Sufi for short, she said – arguably bringing a whole other religion into the game, but Jess and I had become friends in divinity school, so that seemed fitting. Her boyfriend Andrew agreed, and Sufi joined their other dog Mazel.

    “Sarah Bunin Benor, a professor of linguistics at Hebrew Union College, is currently writing a book on trends in Jewish pet names, an offshoot of her ongoing academic research on Jewish naming customs for humans. She said Jewish foods are a popular theme for Jewish pet names, but not the only one — Biblical names, Yiddish and Hebrew words, dead relatives, Jewish holidays, historical figures and puns (such as Groucho Barx and Golda Meow) are also common categories.

    “’Especially if they adopted the animal around Passover, they might call it Afikomen, or if they adopted the animal around Purim, they might call him or her Vashti or Mordechai,’ she said. ‘Or Dreidl or Latke around Hanukkah.’”

    “My poor Aunt Frima. My dad named his dog after her. Now I feel bad we didn’t name a kid after her.

    “Naming pets after foods or holidays or even departed relatives is not a uniquely Jewish custom; Cookie, Peanut and Oreo all cracked the top 100 dog names for 2020, according to the pet care site Rover, and they even had a list of food-specific names, divided by categories such as sweet, savory, fruits and vegetables. (While no Jewish foods made it into Rover’s top 20 food names, Babka, Blintz, Challah and Rugelach featured in the baked goods category.)

    “’Most Jewish phenomena, among American Jews, are actually broader American phenomena, and then Jews might do them in slightly different ways,’ Benor said.

    “‘But for Jews, their pet names may carry more personal significance than a favorite food. They’re following the American pattern, but they’re also highlighting things that are important to them as Jews. And they’re highlighting their own Jewish identity in the names they choose for their pets,’ said Benor. Sometimes the names are even an opportunity for the owner to teach about Judaism or Jewish heritage, such as dogs named Rashi, after the famous Jewish commentator.

    “This has played out with Jess and Andrew’s dogs. Andrew’s childhood dog was a beagle named Bagel; he’d hoped to get a second dog named Lox, but Andrew named his next dog Mazel. Even though he does not identify as a particularly engaged Jew, his dogs clearly are.”


    Michael, will you be planning a lavish barx mitzvah for Winston?

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Winston has already outspent his Bar Mitzvah funds.Toys,treats and medical expenses have eaten away at his celebration.We discussed it and he’s good with it.He just wants to keep going out 4-5 times a day!

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        At least he keeps you going out 4-5 times a day. You know what the definition of old age is? It’s when your back goes out more than you do.

        Winston will keep you young.

  117. Marvin+Sager says:

    “From my “dynamite” lectures, all of you will soon experience a BIG BANG!”

  118. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Come to think of it, teaching modern Orthodox dogs to bark their haftorahs at their bar-mitzvahs could be a lucrative side gig, don’t you think? I think I could teach them the tropes.
    The problem, of course, would be helping them with their bar mitzvah speeches.

    (Now if I could only make connections with veterinarians to send some business my way….)

  119. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    From Dava Sobel’s “Galileo’s Daughter”:

    The bare facts of the story are these: The system of Aristotle and Ptolemy, which placed the earth motionless at the center of the cosmos, explained the movement of the sun and stars across the sky as a daily rotation of the heavens about a celestial axis. A yearly revolution of the sun about the earth explained the seasons. The idea of a static and central earth accorded well with various passages in the Bible, for example Psalm 103: ”O Lord my God, Thou art great indeed. . . . Thou fixed the Earth upon its foundation, not to be moved forever.”

    In 1543, the Polish astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus proposed a more economical system: let the small earth, rather than the immense sky, rotate once every day about its own axis, and let the earth orbit the sun. Galileo convinced himself that Copernicus had to be right. In 1610, Galileo pointed his new telescope at the heavens, to discover pockmarks on the moon and other moons around Jupiter, all diminishing the specialness of the earth and its central position. Later, Galileo employed evidence like the daily slosh of the tides and annually repeating sunspots to support the Copernican worldview.

    Aware of the perception of conflict between discovered truth in nature and revealed truth in the Bible, Galileo wrote to his former student Benedetto Castelli, ”that though Scripture cannot err, its expounders and interpreters are liable to err in many ways . . . when they would base themselves always on the literal meaning of the words.” He went farther to say that he did not believe that ”the same God who gave us our senses, our speech, our intellect, would have put aside the use of these, to teach us instead such things as with their help we could find out for ourselves.” In this way, Galileo reconciled the independence of the human mind with a loyalty to God and Scripture, and he privately held to this view, despite public recantings, for the rest of his life.

  120. Michael Lomazow says:

    Winston imposes his will on me all day long.If he doesn’t feel that he has gotten enough of a treat to eat,he refuses to leave the area where he knows the bag of treats is located and will stare at the bag and then at me.If he wants to go for a walk,he will jump up and try to achieve eye level and will stare fixedly at me until I give in.Once we do begin to leave the house to go out,he runs down the stairs excitedly barking until I open the door to the garage,where he runs to the car door and barks until he is secure in the back seat of my car.There is ,however,a hierarchy at play,in that Abigail has to be The First one in the back seat and all The other dogs have learned this.You don’t mess with Abby!We start our day at about 6AM,for walk no.1.Back about 645 and time to split a bagel with me!Walk no.2 at 10AM.Walk no.3 at 1PM and walk four at 4PM.Depending on their success or not on this walk,there may be a 7PM walk as well.All the walks come with car rides to the destinations.I try to vary our walk locations so as not to bore them or me.The early morning walks,still somewhat dark,have the possibility of seeing a coyote,who have always run from us but I am constantly aware of their potential for harm.By the way,aside from the walks,the dogs have access all day to our backyard.They like to sleep in the sun and chase any bird that comes within the perimiter.We do get the occasional bird of prey that comes in to take a look.The hawks can be intimidating and my dogs gather together when they see them so as to provide a United front.

  121. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The main issue to be discussed at today’s meeting is whether the requirements for admission to the Kingdom of Heaven are too high.”

  122. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Makin’ Jump Shots
    By Michael S. Harper

    He waltzes into the lane
    ’cross the free-throw line,
    fakes a drive, pivots,
    floats from the asphalt turf
    in an arc of black light,
    and sinks two into the chains.

    One on one he fakes
    down the main, passes
    into the free lane
    and hits the chains.

    A sniff in the fallen air—
    he stuffs it through the chains
    riding high:
    “traveling” someone calls—
    and he laughs, stepping
    to a silent beat, gliding
    as he sinks two into the chains.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      This reminds me of LeBron James. Unstoppable,even at age 36.So good he laughs at the attempt to stop him.

  123. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Sustenance and then flying lessons.”

  124. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Don’t forget,when you cast your ballet,I’m the one who got you cable.”

  125. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” I’ve been wanting to start a moving company for years. “

  126. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I’ll bet I can name that tune with one note.”

  127. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” You’re dubious.What the hell does that mean? “

  128. Marvin+Sager says:

    “On earth, people now put a SPRING in their steps. Up here, you only need to SPRING to attention when I speak.”

  129. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    To Winston,

    We at this site have heard so much about you from Michael that we feel we know you, but I wanted to reach out to you directly to ask a few questions.

    You come across as being very loyal and possessing great intelligence while having a healthy sense of your own importance. But what is your real role in the Lomazow household? Are you a pet? Are you a colleague? A friend? Perhaps the boss?

    Now my main question. Would it be possible for you to contribute a caption once in a while to this contest? At first, of course, this would create some confusion in the minds of the judges. But that would be a small price to pay for the privilege of receiving your valued contribution.

    Remember, “On the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”

    We look forward to hearing from you before too long, perhaps after one of your runs around the neighborhood.

    Thanks for reading this, Winston. Give our very best wishes to Michael and family.

  130. Marvin+Sager says:

    Winston to Gerald & all the rest:

    “The great Winston Churchill lived across the pond. We both loved WHISKEY, but my diet does not allow this to happen.
    My “bone of contention” is that I live a dog’s life, while Winston Churchill lived amongst royalty!”

  131. Michael Lomazow says:

    To Gerald,
    This is Winston attempting to answer your inquiry.I would say that I am definitely the boss.Michael may not fully admit this but I get what I want,when I want it.I’ve already taken his blanket as my own(it’s very comfy)and I get to pick out when we go on walks.If he tried to shorten the walk,I pull back,stare at him and in essence let him know that he’s not going to get away with cheating us out of our due.The neighbors also know not to mess with me.I’ll take their treats but I’ve got no time for idle gossip or conversations.I have to admit that the accommodations are good.I get all the food I need,treats several times a day and a big yard to chase birds.As for captions,I’ll try and suggest some good one’s for Michael to use.He really likes these contests but I have to admit they take time away from me.However,he does need some hobby time.As for this month’s cartoon,how about “What have you done for your dog lately” or is that a too directed comment?I’ll try and be more nuanced in The future but I wanted to start with a direct plea for treating your dogs with love and respect.Signing off with a big tail wave.

  132. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Thanks for your prompt reply. Michael’s writing skills have obviously rubbed off on you, and I’m sure that many of us here on the site would be thrilled to see some of your caption ideas. It must get to be a little frustrating to be part of such an overachieving family, so taking a path of your own might prove satisfying. I never really had a pet of my own unless you include roaches and mice. My son liked gerbils. Come to think of it, though, we always had carPETS, and of course there were parapets on roofs. I don’t think they count.

    Now that I’ve met you I see why Michael is so full of energy and good will. If they could clone you and hand you to every family in the country, there would be a drop off of health complaints. The most important component in maintaining good health is to keep moving, and you certainly keep Michael moving.

    I can clearly see you as the power behind the throne.

    P.S. If you ever want to vent about any issues, such as resentment of Abigail’s place in the household’s pecking order, don’t hesitate to write. And, again, give all best wishes to everyone!

  133. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Here’s a silly joke to give you a little laugh in the middle of what’s usually a busy day for you. You can read it before you take Michael out for his walk.

    A man met a friend on the street. The friend had a sad expression on his face.
    “Why are you sad?” asked the man.
    “I’m sad,” the friend replied, “because my dog isn’t as smart as I had thought he was. And I should know because I play checkers with him every night.”
    “Wow,” said the friend, “a dog who can play checkers must be very smart.”
    “Naah,” said the friend.
    “He’s only won one game in the entire year we’ve been playing.”

    Have you tried playing Michael or Abigail?

  134. Michael Lomazow says:

    To Gerald,
    Michael and Abigail play chess.I’m still working on The Queens Gambit.

  135. Michael Lomazow says:

    They cut off a lot of our comments to make room for the new but if you look at the first comment still listed,it’s March 13 by you in answer to me. “It was a general comment,applying to me ,to you,etc.You wrote this in response to my question asking you what you meant.Do you remember what you wrote that I asked about?If you wish,I will tell you why I keep asking about this but for now I’m just interested in you recreating what you said,exactly if you remember.Thank you for putting up with my unusual requests.

  136. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    My problem is that I write faster than I think. My lines are throwaways, hopefully to serve as a source of amusement. That’s why I’ve advocated wiping the slate clean after each contest, something that management seems reluctant to do. I’m really not sure what you might want me to clarify. I believe I meant that too many of us beat ourselves for making wrong decisions when at the time we made those decisions it was not clear what was the right thing to do. “I should have bought Bitcoin before it went straight up.” Really? I might have bought it only to see it go straight down.

    But if you provide me with a direct question, I’ll try to clarify what I can.

    I do think, though, that you’re attaching more importance to my words than they deserve.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      What I was asking was what were the exact words you used that I asked the meaning of.I can understand it if you can’t recall!

  137. C. Ruth Keegan says:

    “I’ll need your mock-ups soon. Remember, they want the final product engraved with my finger!”

  138. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Today’s virtual lecture on an outer space vacation. BEACHED ON A DESERTED PLANET!”

  139. Michael Lomazow says:

    “He still thinks that ‘Give us this day out daily bread’ applies but believe me,I’m working on him to add daily specials.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      It was said that Henry S. Levy once managed to get an audience with the Pope in the Vatican, during which he requested “just a slight change” in the above prayer. When His Holiness inquired as to what the change would be, the businessman replied: “When you give us this day our daily bread, make sure it’s Levy’s Jewish Rye.”

      Needless to say, the request didn’t go very well, and Mr. Levy was very quickly escorted out of the papal apartment in the Vatican Palace.

      Wasn’t that a wry story?

  140. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    As I recall, I wrote that your teaching experiences taught you lots of valuable things, such as how to be clear, how to gauge the students’ levels of comprehension, and how to read the moods of your audience, all of which came in handy when you had to compose and deliver remarks to a jury.

    Nothing is wasted, and paradoxically the bitter experiences are often the ones that bring forth the beautiful flowers of spring.

    Regards to my friend Winston ( who, by the way, agrees with me).

  141. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Today we have to discuss the terrible problem of price gouging on the sale of chometz for Passover.”

  142. Michael Lomazow says:

    ” He still thinks that ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ applies but believe me,I’m working on him to add daily specials. “

  143. Marvin+Sager says:

    “No, I refuse to go back to earth. Last time I was stuck on this elevator and Dale Stout won a contest making PUNS about me!”

  144. Michael Lomazow says:

    You have a great memory. “Nothing is wasted” is the phrase I was looking for.I assume you meant that all of life’s experiences,even the negative ones, provide learning opportunities that you can benefit from in the future.I’m correct,right? By the way, “Nothing is wasted” would be a great phrase for tee shirts,maybe not as good as shit happens(Forrest Gump reference) but pretty darn good.You should look into copyrighting it and making some money with products.I’m only half kidding!

  145. Michael Lomazow says:

    I know you said others on this site were the experts on things jewish,I thought I would ask you the following since you referenced it in your caption.If you sell your chometz,can you still keep it in your house,ready for you to buy back.Is it all ceremonial or do people really sell their food and get it out of the house.I suppose throwing the food away works too.

  146. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    As I understand it, it’s all ceremonial. The chometz is supposed to be “sold” to a non-Jew before Passover. In actuality, the food stays in one’s home but is put in a separate place. After the holiday the food is “returned.” No money or food really changes hands. The whole process is wildly funny, and I’m surprised that Seinfeld, for one, never created a set about it.

    Having said all this, I would consider Dinah and her brother Josh as authorities. I have my opinions, but I know my limits.

  147. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Elijah is stuck in traffic. Do you think we should pull rank and create a miracle to get him to the seder in time?”

  148. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Let me phrase it in a different way. When I say that nothing is wasted, I mean that everything serves as fertilizer. Let me tell a story.

    Astronauts from Earth were in the process of colonizing another planet. They set up makeshift lodgings. The first night they looked out of their windows to see scores of tiny rodents running all over the ground. The leader told them to spread insecticide on the property. That night the rodents were gone. But a few nights later the men heard strange growling sounds. The next day the leader took them hunting and they killed the creatures who had made the noise. Several nights later they saw strange shapes through the shadows. They tracked the animals down and destroyed them. Things were quiet for a while, and then the men saw huge creatures through the trees.

    “Shall we go after them tomorrow?” one of the men asked the leader. “No,” the leader replied.

    “If we kill them we don’t know what will follow.”

    P.S. By the way, thanks for complimenting me on my memory. I have such a good memory that I remember things that never happened.

  149. Marvin+Sager says:

    “This is not Hollywood, but every so often a STAR is born!”

  150. Michael Lomazow says:

    “He wishes to invest in wheat futures.Make it happen.”

  151. Mike Kossove says:

    Caption for the Cartoon

    O.K. Who’se going to say the baracha?

  152. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Your next check will contain a 4% cost of living increase.”

  153. Marvin+Sager says:

    “I can’t refer to you as survivors, but more accurately, I can refer to you as cadavers that survived!”

  154. Michael Lomazow says:

    I’ve been watching NCAA basketball games and actually have dreams where I am soaring above the rim as I jam the ball in on a dunk.It’s nice to relieve my youth,as I seem to be better in my dreams than I was in reality.In dreams,I can jump really high.In reality,bad knees,bad jump.

  155. Katherine Coleck says:

    A reply to the cartoon contest. “But God she is only half Jew!”

  156. Michael Lomazow says:

    “That is your job,should you choose to accept it.If you fail,we will disavow any knowledge of you!”

  157. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    The best humor is often unintentional humor. Don’t you think that the following is like the man who murders his parents and then pleads leniency on the grounds that he’s an orphan? How would you represent Ms. Powell today if you were given the assignment?

    Sidney Powell, a onetime high-profile member of former President Donald Trump’s legal team, asked a federal court on Monday to dismiss Dominion Voting System’s $1.3 billion defamation lawsuit against her, arguing that “no reasonable person” would mistake her baseless accusations of an elaborate multinational, communist election-rigging scheme as “truly statements of fact.” In fact, Powell’s claims were just “opinions and legal theories,” her lawyers argued, as well as constitutionally protected “political speech” and “hyperbole.” At the same time, the motion contends, Dominion won’t be able to prove any “actual malice” on Powell’s part because “she believed the allegations then and she believes them now.”

  158. Michael Lomazow says:

    The first thing I would do is approach the plaintiff with the suggestion that Ms.Powell could help them in their lawsuits against the much more deep pocketed people such as Guiliani,Trump,etc.I don’t think she has much money so the argument to the plaintiffs would be that They were wasting their time with her.She could be contrite,and possibly lay out a broader conspiracy to sell the ridiculous story.Of course Ms.Powell would have to agree but it’s worth exploring.Her so called admissions of conspiracy would get the plaintiff what they want,good publicity and would be instrumental to their other lawsuits.One thing at a time.

  159. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Need I remind you not to smoke, swallow, snort, or inject ANGEL DUST!”

  160. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Reading your excellent post was like taking a master class in defense strategy. It just seemed bizarre to me that Ms. Powell admitted believing all the things she said; therefore, having the right of free speech, she couldn’t be accused of defamation; in any event, what she said was so obviously nonsense that no reasonable person would believe her anyway, so the plaintiff could not possibly have been harmed. Talk about playing it both ways!

    I’d hire you anytime if I needed a great defense!

  161. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “We’ll have a quick meeting today. We have to get rid of all the bread before Passover.”

  162. Malvin Eisenberg says:

    Okay decide which one of you will be the evil son

  163. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    This Sidney Powell business reminds me of the time when I was listening to a radio DJ interviewing a doctor who was violently anti-psychiatry. “These people are quacks,” the doctor fumed, ending his tirade by saying, “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined!”

    Sidney Powell in her own convoluted way would have understood.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      I am certainly no expert in this area and as an attorney who handled 100% criminal law,I never handled a defamation case.However,it is clear that even if the defendant believes the statements,defamation still applies.It is not the defendants truth that is key but actual truth.Some jurisdictions ,I believe,may mitigate damages if the defendant actually believed the false statements but the key is the determination of the truth or falsity of the statements.I may believe that the plaintiff beats his wife but if I say it,and it’s untrue,I’m guilty of slandering him.

  164. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    You could always ask the plaintiff, “Have you stopped beating your wife? Answer yes or no.”

  165. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Today’s question is, ‘Why can’t we get married during Passover?’ The answer is that people would rather have rice thrown at them than matzoh meal.”

  166. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Laundry pickup 5pm.”

  167. Marvin+Sager says:

    “I understand many languages, but that New Jersey twang is impossible to comprehend!”

  168. Molly Brown says:

    “Yes, Phil, I know the saying. But I asked you to bring proof to show the people we’re STILL doing great works.”

  169. Molly Brown says:


    “When I said in order to prove relevance and restore faith we needed to show the people ‘great works of wonder’… (sigh). Seriously, NOTHING since is ours?”

    1. Molly Brown says:

      Sorry, if above entry is too long, each sentence can actually be 2 separate captions.

  170. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Today we edit the Book of Exodus. I want it made clear that I tried my darndest to be decent but that Pharaoh hardened his own heart.”

  171. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The first order of business is to discuss Satan’s request for more miserable working conditions.”

  172. Marvin+Sager says:

    “There is no excuse for missing a meeting in heaven, even if you claim to be DEAD TIRED!”

  173. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “In response to complaints, let it be recorded in the minutes that I did not specifically authorize Noah to include two roaches in the ark.”

  174. Marvin+Sager says:

    “For anyone who disagrees with me, there will be HELL TO PAY!”

  175. JR says:

    Then I had my staff split the Red Sea.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      JR, great play on the word “staff”!

      Glad you’re back. Can Dinah be far behind?

  176. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Do you know what the real mystery is? It’s that our committee meets for hours and hours every week, but in the end all we’re left with is minutes.”

  177. Marvin+Sager says:

    “On earth you did FLEE MARKET stock crashes, but in heaven there are no FLEA MARKETS!”

  178. Michael Lomazow says:

    All we’re left with is minutes…..Is this a comment on our relative short time on earth?

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Or is it minutes of the meeting?

  179. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Gentlemen, I am the Almighty. I am the Lord. I don’t need a committee to help me rule. The word ‘committee’ itself has two m’s, two t’s, and two e’s, and a committee takes twice as long as it should to make decisions. So I am disbanding this group as of now.”

  180. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    The results of every committee meeting are usually recorded as minutes, so I was punning on the word. Reminding me of the famous story of the man who approached God and asked, “What is a million years to you?” and God answered, “A million years to me is like a minute.” And the man persisted, “And what is a million dollars to you?” God answered, “A million dollars to me is like a penny.” The man then asked, “If a million dollars is like a penny to you, could you give me a million dollars?” And God smiled and answered, ” I’d be happy to.”

    “But,” he continued, ” you’ll have to wait a minute.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Love the joke!

  181. Michael Lomazow says:

    “After 2000 years,he wants you to recommend a manna improvement.Think Italian!”

  182. Marvin+Sager says:

    “All humans on earth are created in my image, especially those HEADED FOR BALDNESS!”

  183. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Baldness is a virtue, not a liability.

    There’s an old saying, “Grass doesn’t grow on busy streets.”

    You have so much great mental traffic streaming, there’s really no room for hair to sprout.

  184. Michael Lomazow says:

    I want to wish everyone a happy Pesach.I will enjoy the special charoset my wife made for me,my favorite part of the seder.

  185. Marvin+Sager says:

    “There is a new drink called SPIRITS. The more you drink, then the more SPIRITS you experience!”

  186. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Was Trump a savvy businessman? No, says Jon Mixon:

    1)Trump was unceremoniously booted from the casino industry after nearly two decades of not earning a profit.
    2)Trump, essentially a real estate broker, missed the 2007–8 real estate crisis completely. He did not see it coming, even after it severely damaged his core business.
    3)Trump was forced to borrow money at rates which made his earning substantial returns impossible. His credit rating is shot.
    4)Trump was never able to become a partner in The Apprentice reality series on which he starred for a number of years. Let that sink in: Most series stars want to become producers
    on their series to earn additional revenue, yet Trump was unwilling or unable to become a partner in the venture.
    5)There’s no evidence that Trump profits have EVER exceeded his losses since at least 1990. That’s more than 30 years of losses, which either indicates little business acumen, or tax
    fraud, most likely both.
    6)If any other businessman sported a record like the above, he would be considered a complete failure. It doesn’t seem to be too far off-base to consider Donald Trump to be one.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Business failure is The least of his problems.He is facing indictments which could put him in prison.Now that’s a problem!

  187. Jan Stone says:

    Suggested caption for the Ben Schwartz cartoon; deadline April 15, 2001:

    “Look at yourselves! Where are the women? Where are the minorities?”

    1. Jan Stoen says:

      Oops: deadline April 15, 2021!

  188. Jan Stone says:

    If at first you don’t succeed!!
    Sorry about my two previous typos: The deadline for the cartoon caption is, of course, April 15, 2021; and my last name is “Stone”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Jan Stone,

      Your last name nay be Stone, but rest assured that with your skill you will never be taken for granite.
      More, please? Thanks.

  189. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Somebody mentioned a FART FAN, but to me the idea STINKS!”

  190. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “This caption intentionally left blank.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Why left blank?

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


        Why left blank? To make fun of all those forms we come across in which one page is blank except for the words “This page intentionally left blank,” rendering the page, of course, not blank at all.

        Incidentally during this holiday of Passover all the bread we eat must be unleavened.

        Does this mean that all the humor must be unleavened, too?

        If so, I wouldn’t get a rise out of anyone.

        I guess my attempt at humor fittingly passed over.

  191. Michael Lomazow says:

    We have been watching Shtisel,season three on netflix.The first two seasons are also available,each season about ten one hour episodes.It’s a fictional account of the lives of an ultra-orthodox family in Israel.It’s very entertaining.

  192. Jack Gilbert says:

    Todays meeting is about raises.

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Jack Gilbert,

      Your site,, is a good one. Going through it is like going back in time to a more refreshing era (dare I compliment the site by saying that it is not stale, mechanical or dully professional?), dedicated to things enjoyed with passion and written with loving spontaneity. Since, among so many other things, you are interested in nutrition, might I suggest a review of Herbert Shelton’s Natural Hygiene, a movement once so popular among other nutritional approaches in the earlier years of the twentieth century?

      Thanks for joining us in what I hope is more than a one-shot.

  193. Marvin+Sager says:

    “This is a meeting of the minds, where I do mind the interruptions if you don’t mind!”

  194. Michael Lomazow says:

    “If you cannot improve the bread,I’m giving the contract to Trader Joe’s. “

  195. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Everyone must pull his/her weight regardless of ZERO GRAVITY!”

  196. Rich Wolf says:

    “You’ll eat more when I see more prophets.”

  197. Aaron Horowitz says:

    Last two announcements for today’s meeting. We’ve made the World’s Most Ethical Company’s list yet again. Great job, Team. Also, Larry’s been promoted to archangel. Great job, Larry.

  198. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I would offer you a ride home but you’re the one’s with wings.”

  199. Marvin+Sager says:

    “My proclamations are not MANDATES, they are GOD DATES!”

  200. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Marvin, very good, reminding me of the time when I was examining a package of dates in a supermarket and the manager of the department asked me what I was looking for. I told him that something was missing. He said, “That’s impossible. The package has never been opened.” I told him that what was missing was the sell-by date.”

    I was sorry. I couldn’t help it. But he was still friendly to me when he saw me after that.

    1. Marvin+Sager says:


      THANKS for your comments! My entry will now have a DATE in infamy!

  201. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You were supposed to bring the cold cuts.”

  202. Michael Lomazow says:

    Gerald and Marvin,
    I’ve been watching the trial in the death of George Floyd.Have either or both of you been watching and if so,what is your impression?

  203. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    You created a Frankenstein by enticing us to try other caption contests. I just entered the new Cartoon Collections contest, which appeared today. It pictures a museum tour with gruesome paintings on the left and more appealing paintings on the right, with the group approaching the new area, following the guide, to whom I give one short line: “We’re now entering the Hallmark section.”

    That’s it. It’ll never see the light of day, so enjoy (for want of a better word) it now.

  204. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    The definition of a Jew is someone who always answers a question with a question (Son: “How are you, Mom?” Mom: “How should I be?”), so let me ask you this: If assigned, how would you defend Derek Chauvin? How could anyone defend this man, whose callous crime was carried out so openly?

    This why Trump won. People are sick of rationalizations and justifications of so much inequality and abuse. Trump promised to dump the system, to drain the swamp, to distrust fake news. We are seeing the fruits of his duplicities as people shake themselves free of their chains.

    But don’t go by me. I’m still in shock that he received so many votes. If 75 million people believed him, they’ll believe anything.

  205. Michael Lomazow says:

    First,I like your caption.I wrote a couple this morning,reviewed them this afternoon and find that what I thought was ok is not very good.I settled on one I am not very happy with. “Now I see the mistake.You wanted the aquarium tour.”
    As for your question about the prosecution,obviously I would much rather be the prosecutor.That being said,I will give you a direct answer.Forced to defend him,you would need to be smart enough to know he’s going to be convicted.The question is whether you could convince a jury that murder doesn’t apply and the crime is more in the nature of negligence,which he is charged with alternatively,I believe in count three.Prison time differs tremendously depending on what the jury finds,from 40 years if the court wishes,to much less of he is only found guilty of count three.That’s where I would put the emphasis on his defense.I defended several cases where a lessor included offense was a major victory for us,despite the fact that the defendant still needed to serve time.For example,I had a fireman who shot his wife.I tried to get him found innocent of the murder and instead argued it was manslaughter.It worked and with half credits,he had to serve 6 years.Had he been convicted of murder,the minimum was over 20 years with no guarantee of even getting out then.Victory as a defense attorney can look like that.By the way,I think this officer is going to get convicted of a murder count,probably the most serious.

  206. Michael Lomazow says:

    By the way,although the most serious murder charge could carry 40 years,the average sentence in Minnesta has been 12-13 years.As for the manslaughter count,the average sentence in Minnesota has been only 4 years.I think there would be a lot of pressure on the judge to give more time in prison than average.Can you imagine what would happen if he only got 4 years.Riots!!!!

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Look also at the possibility of the feds charging him with violating Floyd’s civil rights which would be disastrous for the defendant.

  207. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Today the topic is positive thinking without negative feedback, unless you are an APRIL FOOL!”

  208. Bruce Sage says:

    We have our work cut out for us this week.

  209. Bruce Sage says:

    Anybody here afraid of heights?

  210. Bruce Sage says:

    Are any of you new recruits afraid of heights?

  211. Bonnie Friedman says:

    Sorry, fellas. But we still don’t have a minyan.

  212. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Gluten allergies are no longer a problem.”

  213. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Today we will celebrate a celestial holiday with my favorite drink, MOONSHINE!”

  214. Lee Lacewell says:

    “Sliced mana could be the idea that all future ideas are judged by.”

    1. Marvin+Sager says:

      Man does not live by bread alone in a MANNA of speaking.

  215. Michael Lomazow says:

    Are you OK?

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


      Thanks very much for asking. It’s better to be OK’d than KO’d.

      I’m just letting my soil lie fallow for a while so that future seeds might produce better crops.

      (I’m not in any way saying that I could ever be top seeded.)

      By the way, you would make a wonderful legal commentator. You explain things so simply yet so profoundly. Thanks for that.

  216. Michael Lomazow says:

    I must admit that although I want the defendant convicted,I have respect and empathy for his attorney,who I think is doing a good job.Talk about being put into a no win situation.He could dominate the trial and still come away with a loss.Such is the life of a criminal defense attorney.It is the hardest job in the courthouse,much more difficult than being a prosecutor.For the system to work best,the prosecutor and the defense attorney need to be excellent.This trial is being handled very well by both.The amount of work that goes into preparation can be overwhelming.The trial can be thought of as the examination,with all the studying and prep work having already taken place.If real estate is location,location,location,trial work is preparation,preparation,preparation.I don’t miss my sometimes 80-100 hour weeks.

  217. Marvin+Sager says:

    “We live in a solar system that uses solar energy, so enjoy our next solar eclipse with solace!”

  218. Bruce Sage says:

    We have many who need our help this week.

  219. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “One of you won Moment’s latest cartoon caption contest, even after I told you to never put words in my mouth.”

  220. Marvin+Sager says:

    “This time of the year, I am an honorary member of the BUNNY CLUB!”

  221. Marvin+Sager says:

    “My words of wisdom can be illuminated by light years!”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


      GK Chesterton once said that the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves lightly.

      So your thoughts are in sync with the greatest of minds.

  222. Michael Lomazow says:

    Minnesota law apparently allows the defendant to be convicted of all of the counts,including both degrees of murder and manslaughter,despite the fact he would be sentenced on only the most serious count.

  223. Marvin+Sager says:

    “The deadline for all projects is eternity. Any questions will be answered in due time!”

  224. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Thanks to Dan Holliday for this:

    “I reject the right/left political divide. Right now the world is in transition and the new fight exists between:

    Nationalism / Internationalism.
    Statism / Anarchy.
    Collectivism / Capitalism.
    Tribalism / Individualism.
    Traditionalism / Innovation.
    Empiricism / Rationalism.
    Activism / Moderation.
    Pragmatism / Idealism.”

  225. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    “The so-called Holy Grail of Tom Brady’s rookie cards sold for a record $2.25 million at auction on Friday to an anonymous buyer, two months after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback picked up his seventh Super Bowl title.

    “‘The signed card from the 43-year-old’s rookie season with the New England Patriots is one of ‘only a handful ever offered for sale,’ according to auctioneer Lelands, which called it the best Tom Brady rookie card available to the public.

    The sale smashes the previous record price for a football card. Last month, another card from Brady’s rookie season fetched $1.32 million in an online auction.

    ‘Tom Brady continues to shatter records both on and off the football field. ‘He now holds the distinction of having the most expensive football card ever sold,’ Lelands President Mike Heffner said in a written statement, calling the card ‘one for the ages.’

    “Brady, who picked up his fifth Super Bowl MVP honors in February after defeating the Kansas City Chiefs at home in the championship game, is one of just two quarterbacks to have hoisted the Lombardi Trophy with two different teams and is widely considered one of the greatest ever to play the game.”

    Maybe comic books and sports cards are the keys to wealth, not stocks and bonds.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      The prices are incredible!This is not one of the older 70 year old baseball cards but a relatively new card about 15 plus years old.I guess his signature plus the A+ condition escalate the price but you’ve got to believe there are many of those cards around.Anybody who bought football cards must be furiously searching their collections.My son collected baseball cards and we still have boxes of his old cards.I’ll save them.You never know.

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Correction……21 years old

  226. Lee Lacewell says:

    Cartoon Caption:

    “The good news is that there will be enough bread to meet the need of each and every family, the bad news is that there won’t be any peanut butter and jelly.”

  227. Marvin+Sager says:

    “When you travel in space, sometimes you get sucked up in a HOOVERING VACUUM!”

  228. Lee Lacewell says:


    “We heard some great ideas from the women last week, now this week you men need to decide which of their ideas you plan to suggest.”

  229. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    A very rare, quality copy of Action Comics #1 has been sold at a record $3.25 million in a private sale.
    The comic book issue is famous because it introduces Superman to the world.
    Online auction and consignment company announced the sale Wednesday. The sale beat the previous record for the comic. Another copy of Action Comics #1 – graded 9.0 – was sold on eBay for $3.21 in 2014. It was the first comic book to sell for more than $3 million.
    ComicConnect’s chief operation officer, Vincent Zurzolo, said demand for the comic is high as it was the “beginning of the superhero genre.” The issue laid out the foundation for the Superman character and showed readers how he came to earth and lived as Clark Kent.
    Zurzolo said that the seller had originally purchased it for $2 million at an auction in 2018. said while hundreds of thousands of copies sold on its release in 1938, only about 100 exist now, thanks to my mother, who made me get rid of it. Most of those are in bad condition. Mint condition ones are very rare.
    “There’s no comic book that you could value higher in terms of a comic book than Action Comics #1,” Zurzolo said.
    When it was originally sold, Action Comics #1 was priced at just 10 cents – or roughly $2 in today’s money. If anyone wants to cry, I’ll give them a box of Kleenex.


    Now what would I do if I were Ogden Nash, the very famous writer of light verse? I’d write a poem, of course:

    Goodbye, O stock, goodbye O bond
    Or any investment of which I was fond
    Which I read about in that newspaper infernal
    Known to the world as the Wall Street Journal.
    Instead I’ll look really hard
    To see if I can find a very old baseball or football card
    Or open my closet door to take a look
    For maybe the first copy of an X-Men comic book.
    No more studying a newly crafted stock chart,
    For that, alas, can no longer warm my heart.

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Did you really have a copy of this comic book and did your mom cause you to get rid Of it?We’re you a big comic book reader in your early days?Incidentally,I enjoyed your poem.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Yes to all questions. I also had a chance to buy Hewlett-Packard at its public offering, but I turned it down.

        If I ever wrote my autobiography, I’d have the perfect title: “Things I Didn’t Do.”

        But of course one of the things I wouldn’t do is write my autobiography. So at least I’d stay in character.

        But I bet yours would be great, covering your years in school and in the courts, culminating in a happy marriage and a wonderful son.

        We never know what the days will bring. But would we really want it any other way?

        I’ve always loved these lines by Robert Louis Stevenson, in which he looks back at his life, not in a sad way at all:

        Under the wide and starry sky
        Dig the grave and let me lie.
        Glad did I live and gladly die,
        And I laid me down with a will.

        This be the verse you grave for me;
        Here he lies where he longed to be,
        Home is the sailor, home from sea,
        And the hunter home from the hill.

        1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

          Oh, and I also passed up Xerox when it was known as the Haloid Company just before it obtained the commercial rights to xerography and became a market wonder.
          How was that for a great call? (At least I was consistent in using bad judgement.)

  230. Lee Lacewell says:


    “Perhaps a marketing jingle like, manna manna woo-manna, would motivate both prophets and prophetesses to assist us in this must have new food product launch.”

  231. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Objects are different things to different people. To a geologist an ocean is a distinct body of salt water. To a biologist it is a marine ecosystem. To a geographer, it is a border. To a halakhic man, it is a mikvah.”

    ——–Joseph Soloveitchik

  232. Marvin+Sager says:

    “On earth, you have the plot to have a plot when you die. In heaven, your plot is to be at my table!”

  233. Michael Lomazow says:

    “You’re all ex-bakers.Where did you think you would be assigned?”

  234. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “The first item on the agenda is to issue a cease and desist order to stop Chock Full o’ Nuts from claiming that it’s the heavenly coffee.”

  235. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.”

    —–Bill Watterson

    (Remember him? He retired at 37 in the middle of his wildly successful “Calvin and Hobbes.” Those were the days when we were able to share the genius of his vision.)

  236. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “I know that my son Jesus said, ‘Give us this day our daily bread,’
    And I don’t want to appear to be fickle,
    But I have to admit, when it’s time to be fed
    I just don’t like pumpernickel.”

    1. Marvin+Sager says:


      Did you know that the German origin of the word PUMPERNICKEL: PUMPERN (farting) & NICKEL (refers to a goblin/devil).
      So, PUMPERNICKEL means a farting goblin/devil.*

      *The main reason not to like pumpernickel bread! 🙂

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:


        Speaking of farting, you must know that the expression “it’s a gas” means that it’s a wonderful situation, and a “gasser” is someone at the top of his form. So if you threw a party and it was described it as a gas of a party, you’d have to be complimented–even if all those who attended had to wear gas masks to protect their noses.

        Wait. I’m not through yet. There was once a Zen master known as Sasaki Roshi. He was giving a lecture in a very swanky apartment in New York in the 1940’s, sitting on a throne-like chair and wearing golden robes. Then he spoke to the expectant crowd: “All nature has no purpose. Purposelessness most fundamental principle of Buddhism. When you drop fart, you do not say, ‘At nine o’clock I drop fart.’ It just happens.”

        All those in his fashionable audience almost choked in trying to suppress their laughter, which they thought would be unseemly.

  237. Marvin+Sager says:

    “With a BOOST from me, your thoughts for the earth can be an achievement for ROCK-IT science!”

  238. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Around this time of year it is hard to resist the thought that if a manic-depressive were seeking the perfect religion, it would be Judaism.

    Consider: First comes Passover, a time of great joy celebrating the redemption of the Jewish people. Then soon after comes Yom HaShoah, the very sad day commemorating all the Jews who perished in the Holocaust, a day of mournful introspection. Following this in mood lockstep is Yom HaZikaron, a time to pay tribute to Israel’s fallen soldiers and civilians, an official Memorial Day. But as evening approaches, the mood abruptly changes from darkness to light, from silence to sound, the streets filling with people joyously celebrating Yom Ha’Atzmaut Israel’s Independence Day. The country explodes with gaiety.

    Yes, the religion does have something for almost everyone, sometimes, as now, in rapid succession.

  239. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Here’s one for you. Several doormen stationed inside a New York City luxury building were fired because they didn’t come to the aid of an Asian-American women being attacked on the street outside. Don’t you think the punishment was draconian? After all, helping a stranger on the street certainly wasn’t in their job descriptions. I once knew a couple who were invited to a barbeque. There was a big crowd. Suddenly the grill caught fire, and the husband threw himself on it to shield one of the host’s children. His face was severely burned, necessitating a lengthy hospital stay and a skin graft. The hosts never visited him or phoned to express any gratitude. Extrapolating on this, why should doormen be fired for refusing to extend themselves for fear of injury? They were being paid to do their jobs, and no one has suggested that they didn’t perform their duties satisfactorily.

    Counselor, it’s your turn?

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      Would it make a difference to you if it was an apartment owner who was attacked instead of a stranger?If they had a duty to protect an owner,how far down the street does that duty extend?What if an owner is attacked across the street?I would like to see whatever emergency and safety protocols exist which the doormen are responsible for.If they failed to contact the police while the attack was under way,ignoring a vicious crime underway essentially on the curtil age of the property,I can understand their termination.You might not be able to fire them for not physically intervening,but you could probably terminate them for ignoring protocols.Although not completely on point,I wrote a law review article on the duty of an owner of property to provide safe conditions for different types of people who might wander upon the premises.The people were licensees,invitees and trespassers.The courts in California decided you owed a duty of due care to all class of people,even tresspassers.If you want to extrapolate,you could argue a duty is owed to anyone using the street immediately in front of the building to provide minimum care,which certainly should include at least notifying the police.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        Michael, your exegesis was brilliant. Thank you. By the way, the doormen did do everything they could for the victim AFTER the coast was clear and the perpetrator had fled.

        You know, the whole situation reminds me of lines from Goethe’s “Faust”: “Two souls, alas, are housed within my breast / And each will wrestle for the mastery there.” The conflict has always been between reason and instinct/passion. Reason asks us to simplify life by adhering to a set of standards (“is you is or is you ain’t?”) and is really the father of law. Remember my “joke” of the waiter who refuses to help someone having a heart attack by saying “It’s not my table”? That’s the legal or bureaucratic approach. So the question becomes, when is anything my table? If a woman were drowning after having fallen through the ice in a pond, it certainly would make a difference if the victim were a stranger or my mother. In the case of the doormen, the question has to be concerned with what their paid duties were. I have heard about too many cases in which a person tried to do the right thing and was punished for it, like the guy who tried to break up a fight and was attacked and beaten by both parties in the fray, who reunited to beat him up (at least he stopped the fight temporarily). The enlightened or Christ-like person, of course, has no conflict because he sees everyone as himself. It’s a conundrum, not so easily settled.

        Apropos of nothing, where I live if you have a house and it snows, it’s better not to shovel your sidewalk. If you do and someone trips, it’s your liability. But if you leave your sidewalk alone, then the person who falls has no recourse but to sue the city.

        Employing the legal approach makes life simpler and more comforting. There is a set of rules to follow and you generally know where you stand. Following one’s heart might be more exciting and enjoyable but makes everything more messy and unpredictable.

        Good old Goethe had it right, didn’t he?

  240. Marvin+Sager says:

    “There is sunshine, shoeshine, and time for you to shine. So, put on your shoeshined shoes (sandals will do), and enjoy the sunshine.
    Then, display your SHINEY SHINE!”

    (Dedicated to those who have not yet added to the recent Momentum Cartoon Caption with their SHINEY SHINE contribution!)

  241. Lee Lacewell says:


    “Starting immediately all manna from heaven will need to be prepackaged with ingredients plus nutritional labeling and the best by date: TODAY ONLY !

  242. Lee Lacewell says:


    “Manna from heaven will now be prepackaged and labeled with the expiration date: Midnight Tonight!”

  243. Johanan Levine says:

    Who by fire and who by water
    And where is Leonard the Cohen when We need him here
    And who should we say is calling?

  244. Johanan Levine says:

    And the angels hastened
    And trepidation and trembling took hold of them
    And they said, here is the day of judgment
    To decide on all the heavenly host in judgment
    As they will not win in judgment

    1. jim gorman says:

      Willcommen Johanan . . . to be at peace “not winning in judgment” is the ultimate solace. Like all great art, it is what you don’t say that says is all. Thank you Leonard Cohen . . . Hallelujah!

    2. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Johanan Levine,

      Who are you? I hope that you don’t disappear into the darkness from which you came and never contribute again. Your play on words is irresistible. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say you like and have been influenced by T. S. Eliot.

      Please come back and radiate this site with more of your light.

  245. jim gorman says:

    “Acknowledging recent criticism for lack of diversity, we will now entertain Gabriel’s motion to bring in talent from Victoria’s Secret.”

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      Jim, sometimes I have a habit of reading into something something that the author never intended. By mentioning Victoria’s Secret, did you mean to hint that airing one’s dirty linen is often the first step toward achieving spiritual growth? Or is my mind playing tricks again? In any event, it’s a good line, and I’m happy to see you again.

      P.S. One of these days you and Michael should really meet. After all, you share the same state.

  246. Lee Lacewell says:


    “Sorry for being late for the manna meeting. I was on the phone over thirty minutes trying to convince a very insistent person that the warranty on my nonexistent car could not have expired.”

  247. Michael Lomazow says:

    “Please wear your bakers hats for the group picture.”

  248. Marvin+Sager says:

    “Today’s lecture will NITPICK the membership at my table. Those of you who are NITWITS may respond!”

  249. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    The following jumped out at me from Mark Harris’s wonderful new biography “Mike Nichols: A Life”:

    “By 1943, Mike knew, even though he wasn’t home to witness it all the time, that his parents’ marriage was in trouble. ‘As my mother later explained to me,’ he said, ‘Jews in Nazi Germany didn’t have marital difficulties. It wasn’t possible to concentrate on such luxuries.’ But now, in America, whatever his parents had long suppressed was exploding, and without much of a sense of discretion.”

    So escaping from the stranglehold of Nazi Germany into the fresh air of America ironically gave the marital problems the Nichols family was having the freedom to emerge.

  250. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Yes, Michael, the net tightens This, thanks to Peter Weber:

    Jennifer Weisselberg, the former daughter-in-law of Trump Organization chief financial officer Allen Weisselberg, wheeled three boxes of financial records and a laptop from her Manhattan apartment building to a black Jeep, sending them to Manhattan prosecutors investigating former President Donald Trump and his family business. Weisselberg was married to Barry Weisselberg, also a Trump Organization employee, from 2004 to 2018. She obtained their documents, subpoenaed by Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr., in the divorce proceedings.

    Vance’s prosecutors have sought information on whether the Weisselbergs got untaxed benefits from the Trump Organization, The Washington Post reports, and Jennifer Weisselberg says the family used Trump Organization apartments in Manhattan without paying for them or reporting them for tax purposes.

    Allen Weisselberg is the senior-most Trump Organization employee who isn’t a Trump. “In complex investigations such as those into Trump’s business activities, prosecutors routinely seek evidence of wrongdoing by subordinates as a means to elicit their cooperation and expose damaging information about their bosses,” the Post reports, adding that a person with knowledge of Vance’s investigation said he is indeed trying to “flip” Weisselberg.

    Vance’s office also has hired a special prosecutor, Mark Pomerantz, and the forensic accounting firm FTI Consulting to help with the Trump investigation. FTI is helping sift through millions of pages of Trump financial and accounting records. One of FTI’s accountants is Morgan Magionos, a former FBI fraud examiner and accountant who was key to securing the conviction of former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort as part of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team, CNN reports. “At Manafort’s trial, Magionos testified that she uncovered several foreign bank accounts linked to Manafort and traced $15 million in transfers that Manafort used to fund his personal lifestyle, including an ostrich-skin jacket and landscaping services for his home in the Hamptons.”

    1. Michael Lomazow says:

      I really believe that Trump is toast.The toaster is working,doing its job little by little.It’s browning the dough in preparation for the ultimate feast,the dissection of Trump and his years of fraudulent activity.His indictments will be one Of The major news events of 2021.Prediction:ultimately a guilty plea without jail time but potentially a bar to him resuming his political career.

      1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

        I can see it now, “The Dissection of Trump” by Michael Lomazow, 52 weeks on the New York Times’ non-fiction best-seller list in 2022.
        Of course, “Trump Is Toast” might make an alternative title, but might mistakenly be catalogued as belonging in the food and cooking section in bookstores.
        But whatever the title, you’d be the ideal author, with your knowledge and gift of words.

        1. Michael Lomazow says:

          As for gift of words,I’m in the third grade while you have a doctorate.

  251. Gerald Lebowitz says:


    Thanks for the kind thoughts, but I can only riff on the beautiful music I’m given–namely your writing.

    As for academic degrees, BS stands for bullshit, MS stands for more shit, and PhD stands for “piled higher and deeper.” In my book, based on your intellect and experience and talents, you’re far removed from all the dogmas that keep academics from using their imaginations and common sense. I’d rather have you in my corner than any so-called “scholar.”

    But thanks again, as always, for your words.

  252. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    P. S. Normally, as one advances in his education, he is made to specialize. Otherwise he’d run the risk of being called a dilettante.

    So he learns more and more and more about less and less and less.

    Until, at the end, he knows everything about nothing.

  253. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Do you know what humor is? It’s a band-aide against the craziness of life.

    What brought this on? I’m glad that you asked. Jared Kushner, the erstwhile president’s son-in-law, was once asked how to understand Donald Trump. He suggested reading about, of all things, the Cheshire Cat in “Alice in Wonderland.” Kushner paraphrased the cat: “If you don’t know where you’re going, any path will get you there.” The Cheshire Cat’s strategy was one of endurance and persistence, not direction, and Kushner indicated that this was the strategy of the most powerful man in the world at that point.

    You have to agree with me. If this doesn’t bring a smile to your lips, it’ll bring tears to your eyes.

    And I, for one, prefer the former.

  254. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “You there, on my left, why are you wearing glasses? We’re all supposed to have perfect vision.”

  255. Marvin+Sager says:

    “In my magic kingdom, when you are on Cloud-9, consider yourselves buoyant people and UPLIFTED!”

  256. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Kurt Vonnegut was once invited to a summer cocktail party at the Hampton’s home of a billionaire CEO. At the party, someone asked Kurt, “How does it feel to know this guy makes more money in a day than you will ever make in your lifetime?”

    After a moment Kurt responded calmly that he didn’t mind at all, that he had something the CEO would never have.

    “What’s that?” the person challenged.


  257. Michael Lomazow says:

    “I’m Charlie,and your my Angels.”

  258. Marvin+Sager says:

    “From Here To Eternity,” my favorite theme movie!

  259. Michael Lomazow says:

    Your Kurt Vonnegut quote got me interested in his other famous quotes. “It’s s terrible waste to be happy and not notice it,” is one I particularly liked.

  260. Michael Lomazow says:

    For me,busy week coming.Today,Monday,already walked the dogs at 6:30am.Then had the plumber here at 8am to fix a leak under the kitchen sink.This is the 4th time he’s been back and we’ve changed just about everything.He’s already gone and I am hopeful that its finally fixed.The rest of the week will include giving blood for three upcoming doctors appointments,a trip to either Triple AAA or DMV to try and fix a registration issue which has me driving without proper documentation,a birthday lunch party,a trip to get the dogs groomed and some other minor issues.I find that I am happiest when I have absolutely nothing to do.Having things to take care of makes me itch.I guess I believe that retirement should give me the option to have a blank calander and any intrusion is disappointing.Yes,getting older I suppose lends itself to cranky notions.

    1. jim gorman says:

      In my youth I thought retirement meant I would have all the time in the world to do any little thing. What I didn’t know was old age means it takes all the time in the world to do every little thing.

  261. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    You know you’re retired when your back goes out more than you do.

  262. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    Michael and Jim,

    This talk of retiring made me think of the new age we’re heading into. All of us, regardless of religious beliefs, have been brought up to believe that hard work, frugality and self-discipline are the values that should govern our lives. This Protestant ethic, promoted by Max Weber, served us well in an age of scarcity. But we’ll all have to get adjusted to the new age which is approaching, an age in which work will be taken over more and more by machines, leaving people without forced employment. How will we fill our time? What will young adults do without forced tasks? Will they go crazy and force everyone into a war and eventually obliterate the planet, or will they learn to embrace their leisure? Somehow the Protestant ethic will have to be replaced by an ethic that will tell us that it’s our solemn duty to learn how to enjoy ourselves. What an irony!

    Will we be ready?

  263. Michael Lomazow says:

    Today’s news stories include the black guy killed by The officer in Minnesota who supposedly mistook her taser for her service weapon and fatally shot the guy in his car.Also,tape surfaced of the black guy stopped by cops for a license plate problem.Wearing his coast guard uniform,he was ordered out of his car and pepper sprayed when he objected.The killing was within 10 miles of the trial presently underway in Minnesota.So far,an NBA game and baseball game have been postponed and protesters have gathered again in Minnesota.It is inconceivable to me that this keeps happening but can you imagine the rage this must engender for people of color.What does everyone think?Have you seen the video?

    1. Gerald Lebowitz says:

      There is pent-up rage in this country. The game is changing. People are confused and very anxious. Just as they embraced Trump in an evangelical fervor, they will embrace someone else down the road. I would bet on that.

      (But just remember that almost every bet I make turns out to be wrong.)

      1. Michael Lomazow says:

        Completely off topic but my wife just told me that a book by Tom Roston is coming out this October about Vonnegut and his writing of slaughterhouse five.It’s called The Writers Crusade.Just wanted to let you know if you are a big Vonnegut fan.

  264. Michael Lomazow says:

    Watch CNN right now for trouble in Minnesota……Monday 1o o’clock eastern time

  265. Gerald Lebowitz says:

    “Before we start the meeting today, I need to see proof of vaccination from each of you.”

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