Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by August 1 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“Dress code here is casual so just wing it!”
—Marvin Sager, Rockville, MD
“We’ve got to be practical, you know; a lot of people have accused us of having our heads in the clouds.”
—Gerald Lebowitz, New York, NY
“Everyone else in the cloud is making a bundle.”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ
Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.
Chuckle at the January/February issue 2021 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“Say hello to 1918 for me.”
—William Agress, Lawrenceville, NJ
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by August 1, 2021 Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the Summer Issue 2021 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.
Michael,
It was a general comment, applying to me, to you, to all of us. We never know whether what we do is going to pay off in a positive or negative way. As far as your still carrying around part of your educational training, I meant it as a compliment, that you’re a very clear communicator. Let me say something else to extend what I meant. I am reading a new book by that famed biographer Walter Isaacson. It’s called “The Code Breaker: Jennifer Doudna, Gene Editing, and the Future of the Human Race.” In the not too distant future we may have the skill to genetically engineer the types of humans we want to have. The question is, how to decide. In the days when this nation was being formed, we needed rugged individualists, Daniel Boone types, to ruggedly explore the new terrain. But will that type be what will be needed in the future? If not, what? What if our planet is threatened by other forms of life, for example? The point is, we don’t know. Nothing is certain. All any of us can do is guess and cross our fingers.
Gerald,
My guess is that we will always need Daniel Boone types but the egg-head(Dr.Fauchi)will also be indispensible.Former astronaut Mark Kelly,now Senator,may be the next version of the type of leader who will impact our country.He reminds me of John McCain,the national hero who could be electable.McCain fell to Obama but that was a unique circumstance.I can see our country uniting behind the rugged ex astronaut individualist.However,who knows what’s next.Get rid of any Trump or kiss ass Trump disciple and I’ll be happy.
The Grammy awards are on tonight.I saw a commercial for the show and I think I recognized one or two names out of the approximately 10 that are supposed to perform.I’ll watch but the show may have already passed me by.
NEW CARTOON
“I see Gerald, Dale, Michael, and Carol Lasky (who was recently a winner on THE NEW YORKER), but where is Marvin?”
(Those mentioned above can thank me later!)
“We have enough members for a card game of STRIP POKER.”
“If Marvin was here, we would be celebrating with bottles of brandy!”
“Beware the (COVID-19) IDES OF MARCH!”
“Each of you has a religious TABLET, so SWALLOW the meaning!”
“Okay now. Michael you’re on my right. Gabriel on my left. Uriel move to the end. And Raphael get behind me.”
(Genesis 49:18)
William,
You are an ANGEL for mentioning these names! THANKS!
To Dale Stout,
Congratulations on your new nomination!It also looks like your elevator friend is back in the new cartoon.If I’m reading it right,the elevator cartoon is still mistakenly up for display whereas it should be the pilgrim cartoon.Hopefully,they will notice and fix it!
Hi Michael,
Regarding the caption-cartoon mixup, sometimes those mashups can be as funny or funnier, since they’re so random. Thanks
“There’s been some grumbling that the board has too many dead white men.”
“I had to cancel yesterday’s meeting. I apologize if the bread is a little stale.”
Good caption,Gerald
“All right, who’s got My halo?”
“Say, what if this year we turned a little profit?”
I like this one!
Really good caption
“I see. Does anyone wish to second the motion to dispense with the reading of the Commandments?”
Very good caption!
“To keep your position here, you need more than a WING & A PRAYER!”
“If you men had your BRIS, then you are a CUT ABOVE THE REST!”
Marvin,
If you had a bris, wouldn’t you be a cut BELOW the rest?
Gerald,
In heaven, you would be a cut above the rest on earth!
” Matzah is supposed to be round or square.
But not tablet shaped. “
“I don’t know why we say goodbye.
We say halo. Halooooo.”
“We’ve got a problem. Elijah is missing. He was last seen at a Seder in Highland Park. “
“Dress code here is casual so just WING IT!”
“Membership at this table is free, so you don’t need TOUPEE for it!”
” So we all agree ” It’s a Wonderful Life ” is our favorite movie. “
Seriously guys, where did you hid the afikoman?
Gentleman, that ends our diversity training. Now who can spare a rib?
“How many times must I tell you? When you go to Vegas to gamble, you’ve got to cover your halos and wings.”
“No returning to earth this month, all Guardian Angels will be teleworking until further notice.”
To Gerald,Marvin and Stephen nadler,
I don’t get the print edition of Moment until June so I’m a little confused about the Pilgrim Contest.Was my caption about being from the Mass.part of the family picked as the winner?And if so,why do they still have the elevator people cartoon up paired with my caption?Mistake,right!?It should be the pilgrim people,not the elevator people!
Gerald,
In the new cartoon,bread on the table.Any significance I’m missing?
“The Dodgers just traded their only Jewish player.Guess who is not winning the World Series this season.”
In my understanding, bread represents the body of Christ, and its distribution symbolizes the sharing of the divine spirit. It’s also my understanding that your caption won the pilgrim cartoon contest (for which, congratulations!!!) but that the powers that be printed the wrong cartoon over the announcement. Ironic, no, coming after a discussion about the humor that can come from moving captions into unrelated drawings? The take? Be careful what you wish for …
But your caption deserved to win, whatever the surroundings. Many good wishes!
“OK,I get it.Angels don’t live on bread alone.Tomorrow cheese ravioli.”
“I’m telling you this idea is the best thing since sliced manna.”
“The slice of bread next to each of you represents the fourth quarter dividend.”
“The winner of the contest has an Ace of Spades under the bread.”
” Forget the bread.It was leftover from the bakers meeting. “
“… What? When I said ‘made in his image’ I didn’t mean pasty!”
“Enough about the bread.It comes with red herring.”
” Our best Angels get grilled cheese so pick it up! “
Gerald,
Bread being a little stale Very Good caption.
“We’ve been trying to economize lately, so what you see before you on the table is slices of Wonder Bread from the supermarket.”
“We have a center,a point guard,a three point specialist,and two power forwards.Who could beat us?”
” Whoever throws the bread furthest,wins dinner with the big guy. “
“I call it sliced manna.”
“You don’t have to be Jewish to love Lev’s but it helps.”
” You don’t have to be Jewish to love Levy’s but it helps. “
“A message from earth indicates that all of you have sinned.
You let your car warranty expire! Shame on you!”
“It’s manna bread,the new and improved version and you are the first manna-ettes. “
“It’s cloudy with a hint of bread.”
” Pizza club meets at 6PM.Get there early or you won’t get in. “
“Donald Trump issued a message (since he couldn’t Tweet) that heaven is fake news.
So, needless to say, he will not be allowed here!”
“Did you eat the plates?”
” No,I didn’t clean the table.Do I have to do everything? “
“Try to look as if you’re interested. I don’t want this to be a bored meeting.”
(Sorry, Dale)
“Can you see if I have my Speedos on?”
“No,I don’t know why Angels need glasses.”
“On the menu for lunch & dinner is definitely ANGEL HAIR PASTA!”
“For dessert, we have ANGEL FOOD CAKE! Were you expecting flaming Baked Alaska in heaven?”
“Izzy is in Angel re-education for eating the bread.”
“You’re not a fallen angel just because of the missing bread but you are getting warm. “
“You’ll be covering the Senate.They need divine inspiration.”
“I called you all here today to discuss who really won the 2020 election.”
Confucius says that everything has beauty.You must decide if you want to acknowledge it or keep quiet so as to prop up yourself.
“Congrats to those of you who completed the water to wine trick. Your new task is rather obvious.”
New sign on the window of a Manhattan barber shop:
Men’s haircuts: $20
Overdue haircuts: $28
Do you think that the barber, in making this distinction,
is really splitting hairs?
“We’ll have sandwiches when I start seeing a prophet.”
I once knew a man who in his will left money to some of his children but not to others.
I guess you could say that he was splitting heirs.
“Each of you will butter your bread and slide it off the edge of the table. Those of you whose slice lands buttered side up shall go forth and spread good fortune around the world. The rest will spend eternity explaining to the unfortunate why bad things happen to good sandwiches.”
“We’ve got to be practical, you know; a lot of people have accused us of having our heads in the clouds.”
“We are all tired of meetings.From now on E-Mail will suffice.”
“Before I call this meeting to order, I want to stress that you’re free to leave at any time although you’re predestined to stay.”
“Since there’s no social distancing here, I must ask all those who haven’t had the vaccine to leave.”
“When you see my hands like this, that means this discussion has been “tabled” until later!”
“Gaslighting is only permitted on earth. Up here we let the sunshine in to improve the atmosphere!”
“Take your bread with you.You are going on a long trip.”
” You are all guest hosts on Jeopardy. “
“As for your suggestion,sorry.Dead men don’t wear plaid.”
“Never ask me to elaborate on my sermon, because the DEVIL is in the details!”
“Originally we had been promised the use of the ballroom at Trump’s International Hotel in DC for this meeting, but that offer fell through after the election, so we were forced to turn away many deserving people and gather in this small space. I’m sorry, but even G-d can’t predict the winner of every presidential contest.
“Thou shall have no other Gods before me. If you don’t agree, then g*ddamn you!”
“Groucho,Rickles,Brooks and Dangerfield all applied but G-d was afraid we’d get nothing done.”
“Your jobs are to spread good cheer.Fixing the lottery just seems a bridge too far. “
“Don’t get cocky.Wings and bread are standard issue to newcomers.”
“Ask not what your Deity can do for you…Ask what you can do for your Deity.”
“Everybody is Irish today on St. Patrick’s Day except for the POPE. Unfortunately, the POPE doesn’t like GAY celebrations!”
Marvin,
And those that are not Irish are green with envy.
Gerald,
Let us toast with a GREEN BEER to your cheers (SLAINTE)!
“I realize it’s the root of all evil, but if we don’t start making some, it’s bread daily.”
“Did anyone get 16-across in today’s New York Times crossword?”
My wife ,the smartest person I know,says tweet.
“Profits are also the root of better lunches.”
“Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all, and may all your SHENANIGANS be a blessed memory on this important occasion!”
God is good. It’s just a matter of adding another “o.”
Gerald,
My wife,who knows all,says tweet for Cross word puzzle.
Going to dinner with psychiatrist friend tonight…Haven’t done this for a year so I’m happy to get out(patio dining).Also,free yearly psychiatric evaluation!He’s crazier than I am!
You know how to tell that someone’s a psychiatrist? He’s the one who greets you with, “Hello, nice to see you. You’re okay, how am I?
If you decide to mix business with pleasure, he can examine you and you can cross-examine him.
Have a good dinner in any event.
P. S. Your wife is very smart!
Met the forensic psychiatrist 40 years ago.He testified in several criminal cases I handled as a prosecutor.The defendants were never able to prove insanity based on the circumstances of the case and his testimony.Always murder cases.Always horrible crimes,too descriptive to talk about.By the way,and I may have mentioned this previously,my uncle,my mom’s brother,was a very well known forensic psychologist,author,poet and university professor.He died at age 100 a few years ago.He examined the Boston strangler and also Jeffrey McDonald,the green beret doctor convicted of killing his wife and kids and blaming it on hippies who he claimed invaded his house.I read all the court psychiatric reports.My uncle obviously disliked McDonald and this was apparent in his report.One interesting thing my uncle concluded was that McDonald was a latent homosexual,which finding enraged the defendant.?
“This is a board meeting, not a BORED meeting!”
Listen, when it comes to humans I appreciate the groups innovation and outside of the box thinking, but some things just look better on paper.
“Your prompt attendance at this gathering proves you are DEADLY RIGHT, or RIGHTLY DEAD!”
Michael,
If you want to examine your psychiatrist friend, here is an article for him to read. Look at it as a kind of Rorschach test. It’s by British journalist Melanie Phillips ( a strong supporter of Trump, by the way). If he thinks that her arguments have merit I’d suggest you wait more than a year before you see him again:
“A cultural crisis was illuminated last week by the mutually exploitative encounter between Oprah Winfrey and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Many people (including U.S. President Joe Biden) hailed what they saw as the bravery of the Duchess, the former Meghan Markle, in talking about her mental-health issues.
“They thus appeared to see nothing wrong with her trashing her in-laws and smearing the entire British Royal Family as racist, heartless and cruel.
“This reaction was morally bankrupt. If Meghan and Prince Harry are psychologically frail, that deserves sympathy. But that doesn’t excuse Meghan blaming this on an allegedly racist Royal Family (other than the Queen, whom she exempted), media and British public.
“This vague and contradictory series of smears was backed up by no evidence at all. What kind of daughter-in-law behaves like this towards her husband’s family? What kind of a son behaves like Prince Harry in making bitter accusations about his father in public?
“The pair were also hypocritical in revealing the ostensible content of private conversations and making themselves the biggest story in the world, while ferociously asserting their own right to privacy.
“Yet this has been lapped up uncritically by millions. Without any knowledge of the truth or otherwise of these claims, and without knowing anything about the royals other than what they’ve read in the media or from watching the often viciously fictionalized soap opera, “The Crown,” they now “know” as an unchallengeable fact that Meghan and Prince Harry have been victimized by the heartless racists of the Royal Family.
“It appears that, if someone who is deemed to belong to an “intersectional” racial minority claims to be the victim of racism or to have been driven by white society to mental illness, then this must be accepted as true without even hearing the other side of the story. Indeed, there can be no other side.
“Instead, it’s those who point out that the behavior by Meghan and Prince Harry was contemptible who find their positions in jeopardy.
“This has become a terrifying looking-glass world where morality has been turned back to front. It’s where in the minds of millions—particularly, the young—venality, disloyalty and spite register as evidence of moral worth.
“This reversal of truth and falsehoods, justice and injustice, victim and victimizer has been accelerating over several decades.
“Years ago, I realized that the onslaught against the Jewish world is deeply intertwined with the onslaught against the West. The key is Jewish values.
“Although Christianity embedded those values in Western culture, it is the Mosaic codes themselves that are in the cross-hairs of those who are intent upon destroying justice, truth and sexual continence and unraveling biological identity.
“One of the most fundamental of those biblical values—so egregiously absent from the behavior of the Sussexes—is the concept of moral responsibility.
“This is the duty to restrain our own wants and desires in the interests of others. This code of obligation and self-control is vital for a co-operative, generously minded and mutually respectful society. Without it, society fragments instead into hostile groups fighting for power over each other.
“That’s precisely what’s happened in the West as the result of decades of assault by cultural revolutionaries. Promoting their Marxist view of the world, these have sought to replace national identity by competing factional power blocs.
“Biblical morality has been junked in favor of universalizing ideologies such as moral and cultural relativism. These have replaced the notion of objective truth with subjective opinion. “What is right or true” has become “what is right or true for me”—echoed in Oprah’s grating reference to Meghan’s claims as “your truth.”
“If there’s no objective truth, there can also be no such thing as a lie. That’s one reason why even verifiable factual evidence doesn’t dent the blind certainty of the Israel-haters.
“All this and more has given rise to the malign madness of the culture wars. What’s less recognized, however, is the ultimate cause—the loss of belief in religion, the fundamental source of the West’s most precious values of morality and rationality.
“The secular world, including many secular Jews, tells itself the opposite. It claims that the West’s most valuable achievements, such as science and the promotion of freedom and equality, come from having dumped the Bible as mere mumbo-jumbo involving punitive codes of behavior that destroy freedom.
“On the contrary, these are values and achievements that could not have existed without Judaism and Christianity. And every one of the ideologies which has replaced the Hebrew Bible—ideologies that have helped extinguish freedom and equality and undermined scientific integrity—is anti-Judaism or anti-Israel.
“Moral relativism denies the Mosaic moral codes. Egalitarianism denies the differentiation and distinctiveness that underpin the very idea of right versus wrong.
“Environmentalism, which denies the superiority of humankind over the natural world, devalues humanity in favor of the planet. Materialism, or the belief that everything in the universe has a material explanation, denies the existence of God. Transnationalism dismisses the importance of the individual nation with its particular culture and laws, which is the very essence of Judaism.
“Responsibility for the crisis in the West, however, doesn’t only lie with the liberals—and liberal Jews—who subscribe to these ideas. Conservatives have conspicuously failed to fight them.
“After the fall of communism, conservatives thought their anti-Western fox had been shot. They turned instead to defending liberty against the state at home. But liberty shouldn’t be an end in itself. It should be the means to a more important end: how to live a civilized life and help create a civilized society.
“The failure of conservatives to understand this, coupled with their tendency to view the world through the prism of economics, meant they were largely blind to the urgent need to defend the West’s core values of individual and collective moral responsibility.
“In general, observant Jews tend to be politically conservative. So are some religiously liberal Jews, but these are vastly outnumbered by politically liberal Jews who are either secular or are trying to refashion Judaism itself into a secular and liberal Golden Calf.
“The challenge for Jewish conservatives is to find the language to reclaim and communicate Jewish values to both the Jewish and non-Jewish world, and to use these values to drive the defense of the Western nation and its culture against the forces that seek to obliterate it through the moral chaos we now see all around us.”
Michael,
A group of us were having dinner the other evening and someone suggested that we go around the table with each of us sharing the greatest wisdom we’d picked up so far in our lifetimes. When my turn came, I said, “The smaller the dog, the louder the bark. The bigger the dog, the less need he has to make a big noise; he just looks at you as if to say, “Why are you messing with me? You know I could take you with one swipe of my paw.”
As a dog lover and owner, would you quarrel with my comment???
I agree with your remark and I am constantly entertained by the behavior of dogs.I don’t know how I would function without their friendship and love.Not a day passes where I don’t find them irresistable.I have just lost my blanket to my dogs and although I loved that blanket,I get more pleasure watching them enjoy it.Winston likes to steal my socks as well and I find them hidden all over the house and yard!
Of course, the gist of the whole idea was that my comment, of course, applies to people, too.
Sorry I left that out.
Bitter accusations against his father in public!Obviously true since no one could or would make that up(worry about a dark skin baby).What is unbelievable is what was said to Harry by his father about Harry’ s son.I regard an accusation as “My father is racist.” When you detail the racist remarks,it’s much more than an accusation.If an accusation was a gun,what Charles said was the ammunition.
Putting the relationship between Harry and his father back together again is probably impossible but maybe what is more important is the self respect Harry gains for himself and how his wife knows she can count on him.I’d like to think that deep down Charles becomes a better person as well.Without dwelling on this,I gained some respect for Harry.I think he handled himself very well
Gerald
To prove that our captions sometimes get mixed with the real world,here is a good example.When you earlier asked for a crossword answer,I didn’t notice the quotation marks around your request so I didnt realize it was a caption.I quickly yelled up to my wife who responded quickly with the answer in today’s crossword.Hours later,just a while ago,I noticed it was a caption!I’m glad we could supply you with the answer to your caption question!!!
“I call your slice of bread and raise you a loaf.”
Winston Churchill would be honored to know that his name was being carried on as a loyal and valued member of a household here in America.
I would not allow any blanket statements to be made that might be critical of his behavior.
Of course, maybe I’m jumping the gun. Maybe Winston is actually named after the once-popular cigarette (remember the grammatically controversial ad–“Winston tastes good LIKE a cigarette should”?).
Or perhaps you named him after the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints.
Whatever, you have every reason to feel proud. Thanks for all the input.
Okay I posted this caption a several days ago, but it disappeared a few hours later. Admittedly it is a little bizarre, but is it offensive? Or did I just do something wrong procedurally?
“Each of you will butter your bread and slide it off the edge of the table. Those whose slice lands buttered side up shall go forth and spread good fortune around the world. The rest will spend eternity explaining to the unfortunate why bad things happen to good sandwiches.”
Today’s subject is+++++++contrast+++++++CONTRAST+++++++CONtrast
“The act of comparing people or things to show the differences between them.”
(1) People on earth++++++++++”There are things that I would die for!”
(2) Angels in heaven+++++++++”There are things that I would live for!”
(3) Robots anywhere+++++++++”There are things to live or die for, I just can’t think about it!”
(Remarks from Marvin++++++++”There are many things to consider for a conclusion, so I would defer to Gerald Lebowitz for divine inspiration.)
“The first item on our agenda is whether Satan and his legions are entitled to any Economic Impact Payments.”
They would just use them for pipe bombs,etc.,to blow up public buildings.
From my “psychiatric dinner” last night.(1)He’s never seen so many disturbed,depressed people,all suffering because of the pandemic.Solution:Get out of the house!Wear a mask but get out….Take off your mask if you can be safe.I picked him up at his office and we both relished the opportunity to take off our masks and talk,as we both have been fully immunized.Today my wife and I,masks on,ate lunch outside on a patio of a Mexican restaurant.I talked baseball with the host and my wife joined in.It felt good.We have a cleaning women at our house today for the first time in a year.As much as we tried to keep it clean,a very deep cleaning is so much better.Sunny and 70 degrees today also picks up the spirit.
Michael,
Psychiatrists aren’t the only ones seeing the effect of the pandemic. “According to an American Dental Association poll of its members, the pandemic has given rise to a 71 percent increase in teeth grinding and clenching (or bruxism), a 63 percent increase in chipped and cracked teeth, and a 62 percent increase in pain and compromised movement of the jaw and surrounding muscles, known as temporomandibular disorder (TMD).”
“Let us get to the bottom of this.How can your submissions to The Moment Caption Contest keep arriving if you’ve all been here for a year?”
To Gerald and Marvin,
I thought you’d chuckle at My above caption!
Michael,
If I understand your cartoon caption, then I should drop dead (laughing) to complete the above entry.
Then again, are you trying to drive me to drink more?
Marvin,
Please don’t do anything drastic!What I was suggesting(I think)was that there was some nefarious plot underway to keep the captions coming,even after death.Was there a ghostwriter(pun intended)working for the angels,or some other cosmic force at play.Would death disqualify you from competing?I doubt that would be in the rules!If you could figure out a way to keep the captions coming,even a year after death,you would deserve a lot of consideration.
I guess you would have to embrace the saying, ” Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. “
“An ANGEL OF MERCY will be visiting today. So, have MERCY on her soul!”
Caption:
“Will you please take a look to see if I have my Speedos on?”
From Kate Sheehy:
A GoFundMe page set up to pay off the mortgage on Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s $14.6 million California estate has gone bust — after raising a measly $110, a report says.
Anastasia Hanson, 56, of California told Britain’s the Sun that she started the fundraising effort because she seriously felt sorry for the multimillionaire royal couple — after Harry publicly whined to Oprah Winfrey about being financially cut off by Buckingham Palace.
“When they came to the USA, they were without jobs and with limited funds,” said Hanson, who lives about 25 minutes from the princely pair’s palatial estate in swanky Montecito.
“They’ve stated that they’ve had a very rough time, so this fundraiser is a way to give help, compassion, and love by paying their home loan in full.”
A fundraiser to help pay off Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s $19 million Los Angeles mansion has been shut down after reaching just $110.
In Markle and the prince’s bombshell TV sit-down last week, Harry defended their inking of a multitude of uber-lucrative media deals since leaving royal life, saying, “My family literally cut me off financially, and I had to afford security for us.”
Hanson’s online bid to try to financially help the royals was started a few days ago — and shut down by Saturday after just three donations, the Sun said.
Hanson kicked in $5, while “A Supporter” gave $100 and “Anonymous” bestowed $5 on the fund.
The page had read, “I am Anastasia Hanson of Ventura, California and I am raising funds to pay off the mortgage for the Montecito, California home of Harry and Meghan.”
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided where they want to live and purchased an 18,000 square foot mansion, that rests on 5.4 acres, in Montecito , California, about 90 miles from Los Angeles.
“Were 2 million supporters to donate just $5 each, the Goal is met and the loan can be paid off. After their interview, I was moved with compassion to help get their home paid off. As they are now financially independent, this will help and be a loving gift.”
Harry and Meghan bought their nine-bedroom, 16-bathroom manse — dubbed the Chateau of Riven Rock — in August for $14.65 million.
The prince reportedly inherited what now amounts to around $13 million from his late mother, Princess Diana.
The pair also have an estimated $100 million production deal with Netflix and are said to rake in $1 million a pop for speeches.
“Don’t forget…No ghostwriting services allowed.”
“Make sure you all sign the non-disclosure agreement.”
“These aren’t commandments! They’re just funny tweets you’ve found!”
“The bread is for the pigeons.Don’t know how,but they are everywhere. “
“Female joining us next week.Don’t make fools of yourselves.”
“We have a HEAVEN’S GATE. But, not the one Marshall Applewhite & his followers revered!”
“Everyone else in the cloud is making a bundle.”
“The readers of Moment are having a good laugh at our expense.”
“Then it’s agreed: no graven images except for cartoons.”
For Michael and for all other dog lovers everywhere, thanks to Mira Fox:
“In early lockdown, my friend Jess got a pandemic puppy. She told me she was considering naming him Knish. I suggested Babka, and, as though it was an unspoken truth that the new puppy must be named after Jewish food, we ran through every example we could think of.
“Latke was too obvious, and Cholent sounded more like a bulldog. Mufletas was dismissed as ‘too hipster.’ Eventually, I suggested Sufganiyah. Jess, who works in the Jewish nonprofit world, jumped on it. They would call him Sufi for short, she said – arguably bringing a whole other religion into the game, but Jess and I had become friends in divinity school, so that seemed fitting. Her boyfriend Andrew agreed, and Sufi joined their other dog Mazel.
“Sarah Bunin Benor, a professor of linguistics at Hebrew Union College, is currently writing a book on trends in Jewish pet names, an offshoot of her ongoing academic research on Jewish naming customs for humans. She said Jewish foods are a popular theme for Jewish pet names, but not the only one — Biblical names, Yiddish and Hebrew words, dead relatives, Jewish holidays, historical figures and puns (such as Groucho Barx and Golda Meow) are also common categories.
“’Especially if they adopted the animal around Passover, they might call it Afikomen, or if they adopted the animal around Purim, they might call him or her Vashti or Mordechai,’ she said. ‘Or Dreidl or Latke around Hanukkah.’”
“My poor Aunt Frima. My dad named his dog after her. Now I feel bad we didn’t name a kid after her.
“Naming pets after foods or holidays or even departed relatives is not a uniquely Jewish custom; Cookie, Peanut and Oreo all cracked the top 100 dog names for 2020, according to the pet care site Rover, and they even had a list of food-specific names, divided by categories such as sweet, savory, fruits and vegetables. (While no Jewish foods made it into Rover’s top 20 food names, Babka, Blintz, Challah and Rugelach featured in the baked goods category.)
“’Most Jewish phenomena, among American Jews, are actually broader American phenomena, and then Jews might do them in slightly different ways,’ Benor said.
“‘But for Jews, their pet names may carry more personal significance than a favorite food. They’re following the American pattern, but they’re also highlighting things that are important to them as Jews. And they’re highlighting their own Jewish identity in the names they choose for their pets,’ said Benor. Sometimes the names are even an opportunity for the owner to teach about Judaism or Jewish heritage, such as dogs named Rashi, after the famous Jewish commentator.
“This has played out with Jess and Andrew’s dogs. Andrew’s childhood dog was a beagle named Bagel; he’d hoped to get a second dog named Lox, but Andrew named his next dog Mazel. Even though he does not identify as a particularly engaged Jew, his dogs clearly are.”
#################
Michael, will you be planning a lavish barx mitzvah for Winston?
Gerald,
Winston has already outspent his Bar Mitzvah funds.Toys,treats and medical expenses have eaten away at his celebration.We discussed it and he’s good with it.He just wants to keep going out 4-5 times a day!
At least he keeps you going out 4-5 times a day. You know what the definition of old age is? It’s when your back goes out more than you do.
Winston will keep you young.
“From my “dynamite” lectures, all of you will soon experience a BIG BANG!”
Come to think of it, teaching modern Orthodox dogs to bark their haftorahs at their bar-mitzvahs could be a lucrative side gig, don’t you think? I think I could teach them the tropes.
The problem, of course, would be helping them with their bar mitzvah speeches.
(Now if I could only make connections with veterinarians to send some business my way….)
From Dava Sobel’s “Galileo’s Daughter”:
The bare facts of the story are these: The system of Aristotle and Ptolemy, which placed the earth motionless at the center of the cosmos, explained the movement of the sun and stars across the sky as a daily rotation of the heavens about a celestial axis. A yearly revolution of the sun about the earth explained the seasons. The idea of a static and central earth accorded well with various passages in the Bible, for example Psalm 103: ”O Lord my God, Thou art great indeed. . . . Thou fixed the Earth upon its foundation, not to be moved forever.”
In 1543, the Polish astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus proposed a more economical system: let the small earth, rather than the immense sky, rotate once every day about its own axis, and let the earth orbit the sun. Galileo convinced himself that Copernicus had to be right. In 1610, Galileo pointed his new telescope at the heavens, to discover pockmarks on the moon and other moons around Jupiter, all diminishing the specialness of the earth and its central position. Later, Galileo employed evidence like the daily slosh of the tides and annually repeating sunspots to support the Copernican worldview.
Aware of the perception of conflict between discovered truth in nature and revealed truth in the Bible, Galileo wrote to his former student Benedetto Castelli, ”that though Scripture cannot err, its expounders and interpreters are liable to err in many ways . . . when they would base themselves always on the literal meaning of the words.” He went farther to say that he did not believe that ”the same God who gave us our senses, our speech, our intellect, would have put aside the use of these, to teach us instead such things as with their help we could find out for ourselves.” In this way, Galileo reconciled the independence of the human mind with a loyalty to God and Scripture, and he privately held to this view, despite public recantings, for the rest of his life.
Gerald,
Winston imposes his will on me all day long.If he doesn’t feel that he has gotten enough of a treat to eat,he refuses to leave the area where he knows the bag of treats is located and will stare at the bag and then at me.If he wants to go for a walk,he will jump up and try to achieve eye level and will stare fixedly at me until I give in.Once we do begin to leave the house to go out,he runs down the stairs excitedly barking until I open the door to the garage,where he runs to the car door and barks until he is secure in the back seat of my car.There is ,however,a hierarchy at play,in that Abigail has to be The First one in the back seat and all The other dogs have learned this.You don’t mess with Abby!We start our day at about 6AM,for walk no.1.Back about 645 and time to split a bagel with me!Walk no.2 at 10AM.Walk no.3 at 1PM and walk four at 4PM.Depending on their success or not on this walk,there may be a 7PM walk as well.All the walks come with car rides to the destinations.I try to vary our walk locations so as not to bore them or me.The early morning walks,still somewhat dark,have the possibility of seeing a coyote,who have always run from us but I am constantly aware of their potential for harm.By the way,aside from the walks,the dogs have access all day to our backyard.They like to sleep in the sun and chase any bird that comes within the perimiter.We do get the occasional bird of prey that comes in to take a look.The hawks can be intimidating and my dogs gather together when they see them so as to provide a United front.
“The main issue to be discussed at today’s meeting is whether the requirements for admission to the Kingdom of Heaven are too high.”
Makin’ Jump Shots
By Michael S. Harper
He waltzes into the lane
’cross the free-throw line,
fakes a drive, pivots,
floats from the asphalt turf
in an arc of black light,
and sinks two into the chains.
One on one he fakes
down the main, passes
into the free lane
and hits the chains.
A sniff in the fallen air—
he stuffs it through the chains
riding high:
“traveling” someone calls—
and he laughs, stepping
to a silent beat, gliding
as he sinks two into the chains.
This reminds me of LeBron James. Unstoppable,even at age 36.So good he laughs at the attempt to stop him.
“Sustenance and then flying lessons.”
“Don’t forget,when you cast your ballet,I’m the one who got you cable.”
” I’ve been wanting to start a moving company for years. “
“I’ll bet I can name that tune with one note.”
” You’re dubious.What the hell does that mean? “
“On earth, people now put a SPRING in their steps. Up here, you only need to SPRING to attention when I speak.”
To Winston,
We at this site have heard so much about you from Michael that we feel we know you, but I wanted to reach out to you directly to ask a few questions.
You come across as being very loyal and possessing great intelligence while having a healthy sense of your own importance. But what is your real role in the Lomazow household? Are you a pet? Are you a colleague? A friend? Perhaps the boss?
Now my main question. Would it be possible for you to contribute a caption once in a while to this contest? At first, of course, this would create some confusion in the minds of the judges. But that would be a small price to pay for the privilege of receiving your valued contribution.
Remember, “On the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”
We look forward to hearing from you before too long, perhaps after one of your runs around the neighborhood.
Thanks for reading this, Winston. Give our very best wishes to Michael and family.
Winston to Gerald & all the rest:
“The great Winston Churchill lived across the pond. We both loved WHISKEY, but my diet does not allow this to happen.
My “bone of contention” is that I live a dog’s life, while Winston Churchill lived amongst royalty!”
To Gerald,
This is Winston attempting to answer your inquiry.I would say that I am definitely the boss.Michael may not fully admit this but I get what I want,when I want it.I’ve already taken his blanket as my own(it’s very comfy)and I get to pick out when we go on walks.If he tried to shorten the walk,I pull back,stare at him and in essence let him know that he’s not going to get away with cheating us out of our due.The neighbors also know not to mess with me.I’ll take their treats but I’ve got no time for idle gossip or conversations.I have to admit that the accommodations are good.I get all the food I need,treats several times a day and a big yard to chase birds.As for captions,I’ll try and suggest some good one’s for Michael to use.He really likes these contests but I have to admit they take time away from me.However,he does need some hobby time.As for this month’s cartoon,how about “What have you done for your dog lately” or is that a too directed comment?I’ll try and be more nuanced in The future but I wanted to start with a direct plea for treating your dogs with love and respect.Signing off with a big tail wave.
Winston,
Thanks for your prompt reply. Michael’s writing skills have obviously rubbed off on you, and I’m sure that many of us here on the site would be thrilled to see some of your caption ideas. It must get to be a little frustrating to be part of such an overachieving family, so taking a path of your own might prove satisfying. I never really had a pet of my own unless you include roaches and mice. My son liked gerbils. Come to think of it, though, we always had carPETS, and of course there were parapets on roofs. I don’t think they count.
Now that I’ve met you I see why Michael is so full of energy and good will. If they could clone you and hand you to every family in the country, there would be a drop off of health complaints. The most important component in maintaining good health is to keep moving, and you certainly keep Michael moving.
I can clearly see you as the power behind the throne.
P.S. If you ever want to vent about any issues, such as resentment of Abigail’s place in the household’s pecking order, don’t hesitate to write. And, again, give all best wishes to everyone!
Winston,
Here’s a silly joke to give you a little laugh in the middle of what’s usually a busy day for you. You can read it before you take Michael out for his walk.
A man met a friend on the street. The friend had a sad expression on his face.
“Why are you sad?” asked the man.
“I’m sad,” the friend replied, “because my dog isn’t as smart as I had thought he was. And I should know because I play checkers with him every night.”
“Wow,” said the friend, “a dog who can play checkers must be very smart.”
“Naah,” said the friend.
“He’s only won one game in the entire year we’ve been playing.”
Have you tried playing Michael or Abigail?
To Gerald,
Michael and Abigail play chess.I’m still working on The Queens Gambit.
Gerald,
They cut off a lot of our comments to make room for the new but if you look at the first comment still listed,it’s March 13 by you in answer to me. “It was a general comment,applying to me ,to you,etc.You wrote this in response to my question asking you what you meant.Do you remember what you wrote that I asked about?If you wish,I will tell you why I keep asking about this but for now I’m just interested in you recreating what you said,exactly if you remember.Thank you for putting up with my unusual requests.
Michael,
My problem is that I write faster than I think. My lines are throwaways, hopefully to serve as a source of amusement. That’s why I’ve advocated wiping the slate clean after each contest, something that management seems reluctant to do. I’m really not sure what you might want me to clarify. I believe I meant that too many of us beat ourselves for making wrong decisions when at the time we made those decisions it was not clear what was the right thing to do. “I should have bought Bitcoin before it went straight up.” Really? I might have bought it only to see it go straight down.
But if you provide me with a direct question, I’ll try to clarify what I can.
I do think, though, that you’re attaching more importance to my words than they deserve.
What I was asking was what were the exact words you used that I asked the meaning of.I can understand it if you can’t recall!
“I’ll need your mock-ups soon. Remember, they want the final product engraved with my finger!”
“Today’s virtual lecture on an outer space vacation. BEACHED ON A DESERTED PLANET!”
“He still thinks that ‘Give us this day out daily bread’ applies but believe me,I’m working on him to add daily specials.
It was said that Henry S. Levy once managed to get an audience with the Pope in the Vatican, during which he requested “just a slight change” in the above prayer. When His Holiness inquired as to what the change would be, the businessman replied: “When you give us this day our daily bread, make sure it’s Levy’s Jewish Rye.”
Needless to say, the request didn’t go very well, and Mr. Levy was very quickly escorted out of the papal apartment in the Vatican Palace.
Wasn’t that a wry story?
Michael,
As I recall, I wrote that your teaching experiences taught you lots of valuable things, such as how to be clear, how to gauge the students’ levels of comprehension, and how to read the moods of your audience, all of which came in handy when you had to compose and deliver remarks to a jury.
Nothing is wasted, and paradoxically the bitter experiences are often the ones that bring forth the beautiful flowers of spring.
Regards to my friend Winston ( who, by the way, agrees with me).
“Today we have to discuss the terrible problem of price gouging on the sale of chometz for Passover.”
” He still thinks that ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ applies but believe me,I’m working on him to add daily specials. “
“No, I refuse to go back to earth. Last time I was stuck on this elevator and Dale Stout won a contest making PUNS about me!”
Gerald,
You have a great memory. “Nothing is wasted” is the phrase I was looking for.I assume you meant that all of life’s experiences,even the negative ones, provide learning opportunities that you can benefit from in the future.I’m correct,right? By the way, “Nothing is wasted” would be a great phrase for tee shirts,maybe not as good as shit happens(Forrest Gump reference) but pretty darn good.You should look into copyrighting it and making some money with products.I’m only half kidding!
Gerald,
I know you said others on this site were the experts on things jewish,I thought I would ask you the following since you referenced it in your caption.If you sell your chometz,can you still keep it in your house,ready for you to buy back.Is it all ceremonial or do people really sell their food and get it out of the house.I suppose throwing the food away works too.
As I understand it, it’s all ceremonial. The chometz is supposed to be “sold” to a non-Jew before Passover. In actuality, the food stays in one’s home but is put in a separate place. After the holiday the food is “returned.” No money or food really changes hands. The whole process is wildly funny, and I’m surprised that Seinfeld, for one, never created a set about it.
Having said all this, I would consider Dinah and her brother Josh as authorities. I have my opinions, but I know my limits.
“Elijah is stuck in traffic. Do you think we should pull rank and create a miracle to get him to the seder in time?”
Michael,
Let me phrase it in a different way. When I say that nothing is wasted, I mean that everything serves as fertilizer. Let me tell a story.
Astronauts from Earth were in the process of colonizing another planet. They set up makeshift lodgings. The first night they looked out of their windows to see scores of tiny rodents running all over the ground. The leader told them to spread insecticide on the property. That night the rodents were gone. But a few nights later the men heard strange growling sounds. The next day the leader took them hunting and they killed the creatures who had made the noise. Several nights later they saw strange shapes through the shadows. They tracked the animals down and destroyed them. Things were quiet for a while, and then the men saw huge creatures through the trees.
“Shall we go after them tomorrow?” one of the men asked the leader. “No,” the leader replied.
“If we kill them we don’t know what will follow.”
P.S. By the way, thanks for complimenting me on my memory. I have such a good memory that I remember things that never happened.
“This is not Hollywood, but every so often a STAR is born!”
“He wishes to invest in wheat futures.Make it happen.”
Caption for the Cartoon
O.K. Who’se going to say the baracha?
“Your next check will contain a 4% cost of living increase.”
“I can’t refer to you as survivors, but more accurately, I can refer to you as cadavers that survived!”
I’ve been watching NCAA basketball games and actually have dreams where I am soaring above the rim as I jam the ball in on a dunk.It’s nice to relieve my youth,as I seem to be better in my dreams than I was in reality.In dreams,I can jump really high.In reality,bad knees,bad jump.
A reply to the cartoon contest. “But God she is only half Jew!”
“That is your job,should you choose to accept it.If you fail,we will disavow any knowledge of you!”
Michael,
The best humor is often unintentional humor. Don’t you think that the following is like the man who murders his parents and then pleads leniency on the grounds that he’s an orphan? How would you represent Ms. Powell today if you were given the assignment?
Sidney Powell, a onetime high-profile member of former President Donald Trump’s legal team, asked a federal court on Monday to dismiss Dominion Voting System’s $1.3 billion defamation lawsuit against her, arguing that “no reasonable person” would mistake her baseless accusations of an elaborate multinational, communist election-rigging scheme as “truly statements of fact.” In fact, Powell’s claims were just “opinions and legal theories,” her lawyers argued, as well as constitutionally protected “political speech” and “hyperbole.” At the same time, the motion contends, Dominion won’t be able to prove any “actual malice” on Powell’s part because “she believed the allegations then and she believes them now.”
The first thing I would do is approach the plaintiff with the suggestion that Ms.Powell could help them in their lawsuits against the much more deep pocketed people such as Guiliani,Trump,etc.I don’t think she has much money so the argument to the plaintiffs would be that They were wasting their time with her.She could be contrite,and possibly lay out a broader conspiracy to sell the ridiculous story.Of course Ms.Powell would have to agree but it’s worth exploring.Her so called admissions of conspiracy would get the plaintiff what they want,good publicity and would be instrumental to their other lawsuits.One thing at a time.
“Need I remind you not to smoke, swallow, snort, or inject ANGEL DUST!”
Reading your excellent post was like taking a master class in defense strategy. It just seemed bizarre to me that Ms. Powell admitted believing all the things she said; therefore, having the right of free speech, she couldn’t be accused of defamation; in any event, what she said was so obviously nonsense that no reasonable person would believe her anyway, so the plaintiff could not possibly have been harmed. Talk about playing it both ways!
I’d hire you anytime if I needed a great defense!
“We’ll have a quick meeting today. We have to get rid of all the bread before Passover.”
Okay decide which one of you will be the evil son
Michael,
This Sidney Powell business reminds me of the time when I was listening to a radio DJ interviewing a doctor who was violently anti-psychiatry. “These people are quacks,” the doctor fumed, ending his tirade by saying, “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined!”
Sidney Powell in her own convoluted way would have understood.
Gerald,
I am certainly no expert in this area and as an attorney who handled 100% criminal law,I never handled a defamation case.However,it is clear that even if the defendant believes the statements,defamation still applies.It is not the defendants truth that is key but actual truth.Some jurisdictions ,I believe,may mitigate damages if the defendant actually believed the false statements but the key is the determination of the truth or falsity of the statements.I may believe that the plaintiff beats his wife but if I say it,and it’s untrue,I’m guilty of slandering him.
You could always ask the plaintiff, “Have you stopped beating your wife? Answer yes or no.”
“Today’s question is, ‘Why can’t we get married during Passover?’ The answer is that people would rather have rice thrown at them than matzoh meal.”
“Laundry pickup 5pm.”
“I understand many languages, but that New Jersey twang is impossible to comprehend!”
“Yes, Phil, I know the saying. But I asked you to bring proof to show the people we’re STILL doing great works.”
Similarly:
“When I said in order to prove relevance and restore faith we needed to show the people ‘great works of wonder’… (sigh). Seriously, NOTHING since is ours?”
Sorry, if above entry is too long, each sentence can actually be 2 separate captions.
“Today we edit the Book of Exodus. I want it made clear that I tried my darndest to be decent but that Pharaoh hardened his own heart.”
Just a ‘few’ thoughts from some of the comments above:
-Congratulations to Stephen Nadler on being a finalist. Stephen’s Attempted Bloggery has been a go-to place for cartoons and humor year in and year out. Please check it out.
To Michael Lomazow-sometimes when captions get mishmashed occasionally with the drawing, it can make things funnier because it’s so random and unexpected. Thank you for commenting about it.
C. Ruth Keegan, I like your caption. Please keep them coming.
Molly Brown, your captions are unsinkable-please keep them coming (Sorry, Marvin made me say unsinkable)
Marvin and Gerald, while I may sometimes get ‘tunnel vision’, your comments are never BORING :^)
“The first order of business is to discuss Satan’s request for more miserable working conditions.”
“There is no excuse for missing a meeting in heaven, even if you claim to be DEAD TIRED!”
“In response to complaints, let it be recorded in the minutes that I did not specifically authorize Noah to include two roaches in the ark.”
“For anyone who disagrees with me, there will be HELL TO PAY!”
Then I had my staff split the Red Sea.
JR, great play on the word “staff”!
Glad you’re back. Can Dinah be far behind?
“Do you know what the real mystery is? It’s that our committee meets for hours and hours every week, but in the end all we’re left with is minutes.”
“On earth you did FLEE MARKET stock crashes, but in heaven there are no FLEA MARKETS!”
Gerald,
All we’re left with is minutes…..Is this a comment on our relative short time on earth?
Gerald,
Or is it minutes of the meeting?
“Gentlemen, I am the Almighty. I am the Lord. I don’t need a committee to help me rule. The word ‘committee’ itself has two m’s, two t’s, and two e’s, and a committee takes twice as long as it should to make decisions. So I am disbanding this group as of now.”
Michael,
The results of every committee meeting are usually recorded as minutes, so I was punning on the word. Reminding me of the famous story of the man who approached God and asked, “What is a million years to you?” and God answered, “A million years to me is like a minute.” And the man persisted, “And what is a million dollars to you?” God answered, “A million dollars to me is like a penny.” The man then asked, “If a million dollars is like a penny to you, could you give me a million dollars?” And God smiled and answered, ” I’d be happy to.”
“But,” he continued, ” you’ll have to wait a minute.”
Gerald,
Love the joke!
“After 2000 years,he wants you to recommend a manna improvement.Think Italian!”
“All humans on earth are created in my image, especially those HEADED FOR BALDNESS!”
Marvin,
Baldness is a virtue, not a liability.
There’s an old saying, “Grass doesn’t grow on busy streets.”
You have so much great mental traffic streaming, there’s really no room for hair to sprout.
I want to wish everyone a happy Pesach.I will enjoy the special charoset my wife made for me,my favorite part of the seder.
“There is a new drink called SPIRITS. The more you drink, then the more SPIRITS you experience!”
Was Trump a savvy businessman? No, says Jon Mixon:
1)Trump was unceremoniously booted from the casino industry after nearly two decades of not earning a profit.
2)Trump, essentially a real estate broker, missed the 2007–8 real estate crisis completely. He did not see it coming, even after it severely damaged his core business.
3)Trump was forced to borrow money at rates which made his earning substantial returns impossible. His credit rating is shot.
4)Trump was never able to become a partner in The Apprentice reality series on which he starred for a number of years. Let that sink in: Most series stars want to become producers
on their series to earn additional revenue, yet Trump was unwilling or unable to become a partner in the venture.
5)There’s no evidence that Trump profits have EVER exceeded his losses since at least 1990. That’s more than 30 years of losses, which either indicates little business acumen, or tax
fraud, most likely both.
6)If any other businessman sported a record like the above, he would be considered a complete failure. It doesn’t seem to be too far off-base to consider Donald Trump to be one.
Business failure is The least of his problems.He is facing indictments which could put him in prison.Now that’s a problem!
Suggested caption for the Ben Schwartz cartoon; deadline April 15, 2001:
“Look at yourselves! Where are the women? Where are the minorities?”
Oops: deadline April 15, 2021!
If at first you don’t succeed!!
Sorry about my two previous typos: The deadline for the cartoon caption is, of course, April 15, 2021; and my last name is “Stone”
Jan Stone,
Your last name nay be Stone, but rest assured that with your skill you will never be taken for granite.
More, please? Thanks.
“Somebody mentioned a FART FAN, but to me the idea STINKS!”
“This caption intentionally left blank.”
Why left blank?
Michael,
Why left blank? To make fun of all those forms we come across in which one page is blank except for the words “This page intentionally left blank,” rendering the page, of course, not blank at all.
Incidentally during this holiday of Passover all the bread we eat must be unleavened.
Does this mean that all the humor must be unleavened, too?
If so, I wouldn’t get a rise out of anyone.
I guess my attempt at humor fittingly passed over.
We have been watching Shtisel,season three on netflix.The first two seasons are also available,each season about ten one hour episodes.It’s a fictional account of the lives of an ultra-orthodox family in Israel.It’s very entertaining.
Todays meeting is about raises.
Jack Gilbert,
Your site, gilbertsite.com, is a good one. Going through it is like going back in time to a more refreshing era (dare I compliment the site by saying that it is not stale, mechanical or dully professional?), dedicated to things enjoyed with passion and written with loving spontaneity. Since, among so many other things, you are interested in nutrition, might I suggest a review of Herbert Shelton’s Natural Hygiene, a movement once so popular among other nutritional approaches in the earlier years of the twentieth century?
Thanks for joining us in what I hope is more than a one-shot.
“This is a meeting of the minds, where I do mind the interruptions if you don’t mind!”
“If you cannot improve the bread,I’m giving the contract to Trader Joe’s. “
“Everyone must pull his/her weight regardless of ZERO GRAVITY!”
“You’ll eat more when I see more prophets.”
Last two announcements for today’s meeting. We’ve made the World’s Most Ethical Company’s list yet again. Great job, Team. Also, Larry’s been promoted to archangel. Great job, Larry.
“I would offer you a ride home but you’re the one’s with wings.”
“My proclamations are not MANDATES, they are GOD DATES!”
Marvin, very good, reminding me of the time when I was examining a package of dates in a supermarket and the manager of the department asked me what I was looking for. I told him that something was missing. He said, “That’s impossible. The package has never been opened.” I told him that what was missing was the sell-by date.”
I was sorry. I couldn’t help it. But he was still friendly to me when he saw me after that.
Gerald,
THANKS for your comments! My entry will now have a DATE in infamy!
“You were supposed to bring the cold cuts.”
Gerald and Marvin,
I’ve been watching the trial in the death of George Floyd.Have either or both of you been watching and if so,what is your impression?
Michael,
You created a Frankenstein by enticing us to try other caption contests. I just entered the new Cartoon Collections contest, which appeared today. It pictures a museum tour with gruesome paintings on the left and more appealing paintings on the right, with the group approaching the new area, following the guide, to whom I give one short line: “We’re now entering the Hallmark section.”
That’s it. It’ll never see the light of day, so enjoy (for want of a better word) it now.
Michael,
The definition of a Jew is someone who always answers a question with a question (Son: “How are you, Mom?” Mom: “How should I be?”), so let me ask you this: If assigned, how would you defend Derek Chauvin? How could anyone defend this man, whose callous crime was carried out so openly?
This why Trump won. People are sick of rationalizations and justifications of so much inequality and abuse. Trump promised to dump the system, to drain the swamp, to distrust fake news. We are seeing the fruits of his duplicities as people shake themselves free of their chains.
But don’t go by me. I’m still in shock that he received so many votes. If 75 million people believed him, they’ll believe anything.
Gerald,
First,I like your caption.I wrote a couple this morning,reviewed them this afternoon and find that what I thought was ok is not very good.I settled on one I am not very happy with. “Now I see the mistake.You wanted the aquarium tour.”
As for your question about the prosecution,obviously I would much rather be the prosecutor.That being said,I will give you a direct answer.Forced to defend him,you would need to be smart enough to know he’s going to be convicted.The question is whether you could convince a jury that murder doesn’t apply and the crime is more in the nature of negligence,which he is charged with alternatively,I believe in count three.Prison time differs tremendously depending on what the jury finds,from 40 years if the court wishes,to much less of he is only found guilty of count three.That’s where I would put the emphasis on his defense.I defended several cases where a lessor included offense was a major victory for us,despite the fact that the defendant still needed to serve time.For example,I had a fireman who shot his wife.I tried to get him found innocent of the murder and instead argued it was manslaughter.It worked and with half credits,he had to serve 6 years.Had he been convicted of murder,the minimum was over 20 years with no guarantee of even getting out then.Victory as a defense attorney can look like that.By the way,I think this officer is going to get convicted of a murder count,probably the most serious.
By the way,although the most serious murder charge could carry 40 years,the average sentence in Minnesta has been 12-13 years.As for the manslaughter count,the average sentence in Minnesota has been only 4 years.I think there would be a lot of pressure on the judge to give more time in prison than average.Can you imagine what would happen if he only got 4 years.Riots!!!!
Look also at the possibility of the feds charging him with violating Floyd’s civil rights which would be disastrous for the defendant.
“Today the topic is positive thinking without negative feedback, unless you are an APRIL FOOL!”
We have our work cut out for us this week.
Anybody here afraid of heights?
Are any of you new recruits afraid of heights?
Sorry, fellas. But we still don’t have a minyan.
“Gluten allergies are no longer a problem.”
“Today we will celebrate a celestial holiday with my favorite drink, MOONSHINE!”
“Sliced mana could be the idea that all future ideas are judged by.”
Man does not live by bread alone in a MANNA of speaking.
“Just tell me who called you Tinkerbell and I will curse them.”
Gerald,
Are you OK?
Michael,
Thanks very much for asking. It’s better to be OK’d than KO’d.
I’m just letting my soil lie fallow for a while so that future seeds might produce better crops.
(I’m not in any way saying that I could ever be top seeded.)
By the way, you would make a wonderful legal commentator. You explain things so simply yet so profoundly. Thanks for that.
Gerald,
I must admit that although I want the defendant convicted,I have respect and empathy for his attorney,who I think is doing a good job.Talk about being put into a no win situation.He could dominate the trial and still come away with a loss.Such is the life of a criminal defense attorney.It is the hardest job in the courthouse,much more difficult than being a prosecutor.For the system to work best,the prosecutor and the defense attorney need to be excellent.This trial is being handled very well by both.The amount of work that goes into preparation can be overwhelming.The trial can be thought of as the examination,with all the studying and prep work having already taken place.If real estate is location,location,location,trial work is preparation,preparation,preparation.I don’t miss my sometimes 80-100 hour weeks.
“We live in a solar system that uses solar energy, so enjoy our next solar eclipse with solace!”
We have many who need our help this week.
“One of you won Moment’s latest cartoon caption contest, even after I told you to never put words in my mouth.”
“This time of the year, I am an honorary member of the BUNNY CLUB!”
“My words of wisdom can be illuminated by light years!”
Marvin,
GK Chesterton once said that the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves lightly.
So your thoughts are in sync with the greatest of minds.
Minnesota law apparently allows the defendant to be convicted of all of the counts,including both degrees of murder and manslaughter,despite the fact he would be sentenced on only the most serious count.
“The deadline for all projects is eternity. Any questions will be answered in due time!”
Thanks to Dan Holliday for this:
“I reject the right/left political divide. Right now the world is in transition and the new fight exists between:
Nationalism / Internationalism.
Statism / Anarchy.
Collectivism / Capitalism.
Tribalism / Individualism.
Traditionalism / Innovation.
Empiricism / Rationalism.
Activism / Moderation.
Pragmatism / Idealism.”
Michael,
“The so-called Holy Grail of Tom Brady’s rookie cards sold for a record $2.25 million at auction on Friday to an anonymous buyer, two months after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback picked up his seventh Super Bowl title.
“‘The signed card from the 43-year-old’s rookie season with the New England Patriots is one of ‘only a handful ever offered for sale,’ according to auctioneer Lelands, which called it the best Tom Brady rookie card available to the public.
The sale smashes the previous record price for a football card. Last month, another card from Brady’s rookie season fetched $1.32 million in an online auction.
‘Tom Brady continues to shatter records both on and off the football field. ‘He now holds the distinction of having the most expensive football card ever sold,’ Lelands President Mike Heffner said in a written statement, calling the card ‘one for the ages.’
“Brady, who picked up his fifth Super Bowl MVP honors in February after defeating the Kansas City Chiefs at home in the championship game, is one of just two quarterbacks to have hoisted the Lombardi Trophy with two different teams and is widely considered one of the greatest ever to play the game.”
Maybe comic books and sports cards are the keys to wealth, not stocks and bonds.
Gerald,
The prices are incredible!This is not one of the older 70 year old baseball cards but a relatively new card about 15 plus years old.I guess his signature plus the A+ condition escalate the price but you’ve got to believe there are many of those cards around.Anybody who bought football cards must be furiously searching their collections.My son collected baseball cards and we still have boxes of his old cards.I’ll save them.You never know.
Correction……21 years old
Cartoon Caption:
“The good news is that there will be enough bread to meet the need of each and every family, the bad news is that there won’t be any peanut butter and jelly.”
“When you travel in space, sometimes you get sucked up in a HOOVERING VACUUM!”
CAPTION:
“We heard some great ideas from the women last week, now this week you men need to decide which of their ideas you plan to suggest.”
Michael,
A very rare, quality copy of Action Comics #1 has been sold at a record $3.25 million in a private sale.
The comic book issue is famous because it introduces Superman to the world.
Online auction and consignment company ComicConnect.com announced the sale Wednesday. The sale beat the previous record for the comic. Another copy of Action Comics #1 – graded 9.0 – was sold on eBay for $3.21 in 2014. It was the first comic book to sell for more than $3 million.
ComicConnect’s chief operation officer, Vincent Zurzolo, said demand for the comic is high as it was the “beginning of the superhero genre.” The issue laid out the foundation for the Superman character and showed readers how he came to earth and lived as Clark Kent.
Zurzolo said that the seller had originally purchased it for $2 million at an auction in 2018.
ComicConnect.com said while hundreds of thousands of copies sold on its release in 1938, only about 100 exist now, thanks to my mother, who made me get rid of it. Most of those are in bad condition. Mint condition ones are very rare.
“There’s no comic book that you could value higher in terms of a comic book than Action Comics #1,” Zurzolo said.
When it was originally sold, Action Comics #1 was priced at just 10 cents – or roughly $2 in today’s money. If anyone wants to cry, I’ll give them a box of Kleenex.
*********************************
Now what would I do if I were Ogden Nash, the very famous writer of light verse? I’d write a poem, of course:
Goodbye, O stock, goodbye O bond
Or any investment of which I was fond
Which I read about in that newspaper infernal
Known to the world as the Wall Street Journal.
Instead I’ll look really hard
To see if I can find a very old baseball or football card
Or open my closet door to take a look
For maybe the first copy of an X-Men comic book.
No more studying a newly crafted stock chart,
For that, alas, can no longer warm my heart.
Gerald,
Did you really have a copy of this comic book and did your mom cause you to get rid Of it?We’re you a big comic book reader in your early days?Incidentally,I enjoyed your poem.
Yes to all questions. I also had a chance to buy Hewlett-Packard at its public offering, but I turned it down.
If I ever wrote my autobiography, I’d have the perfect title: “Things I Didn’t Do.”
But of course one of the things I wouldn’t do is write my autobiography. So at least I’d stay in character.
But I bet yours would be great, covering your years in school and in the courts, culminating in a happy marriage and a wonderful son.
We never know what the days will bring. But would we really want it any other way?
I’ve always loved these lines by Robert Louis Stevenson, in which he looks back at his life, not in a sad way at all:
Under the wide and starry sky
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me;
Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.
Oh, and I also passed up Xerox when it was known as the Haloid Company just before it obtained the commercial rights to xerography and became a market wonder.
How was that for a great call? (At least I was consistent in using bad judgement.)
CAPTION:
“Perhaps a marketing jingle like, manna manna woo-manna, would motivate both prophets and prophetesses to assist us in this must have new food product launch.”
Objects are different things to different people. To a geologist an ocean is a distinct body of salt water. To a biologist it is a marine ecosystem. To a geographer, it is a border. To a halakhic man, it is a mikvah.”
——–Joseph Soloveitchik
“On earth, you have the plot to have a plot when you die. In heaven, your plot is to be at my table!”
“You’re all ex-bakers.Where did you think you would be assigned?”
“The first item on the agenda is to issue a cease and desist order to stop Chock Full o’ Nuts from claiming that it’s the heavenly coffee.”
“Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.”
—–Bill Watterson
(Remember him? He retired at 37 in the middle of his wildly successful “Calvin and Hobbes.” Those were the days when we were able to share the genius of his vision.)
“I know that my son Jesus said, ‘Give us this day our daily bread,’
And I don’t want to appear to be fickle,
But I have to admit, when it’s time to be fed
I just don’t like pumpernickel.”
Gerald,
Did you know that the German origin of the word PUMPERNICKEL: PUMPERN (farting) & NICKEL (refers to a goblin/devil).
So, PUMPERNICKEL means a farting goblin/devil.*
*The main reason not to like pumpernickel bread! 🙂
Marvin,
Speaking of farting, you must know that the expression “it’s a gas” means that it’s a wonderful situation, and a “gasser” is someone at the top of his form. So if you threw a party and it was described it as a gas of a party, you’d have to be complimented–even if all those who attended had to wear gas masks to protect their noses.
Wait. I’m not through yet. There was once a Zen master known as Sasaki Roshi. He was giving a lecture in a very swanky apartment in New York in the 1940’s, sitting on a throne-like chair and wearing golden robes. Then he spoke to the expectant crowd: “All nature has no purpose. Purposelessness most fundamental principle of Buddhism. When you drop fart, you do not say, ‘At nine o’clock I drop fart.’ It just happens.”
All those in his fashionable audience almost choked in trying to suppress their laughter, which they thought would be unseemly.
“With a BOOST from me, your thoughts for the earth can be an achievement for ROCK-IT science!”
Around this time of year it is hard to resist the thought that if a manic-depressive were seeking the perfect religion, it would be Judaism.
Consider: First comes Passover, a time of great joy celebrating the redemption of the Jewish people. Then soon after comes Yom HaShoah, the very sad day commemorating all the Jews who perished in the Holocaust, a day of mournful introspection. Following this in mood lockstep is Yom HaZikaron, a time to pay tribute to Israel’s fallen soldiers and civilians, an official Memorial Day. But as evening approaches, the mood abruptly changes from darkness to light, from silence to sound, the streets filling with people joyously celebrating Yom Ha’Atzmaut Israel’s Independence Day. The country explodes with gaiety.
Yes, the religion does have something for almost everyone, sometimes, as now, in rapid succession.
Michael,
Here’s one for you. Several doormen stationed inside a New York City luxury building were fired because they didn’t come to the aid of an Asian-American women being attacked on the street outside. Don’t you think the punishment was draconian? After all, helping a stranger on the street certainly wasn’t in their job descriptions. I once knew a couple who were invited to a barbeque. There was a big crowd. Suddenly the grill caught fire, and the husband threw himself on it to shield one of the host’s children. His face was severely burned, necessitating a lengthy hospital stay and a skin graft. The hosts never visited him or phoned to express any gratitude. Extrapolating on this, why should doormen be fired for refusing to extend themselves for fear of injury? They were being paid to do their jobs, and no one has suggested that they didn’t perform their duties satisfactorily.
Counselor, it’s your turn?
Would it make a difference to you if it was an apartment owner who was attacked instead of a stranger?If they had a duty to protect an owner,how far down the street does that duty extend?What if an owner is attacked across the street?I would like to see whatever emergency and safety protocols exist which the doormen are responsible for.If they failed to contact the police while the attack was under way,ignoring a vicious crime underway essentially on the curtil age of the property,I can understand their termination.You might not be able to fire them for not physically intervening,but you could probably terminate them for ignoring protocols.Although not completely on point,I wrote a law review article on the duty of an owner of property to provide safe conditions for different types of people who might wander upon the premises.The people were licensees,invitees and trespassers.The courts in California decided you owed a duty of due care to all class of people,even tresspassers.If you want to extrapolate,you could argue a duty is owed to anyone using the street immediately in front of the building to provide minimum care,which certainly should include at least notifying the police.
Michael, your exegesis was brilliant. Thank you. By the way, the doormen did do everything they could for the victim AFTER the coast was clear and the perpetrator had fled.
You know, the whole situation reminds me of lines from Goethe’s “Faust”: “Two souls, alas, are housed within my breast / And each will wrestle for the mastery there.” The conflict has always been between reason and instinct/passion. Reason asks us to simplify life by adhering to a set of standards (“is you is or is you ain’t?”) and is really the father of law. Remember my “joke” of the waiter who refuses to help someone having a heart attack by saying “It’s not my table”? That’s the legal or bureaucratic approach. So the question becomes, when is anything my table? If a woman were drowning after having fallen through the ice in a pond, it certainly would make a difference if the victim were a stranger or my mother. In the case of the doormen, the question has to be concerned with what their paid duties were. I have heard about too many cases in which a person tried to do the right thing and was punished for it, like the guy who tried to break up a fight and was attacked and beaten by both parties in the fray, who reunited to beat him up (at least he stopped the fight temporarily). The enlightened or Christ-like person, of course, has no conflict because he sees everyone as himself. It’s a conundrum, not so easily settled.
Apropos of nothing, where I live if you have a house and it snows, it’s better not to shovel your sidewalk. If you do and someone trips, it’s your liability. But if you leave your sidewalk alone, then the person who falls has no recourse but to sue the city.
Employing the legal approach makes life simpler and more comforting. There is a set of rules to follow and you generally know where you stand. Following one’s heart might be more exciting and enjoyable but makes everything more messy and unpredictable.
Good old Goethe had it right, didn’t he?
“There is sunshine, shoeshine, and time for you to shine. So, put on your shoeshined shoes (sandals will do), and enjoy the sunshine.
Then, display your SHINEY SHINE!”
(Dedicated to those who have not yet added to the recent Momentum Cartoon Caption with their SHINEY SHINE contribution!)
CAPTION:
“Starting immediately all manna from heaven will need to be prepackaged with ingredients plus nutritional labeling and the best by date: TODAY ONLY !
Caption:
“Manna from heaven will now be prepackaged and labeled with the expiration date: Midnight Tonight!”
Who by fire and who by water
And where is Leonard the Cohen when We need him here
And who should we say is calling?
And the angels hastened
And trepidation and trembling took hold of them
And they said, here is the day of judgment
To decide on all the heavenly host in judgment
As they will not win in judgment
Willcommen Johanan . . . to be at peace “not winning in judgment” is the ultimate solace. Like all great art, it is what you don’t say that says is all. Thank you Leonard Cohen . . . Hallelujah!
Johanan Levine,
Who are you? I hope that you don’t disappear into the darkness from which you came and never contribute again. Your play on words is irresistible. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say you like and have been influenced by T. S. Eliot.
Please come back and radiate this site with more of your light.
CAPTION:
“Acknowledging recent criticism for lack of diversity, we will now entertain Gabriel’s motion to bring in talent from Victoria’s Secret.”
Jim, sometimes I have a habit of reading into something something that the author never intended. By mentioning Victoria’s Secret, did you mean to hint that airing one’s dirty linen is often the first step toward achieving spiritual growth? Or is my mind playing tricks again? In any event, it’s a good line, and I’m happy to see you again.
P.S. One of these days you and Michael should really meet. After all, you share the same state.
CAPTION:
“Sorry for being late for the manna meeting. I was on the phone over thirty minutes trying to convince a very insistent person that the warranty on my nonexistent car could not have expired.”
“Please wear your bakers hats for the group picture.”
“Today’s lecture will NITPICK the membership at my table. Those of you who are NITWITS may respond!”
The following jumped out at me from Mark Harris’s wonderful new biography “Mike Nichols: A Life”:
“By 1943, Mike knew, even though he wasn’t home to witness it all the time, that his parents’ marriage was in trouble. ‘As my mother later explained to me,’ he said, ‘Jews in Nazi Germany didn’t have marital difficulties. It wasn’t possible to concentrate on such luxuries.’ But now, in America, whatever his parents had long suppressed was exploding, and without much of a sense of discretion.”
So escaping from the stranglehold of Nazi Germany into the fresh air of America ironically gave the marital problems the Nichols family was having the freedom to emerge.
Yes, Michael, the net tightens This, thanks to Peter Weber:
Jennifer Weisselberg, the former daughter-in-law of Trump Organization chief financial officer Allen Weisselberg, wheeled three boxes of financial records and a laptop from her Manhattan apartment building to a black Jeep, sending them to Manhattan prosecutors investigating former President Donald Trump and his family business. Weisselberg was married to Barry Weisselberg, also a Trump Organization employee, from 2004 to 2018. She obtained their documents, subpoenaed by Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr., in the divorce proceedings.
Vance’s prosecutors have sought information on whether the Weisselbergs got untaxed benefits from the Trump Organization, The Washington Post reports, and Jennifer Weisselberg says the family used Trump Organization apartments in Manhattan without paying for them or reporting them for tax purposes.
Allen Weisselberg is the senior-most Trump Organization employee who isn’t a Trump. “In complex investigations such as those into Trump’s business activities, prosecutors routinely seek evidence of wrongdoing by subordinates as a means to elicit their cooperation and expose damaging information about their bosses,” the Post reports, adding that a person with knowledge of Vance’s investigation said he is indeed trying to “flip” Weisselberg.
Vance’s office also has hired a special prosecutor, Mark Pomerantz, and the forensic accounting firm FTI Consulting to help with the Trump investigation. FTI is helping sift through millions of pages of Trump financial and accounting records. One of FTI’s accountants is Morgan Magionos, a former FBI fraud examiner and accountant who was key to securing the conviction of former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort as part of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team, CNN reports. “At Manafort’s trial, Magionos testified that she uncovered several foreign bank accounts linked to Manafort and traced $15 million in transfers that Manafort used to fund his personal lifestyle, including an ostrich-skin jacket and landscaping services for his home in the Hamptons.”
I really believe that Trump is toast.The toaster is working,doing its job little by little.It’s browning the dough in preparation for the ultimate feast,the dissection of Trump and his years of fraudulent activity.His indictments will be one Of The major news events of 2021.Prediction:ultimately a guilty plea without jail time but potentially a bar to him resuming his political career.
I can see it now, “The Dissection of Trump” by Michael Lomazow, 52 weeks on the New York Times’ non-fiction best-seller list in 2022.
Of course, “Trump Is Toast” might make an alternative title, but might mistakenly be catalogued as belonging in the food and cooking section in bookstores.
But whatever the title, you’d be the ideal author, with your knowledge and gift of words.
Gerald,
As for gift of words,I’m in the third grade while you have a doctorate.
Michael,
Thanks for the kind thoughts, but I can only riff on the beautiful music I’m given–namely your writing.
As for academic degrees, BS stands for bullshit, MS stands for more shit, and PhD stands for “piled higher and deeper.” In my book, based on your intellect and experience and talents, you’re far removed from all the dogmas that keep academics from using their imaginations and common sense. I’d rather have you in my corner than any so-called “scholar.”
But thanks again, as always, for your words.
P. S. Normally, as one advances in his education, he is made to specialize. Otherwise he’d run the risk of being called a dilettante.
So he learns more and more and more about less and less and less.
Until, at the end, he knows everything about nothing.
Do you know what humor is? It’s a band-aide against the craziness of life.
What brought this on? I’m glad that you asked. Jared Kushner, the erstwhile president’s son-in-law, was once asked how to understand Donald Trump. He suggested reading about, of all things, the Cheshire Cat in “Alice in Wonderland.” Kushner paraphrased the cat: “If you don’t know where you’re going, any path will get you there.” The Cheshire Cat’s strategy was one of endurance and persistence, not direction, and Kushner indicated that this was the strategy of the most powerful man in the world at that point.
You have to agree with me. If this doesn’t bring a smile to your lips, it’ll bring tears to your eyes.
And I, for one, prefer the former.
“You there, on my left, why are you wearing glasses? We’re all supposed to have perfect vision.”
“In my magic kingdom, when you are on Cloud-9, consider yourselves buoyant people and UPLIFTED!”
Kurt Vonnegut was once invited to a summer cocktail party at the Hampton’s home of a billionaire CEO. At the party, someone asked Kurt, “How does it feel to know this guy makes more money in a day than you will ever make in your lifetime?”
After a moment Kurt responded calmly that he didn’t mind at all, that he had something the CEO would never have.
“What’s that?” the person challenged.
“Enough.”
“I’m Charlie,and your my Angels.”
“From Here To Eternity,” my favorite theme movie!
Gerald,
Your Kurt Vonnegut quote got me interested in his other famous quotes. “It’s s terrible waste to be happy and not notice it,” is one I particularly liked.
For me,busy week coming.Today,Monday,already walked the dogs at 6:30am.Then had the plumber here at 8am to fix a leak under the kitchen sink.This is the 4th time he’s been back and we’ve changed just about everything.He’s already gone and I am hopeful that its finally fixed.The rest of the week will include giving blood for three upcoming doctors appointments,a trip to either Triple AAA or DMV to try and fix a registration issue which has me driving without proper documentation,a birthday lunch party,a trip to get the dogs groomed and some other minor issues.I find that I am happiest when I have absolutely nothing to do.Having things to take care of makes me itch.I guess I believe that retirement should give me the option to have a blank calander and any intrusion is disappointing.Yes,getting older I suppose lends itself to cranky notions.
In my youth I thought retirement meant I would have all the time in the world to do any little thing. What I didn’t know was old age means it takes all the time in the world to do every little thing.
You know you’re retired when your back goes out more than you do.
Michael and Jim,
This talk of retiring made me think of the new age we’re heading into. All of us, regardless of religious beliefs, have been brought up to believe that hard work, frugality and self-discipline are the values that should govern our lives. This Protestant ethic, promoted by Max Weber, served us well in an age of scarcity. But we’ll all have to get adjusted to the new age which is approaching, an age in which work will be taken over more and more by machines, leaving people without forced employment. How will we fill our time? What will young adults do without forced tasks? Will they go crazy and force everyone into a war and eventually obliterate the planet, or will they learn to embrace their leisure? Somehow the Protestant ethic will have to be replaced by an ethic that will tell us that it’s our solemn duty to learn how to enjoy ourselves. What an irony!
Will we be ready?
Today’s news stories include the black guy killed by The officer in Minnesota who supposedly mistook her taser for her service weapon and fatally shot the guy in his car.Also,tape surfaced of the black guy stopped by cops for a license plate problem.Wearing his coast guard uniform,he was ordered out of his car and pepper sprayed when he objected.The killing was within 10 miles of the trial presently underway in Minnesota.So far,an NBA game and baseball game have been postponed and protesters have gathered again in Minnesota.It is inconceivable to me that this keeps happening but can you imagine the rage this must engender for people of color.What does everyone think?Have you seen the video?
There is pent-up rage in this country. The game is changing. People are confused and very anxious. Just as they embraced Trump in an evangelical fervor, they will embrace someone else down the road. I would bet on that.
(But just remember that almost every bet I make turns out to be wrong.)
Gerald,
Completely off topic but my wife just told me that a book by Tom Roston is coming out this October about Vonnegut and his writing of slaughterhouse five.It’s called The Writers Crusade.Just wanted to let you know if you are a big Vonnegut fan.
Watch CNN right now for trouble in Minnesota……Monday 1o o’clock eastern time
“Before we start the meeting today, I need to see proof of vaccination from each of you.”
“Sometimes the little things in life matter more than the big things. For example, the little atoms in atomic bombs.
The little viruses in pandemics!”
Michael, please thank your wife for the heads-up on the new book about Vonnegut. I knew about it, but, to tell the truth, I was never a great Vonnegut fan. Here’s a little more about Roston’s forthcoming book:
“The story of Kurt Vonnegut and his beloved masterpiece, Slaughterhouse-Five, a novel born in the destruction of Dresden in World War II, was written during the tumultuous days of Vietnam.
“During the Vietnam War, Vonnegut, after surviving the horrors of Dresden as a POW during World War II, would lose his temper while watching the nightly news, point at the screen and shout, ‘The liars!’ According to his family and friends, Slaughterhouse-Five was Vonnegut’s attempt to exorcise his demons. ‘He was writing to save his own life,’ his daughter Nanette has said, ‘and in doing it I think he has saved a lot of lives.’
“Tom Roston’s The Writer’s Crusade is a book about how books save lives. Two decades after World War II had ended, Vonnegut’s sixth book became a significant part of a vital storytelling tradition that has eased the trauma of war for both the writer and the reader. Although Slaughterhouse-Five was championed by the anti-war movement, it became a bulwark for veterans who found in its pages a voice that spoke to them with an intimate, shared understanding of wartime PTSD.
“Mixing together the story of Vonnegut’s life, the writing and publishing of his most enduring work, and forays into the experiences of soldiers and writers today—people who have made the novel a touchstone in their lives—The Writer’s Crusade is built on research into Vonnegut’s life, from papers and interviews with his children, scholars, psychologists, and writers, including Tim O’Brien, Kevin Powers, and Karl Marlantes. This will be a captivating book for fans of Vonnegut and anyone touched by war and its aftermath.”
Thanks again.
Michael,
To understand Vonnegut, one has to understand what Dresden, Germany, looked like before and after British and American bombers leveled the city during the waning days of World War II. It had literally been a paradise, one of the most beautiful cities in the world, a monument to man’s highest cultural achievements, and then it was a mass of rubble, almost completely leveled, with 25,000 dead. And Vonnegut was there to see it, which prompted this quote from “Slaughterhouse Five’:
“How nice — to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.”
He lived that senseless bombing and destruction for the rest of his life.
“He wants more yeast and flower.”
“Man cannot live by bread alone,especially your bread.”
This was recorded by the late Prince Phillip, husband of British monarch Elizabeth II, reported by Deutsche Press Agentur in August 1988:
“In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.”
Is it possible that he somehow was reincarnated before he actually died? After all, he did have the power of royalty.
Who do you suppose he found dispensable?
How did we end up again with a bunch of old white men making all the decisions?
“There are only TEN COMMANDMENTS…Do you really need those tiny tablets to remember them?”
Winston,
Are you all right? You haven’t posted for a while. Is Michael treating you OK, allowing you to take him out for his daily walks? You’re lengthening his life by getting him to exercise, you know,and I hope that he appreciates you. Have you had any hassle with Abby? Does she treat you well or always try to get her way? Try to be nice to her. Remember, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Make her your friend and and she’ll allow you more privileges. Write if you have any problems. Michael seems like a reasonable person, easy to deal with, so you’re lucky in that sense. Never let him know that you’re the master, though; he might resent that. Make him think that whatever you want him to do is his idea.
I wanted to ask you, by the way; do you play the stock market? I once knew a dog who used to go to the curb every day to do a little business. I also wanted to ask you whether you got your vaccination. If you don’t want to answer these personal questions, I’ll understand.
Remember, you have to stay well. You bring happiness to a lot of people.
What gave you the idea I would approve of shrinking the 10 Commandments?
“Everybody is guilty of something. If you do not PAY ME attention, then you are guilty of lacking VALUABLE intervention!”
Gerald,
This is Winston answering your inquiries.Thank you for thinking of me.I just got back from the morning walk.Michael followed me everywhere.Today is an unusual day because it’s Michael’s birthday.I got him a rawhide bone which he seemed happy with but he was nice enough to give it to me,so it’s a double win.Abby wanted credit for the bone as well but I made sure he knew that it was me who purchased it.Michael is going out for his birthday lunch so I will have plenty of time with the bone.I have gotten all of the usual dog vaccinations and feel perfectly happy.I bark on The street at anyone who comes near and drive them back so I’m not worried about covid.Michael has gotten his shots so I feel safe.As for the stock market,I am very cautious.I have almost all of my assets in stock and bonds of dog food companies because we are taking over the world.More and more people are finding us indispensable,especially during the covid outbreak as we provide comfort and companionship.Thank you again for thinking of me.I assure you I have everything under control in California.
So Bernard Madoff is dead. Toward the end of his life, in prison, he would tell everyone who listened, “I’m a good person.” It has always amazed me that the most crass criminals usually insist that they have made peace with God, that God has understood and forgiven everything they have done. I remember meeting Madoff once. A friend who worked for a hedge fund invited me to one of his presentations. He went on and on about his “split-strike” method of choosing stocks. Everyone seemed to be giving rapt attention to his explanation. Later I asked my friend if he had understood Madoff’s investment method. He shrugged. “I don’t have to really grasp it, but anyone who can produce such steady results year after year, in good as well as bad markets, has to be doing something right.” I shrugged. I was really out of my depth. Madoff was very personable.
Wouldn’t it be funny if no one really understands anything but pretends, happy that nothing has unravelled yet? It’s a frightening concept, something that
might have occupied Kafka.
P.S. Happy birthday, Michael. May you celebrate many, many, many, many more. Did Winston and Abby get you a cake?
I was lucky enough to even have cake at breakfast along with my bagel.At lunch,I was provided with a complimentary sundae so I am full up with sweets.I’ll stick to basics for the rest of the day.
Michael,
I just read the results of a recent scientific study. They might interest you. From ten years of research it has been determined that those people who have had the most birthdays have lived the longest.
My hope, then, is that you have MANY more birthdays.
I had spaghetti bolognese for lunch today at the California Pizza Kitchen.It was delicious.The best Italian food I ever had was a restaurant in Brooklyn,circa 1960’s.It was called Gregnano’s and was located essentially under the railroad tracks Of The subway.I used to take my wife,then girlfriend,there to feast on my favorite,veal patriotism while she ordered spaghetti type dishes.The restaurant was right out of a mafia movie,fairly dark,red table cloths and most importantly,unmistakable Mafioso eating at tables in the back.The shrimp cocktails were incredible.The restaurant is long gone.I have been trying to duplicate that dining experience since and have never found any food as good,despite trying several notes Italian restaurants in manhattan while on vacation.What was the most memorable meal you’ve ever had?Was it a restaurant?If so,where?Why was it so good?
Veal parmigiana,not veal patriotism!!!
BEST MEAL YOU’VE EVER HAD AND WHERE?
Does food for thought count? If so, I still remember a poetry reading and talk given by Robert Frost in a Unitarian church. I was enthralled by his wisdom and his seeming spontaneity, as if he were making up his words as he spoke. I’d prefer that to veal milanese any time. I would have long since finished my meal, but I am still digesting his wisdom.
Happy birthday again. I am sorry I can’t send you more.
“Bernard Madoff was under consideration for entry into heaven. But, there are 65 billion reasons why he was denied entry!”
(As many people in the Jewish community lost money in this Ponzi Scheme, there is no money left to buy Michael Lomazow a birthday present.
So, let us all wish Michael a HAPPY BIRTHDAY along with an IOU present!)
Marvin,
Thanks for the birthday wishes.My son sent me a bottle of cognac and My wife got me cookies from a Brooklyn company which supposedly duplicates the taste of an old great Brooklyn bakery so I’m good!They know food and drink are my vices.
There is no way antisemites will avoid equating, “Tazer, Tazer, Tazer” with Jewish space lazers and blame it all on us.
My final tax-day caption for the cartoon:
In My name, The Lord of Israel, to my right will be Michael, to my left Gabriel, in front of me Uriel and in back Rafael while over my head is the everloving sheen of God.
My final tax-day caption for the cartoon:
In My name, The Lord of Israel, to my right will be Michael, to my left Gabriel, in front of me Uriel and in back Rafael while over my head is the everloving sheen of God.
“This is not the place to exercise your free will.”
“How is it that Satan gets all the best lawyers?”
“If you’re all so good, why is half our mail addressed to someone named Clarence?”
“But why aren’t we on the COVER of Moment?”
To Webmaster:
Today marks the official end of this contest. At this moment over 355 comments have been recorded, a formidable stretch to have to negotiate if someone wants to scroll down to add a comment. Would it be a problem to delete all comments at the end of each contest so as to offer a clean slate for the new one when it is screened? I think I’m speaking for most of us when I say that we who contribute have no illusions that we are submitting works of art. Ours is, for the most part, light-hearted humor, written in the same spirit as that shown by children who draw in chalk on sidewalks, not bothered by the idea that rain could come at any time and wipe away their work.
If you could clear the board periodically, we could have fresh space for each new contest when it comes–and new incentive for a fresh outlook.
Thanks.
,
Don’t you think our comments should be saved in a time capsule so future generations can read about Madoff,spaghetti,Frost and all the rest of the important topics we cover!Can’t you see some future college class assigned the task of looking back 50-100 years to see what the moment caption contributors thought of various world issues?For the sake of our future citizens,our comments and views must be preserved!
We save too much stuff. Our planet is drowning in junk. There is tremendous exhilaration in getting rid of old thoughts and keepsakes and breathing again. Julie Morgenstern wrote a best-seller called “Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life.” I have a decent memory, but I am more proud of my forgettery. Would you feel better looking out of a stained-glass window or a window made of clear glass? If you have too many concepts in your head, they’ll cloud your vision. Every day I like to start all over again. as if I had never written or thought anything before.
But that’s just my view. Let’s hear what others say. We’re only two people. Do most contributors here want a site crowded with past entries or a clear page on which to write with fresh views? This is not Georgia, so you’re encouraged to cast your ballots. (I hope there are no die-hard Trump supporters here.)
Gerald,
You realise I was kidding,right!?I think clearing is a good idea.
Michael,
My prototype of what to avoid was Elizabeth Taylor. When she traveled, it was with an entourage and tons and tons of luggage–and spouses, but that’s another matter. She could never just go anywhere on a whim and camp under a starry sky. Today Marie Kondo, a tiny Japanese beauty, is cleaning up literally and financially with her best-selling books on organizing and decluttering, so there is a market for this sort of need to divest oneself of nonessentials.
P.S. I knew you were kidding.
“The good news is no junk mail.”
A new study calculates that 2.5 billion T. rex dinos roamed the planet in the 2.4 million years they lived.About 20,000 would be alive at any one time,one for each 40 miles.I wonder if their voting record was good or were they prevented from casting their votes.Can’t you see a Trump relative objecting to their voting by arguing they haven’t established they lived in the voting area!
“We play, we pray, we eat, and we sleep. Your participation is MAN-datory!”
Michael,
In general, dinosaur brains were much smaller than the brains of mammals possessing heads of comparable size. In a human skull, most of what is under the immediate bone surface is brain matter; however, a dinosaur skull’s key feature was its jaw structure; much of the available space was occupied by powerful biting muscles, with the brain being buried under a thick casing to keep it well protected and allowing it to pack a lot of power in its skull. Years ago, ironically, Albert J. Bernstein wrote a popular book called “Dinosaur Brains,” its aim being to help harassed employees understand their impossibly insensitive and temperamental bosses and intractable subordinates.
Up for discussion: If a T Rex broke up with his mate, would he then be known as a T Ex? And if he were depressed, would he need an Rx? (OK, I promised Dale Stout that I’d stop.)
You know, in the 1940’s a dinosaur was thawed out of the ice and resuscitated. Faced with the task of earning a living, she learned to sing and became a popular female vocalist, changing her name to Dinah Shore.
I hope you’re not making fun of my Dinah!I always HAD a little crush on her!
Michael,
Dinah Shore was born Fanny Rose Shore. She was a radio vocalist and was discovered by Eddie Cantor, who signed her for his radio show, which started her career. I hate to tell you this, but you’re not mentioned at all in her biography. Probably an oversight.
I guess I blew my chance.Apparently she had no objection to younger men.She was 18 years older than Burt Reynolds,who she was with for four years.Thirty years may have been a bridge too far,however.There was something about her I found appealing as did many other men she had relationships with.Heh,I also liked Doris Day!,Angie Dickinson,Katherine Ross,Catherine Deneuve(sic),Ali McGraw(sic)and a host of other TV and film women like Donna ReedElizabeth Montgomery and Inger Stevens(sic).I was just the typical boy in heat!
Michael,
Have you seen what your past objects of desire look like today, those that are still alive, that is? I promise you that if you look you’ll be disillusioned, unless you were attracted to them for their inner beauty in the first place.
Note to Michael’s wife: The bigger the distance between us and the objects of our desire, the greater the longing. We build castles in the sky. Familiarity often brings contempt because the closer we look, the more faults we find. In a relationship as lucky as yours, all the rust has turned to gold.
My wife knows who I found attractive and she cares not.We did run into Ali McGraw some years ago in an ice cream parlor in Malibu CA.She was still very attractive and very nice.We all talked ice cream flavors at the counter without any mention of who she was or that I recognized her.She probably knew that most people know who she is.After all,who didn’t see Love Story.
Hi Michael-it’s so nice that you got to meet Ali MacGraw at the ice cream parlor. I love her and I love Love Story and I love my favorite ice cream, Love potion 31 :^)
“Our new exercise program will improve your GHOSTLY appearance!”
Michael, thought you’d enjoy this by Mick Carlon, the novelist:
“September 1978, Max’s Kansas City nightclub, Manhattan. I had just played ‘Pictures of Lily’ on the jukebox when I was grabbed from behind. Someone with a London accent was shaking me, saying, ‘Did you play that song, man? I LOVE that song!’ Turning, I was face-to-face with Sid Vicious. He looked so pale and skinny that my grandmother could have punched him out. I found myself leaning back because the poor guy’s breath was so foul. We spoke for about five minutes, at first about the Who. I asked him about Johnny Rotten and he replied with something like: ‘That wanker’s in Jamaica.’ Then he gave me tickets to his next night’s show…so I went. The band was excellent: Mick Jones (the Clash version), Arthur Harold Kane and Jerry Nolan—but Sid was pathetic, reading song lyrics off scraps of paper and obviously high. I left early. Not long afterwards he supposedly killed his girlfriend Nancy. That five minute conversation, however, proved mighty valuable: In 1984 I became a public school teacher. Punk rock teenagers who gave other teachers ulcers…ate out of my hand like baby chicks. (The older teachers were mystified at my power). ‘Hey, man, that dude talked to SID!’ So, wherever you are, Mr. Vicious, THANK YOU.”
Want to hear about another mistake I made? This is from Playbill:
Ironically, wishing someone “good luck” in the theater is actually, well, bad luck. Instead, it’s common practice to tell entertainers to “break a leg.” That may seem like an odd way to wish them well before a show, but the tradition is rooted in superstition. Many believe that spirits may inhabit theaters and be looking to cause trouble. If they hear “break a leg,” they’ll actually do the opposite, meaning good will come from the wish. But that’s not the only explanation. A different theory suggests that the “leg” in question is not a limb but a curtain that hangs in the wings, so “breaking” it means making it onto the stage. And yet another explanation dates back to Elizabethan England, when audiences used to throw money on the stage to show their appreciation, so when actors “broke” the line of their leg, they were actually bending down to collect their earnings.
What was my mistake? I had thought that telling actors to break a leg was good because all performers want to be in a cast.
And we’re all actors, aren’t we, waiting for the next show to begin.
Enjoy the intermission.
Sid Vicious never held any interest for me.I had tons of drug clients who exhibited the same type of assaultive behavior.I saw people go from normal looking to skeletons in the one year they used meth.
As for waiting for the next show to begin,I wish I believed in a next show but I have to admit that my reasoning self says this is the only show,this life is what we get.If I’m wrong,great.I hope I get a good seat at the next performance.
By the way,without revealing client confidences,I once represented someone from the cryogenic community who was charged with murder for hastening the death of the person who was supposed to be frozen.The theory was that by causing premature death they were engaged in preliminary actions to actually try and preserve the organs and the death occurred in this pursuit.The case was not well thought out and got dismissed.As you probably know,Ted Williams head is frozen.
Apparently,the rest of his body was also preserved,frozen seperately.
The case against my client was not well thought out because it wasn’t true.My client did nothing wrong and certainly did not hasten death.My client was only engaged in trying to protect the body,after death.
“Did everybody sign their release papers that exsonerates me from any issues concerning your resurr-ERECTIONS?”
Michael,
Ted Williams wasn’t the only one. 1960s guru Timothy Leary suffered from inoperable prostate cancer. At the last moment he dropped out of the cryonics movement, saying he no longer wanted his head frozen when he died. When Leary was 75, he told the Los Angeles Times he was considering more conventional post-death procedures, including burial and cremation. Leary also said he was still considering suicide. So much for the man who wrote about the Tibetan Book of the Dead, which dealt with all the stages of death and rebirth!
By the way, you ought to preserve your reminiscences. They are good enough to deserve a much wider readership.
Gerald
With my time split between prosecution and defense,I saw enough in 33 years to make my hair curl.I am not unique.Criminal law specialists all have many tales.There are some I cannot even begin to tell,for legal and safety reasons.It was a fascinating ride.My wife preserved much of it in scrapbooks filled with news articles.She was my right hand person,handling many details for me,including visiting my clients in jail when I couldn’t get there.She would deliver both bad and good news.She probably would have been a better lawyer than me had she pursued it.She was responsible for bringing a couple of huge civil cases to me because of contacts she had made.I generally would not do civil cases but handled a few over the years.
There’s the title of your book: “Caught Between Prosecution and Defense,” a phrase that applies to so many people who are not in the legal profession but whose lives rotate between being either in attack or defensive mode.
You have some wife, for whom I’m sure you’ve already thanked your lucky stars.
I’ll still hope to see your book out one day.
Actually, “wife” is only one of the words that should be used to describe your wife’s duties. She’s also been a private investigator, secretary, social worker, archivist, associate, journalist, and many other things, including being a very good and loyal friend.
I know she’s been very well compensated having you at her side all these years. May you both have many, many, many more.
Gerald
Thankyou.I know I’ve been lucky to have her.I showed her your comments and she thanks you.
“If we choose to play soccer and you have bad legs, then you will be designated as the team’s SIDE-KICK!”
Jury deliberating in minnesota.If I was a betting person,I say guilty of all counts.Wild guess says verdict on Wednesday.
“You can’t buy your way into heaven, so I have canceled your insurance DEATH BENEFITS!”
His conviction is a slam-dunk. WHAT will he be convicted of, and how many years will he get?
He dug his own grave when he refused to testify.
Testifying is always very tricky for a criminal defendant.The great majority do not testify on advice of counsel.I very rarely recommended that a defendant testify.A decent prosecutor can completely taken apart a defendant.This officer would have done very poorly.I think the decision to remain off the stand was logical and necessary.If he is convicted of the two homicide counts as well as the manslaughter,the court can give him upwards of 40 years.There will be great pressure to hit him hard.It’s impossible to really know but I think 25 years is about right.How much off that he will actually serve is the great question.15 years?California has more defined sentencing guidelines.Every state is different.
Michael, here’s something to cheer you up, knowing how much you miss our former president. Thank you, Jamie Ross.
“Donald Trump spent four years making nearly everyone on earth dread each and every news push alert that popped up on their phones. But did you ever stop to think that it was very hard on him, too? Obviously not, but the former president took to Fox News on Monday night to complain about how difficult he found being president, although he did say that he misses being able to wield his powers to help all of us out. Asked by Sean Hannity what he misses about being in power, Trump said: ‘I miss the most, helping people… That’s why I did it. Look, this has been very traumatic. I had a great life, great company, great business, no problems and now all I do is, people go after you. It’s vicious, it’s horrible, but you know what? I loved doing it, because I helped people. And I’ve helped them more than any president.’ Trump went on to warn that he’s taking the prospect of standing again in 2024 ‘very seriously, beyond seriously.'”
There, don’t you feel better?
Derek Chauvin, the former Minneapolis police officer accused in the murder of George Floyd, was found guilty on all three counts he faced by a 12-person jury on Tuesday.
After hearing 15 days of court testimony and deliberating for about 10 hours, the jury was able to reach a unanimous decision on the three charges.
Chauvin, 45, was found guilty of second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter in the killing of Mr Floyd on 25 May, 2020 – after the former officer pleaded not guilty to all charges.
Police led Chauvin, who was out on bail, away from the courtroom in handcuffs following the jury’s verdict – with Judge Peter Cahill revoking his bail. Chauvin will remain in police custody until his sentencing, which is scheduled for June. The city of Minneapolis, Minnesota – the location of the death of Mr Floyd in May 2020 – has braced for the verdict, with the trial having been regarded as one of the most important civil rights cases in a generation.
How long will Chauvin be behind bars? Chauvin was found guilty of two counts of murder – second-degree unintentional murder and third-degree murder.
The presumptive sentence for each murder charge was 12.5 years for a defendant like Chauvin, who has no prior criminal history, according to Minnesota’s state guidelines.
But the state has asked for a stricter sentence for the former police officer due to several aggravating factors, including that the murder took place in front of children and that Mr Floyd was treated with “particular cruelty” by Chauvin. The state also said an extended sentence was necessary because the former officer “abused his position of authority.”
The second-degree murder conviction could carry 40 years in prison, while third-degree murder could result in up to 25 years in prison.
Additionally, Chauvin was found guilty of second-degree manslaughter, which could result in a maximum sentence of 10 years. But the presumptive sentence is four years for a defendant like Chauvin with no prior criminal history, according to state guidelines. As a result, Chauvin could face a maximum of 75 years in prison.
Judge Cahill will now determine if aggravating factors exist and decide the length of prison sentence for Chauvin.
In Minnesota, defendants serve about two-thirds of their prison sentences with the rest on parole.
Derek Chauvin was led away in handcuffs after guilty verdict in Minneapolis courtroom. He showed no emotion.
################
Picture George Floyd visiting a fortune teller a year or so ago. “You will be famous,” the fortune teller tells the man. “Your name will be a household name, and you will be the catalyst to create a more loving and liberal society. Children will read about you in their history books.”
Wonderful,”says Floyd.
“Of course there will be one problem,” the seer continues.
“What’s that?” asks Mr. Floyd.
“You’ll have to be killed first.”
Chauvin and Trump……despicable.
From Barbara Ramsby:
On Tuesday, former Minneapolis cop Derek Chauvin was convicted on all charges in the brutal public lynching of George Floyd. For the Floyd family, the conviction offered some solace that the courts did not allow Floyd’s life to be taken with impunity. For many of us, however, it was a hollow “victory,” not only because prisons don’t solve our problems, but because we know police don’t either.
While the trial convicted Chauvin, as an individual, it sought to exonerate the larger system of policing, which is violent to the core. “This is not an anti-police prosecution,” the state’s attorney insisted, “it’s a pro-police prosecution.”
Chauvin was portrayed as a rogue cop out of sync with his fellow police officers. His violent behavior was portrayed as the exception, not the rule, and the system proved it was “just” by convicting him swiftly. This was the skewed narrative offered in pundit-land, while victims of racist police violence kept dying.
Police in the U.S. have killed at least 64 civilians since the trial began, with the killings of Daunte Wright, 20, and Adam Toledo, 13, and Ma’Khia Bryant, 16, being the most recent high–profile examples. George Floyd’s murder was not an isolated incident but rather a part of a larger intentional pattern of racist state violence targeting poor and working–class Black and Brown communities.
Past precedent shows there would have been no reckoning, even a limited and flawed reckoning, had there not been the massive protests that swept this country in the wake of Floyd’s murder.
Now, at the same time that the criminal legal system is congratulating itself for sending Chauvin to prison, the very protests that brought the case to national attention are being criminalized.
This week, after making the racist assertion that Minneapolis officials allowed protesters to “run wild” in the streets, Gov. Ron DeSantis signed an ominous bill that seeks to essentially criminalize protest in the state of Florida, clearly targeting protests under the banner of Black Lives Matter. It is a dangerous harbinger of what may be in store for other parts of the country. Indeed, the New York Times reports that “G.O.P. lawmakers in 34 states have introduced 81 anti-protest bills during the 2021 legislative session — more than twice as many proposals as in any other year.”
The bottom line is that, while all eyes are on Minnesota, Florida House Bill 1, dubbed the “anti-riot” bill and the other looming bills like it have the potential to have a far greater impact on movements to combat racialized state violence than the Chauvin conviction.
Let us first speak to the limits and contradictions of the verdict in Minneapolis. Chauvin murdered Floyd in broad daylight in front of witnesses and it was recorded. This was an egregious case of wanton violence, and fortunately the jury agreed. But what is the takeaway? That the criminal legal system has overcome 400 years of systemic, deep–seated racism by holding a single police officer accountable for the kind of racist violence that has become all too routine? That is the wrong conclusion. It is not only ahistorical and shortsighted, but it gives a distorted sense of progress.
At the same time that the criminal legal system is congratulating itself for sending Chauvin to prison, the very protests that brought the case to national attention are being criminalized.
To let one cop, albeit a racist and violent one, be the scapegoat for a systemic set of problems is to deny the systemic nature of those very problems. Daunte Wright’s mother was prescient and eloquent when she said, “Justice would bring our son home to us,“ and “there’s never going to be justice for us.” She went on to say that there can and should be accountability for her son’s murder at the hands of yet another Minnesota police officer. However, she understood that the demand for justice requires something much more.
All of that said, two things are important to remember. Cops should certainly not get special exemptions for heinous acts of violence, even if they become common. Secondly, however, locking up one cop won’t bring back our murdered children, neighbors, friends and loved ones, nor will it prevent future violence.
What is necessary is fundamental systemic change. We have to listen to those calling for moving away from policing as we know it and from making prisons obsolete. That should be our goal, as congresswoman Rashida Tlaib has courageously argued. We should be moving resources away from policing and toward community services, mental health services, jobs and projects that prevent violence, de-escalate violent situations and save lives.
The new Florida anti-protest law that penalizes protests puts a formidable obstacle in the path to this kind of systemic change by subverting the movements that have been the principal catalysts for change. The law criminalizes protests that obstruct traffic and makes defacing monuments a felony. It also punishes local governments that declined to be heavy–handed in suppressing protests, mandating that local officials will be charged for damage done in such protests. It calls for six–month mandatory sentencing for any protester who commits assault upon a police officer. Of course, there are many cases where protesters are being beaten and their deflection of blows gets conveniently labeled as “assault.”
The law also uses the language of “mob intimidation,” which is defined vaguely as three or more people acting with intent to force another to take their viewpoints. It is unimaginable how such a law could be fairly enforced. Conceivably, a political argument on a street corner could be cause for arrest. If this is not censorship, one doesn’t know what is.
Another particularly disturbing feature of the bill is that it prevents people from being bailed out of jail until their first court appearance, which essentially mandates detention of protesters prior to a conviction for any crime. This is reminiscent of the detention without charge policies that characterized dictatorships around the world and regimes like the former apartheid system in South Africa. As others have pointed out, many of the behaviors stipulated in the bill are already in criminal statutes, and thus the bill is therefore redundant but designed to intimidate and deter activists.
It is important that we make these linkages between the Florida law and the skewed framing of the Derek Chauvin trial. The only reason there was a trial in Hennepin County, Minnesota, for the heinous murder of George Floyd in broad daylight is that there were loud and persistent protests in the streets of this country. Had there not been protests, there would have likely been an “accidental death” report. No investigation and no trial.
In fact, the initial press release from the police, before videos surfaced, was a complete cover–up. So the Florida law prevents an important mechanism for achieving a modicum of justice, which is the right of citizens and residents to protest.
The challenge to social movements, then, is to be ever courageous and creative in speaking truth to power, no matter what censoring measures those in power attempt to impose in Florida and beyond. As Minneapolis Black Visions Collective leader Kandace Montgomery insists, “The fight for justice is far from over.”
From Alan Dershowitz to Michael:
“The convictions of Derek Chauvin might not mark the end of this racially divisive case. The US Supreme Court might ultimately decide whether to uphold the convictions.
“Congresswoman Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) made a statement — while jurors in the trial of former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin were not yet sequestered — which demanded street confrontations unless Chauvin were found guilty of murder. The trial judge correctly suggested that any conviction in the case might ultimately be thrown out on appeal, based on what Waters said. He condemned Waters’ remarks in the strongest terms, but he did not have the courage to grant a defense motion for a mistrial. Had he done so, that almost certainly would have led to riots — which would have been blamed on the judge, not on Rep. Waters. So he left it to the court of appeals, months in the future, to grant a new trial — which he should have granted.
“The Minnesota appellate courts might not reverse the conviction but the United States Supreme Court well might, as they have done in other cases involving jury intimidation.
“The judge in the Chauvin trial made a serious error in not sequestering the jury during the entire trial. Instead, he merely told them not to read or watch the news. That is not nearly enough; even if the jurors scrupulously followed the judge’s narrow instruction, it is inconceivable that some of them did not learn what was going on outside the courtroom from friends, family, media and TV shows that were not “the news.” It is safe to assume that many if not all of the jurors were fearful — either consciously or unconsciously —that a verdict other than the one desired by Waters and her followers would result in violence that threatens them, their homes, their businesses and their families.
“Already, we have seen blood sprayed over the former home of a witness who testified for Chauvin; the defendant’s lawyers have received threats. An aura of violence is in the air. Jurors breathe that same air, and the guilty verdict in this case — whether deserved or undeserved — should be scrutinized carefully by the appellate courts.
“This is not the Deep South in the 1920s. It is the “Identity Politics” of the 21st century. But the motives of the protesters are not relevant to whether jurors in the Chauvin case could be expected to consider the evidence objectively without fear of the kind of intimidation threatened by Waters.
“Both the prosecution and the defense put on effective cases. The evidence, in my view, supports a verdict of manslaughter, but not of murder. Any verdict that did not include a conviction for murder was likely to be unacceptable to Waters and her followers, however, even if the facts and the law mandate that result. Waters is not interested in neutral justice. She wants vengeance for what she and her followers justifiably see as the unjustified killing of George Floyd.
“Yet, justice is not black and white. It requires calibration, common-sense nuance and a careful evaluation of all the evidence presented by both sides. There can be no assurance that this jury was capable of rendering justice without the threatening sword of Damocles — unsheathed by Waters — hanging over their heads. That is not the rule of law. That is the passion of the crowd.
“We must do a better job of insulating jurors from outside influences in racially charged cases. We must be certain that threats of intimidation do not influence jury verdicts. That certainty did not exist now in the Chauvin case, thanks largely to the ill-advised threats and demands of Maxine Waters and others.”
Sequestration is very rare,although I agree that in a perfect world,it should have been ordered in this case.Will it be a subject on appeal,along with Maxine Waters.Yes.Will it result in the case being overturned.No.Maybe Dershowitz wants to handle the appeal.He doesn’t do well out of the limelight.
Alan Dershowitz made a ton of money when he pushed his friend Donald Trump into pardoning clients of his in 2021 in one of Trump’s last official acts. Yes, having a president as a friend can certainly produce lucrative benefits.
Et tu, Dershowitz? (You used to be thought of as a reformer.)
Two former Catholic priests met in Heaven. One was very downcast. The other asked why.
“I’m sad because I completely messed up my life on earth.”
“In what way?” asked the other.
“Well,” said the first. “When I was a small child, I asked God what my purpose was in being born. I didn’t want to screw up. I wanted to please him. He said ‘celebrate.'”
“Then what was the problem?”
“Damn. At the time I was so sure he had said “celibate.”
My wife and I went to an all you can eat sushi restaurant for lunch.She doesnt eat much while I can eat quite a bit so it comes out about right for us and the restaurant.
Michael,
Your example confirms what I’ve always thought, that it’s more important for two people in a relationship to complement rather than to compliment each other. Or, putting it in Gestalt terms, the whole is greater than its parts. Something different is created, like two atoms of hydrogen combining with one of oxygen to form water. Or two pieces of a puzzle melding to reveal a beautiful picture.
I hope that you two always retain the sense of wonder that your compatibility creates.
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,always make a skinny girl your wife….So for my personal point of view ,get a skinny girl to marry you(I couldn’t resist the play on ‘If you want to be happy for the rest of your wife,never make a pretty woman your wife’).Obviously,only kidding.There are plenty of beautiful girls with a little skin on their bones.
Actually, Gestalt theory isn’t always right. The whole isn’t always worth more than the sum of its parts. If you steal a car and want to dispose of it for the most profit, for example, sell the parts individually. You’ll get more money that way rather than trying to sell the whole vehicle at once. (Not that I’m trying to convince you to steal a car …)
P.S. Don’t marry a girl so skinny that when she turns sideways she disappears.
Michael,
Actually, Gestalt theory isn’t always right. The whole isn’t always worth more than the sum of its parts. If you steal a car and want to dispose of it for the most profit, for example, sell the parts individually. You’ll get more money that way rather than trying to sell the whole vehicle at once. (Not that I’m trying to convince you to steal a car …)
P.S. Don’t marry a girl so thin that when she turns sideways she disappears.
“We have a HEAVEN DAY that is celebrated every centennial, so start preparing!”
Here’s a question for you. How would you define an atheist?
Answer: An atheist is a person with no invisible means of support
From Arthur Conan Doyle:
Dr. Watson to Sherlock Holmes: “When I hear you give your reasons, the thing always appears to me to be so ridiculously simple that I could easily do it myself, though at each successive instance of your reasoning I am baffled until you explain your process. And yet I believe that my eyes are as good as yours.”
“Quite so,” Holmes answered, lighting a cigarette and throwing himself down into an armchair. “You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear. For example, you have frequently seen the steps which lead up from the hall to this room.”
“Frequently.”
“How often?”
“Well, some hundreds of times.”
“Then how many are there?”
“How many? I don’t know.”
“Quite so! You have not observed. And yet you have seen. That is just my point. Now I know that there are seventeen steps because I have both seen and observed.”
*******************
Here is a story which most everyone knows, so I feel guilty in repeating it:
Camping in a field, Sherlock Holmes suddenly wakes Dr. Watson up in the middle of the night. “Look up, man. What do you see?”
“What do I see?” Watson repeats. I see a sky filled with stars blazing in their orbits.”
Holmes persists. “And what does this mean to you?”
Watson pauses for a moment and then says, “It means that we humans are just a tiny part of this magnificent cosmos, that …”
“You are an idiot,” Holmes tells him.
“It means that someone has stolen our tent.”
Neither my wife or I had heard the Holmes tent story.We both enjoyed it very much!
One study puts atheists at about 25% of the population,with white men leading the non-belief chorus.I wonder if the numbers would be higher if people weren’t afraid of expressing their true feelings.Maybe embarrassed is a better word than afraid.When someone passes and their friends and relatives talk about them going to a better place,I am happy that they take comfort in an afterlife but I am skeptical of the sentiment.Is it possible to believe in g-d but not believe in an afterlife?Conversely,is possible to believe in an afterlife but not believe in G-d?I figure that I will do my best to be a good person in this life and let the rest take care of itself.
A bishop, a priest, and a deacon in the Anglican church were once discussing theological matters when the subject of the afterlife came up. As the senior member of the group, the bishop had the last word. “When I die,” he said, “I am supremely confident that I shall sit at the right hand of God all through eternity, listening to him give explanations for doing all the things he did.
“But,” he said wearily, “let’s not talk about such a depressing prospect.”
Going to heaven to many would be like being in church forever. Nobody would really like the sheer monotony. For contrast, look at “The Last Judgement,” that famous painting by Jan Van Eyck, filled by bodies entwined together in hell, enjoying what looks like a massive orgy; heaven, on the other hand, would reveal a picture of pious saints sitting placidly in rows, looking like sanitized cobblestones.
Where would you really rather be?
I’m not an orgy type guy.I’ll take heaven.
If you are sent to heaven and get bored and crave a little excitement, I’ll send for an elevator to bring you downstairs to join the rest of us who will be having the time of our lives. A hell of a time! And don’t mind the devil’s pitchfork, by the way. It’s just for show. And while you wait to be admitted, you’ll have time to see that classic film “Some Like It Hot.”
By the way , say hello to my friend Winston. Tell him you’ll prosecute him if he continues to steal your socks. Maybe that’ll scare him enough so that he reforms.
Winston and Abby shared a bagel for breakfast this morning.Abby eats with abandon while Winston likes to be coaxed somewhat.Right now both are sleeping on me,Abby on my stomach and Winston on my legs.I dare not move.
Michael,
According to the French, a ménage à trois is a domestic arrangement with three individuals sharing a relationship and typically dwelling together. The phrase is a loan from the phrase meaning “household of three.”
Would this apply here?
“I See Dead People” (‘THE SIXTH SENSE’ movie). I introduce new members to my table with these words!
My dogs sleep on me in the AM and on my wife in the PM.Why,I don’t know.
They seem to know on which side their bread is buttered, believing in equal opportunity. Are they self-aware, do you think, with memories and identities, in other words conscious members of the family and not just instinctual creatures living from day to day with no real allegiance to you and your wife and no sense of gratitude? In other words, do they know that they know? What is the best way to communicate with them? Is there a carryover from previous experiences and moods? I guess what I’m trying to do is understand the real level of companionship you and your wife have with them.
Thanks for sharing. Your insights are invaluable.
Winston is extremely tuned into my moods.I notice him staring at me intently when he senses that I may be upset.He knows that if I drop the leash during his walk I get immediately nervous so if It happens,he stops and stares at me till he’s sure everything is OK.If I shorten the walk,he stares at me till till I either take him where he wants to go or I assure him by petting him as he jumps up that despite the change,everything is fine.He likes being told that he’s “handsome” which always produces a cavalcade of kisses on his part.He also loves to be babied by my wife who elicits from him sounds like he’s trying to talk.He looks for different things from each of us.If he’s afraid,he comes to me.If it’s instant love he wants,he comes to my wife.As I mentioned,he sleeps on and by me during the day,and by my wife at night.He’s not that friendly to other people or dogs.Both he and Abby were adopted by me together,five yearsvago,after being found running together on the streets.I went to a fair and got them both.They were a mess,dirty from the street and in need of medical attention for ear infections and fleas.
Abby is The dog Icall an idiot savant.She is not as sensitive to our moods as Winston but at times demonstrates some amazing behavior.She seems to have an uncanny memory for dogs on tv.She watches tv more than any dog I’ve ever had and seems to know whenever any dog willnappear.Even if she’s out Of The room,she will hear music start up and tear back into the room and watch the TV and always a dog will appear.She has memorized any sounds that let her know that a dog is about to appear.It’s really uncanny.It may not even involve music but just dialogue.She craves my wife’s attention and will sleep attached to her at night.Although I would say she is more dominant than Winston,she also is more fearful of strange sounds,etc.,and will let Winston take the lead to investiate.They have a love hate relationship,like a lot of siblings,fighting for attention and other things.We love them both.
Wonderful! They sound less like pets and more like friends, fully conscious of being alive but unable to communicate in words. Their language is in their actions. Maybe one day, just as Black Lives Matter has to come to be accepted, there’ll be a movement to Treat Pets Like People and expressions like “going to the dogs” will be thought of as a positive rather than as a negative.
You’re remarkably perceptive in being able to see beyond stereotypes into the individuality of everybody.
And your perceptions are perfectly expressed. Thanks again.
A good pet owner will try and make their pets lives happy and comfortable.I truly believe that they are one of g-d’s creatures,just like us.We should be judged with respect to how we treat them.I have the ashes of two of my past dogs and someday I hope to do something to celebrate their lives.Boomer was A golden retriever my son acquired as a college student and after a few months It was obvious he didn’t have as much time for him as was required.One weekend Boomer came to stay with us and never left.He lived for 15 years and was the sweetest guy imaginable.He would visit the neighbors on the street and was known as the mayor of the cul-de-sac.If they left their garage doors open,he would help himself to what he wanted.It became a joke on the street that if anything was missing from their garages,they would come to me to see if Boomer took it.He would secret his finds in his dog chest in our room.Among the items he took were 5 pound hand weights.He w as incorrigable.When he passed onebday,I had a dream,or was it not a dream,that he was still with me.That night I heard heavy breathing which I was used to from him who slept on the floor beside my side of thevbed.I woke to those sounds and I remember trying to convince myself that it was not a dream.I talked to him and told him that it was OK and that he could go.I have him two names of people he should find who would take care of him.I never heard the breathing again.
I have a theory. I think that every creature, human or virus or in-between, thinks it’s human, that is, the center of the universe, with its own way of communicating to other creatures of its own kind. I can picture a male trout, for example, swimming in a lake and catching sight of another trout and marveling at her beauty and the way she lets the sunlight touch her skin. Other creatures have an advantage over us. They don’t have so much baggage to carry around; but maybe they do, in their own way, and maybe they’re just as hassled as we are, with work to do and appointments to keep. Maybe to other creatures we humans are nothing more than bothersome insects.
Although this is meant to be philosophical speculation, I can’t resist puns. I caught that disease from Dale Stout. So let me end this today by saying that it’s great that you have the ashes of two of your past dogs. It’s obvious that they really urned your respect and love. Okay, okay, I’m outta here.
P.S .And Winston must be one smart dog. Instead of following the stock market, he’s busy following your sock market. (That’s two strikes. I wish this were bowling.)
“In heaven there is ice to soothe your wounded spirit. But, in hell you are only in HOT WATER!”
Michael,
I’ve read as much as anyone else about whether or not there is an afterlife or a form of reincarnation and been skeptical, but a lot of people have had strange experiences, similar to yours. The morning after my mother died, a small white bird suddenly landed on my window sill from out of nowhere. I had never seen it before and have not seen it since. It looked at me for a long moment and then flew away.
My mother’s soul? A way of saying goodbye? A coincidence? I don’t know.
But I am no longer as sure as I used to be.
Gerald,
That’s a nice memory to have.As you said,who knows.Maybe there are some magic forces out there that we will someday appreciate.I hope so.Will we see all our friends and relatives again on the other side?The world is a wondrous place.Why not more wondrous than we can now understand.
There are certainly a lot of books out there, including one recent book by a psychiatrist and another by a cardiologist no less, offering “proof” of an afterlife and meetings with long-gone friends and family members. If you want to get depressed, imagine dying and going into the light only to see Donald John Trump waiting to shake your hand with a big smile on his face. If that happened to me, I’d turn around and go back, convinced that somehow God had made a mistake and sent me to the wrong place.
Could you picture Trump waving a sign there saying “Make Hell Great Again”?
Gerald,
Hell hath no fury like Donald John Trump waving a sign saying, “MAKE LIES GREAT AGAIN!”
If you could take a “meeting” with a dead person you had never met,who would it be and why?
My first thought would be to meet Shakespeare and Mozart in person if I could in order to try to figure out how they could be so open to life as to let it run through them without any blocks and allow them to pour out their talents. Music came out of Mozart effortlessly, the best way, without any deliberations. He trusted his talents completely somehow, without any fear. And Shakespeare was known never to have blotted a line, never to have deliberated, “Is this the right word or the wrong word?” Imagine living life without repression, in complete trust. I could only dream of such a thing, but those two actually lived that way. The great Indian scholar Ananda K. Coomaraswami once called this “living a perpetual uncalculated life in the present.”
This kind of liberation is somehow conveyed instantly without words. Hassidic Jews once used to visit a great sage not to hear him speak but to watch the way he tied his shoelaces.
This might not have answered your question, but it’s the closest I could come.
I’m really going to stretch the bounds of your hospitality. You asked me about taking a meeting with one person and I gave you two. Now I’m going to add a third. He would be, surprisingly, Adolf Hitler. Why? Because early on in his life Hitler set out to become an artist, and he was by all accounts a painter of some beautiful landscapes. Now an artist has to have sensibility, the ability to appreciate and respond to complex human feelings. I would want to ask him how he could have deadened himself to all the horrors that he himself had perpetrated. Was he ever tortured by the cries of his victims? How could he have gone home at the end of the day and sipped fine wines and enjoyed great music like so many of his subordinates?
I suppose I am asking the same questions that I try to ask the intelligent and sensitive people that I know who are also vociferous Trump supporters, but I would like to sense whether all of Hitler’s humanity had indeed been lost when he twice failed the entrance exam given by the Vienna Academy of Fine Arts and his mother died at approximately the same time.
Gerald,
Your choices are excellent.However,I ‘d pass on Hitler.I suspect there would be nothing worthwhile to learn.I’d like to talk with Van Gogh,Lincoln,Washington .I really would like to speak with my father(who I obviously have met)and ask him all the things that I never spoke to him about that I have wondered about since his death.
Thank G-d we don’t have to listen to Trump tonight.
You can speak to your father anytime you wish, for your father is in you, the deepest part of you, picked up in the very beginning when you were an infant taking on the essences of your parents with no screen to censor what was passed on to you. Listen and you’ll hear his voice. I mean this.
Poor Rudy’s dead,a candle lights his head…
Gerald,
Have you ever seen the film,I Never Sang For My Father?For some reason,I immediately thought of it when I read your sweet thoughs.It’s not that I had a bad relationship,it was more distanced than it could have been.My father was all business.One story which illustrates what he was like,he had a convention in Lo s Angeles which was attended by a lot of his business relationships.My wife and I were invited to a festive dinner and everyone was out on the ballroom floor talking before the meal.I saw my father speaking to some associates and I wandered over in my tux to say hello.When my dad didn’t introduce me,it seemed awkward so I introduced myself to the people.The very first thing one guy said to my dad was,Artie,we didn’t know you had a son.They had known each other for years.I was already a young lawyer at the time.On the other hand,he was very generous..to the negativeI had played 5 years of high school and college basketball and yet,he never came to one game.He was a product of his own childhood.
Before the Industrial Revolution, families were together and shared their activities. Then in the latter part of the 18th century, labor began to shift from the farm to the factory, and fathers went elsewhere to do their jobs. There was a disconnect, the result of the division of labor. Our fathers were probably similar, coming home silent and distracted, their families separated from their work, and often their work was separated from other work being done by others in their companies. We’re still living in a fragmented world, although I’m hopeful that it may be getting better. I’m sure that the relationship you’re having with your wonderful son reflects this improvement. He sounds like a great guy!
I’ve tried hard to do the right things.Him living in Seattle makes things more difficult but I AM always aware of trying not to screw up.
“Our words are simple, but we use GODLY interpretations!”
Gerald,
Did you do the New Yorker Caption contest? My submission is “You said you were sorry.Enough”What is yours?
I usually don’t do it, but I looked it up following your suggestion. Here it is, for what it’s (or isn’t) worth. Captain Ahab is talking:
“Dick, stop following me around. You robbed me of my leg, and now you’re taking all my groceries.”
I’m not a lockpicker or safecracker, but I would like to pick some brains about a news story that I find troubling. Blake Bailey, a good biographer ( I loved his book about John Cheever) just had his new biography of Philip Roth pulled by Norton after allegations that he had sexually assaulted multiple women and “behaved inappropriately toward his students when he was an eighth grade English teacher.” The famed critic Cynthia Ozick had called the book “a narrative masterpiece” in a recent New York Times review.
I’m not writing this to debate the guilt or innocence of the biographer, but is removing the book from print by the publisher fair in response to the allegations? So many questions come to mind. Should a work be considered on its own merits, not on the background or activities of its creator? Couldn’t a brilliant poet, for example, have lived a dissolute life? Couldn’t an acclaimed social studies teacher be a socialist or communist in his private leanings? Couldn’t a great basketball coach be a skirt chaser? Accepted forms of behavior vary almost every generation, but shouldn’t the grading of works of art or evaluation of performance be independent of such standards?
I now call upon the jury to deliberate the matter. Thanks.
If you are afraid that if you become a juror, you’ll be sequestered, please be reassured that you won’t, that you’ll still be able to come and go as you please.
Now what are your thoughts? If I am a good artist but do things that society deems to be distasteful, do you then take out your distaste on my art?
If you are reading this, Woody Allen, you’re disqualified from voting on the grounds that… Well, you know.
Gerald,
A shirt chaser,a communist,a socialist,may not be a fair comparison to a rapist and child groomer.I understand your point but I don’t have sympathy for Bailey.By ignoring his behavior,it sends a terrible message,that you can act with impunity.Norton has the right to act accordingly.I passed up a lot of cases with similar charges.It was the one crime I would not represent,but I respect your point of view.If he had taken responsibility and agreed to donate all his earnings from the book to his victims,I may have a different opinion.
Here’s another question suggested by my previous post.
Albert Ellis was a renowned psychotherapist practicing what he called Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He often stated that human beings are compartmentalized, that we can do awful things without being awful, that human beings can’t be categorized or pinned down so easily. Applying his theory to the previous question, I can imagine Dr. Ellis stating that a sexual predator, for example, could also be a gifted musician or that a Nazi Storm Trooper might weep at sad movies. Do you agree with him, or do you think that each person has an underlying essence to be grasped in order to be understood?
Well, the ball is in your court. I’ll keep my racquet handy in order to be able to receive your returns … if there are any.
If you do awful things,you are awful.I’m not talking about the one time drunk driver but the person who repeatedly does awful things.I think awful people could weep at sad movies,etc.,but who cares?
WEBMASTER:
441 comments so far (including this one). Could you please delete all of them when the new cartoon is put up?
Too much clutter. It’ll be fun to start all over again on a clean slate.
Thanks.
“When I asked your MISHPOCHEH if they would like to visit you, they replied not now.
Apparently they are all very busy spending the GELT you left them!”
Michael,
Want to hear the oldest joke in the world? Here it is. Question: Why did the man hit his head with a hammer? Answer: Because it felt so good when he stopped.
Well, Trump was the hammer that hit all of us, and when he stopped being president, it felt so good, good enough to give Biden his honeymoon. Well, the honeymoon is just about over, and Joe Biden is beginning to remove his benevolent mask. Thanks to Denitsa Tsekova for this:
“President Joe Biden’s latest plan takes many steps toward taxing those at the top, but one very big tax advantage on capital gains would remain intact, ensuring continued preferential treatment for the wealthiest Americans.
“The ability to defer taxes on capital gains allows rich Americans to continue earning returns on untaxed money until the assets are sold — at which point investors can time the sale to blunt any tax burden. In the meantime, those untaxed gains can also be used as collateral for loans.
“’If you don’t pay tax on the annual increase in value of your assets, you continue earning returns on money that you would otherwise pay in tax,’ Samantha Jacoby, senior tax legal analyst at the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, said. ‘It’s a very important tax advantage that allows wealthy people to continue building wealth over time.’
“The deferral option mostly benefits those at the top of the income distribution. For the top 1%, capital income — which largely is taxed at lower rates than income — accounted for 41% of their income in 2016, according to data from the Congressional Budget Office.
“Unlike other types of income like wages, investors pay tax only when capital gains are ‘realized’— meaning when the assets get sold — compared with a worker who pays taxes on their wages annually and can’t use the money that goes toward taxes.
‘I can’t say to my boss — or the IRS — that I want to pay tax in 20 years [on my wages] because this will help me pay my bills now.’
“Additionally, investors can use unrealized gains as collateral for financing. For example, Larry Ellison, the chairman and former CEO of Oracle Corp., pledged a portion of his Oracle stock as collateral for a $10 billion credit line for personal spending, Business Insider reported in 2014. This allowed him to obtain cash without selling his investments or paying taxes on them.”
Whose side is Biden really on? Follow the money to find out.
Biden would like to take care of all the unfairness in our tax system but realistically he knows there is only so much he can hope to get through.Incremental improvement is the strategy.One step at a time.We will never achieve a perfect,fair system.However,I am happy that we have someone who is trying to do the right thing.Inequities will always be a problem.The republicans are pathetic,always on the wrong side,consistently pushing a racist,self serving agenda.I have no respect for any of them.
Michael,
Here’s something I find hard to understand. A stampede at a religious festival attended by tens of thousands of ultra-Orthodox Jews in northern Israel killed at least 45 people and injured about 150 early Friday.
How could this have happened? These were not lumbering elephants stampeding or lemmings following each other blindly toward the edge of a cliff. These were ultra-Orthodox Jews celebrating a holiday, human beings possessing frontal lobes and cerebral cortexes. Wouldn’t they have heard the cries, seen people fall, and stopped to give aid and prevent further tragedy?
It is true, by the way, that the haredi have always been very stubborn and have often refused to accept government rulings. In Israel, many haredi Jews don’t abide by governmental orders, rebelling against army service, among other things, and opposing Zionism as well as having resented Israel’s secular orientation from the very beginning.
But there was no reason for this disrespect to have led to the loss of lives that just occurred.
Can your sharp legal mind (or your wife’s) suggest an explanation to this perplexed reader?
Apparently,this was a disaster which people saw coming.Escape routes and exits had been criticized in the past as insufficient and the police may have contributed by obstructing normal pathways.With rain and slippery conditions,things got even worse.As you pointed out,the haredi are not very popular and police antipathy probably contributed.They are looking into possible police misconduct.The world is a crazy place.
Michael,
After the tragedy in Israel, reports have emerged that politicians, including Netanyahu (who, by the way, has a net worth of more than $11 million), pressed not to limit the Meron event, overriding the wishes of the Health Minister, who had tried to fight for at least a 5,000 cap.
So now the blame game begins between the various authorities and officials who planned, approved and oversaw mass festivities at the holy site, with pressure expected for a full-scale inquiry into responsibility for the Meron disaster.
Politicians are the same the world over, aren’t they?
Sixteen people, by the way, are still hospitalized; the condition of an 11-year-old boy improves ( Rambam Medical Center in Haifa says the child has been taken off a ventilator and is no longer sedated). At least six U.S. citizens are among the victims.
Identification of fatalities is set to resume Saturday evening.
“IF you suffer from ACROPHOBIA, then never look down on me!”
Marvin,
People with acrophobia would be at a loss in romantic situations, wouldn’t they?
They’d be afraid of falling in love, for one thing.
But the good thing is that they’d never take drugs.
They’d be afraid of getting high.
Gerald,
Wouldn’t it be a tragedy to “FALL FROM GRACE” if you are in heaven? Then again, you would avoid being near a “NUCLEAR FALLOUT!”
Only the most affected would hibernate to escape the “FALL SEASON!”
You could never enjoy a “WATERFALL!” But, chances are you would never “FALL” in battle.
(AS you can tell, I FEEL ALL OVER MYSELF writing to you! I just hope I don’t “FALL DOWN” now from drinking too much!)
I FELL ALL OVER MYSELF, but I wanted you to FEEL FOR MY POSITION IN LIFE!
Marvin,
I DO NOT LIKE THE FALL
I’m not an acrophobic, but I do not like the fall.
I like winter, spring and summer, yes, but not the fall at all.
It is the only season that fills my heart with dread.
For every human being wants to turn over a new leaf,
But in the fall–let me be painfully brief–
Every leaf I turn turns out to be an old leaf instead.
Words For The Ages
“In a billion-billion years, the universe will still exist but with ASTRONOMICAL CHANGES!”
Marvin,
A little old lady was attending an astronomical lecture given by an astrophysicist who suddenly remarked that in a billion years our sun would have expended all its energy and turned cold, causing all life on Earth to cease. The elderly woman became very agitated. “What did you say? What did you say?” she yelled.
“I said that in a billion years we will have no more sun to warm us and we will all die,” the astrophysicist repeated.
“Whew,” said the woman. “I’m very relieved. I thought you said a MILLION years.”
Was there a winning caption for the heavenly angel meeting?
No.
The houselights have dimmed and the next act is set to but did not yet begin. We are all waiting in the dark, just like you.
Please submit more. I, for one, always enjoy your words.
“Even though I am from heaven, please do not refer to me as an EXTRATERRESTRIAL!”
“The mind is like a car battery — it recharges by running.”
—-Bill Watterson
Every day, for 10 years, cartoonist Bill Watterson delighted readers with a new story in his beloved syndicated comic strip “Calvin and Hobbes.” But that kind of round-the-clock ingenuity is no easy feat. His secret? Recharging the mind by letting it play. “I’ve had to cultivate a kind of mental playfulness,” Watterson said in the same 1990 commencement speech at Kenyon College where he gave the quote above. “A playful mind is inquisitive, and learning is fun,” he said. In other words, creative ideas come when the mind is encouraged to wander into new areas, exploring wherever your natural curiosity may lead. Instead of “shutting off” your brain at the end of a long day, reinvigorate it by indulging your innate sense of wonder. If you follow what makes learning fun, it’s bound to lead you to new ideas.
Bill, maybe one day you’ll delight us all by coming back, perhaps with a brand-new strip crowded with brand-new ideas. I, for one, will be waiting
“In heaven we don’t use FACEBOOK, but here we do use FACE-OFF, and I will give you good odds on who will win!”
Sending this caption
CAPTION:
I have called this men only meeting to choose which one of you will be officially suggesting
one or more of the women’s ideas from last month.
I told you that you were good. This is a different take on Dr. Schwartz’s cartoon, seeing it as reminiscent of the old-boy networks that used to be satirized in the New Yorker, the Saturday Evening Post and other magazines, reflecting male condescension and superior judgement on all matters.
There’s only one problem, a logistical one. The latest date for submission of a caption for the current contest was, I believe, April 15th, even though no winner of it has been posted yet. But your caption has, in my mind, bypassed all boundaries.
See you in the next contest. Thanks for this!
CAPTION:
“Would it kill any of you to just once bring a few bagels and cream cheese?”
I like it ! It just might just be one of those universal captions. It will be interesting to see if it can be submitted for the next cartoon just the way you wrote it? I bet it can.
Jim,
Humor is our way of making peace with an incomprehensible and disordered world that would ordinarily terrify us. The more out of place a caption is, the funnier it is, since we apply humor as a Band-Aid. From the top of my head here’s a caption, with God speaking: “Is there anybody here who would like me to add dill pickles to the lunch menu?” The question is ridiculous. It doesn’t belong. So we laugh in order to smooth the wrinkles that disorient us in this strange revolving ball of rock we all call home.
And Lee, YOU’RE the one who deserves thanks, in the same way a beautiful painting calls forth words of admiration. Or maybe it’s the irritation caused by your demanding job that ‘s really the source, producing the pearls you submit.
“In front of you is actually a CLEAN SLATE awarded to you POSTHUMOUSLY!”
I check in here daily to enjoy the caption possibilities, and to be enlightened by your insightful views. This escape (however short) helps me cope with a demanding job.
Thank you for your kind words. Those words are far more important to me than winning or losing a caption contest.
“You’ve heard the expression, ‘May the FORCE be with you,’ well I am. So, don’t FORCE me to change my direction!”
Thank you all; GERALD, JIM, and MARVIN
SAGER for your kind words.
Lee Lacewell,
Normally I don’t speak for the Moment Group (unless properly bribed), but in your case I will make an exception.
It is indeed a privilege to have you join this notorious gang and submit as many “crazy” cartoon captions as possible!
You will inspire us all (including myself) to try and keep up with your excellent contributions! 🙂
Marvin,
You are fully empowered to speak for the entire Moment group at any time. After all, you, more than anyone else, truly embody the spirit of the group.
Now if you could only grant doctorates or Guggenheim awards or MacArthur fellowships …
Regarding this uncertain world, here’s a quote from the Israeli psychologist Amos Tversky:
“All too often, we find ourselves unable to predict what will happen; yet after the fact we explain what did happen with a great deal of confidence. This ‘ability’ to explain that which we cannot predict, even in the absence of any additional information, represents an important, though subtle, flaw in our reasoning. It leads us to believe that there is a less uncertain world than there actually is, and that we are less bright than we actually might be. For if we can explain tomorrow what we cannot predict today, without any added information except the knowledge of the actual outcome, then this outcome must have been determined in advance and we should have been able to predict it. The fact that we couldn’t is taken as an indication of our limited intelligence rather than of the uncertainty that is in the world. All too often, we feel like kicking ourselves for failing to foresee that which later appears inevitable. For all we know, the handwriting might have been on the wall all along. The question is: was the ink visible?”
“In order to have a firm footing in heaven, then you must remain on your TIPPY TOE best behavior!”
Marvin,
Your “Tippy Toe Best” would be great as a wall plaque.
Lee,
Thanks for not recommending that my head should be on a wall plaque!
“The way the creative process works is that you first say something and later, sometimes many years later, you understand what you said.”
—Danny Kahneman
Lee,
I don’t know whether life imitates art or art imitates life, but today I came across an early Calvin and Hobbes strip which echoes my thoughts on what makes something funny:
Calvin and Hobbes are walking through a snowy wood, balancing on a log.
Calvin, first panel: “Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?”
Calvin, second panel: “When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We LIKE it. We think it’s funny.”
Calvin, continues in third panel: “Don’t you think it’s odd that we APPRECIATE absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?”
Hobbes, fourth panel: “I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.” (And then he walks on.)
Calvin (alone, last panel, looking nonplussed): “I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.”
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(How would kids in elementary school graded with pluses and minuses feel if they failed a test? I guess they’d really be nonplussed. Sorry.)
Gearald
I had not thought of Calvin and Hobbes in years. I read your excellent description of the retro C&H and like all of your post and Marvins post I find them entertaining, uplifting, thought provoking and worthy of reading multiple times.
Your “Nonplussed” reference is great, and it accurately describes my state of being during and after watching the nightly world news over the previous four years.
FOOD (OR LACK OF FOOD) FOR THOUGHT
“Bagels & cream cheese will not be served when I say ROLL CALL!”
“Do not store your cherished items in a LOX BOX!”
“Being hungry for knowledge will not act as WEIGHT MANAGEMENT!”
Tanitoluwa Adewumi, a ten-year-old boy born in Nigeria, has become the twentieth youngest person ever to become a chess master in the United States.
The other day he was asked how he feels when he loses.
“When you lose, you have made a mistake, and this can help you learn,” he replied.
“I never lose. I learn.”
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Adrian Storisteanu, as a seasoned chess competitor, you’ve always known this. We miss your entries here.
Lunya is a well-regarded company catering to developing luxurious fabrics for all types of women’s clothing. The other day its copywriters came up with a full page ad featuring these words:
“EVERYTHING IN MODERATION,
INCLUDING MODERATION.”
( Whoever dreamed this up deserves a raise, in my book.)
“SILENCE IS GOLDEN!” If you don’t agree, then surrender your GOLDEN HALO. You notice I never had one.
This normally focuses upon the humorous, but here’s a sobering statistic:
To date, more than 32.7 million Covid-19 cases have been reported in the U.S., according to data tracked by Johns Hopkins University. Nearly 582,000 Americans have died.
And our erstwhile president had told us not to worry, that everything was under control, and he badmouthed Dr. Fauci when the latter dared to disagree.
But if you look hard enough, every tragedy has at least one redeeming factor.
Without the Covid-19 catastrophe, Trump would certainly have been reelected.
Gerald,
Generally in years past I would have reframed from expressing any of my political beliefs in print.
I will now say that any left or right leaning person reading your statement, (that is willing to be honest with themselves), should agree that you are absolutely correct; Trump would certainly now be in office and the U.S. would be in a much darker place because of it.
I am not sure that I would agree that COVID was the event that enabled Biden to take back the executive. We are just a very fickle country. It always amazes me how the Dems and Repubs can switch off every few years. It is as if G-d is playing referee. “Okay it’s your turn for a few years”
It also amazes me how close it always is, almost 50% 50%. What that means is that both sides have to coddle the extremes. When the Dems alienated the Bernie folks, Hillary lost. And even though I don’t think the majority of Repubs really believe the Big Lie, they are afraid if they don’t back it they will loose that narrow margin that allows them to retain their seats.
What I really believe is that it is time for a third party. I know Ross Perot and Ralph Nadar are perfect examples of how a splinter movement can be death for conservatives and progressives alike. But we just have to break this stalemate, and each side will need to make concessions to the middle. Otherwise, it will just be mob rule where nobody is guided by principals and the only consideration is what will win.
The economy is strong at the moment, even with COVID, but I think we are being naive if we think it can last with the government spending at current levels. It doesn’t matter, top down (a la Trump tax restructuring) or bottom up (a la Biden Stimulus checks) we are in for some confusing times over the next few years. And unfortunately, it will make for a restless voter base, and that probably means a conservative win in the next two elections. My only hope is that the Repubs can find a legitimate alternative to Trump, who, as everybody knows is a CINO (conservative in name only).
Well I guess I’ve said too much . . . . again!
“America may soon relax rules on wearing face masks indoors, according to Dr Anthony Fauci.
“In an appearance on ABC News on Sunday, Dr Fauci said the lessening mask rules were inevitable as more Americans get Covid shots.”
This is great news! Does it mean that I’ll be able to remove my mask when I take a shower?
Jim:
I for one think you said just the right amount. I do not disagree with any of your assessments. As a (CINO) Trump obviously used the Republican party. I think he might have been just as easily declared a democratic canidate if the tables had been turned.
Lee,
I was once very friendly with a chiropractor who was very gifted, teaching nutrition as well as giving very effective adjustments. I asked him how he had gotten interested in his field. He told me that as a very young man he had had the idea of becoming a pharmacist and had taken a part-time job delivering prescriptions for a pharmacy. One day a hit and run driver knocked him off his bike. After he hobbled home, he found that he had fractured his spine and ribs and ruptured his kidneys. The doctors told his parents that he would be gone in a year. Luckily he was referred to a chiropractor who prescribed a healing nutrition program and gently straightened out his twisted body frame. Attending one of the chiropractor’s Tuesday night lectures, he met his wife, whom he loved for the rest of his life.
Why this story? To show that every negative experience has a positive aspect if we look for it, just as a stick has two ends; pulling the stick up by one end pulls up the opposite end, too, just as the pandemic did serve to release us from Trump or the accident gave my chiropractor friend the vision of an occupation and an introduction to the woman who would become his wife,
P.S. Jim, I must respectfully see things differently than you do. I see the Democratic and Republican parties as really being one party, like the two brothers Tweedledum and Tweedledee in “Alice in Wonderland” who playfully decide to have a battle, or like the hero and villain in a stage play who meet as friends in the green room after the show. Both parties serve the capitalistic system that rules the whole roost. Will you forgive my cynicism? I’ve seen too much. And I respect you a lot.
Thank you for the inspirational story about your chiropractor friend. I find your story interesting, uplifting and educational. If you are not presently having books published you definitely should be.
I believe that you (and Jim as well) have a true gift for writing.
“Your facial expressions says it all. Dead, but rejuvenated!”
Did you learn to play mah jongg when your wife asked you to?
Lee,
Thank you for your kind words. I see myself as a kind of sommelier, someone who appreciates the different kinds of wine, except that the wines here are words and the people behind them are formidable. For example, Michael, a lawyer by training, has a very fine mind, able to get to the core of any problem and analyze it with great wisdom. Marvin is a wildly inventive man with a fantastic wit, able to see the humor in almost everything and juggle it for all to see. And Jim is a man of great heart and depth who is able to penetrate the spirit behind any question. Luckily (cross my fingers) this site is still like a Garden of Eden, unspoiled so far, not yet having been invaded by trolls. I could go on about almost everybody, but whatever your question or comment, there’ll be someone here perfectly attuned to what you express.
Welcome again to a site that is immeasurably better for your having joined it.
P.S. There’s always something left unsaid. Rereading the above, I realize I’ve left out Jim’s scope. His interests and curiosity are stretched wide, from anthropology to aerospace, and his research takes him into many realms. And he’s always honest about what he needs to know. An amazing guy!
Lee,
Along the lines of our discussion, here’s my favorite story. I’ve told it before, but it’s worth reading.
An old Chinese farmer woke up one morning to discover that his string of horses had jumped over the fence and escaped. His neighbors came to comfort him over his loss.
“We’ll see,” the farmer replied.
Later in the day the horses returned, bringing with them some beautiful wild horses. His friends praised his good fortune.
“We’ll see,” the farmer said.
The next day his son tried to break in one of the wild horses, was thrown, and fractured his leg. “How terrible!” his neighbors moaned.
“We’ll see,” the farmer said.
The following day the king’s soldiers came to recruit his son to fight in a war. But when they saw that his leg was broken, they left without him. “How wonderful!” the neighbors cried.
“We’ll see,” the farmer said.
And so it goes, the impossibility of accurately evaluating any occurrence, like someone trying to figure out the meaning of a sentence that’s still unfinished.
I like it too, it is one of those stories that will always endure, it brings out positive and or negative events in each readers life. It certainly does in my life.
Gerald:
What I meant to say was that the story brings back the MEMORY of positive and negative events that (not because of anything we did) actually changed or helped shape our lives.
What would the DEVIL from hell say to GOD from heaven?
(1) “There are good people from both areas!”
(2) “I’m burning with passion, because I’m hot bloodied & horny!”
(3) “Also, the women here are hotties & hot to trot!!!!!”
The devil might also say to God, “And you’re complaining that’s it’s too cold up there in the winter?”
“I conversed with the DEVIL and he indicated a normal day in hell. As the day begins we have WILD SEX, some foods & drinks, then HOT SEX.
Next, KINKY SEX, and afterwards, GROUP CRAZY SEX. Then as the day winds down we rest our sex organs and enjoy hormonal refreshments for the next day’s repeat performances.
You can conclude that we live a DAMNABLE LIFESTYLE!”
“So, now in heaven to counteract this debauchery in hell, we will listen to our guest speaker, the Virgin Mother Superior talk about abstinence & prayer
in our everyday mundane lives. Please try and stay awake!”
Marvin,
Speaking of sex, I once knew a man named (believe it or not) Abraham Sexauer. He worked for a large insurance firm as an underwriter. One day someone had to get in touch with him right away but wasn’t sure of the company he worked for. The man dialed an insurance firm and asked whether there was a Sexauer there.
“A sex hour?” the receptionist exclaimed. “We don’t even get a coffee break.”
The best stories come from real life, believe it or not.
That’s pretty funny!
“My new invention to avoid over population in the universe is the IMMACULATE CONTRACEPTION!”
Marvin,
Robert Frost used to tell a story of a female poet he knew who claimed that having sex before writing her poems made her poems better.
Frost slyly commented: “I think she was a little mixed up in her conceptions.”
Gerald,
The Shakers avoided sex, so they must have been opposed to poetry. Or, is this a MISCONCEPTION?
What about the movers and shakers who have sex in their penthouses and on their yachts?
Gerald,
In this case, you need to listen to the music of the Beach Boys, “GOOD VIBRATIONS” to understand the sex.
(SHE’S GIVING ME EXCITATIONS!) MOVERS & SHAKERS in PENTHOUSES & YACHTS are rocking it without EXCEPTIONS! 🙂
Thou shall not wear speedos to the beach!
Michael,
Escalating violence in Israel and the Gaza Strip spilled over into the West Bank last week as the threat of all-out war loomed and officials braced for more unrest.
The mounting death toll from this week’s airstrikes targeting the Gaza Strip now includes 139 Gaza residents, including 39 children, according to Palestinian health officials. At least 1,000 have been wounded. On the Israeli side, eight people, including one teenager, have died amid a barrage of rockets fired by Palestinian militants.
Riots and physical fights between Jewish and Arab Israelis also broke out in cities and towns across Israel this week, prompting Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to threaten to use military force to quash the “anarchy.” A 12-year-old Arab Israeli boy was hospitalized with burns from a Molotov attack as the violence continued overnight on Friday, Israeli media outlets reported. The escalation follows weeks of clashes and demonstrations amid rising tensions in Jerusalem. On Monday morning, hundreds of Palestinians were injured in a police raid on the al-Aqsa Mosque compound in Jerusalem, one of the holiest sites in Islam. By the evening, militants in the Gaza Strip had fired rockets toward Jerusalem for the first time in years, and Israel responded with airstrikes.
A confluence of factors — some decades old, others more immediate — has contributed to the worst violence in years. Monday began with more than 300 Palestinians — who had come to pray at al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem’s Old City during the holy month of Ramadan — injured in clashes with Israeli forces, who fired rubber bullets, tear gas and stun grenades. Confrontations between Israeli police, Palestinian protesters and far-right Jewish Israelis continued throughout the day. This conflict seems tailor-made for Benjamin Netanyahu who, to put it delicately, is not incorruptible, putting himself in a position of strength and discouraging any deals by blocks seeking to overthrow him.
Putting it delicately (but not too delicately), did Netanyahu purposely light the match that started this violence as a means of keeping himself in power and out of the courts where he would have to fight the charges of corruption that have been leveled against him?
You must admit, it’s perfect timing, no?
Gerald,
Netanyahu has always felt like a smarter version of Trump.(to me) I would not swear for his motives.Allowing someone to continue in the job while he is being investigated and prosecuted is constitutional but is ripe for abuse.Anything they do may be influenced by their legal predicament and the desire to change the conversation.I don’t trust him at all.
“In heaven, you live a LAID BACK unintrusive existence. But in hell, the Devil will lay you on your back and SCREW YOU OVER!”
This past week the Biden administration announced the first major offshore wind project in the U.S. When completed, the 84-turbine wind farm near Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts should generate enough electricity to power 400,000 homes and businesses, according to estimates from the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management.
This massive project is just the beginning, though. That’s because in March the Biden administration launched a clean energy initiative calling for 30 gigawatts of offshore wind power by 2030.
*********************
Sounds good to me. Unfortunately, the cost, I understand, will be high at first. I wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Unless, of course, I had a windfall.
“Life on earth is like a carton of eggs, and you never know what you might get. Some are near perfect, some are rotten, and some are just cracked.
Aren’t you glad you are in blissful heaven and don’t walk on eggshells? As opposed to hell where you have rotten eggs with a YOKE around your necks!”
You have an egg-cellent sense of humor, with a little Forrest Gump thrown in for added flavor.
As Oliver Twist might say, “May we have some more?”
Thanks.
New Yorker Caption Contest today….relatively tough cartoon to caption
Gerald,
With your encouragement, I will try and scramble up some “pun omelets” without getting too many runny eggs on my cartoon caption!
But, where are the better contributors to this blog? Don’t tell me they are SHELL SHOCKED or decided to be a chicken. We need their input!
Now, I am on my way home to roost for the evening. My final words to you & all are COCK-A-DOODLE-DO add to this FOUL PAGE! My THANKS!
Marvin,
I had thought you were going to get very personal and ask if I accumulated a good nest egg toward retirement.
Actually, I have to re-tire my car. Can a re-tired car get social security?
I should stop here. I wouldn’t want to tire you out with too many puns. But Dale Stout asked me to take over for him during his very temporary absence.
Gerald,
If “EGGS” Benedict Arnold were alive today, he would suggest you change your NEST EGG retirement fund into an English EGGPLANTED bank account.
After all, you don’t want people to accuse you of being an EGGHEAD for not trying to protect your NEST EGG!
So, use your EGGNOGGEN BRAINS and just enjoy every day life without worrying about being a confused GOLDEN EGGBEATER retiree!
(If you get a hold of Dale Stout, then tell him I need help with my puns!)
Michael,
I wasn’t happy with my first attempt at expressing my thought, so here’s my second try (“if at first you don’t succeed …”):
So far diplomats have been unable to broker a cease-fire in the latest crisis between Israel and Hamas. Prime Minister Netanyahu, unsurprisingly, has pledged to continue the fight despite efforts from Hamas to negotiate a cease fire.
This conflict seems tailor-made for Netanyahu, who was facing a good chance of losing his office and the prospect of having to appear in court to fight charges of corruption. The current violence has allowed him to project the strong image a nation needs in wartime and to discourage those political foes who threatened to unite in order to doom his chances of re-election. In a speech on Sunday he said that his campaign against terrorism was “continuing in full force.”
Did Netanyahu want a crisis at this point? It started with the tone-deaf Israeli decision to put up barriers at the Damascus Gate where Muslim worshippers gathered at the start of the holy month of Ramadan. To add insult to injury, Israeli forces cut the wires to loudspeakers that had been set up outside the mosque to call worshippers to prayer.
There’s an old joke involving two failed shopkeepers meeting and one saying to the other, “I was on the verge of bankruptcy when there was a flood in my store and the insurance payments rescued me,” to which his friend replied, “Wonderful; now tell me, how do you start a flood?”
Netanyahu knows the answer to that one. But this time, very tragically, it’s no joke at all.
Gerald,
You expressed yourself perfectly in your prior post.I agree with you completely.Hearing about all the deaths,particularly children on both sides,is very tragic and discouraging.A life cut short is very disturbing.How lucky are we to live in the United States,generally insulated from all the misery that visits many places and people.
Michael,
The Vietnam War was the first war that brought us as a nation out of our insulation because we were able to follow it on television, to personally see all the deaths and atrocities. The world had been getting less and less remote. Now the pandemic has come along. How it has affected us remains to be seen. Will people return to movie houses, for example, after being spoiled by all the streaming coming into their homes? When radio came out in the 1920’s, the experts thought that it would displace vaudeville. When television became popular, people placed bets that it would displace movies. One thing that television did do was to force comedians to come up with a lot of new material, for what could have been sufficient for years on, say, the Keith-Orpheum circuit was gobbled up in an instant by the millions of people laughing at their jokes on the Ed Sullivan Show .
The jury’s still out. We’re living in interesting times.
Gerald
Interesting times includes the likelihood that Trump will soon be indicted in New York.His prosecution will dominate the media.His supporters will no doubt march and demonstrate in New York.The circus will be in town for as long as it lasts.It will be the greatest show on earth.
“The DEVIL wears Prada. If you like this fashion then to HELL with you, or COME ON DOWN!”
“With my sleight of hand I make creations. Therefore, I am a GODLY MAGICIAN. Any bad behavior on your part, and I will create an empty chair!”
As long as you’re here, Marvin, there’ll never be an empty chair. You’re our chairman and your comments always fill the room. Thanks.
Michael,
Your wife kindly supplied the clue when you once thought that I was looking for a crossword puzzle answer, so in partial appreciation here is a story she might find humorous.
A man telephoned one of his best friends, who happened to be a physician, complaining that his wife’s hearing seemed to be getting worse. “What shall I do?” he queried.
The friend suggested an otolaryngologist, but the man said that his wife was very stubborn and would refuse to go.
“Then you’ll have to gauge the extent of her hearing loss by yourself,” said his doctor-friend, who continued, “I suggest that you call her from slowly decreasing distances until she picks up your voice.”
So the man took his friend’s advice. He climbed the stairs of his house, away from the kitchen in which his wife was preparing dinner.
“Can you hear me?” he asked.
There was no answer.
Then he descended the stairs. Again he asked, “Can you hear me now?” No response. Reaching the bottom of the stairwell, he asked once more. Again no response.
Finally he approached the kitchen. “Honey, can you hear my voice?” No answer.
At last he entered the kitchen. His wife was hunched over the sink. “Can you hear me now?” he asked in a loud voice.
His wife turned around, with a very frustrated look on her face.
“For the fifth time,” she yelled, “yes!”
Gerald,
Very funny.My wife thanks you.We are always kidding one another about whose hearing is worse so the joke is right in our wheelhouse.By the w ay,I think we are both going deaf!
Michael,
I hear you!
Incidentally, one of my first jobs was working in a very small advertising agency as a copywriter. My boss was a loudmouth, insulting and intimidating everyone he came in contact with. One day a new art director was hired. He submitted a sketch that the boss didn’t like, and the boss began berating him. He didn’t say a word and continued working, indicating that he hadn’t heard him. Well, how many times can one repeat an insult? So the boss walked away, frustrated. From then on the art director was spared what the rest of us had to go through. His work area was next to mine. There was a screen between us. One day I forgot his “handicap” and softly asked him if I had paid back some money he had lent me. “Oh, yes,” he said softly, without a pause. Then it came out. He really needed the job and didn’t want to suffer the boss’s outbursts or get fired, so he pretended to have a hearing loss. It worked!
Looking back now, I wonder if he had studied Zen.
Looking back
“In heaven, you have peace of mind. So rest in peace (R.I.P.) and give your mind some permanent relaxation!”
Marvin,
This reminds me a little of Tim Leary’s words in 1966: “Turn on, tune in, drop out,” repeated in different phrasings by modern-day gurus, exhorting us to bypass the intellect to reach the spirit. Of course one has to be mindful of what one is doing, so that, in a way, defeats the purpose.
(I hope that you don’t mind my comment. It wasn’t meant to be mean-spirited.)
Gerald,
As you promoted me to the chairman on this blog, then any comments you make (good or bad) are most welcome.
Besides, “To err is human to forgive is divine!” As a religious non-believer, I defer all mercy & forgiveness to GOD for his judgment.
(God acts in mysterious ways. My acts are in astonishing ways. Therefore, my contributions to this blog are a combination of the two: CONFUSING & UNBELIEVABLE!)
“It has often been stated that CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS. So, all jokes will continue to be sanitized!”
Michael,
Roger Cohen, as you probably know, is the Paris Bureau Chief of the New York Times. Here is part of his news analysis from today’s New York Times. At least I’m not alone in my opinions about Netanyahu and Israel.
“He is, in the popular sobriquet, the King of Israel, the ‘magician’ who through his gifts and guile has governed Israel for 15 years in all, outlasting political rivals, waving away corruption charges, sapping Palestinian aspirations and now, again, turning conflict to his advantage.
“There is, it seems, no way around Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
“Before the latest violence erupted, leaving more than 230 Palestinians dead and over a dozen people in Israel, Mr. Netanyahu’s situation appeared precarious. It seemed less so after the 11-day battle with Hamas that ended with a cease-fire early Friday.
“This is the prime minister’s long-established mode of operation: exploit crisis to assert his centrality and inflict just enough pain on Hamas to deter another eruption for a few years, but not enough pain to change fundamentally a status quo that leaves the Palestinians divided between Gaza and the West Bank, steadily weaker, and stateless.
“In early May, talks on a national unity coalition that would have ousted Mr. Netanyahu were advancing. Now that idea, which might have led to an Israeli Arab party entering government for the first time, may be buried in the rubble.
“Three days after Hamas began firing rockets from Gaza, Naftali Bennett, the right-wing former defense minister who was a linchpin of the alternative coalition plan, declared, ‘A government of change with the planned makeup will not be able to cope.’ In a crisis that quickly set Jew against Arab within Israel, he could not join a government backed by an Islamist Arab party. Only one person, it was clear, could cope: Bibi, as Mr. Netanyahu is widely known.
“The prime minister has put enormous energy and considerable ruthlessness into crafting this image of indispensability, weaving it deep into the Israeli subconscious. His is the baritone that soothes.
“His message is powerful: That he remains the sole guarantor of Israeli security against threats from Hamas in Gaza, from Iran and from Lebanon; that he alone can kick the can of Palestinian statehood far enough down the road for it to appear utterly far-fetched; that only he is a reliable bulwark against ‘the Arabs voting in droves,’ as he once put it; and that, despite being on trial on charges of bribery, fraud and breach of trust, he is best placed to project Israeli interests, with American support, on the world stage.
“He has a Trumpian base he can rely on — traditional, conservative, nationalistic — and his perennial question to Israelis, even when he looks bankrupt, is: ‘Who else can do it?’
“Of course, Mr. Netanyahu did not win those repetitive elections, either. He is currently on trial on corruption charges, including bribery. Political survival has become personal, his most effective means of slowing or even stopping the criminal process by somehow persuading allies to grant him immunity. He was unable to form a government after the March elections, leaving him as a caretaker prime minister with diminished legitimacy.
“It is unclear, against this backdrop, what role, if any, the prime minister had in the Israeli police raids on Al Aqsa Mosque, the closing of a plaza popular with Palestinians near the Damascus Gate and the plight of six Palestinian families facing eviction in East Jerusalem — the sparks that, in the midst of Ramadan, led to the conflagration.
“But it is clear that the ensuing battle benefited him politically.
“’Violence returns every few years because of the Israeli occupation of the West Bank,’ Ayman Odeh, the head of the joint list of Arab parties in the Knesset, said in an interview. ‘But the concrete reason this time is that Mr. Netanyahu is willing to burn everything to stay in power. He managed the situation in a way that led to an escalation for his benefit.’
“‘Emergency situations always play into the hands of nationalists,’ Shlomo Avineri, a political scientist, said.
“Since taking office in 2009 — he was also prime minister from 1996 to 1999 — Mr. Netanyahu has deftly projected a state of permanent emergency, fanning division and fear where necessary. Israel is ‘the nation-state, not of all its citizens, but only of the Jewish people,’ he famously declared in 2019. About 20 percent of Israel’s population is Arab.
“The fear mongering has worked. Nobody can find a way to dislodge the master strategist. Not Benny Gantz, the war hero whose Blue and White Party briefly held out the promise of change. Not Yair Lapid, the telegenic centrist who was the other author with Naftali Bennet of the plan for a national unity coalition. Not rising stars from Mr. Netanyahu’s own Likud party, like Gideon Saar, who find themselves outmaneuvered (Mr. Saar left to form his own party). They all succumb, though Mr. Lapid still has until June 2 to try to form a government even if that now appears unlikely.
“Over more than a decade, no more centrist alternative to Mr. Netanyahu, 71, has proved persuasive; no rightist option has been able to outflank him; and nobody has been able to halt the slow demise of the land-for-peace left, which embodied the hopes of a two-state settlement of the Palestinian conflict.
“’He is very good at getting out of crisis, sometimes at terrible cost, even to the constitutional order,’ said Mr. Avineri. He was alluding to Mr. Netanyahu’s attacks on the Supreme Court and a free press as his hold on power has become more tenuous and his personal situation more fraught.
“In some ways, until the latest violence erupted, putting an end to seven years of relative calm with Hamas, Mr. Netanyahu appeared to have succeeded in his core objectives.”
Gerald,
Roger Cohen appears to have analyzed the situation perfectly.The perpetual loop of Netanyahu’s suggests that he is an expert at putting himself first.The fact that both Israeli and Arab citizens are casualties is his cost of doing business,which he seems to take in stride.I don’t see an end to the madness.
“Crazy is as crazy does. You can always say, THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT! Having said this, I possess no DEVILISH wishes!”
Marvin,
That goes back to the Book of Genesis. When God was searching for someone to pin the blame on for Adam and Eve’s sin of eating the apple, Adam pointed his finger at Eve. Then Eve pointed to the serpent. The serpent didn’t deny his culpability. He was an honest bad guy, whatever else you might want to say about him.
Michael,
Let me tell you something that I see happening. For the first time in my lifetime, a sea-change is occurring in support of Israel. Israel may have won the current battle, but it has lost a tremendous amount of good will. The change will not be noticeable for a while because you cannot stop a tractor trailer on a dime, but people who are working on grants here, for example, are slowly toning down their enthusiasm for the homeland of the Jewish people. More than ever before, Israel is being seen as a bully, not helped by television scenes of carnage including babies killed and people searching for bodies in the rubble. Netanyahu did a desperate but stupid thing. Frightened of losing his grip on the country and facing corruption charges in court, he desperately sought a way to protect himself at the expense of his country.
But as Joanne Harris once said, “Everything comes home: every word spoken, every shadow cast, every footprint in the sand.”
Gerald,
I have been aware lately of an anti-semetic feeling that shows itself in a variety of ways.TV coverage,even before the latest clashes,has had a wiff of anti-semetism.It’s a feeling that Jewish people are sensitive to,that I think all of us are on the lookout for.Couple this with what happened this past week,things get more overt.We may be respected,but we are not liked.I don’t see that changing.
“Please raise your glass of kosher wine, I propose a L’chaim – to life (after death); L’chaim – to life (after death)!”
(NOTE: We could this toast to welcome in the next Moment Cartoon and the “death” of this old Moment Cartoon!)
Perhaps if all contributors to this site pledged to fast until the new cartoon appeared, it might come sooner.
(Consider this to be food for thought only.)
WEBMASTER: So fat there are more than 500 comments in the current contest. The more deletions you could effect, the better it would be for the new contest. Thanks.
Gerald,
I pledge to lose weight until the new cartoon appears, the FASTer the better!
(Food for thought signals my brain that my body needs food!)
Marvin,
The weight of your wisdom will always remain with us. Thanks for all your contributions.
“Always put your best foot forward. A pedicure will definitely help if you could possibly NAIL IT!”
(Dedicated to Gerald Lebowitz who is always complimentary, and never suffers from FOOT & MOUTH DISEASE!) THANKS!
Jim and others,
There’s a new book out by Andy Weir, who wrote “The Martian” a few years ago. It’s called “Project Hail Mary.” It’s a better book, for S-F enthusiasts and readers who just want a good story, about microorganisms that are literally feeding on the sun’s energy and therefore threatening life on earth. One man finds himself aboard a space vessel on a mission to find out a way to save the Earth from the dissipation of the sun’s energy. The author consulted with and has thanked all the scientists who provided guidance and suggestions to him.
I don’t have Dinah’s expertise (she’s a professional reviewer), but it’s a good story, very well told, I think. By the way, the author brings to it his own expertise. He worked as a programmer for several software companies for many years.
Jim, this might just be up your alley!
Gerald,
I just reserved Project Hail Mary at the library.Thanks for the info.
Michael,
Thanks for the message. The author has a science background; his father incidentally is a particle physicist and his mother is supposed to be an electrical engineer. He never got his degree from UC San Diego, but he never stops learning. I found his take refreshing. There are a lot of holds on the book here; I was lucky that I had put my bid in for it early. If you want to read criticisms of the book, you can find plenty on the Internet; but I liked his open approach and the surprising ending. Enjoy!
P.S. You have a wonderful mind. You don’t like airy theories. The story is buttressed technically by valid (so far) scientific concepts. You’ll find yourself riveted to the tale.
Gerald,
I read The Martian book and enjoyed it.If this is better,great.My wife just got two books,non-fiction ,recommended by a book editor she knows.They are Ethel Rosenberg,and Test Gods,about the test pilots of The Virgin Galactic space program.
“The times they are a-changing, except on Moment Cartoon on earth. There must be a bad Wi-Fi connection somewhere in the universe!”
Michael,
This is the 546th submission to the site. When it reaches 600, should I sell?
(I’d never sell short.)
“We could utilize the “BELL” classification in heaven.”
(1) Nobel (Prize)+++++For those of you who accomplished so much on earth.
(2) Liberty Bell++++++For those of you who supported FREEDOM & LIBERTY.
(3) Dumb Bell+++++++For those of you who improved your body, but not your brains.
(4) Bell Bottoms++++++For those of you who look outdated with a big stomach to prove it.
Marvin,
You left something out. You’re the bellwether of this site, guiding us through the storms of every contest.
Gerald,
(I thought maybe you would add the following BELL comments:)
(5) Southern Belle+++++++ A part of the territory where women have a history of family & privilege.
(6) Bell’s (Palsy)+++++++++A condition of the face that occurs for those who cannot SMILE.
(7) Holliday Bells+++++++++For those who like to RING in special occasions.
Note: There are still more possibilities to enter BELL COMMENTS for anyone who would like to add to this list!
Marvin,
We could also telephone you with any updates, thanks to that great invention by Alexander Graham Bell.
(Did he also originate Dial soap?)
Gerald,
(Let me add a few BELLS for you.)
(8) Blue BELL Flowers++++++++For those of you that love the Garden Of Eden.
(9) BELL Peppers+++++++++++For those of you who enjoy Salt & Pepper on your BELLS, but doctors eliminated sodium from your diet!
(10) BELL-icose+++++++++++++For those of you who have had enough of my nonsense!
What a world! A little more than a year ago, people were BEGGING to get the vaccine, OFFERING all kinds of monetary and other incentives FOR THE PRIVILEGE. Now turnabout is fair play, as the saying goes. People are being OFFERED all kinds of incentives, including cash and scholarships, to do the favor of SHOWING UP to be vaccinated.
I think we’ve somehow all been sucked down the rabbit hole. I’m waiting to say hello to Alice when she passes by. Is there anything you’d like me to tell her?
“Another day with BELLS & WHISTLES to try and wake up the editors of the Moment Cartoon on earth.
I would use my influence, but I would be interfering with Gerald Lebowitz’s DIVINE influence!” 🙂
Marvin,
Sorry to disillusion you, but I have no influence whatsoever, divine or otherwise.
If I had, you’d already have been elevated to the position of editor in chief.
Thanks again for your perpetual expressions of good will.
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
“If Ernest Hemingway were alive on earth, he would write a sequel to his novel, FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS.
Hemingway would say the BELL TOLLS for the editors of the Moment Cartoon to get their act together.
If the editors hear BELLS ringing in their ears, then they got the message to produce a new Moment Cartoon!”
Marvin,
If most people heard bells ringing in their ears, they’d assume that they had tinnitus, caused by an ear injury or an underlying condition, such as a problem with circulation.
I was once with a group of people, and one of them suddenly stopped walking. When someone asked what the matter was, the person said she heard ringing in her ear. The guy next to her got impatient.
“Well, answer it!” he said.
Gerald,
That is exactly what I am trying to accomplish, CIRCULATION of this “OLD MOMENT CARTOON” for a “NEW MOMENT CARTOON!”
TINNITUS will bring “RINGING” in the new Moment Cartoon!”
THANKS for clarifying my “RINGING” thoughts!
Continue to enjoy your Memorial Day Holiday with all members of this blog!
Hopefully we also remember the sacrifices.
In the small mostly Jewish town of Roosevelt, NJ,in which I grew up there were two World War II casualties.
Oscar Nisnivetz died on the Bataan Death March. Actress Tamara Dreisen was killed when her USO plane crashed.
After their deaths, streets were named Oscar Drive and Tamara drive.
I think it’s Tamara Drasin….both deserve to be remembered…good for you
I have not dropped off the face of the earth. It just takes so long to reach the end of this comment area that it is making it difficult to find time to post.
Until the 15th century it was not generally accepted that the Earth was round, although the fact that the Webmaster on this site seems reluctant to pare comments does serve to revive the flat earth theory. But don’t worry. We’d never let a valuable member like you fall over the edge and be lost. There’ll always be a helping hand extended to you, just like this one.
We now have a new name for this blog, it is now called THE SILENT MAJORITY MOMENT CARTOON!
You must be very quiet when you are on this site, otherwise you will wake up the editors on this blog and scare them into producing a new cartoon.
Personally, we all need some rest & relaxation just like the editors now enjoy.
Smile, just believe you are in HEAVEN!
A NEW CONTEST (I KNEW MY LAST MESSAGE WOULD BE NOTICED)!
“Marvin has been anxious for you to get back to your place in heaven!”
“Would you like a HEAVENLY COCKTAIL to help you relax?”
“The Ray-ban sunglasses make you almost unrecognizable.”
“You must be “very tired” reading the same book about the TEN COMMANDMENTS!”
Caption:
“Would it kill you to just once bring a few bagels and cream cheese?”
Caption:
“Add a few bagels and cream cheese and this might just be the best vacation ever.”
Caption:
Bagels and cream cheese would make this the best vacation ever.”
“Be an angel and get me some sun tan lotion.”
Congratulations to Gerald,Marvin and Stephen on their nominations for their captions which will have a winner in a couple of months.My vote can be bought rather cheaply!
“This is my day of rest.It can wait.”
It is hard to pick the one out of the three finalist.
They are all great and I can see any one of the three in the top spot.
Congratulations to all three. Great job.
“Can’t my son unclog the toilet by himself?”
“It’s fiction.Everyone needs a guilty pleasure.”
“You’re replacing me with a drone?”
“Your lecture was misinterpreted about GETTING LAID!”
“You are a firm believer that on the 7th. day GOD RESTED!”
(NEW SECURITY MEASURES ON BEACH)
++++All Visiting Angels Required To Be SUNSCREENED!++++
Moment, thanks for posting the results of the past contest. I think, though, rather than competing, Stephen’s and my suggestions might be combined in perhaps the following way:
God: “As my good friend Koheleth wisely used to say, history and nature move in unending cycles. While in the past people used to make fun of us, now, because of the success of the Internet, it is indeed a great compliment to say that our heads are in the clouds.”
Gerald,
Your 2 HEADS are better than 1. Needless to say, you are a “HEAD ABOVE ME IN THE CLOUDS!” Congratulations! 🙂
“Tell Mrs. Claus to call a plumber.”
” I may be the King of the Universe, but I love a good Stephen King novel. “
“So, you’re telling me 2020 is over? Time to get back to work.”
“Tell them that I’m not coming back until they consider making bagels and cream cheese the official meeting snack food.”
If you were an angel, what might you say to GOD on the beach?
(1) “When you’re HOT, you’re HOT!”
(2) “Time to call the HEAVEN FIRETRUCK to hose you down!”
(3) “Your missing sandals are now offered on HEAVEN E-BAY!”
“Thanks,but I don’t need a lifeguard.”
” I’m trusting you to keep this spot a secret. “
“You didn’t tell me it would be hot as, well, you know.”
“It’s my autobiography.”
“When did Speedos go out of style?”
Congrats to the three finalists!
“God no! The name’s Nicolas. Saint Nick to my friends, and please, I’m off the clock!.”
Congratulations to finalists Marvin, Gerald and Stephen, and to William for the previous contest win.
“I never leave any footprints.”
“Being your Guardian Angel on this hot beach just BURNS ME UP!”
“There are people on earth just DYING to be with you on this vacation!”
” Evidently I have been accumulating two sick/vacation days per month. So today I begin my first one hundred thousand year vacation.”
Funny!
” I’m reading “This Is My God ” by Herman Wouk.
It’s one of my favorite books. “
William, have you read the sequel, “This Is My Herman Wouk,” by God?
” Just tell me who called you Tinkerbell and I will curse them.”
+++++COMPARISONS++++
(1) Compared to Hell++++++++++”Today is only BLISTERING HOT!”
(2) Compared to Israel+++++++++”Like a vacation to the DEAD SEA!”
(3) Compared to a Cruise Ship++++”Like a cruise to NOWHERE!”
Marvin,
Where is the “hell” in “hello”?
And where is the “good” in “goodbye”?
(Of course, if one hates people and treasures being alone, it’s understandable.)
Gerald,
“The Answer My Friend Is Blowing In The Wind, The Answer Is Blowing In The Wind……!”
“I appreciate obsequiousness.”
Caption:
“Well Speedos were still in style the last time I took a vacation.”
(GOOD NEWS)
“Your place in the sun has been reassured!”
(BAD NEWS)
“Your place in the sun will only last less than 10 billion more years!”
“Announce softball practice tonight.Naturally,I’ll be the ump.”
“I think your clam sauce was inspirational.”
“Where did you get the idea that I wanted ‘sin screen’? I simply asked you to please bring me some sun screen.”
” Why do you always mark the prayers that come in during my vacation U R G E N T?”
“Why are all the prayers that come in during my vacation labeled URGENT?”
“Unlike most of my subjects, I’m not waiting to be saved. But the sun is so strong here, I wouldn’t mind being salved.”
” To keep a low profile I am wearing black
Speedos because they are less God-ie than my regular ones.
“No sand castles, no sand flies, and no SAND DOLLARS to spend back on earth!”
“Would you mind if I rested under your chair in the SHADE before I FADE!”
“If you flap your wings,I’ll get a cool breeze.”
That is a very good caption!
Thank you Lee
“The Demon from Hell said your HOT sexy speedos look better on him than you!”
“You were my inspiration for hummingbirds.”
“Sorry, but your beach chair rental time is now over!”
Caption:
“Will you please take a look to see if I remembered to put my Speedos on?”
“There’s a very big tropical storm due to make landfall here tonight. May I humbly suggest that you move to higher ground?”
(A message from the Devil)
“You can party like Hell with me, or just remain where you are and REST IN PEACE!”
“The only trouble with vacationing in this spot is that I can’t bring in any of my soap operas. I used to love to watch “As the World Turns.”
“A change of pace is in order.Forget Ben Hur.Let’s screen There’s Something About Mary.”
“You are much too old to be called a PLAYBOY! Maybe a GREAT GRANDDAD to the nth degree!”
Netanyahu is out but promises to be back.He awaits possible conviction for criminal behavior.He is critical of the new prime minister and guesses that Biden will force concessions in Israel policy toward Iran and the Palestinians.He is a copy of Trump.
Michael,
I was totally wrong, as usual. I was certain that Netanyahu would use the fighting in Israel to consolidate his power and beat the rap.
(I’m a great contrary indicator. If I’m sure of something, bet against me and you’re sure to make a fortune.)
I agreed with your assessment.I’m glad he’s out though.However,what the future holds is up in the air.The new guys are to the right of Netanyahu so further trouble very possible.I’m very frustrated with how Russia gets away with all their crap.We really can’t do anything to stop them.They are an outlaw country that doesn’t respond to sanctions or world opinion.Between them and China,we live in a very dangerous world.
The most dangerous countries–and dangerous people–are those enslaved to an ideology and have lost their sensitivity and humanity. Dealing with them is like dealing with a machine. Have you ever confronted a bureaucracy? Trying to get one’s point across is like trying to climb a glass structure. There is no foothold, no common feeling, yet you keep hearing those words endlessly repeated: “Please hold on. Your call is very important to us.”
Yeah, sure.
You wore the speedos again so God had to kill you.
“That book you are reading is full of RED HERRINGS! Can’t you smell them?”
Can’t you bring back the Red Sea?
“Could you just fly around me for a little while? I forgot to bring my fan.”
“With a Tie-Dye Shirt, you could be a BEACHED HIPPIE!”
“Yes, I’m wearing a speedo. I couldn’t find my fig leaf.”
“I thought I put incoming messages on hold.”
“Icarus is not coming. He tried to fly here but the sun stopped him – he was WAXED ON and WAXED OFF!”
Caption:
“The Heavenly Skeet Shooting Club down the beach is really starting to make some of us frequent flyers very nervous.”
“One mistake I made was the French language.It’s so irritating,N’est Ce-pas.”
Caption:
“When did telepathic messaging become obsolete?”
“You can see right through China from here with your X-RAY EYES!”
Caption:
“A messenger as a fan is more desirable than two in a burning bush.”
“Tonight is sexy night on the beach, and you will need to wear your RED HOT BIRTHDAY SUIT!”
For the caption contest with August 1st due date:
‘Nudnik, I know it’s not Shabbos, but Sunday is beginning to look good to me too.”
For cartoon contest:
I was supposed to deliver a message but I can’t tell if you are Santa Clause or the Rav.
“I said day of rest,not day of the pest.”
I’m sorry to bother you during your vacation, Sir, but the earth could really use your help right now.
“You were just dreaming that Donald Trump was still President, and subsequently had a RUDE AWAKENING!”
Santa’s hallucinations were becoming way too real on his vaccation.
“Cheeseburger,fries and diet coke.
“Cheeseburger,fries and diet coke.”
“If you know I’m everywhere, why do you come HERE?”
“I know it is not easy to be GOD, but there is no relief in sight!”
“Invite George Burns and have him bring two cigars.”
“Only one main reason visitors don’t come here, because they are GOD FEARING CREATURES!”
My father’s day was enhanced by a shipment of wine I received yesterday,sent by my son.A couple of reds,a couple of whites,it all depends upon your appetite.No Italian restaurant but delicious nevertheless.
Sent thumbs up and wine glass pics, didn’t realize that pics would not show up in reply. Congrats on a great Fathers Day.
Thanks Lee!
“If you register to stay another 50 million years on this resort beach, then you can keep this same spot!”
“Could you get my son into Harvard?”
CAPTION:
“Before you begin I would like to remind you of the fate that often befalls messengers bearing bad news.”
CAPTION:
“Shuttlecock, we need a third for badminton this afternoon. Don’t worry. We’ll show you how.”
Jim,
If G-d plays badminton, does it become goodminton?
GOOD one Gerald. We definitely want to stay on His GOOD side.
Maybe better as:
“Hey Shuttlecock, we need a third for badminton. We’ll show you how.”
“Do you believe in MIRACLES?” (Maybe on the beach it is called MIRAGES!)
CAPTION:
“I could tell you the unknown secrets of the universe but then I would have to, …….Well you know.”
Caption:
“Would you mind fluttering some place else until my vacation is over?”
“You can call it the beach or the shore.”
“WHEW! WHEW! My head hurts from too many party drinks, and it gave me this BUZZ!”
“How about refilling the Red Sea?”
“You got your wings in record time.Don’t make me regret it.”
CAPTION:
“I feel that I should tell you about previous messengers that interrupted my vacation and how they are now spending eternity in a burning bush.”
“Would you happen to have new wings for me? My extended warranty has expired!”
“You’re the third person today who’s thought I’m God. I’m only a poor plumber from New Jersey on vacation.”
“My name is Pixie, and coming here I flew into a dust storm. Therefore, you might say I am a carrier of PIXIE DUST!”
“So you are saying with an audio book, while I’m alone, someone will read to me any book I choose?” “Have you been fluttering around in the Bruichladdich Distillery again?”
“Sleep on your stomach.You’ll get use to it. “
“Your time in the sun makes for quite a VITAMIN D-DAY!”
Nobody asked me, Nadine. (“What is your favorite Jewish joke and why?”), but if they had, this what they would have gotten:
A husband was very sad watching his wife of almost fifty years sink into depression. Finally he asked his personal physician what to do. The doctor replied: “Cheer her up. Provide some relief for her. Bring sunshine into her life.”
The husband had an idea. There was a pet shop around the corner, so he went in and told the proprietor his problem. The owner of the pet shop escorted him inside toward the cage of a lovely singing bird. “Bring this into the apartment and your wife will cheer up, ” he said.
So the husband did as he was told. The bird brought happiness into his wife”s room, singing as if every lovely melody in the world were in its tiny throat. And slowly but surely the wife began to stir. One morning the husband even found her pulling up the shade and letting the sunlight in.
But just then he saw that the bird was hopping around the cage–on only one leg. Enraged, he ran back to the pet store.
“You cheated me!” he yelled. “In my grief I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t see that the bird you sold me was a cripple!”
The owner of the pet shop looked at him.
“Listen, mister,” he said, “what did you want? A singer or a dancer?”
I love this story because it shows that although everyone craves perfection, there’s always something missing, something we have to settle for. And if we can realize this, life becomes beautiful after all.
Like the singing bird story a lot!
CAPTION:
“When you flap your wings I smell a very pleasant sea breeze, are you HEAVEN SCENT?”
“The new intergalactic message: GOD BE WITH YOU (but wait until vacation ends)!”
” I’m going to the Canary Islands next year, the seagulls here are more hit than miss.”
CAPTION:
“I need you to fly around the immediate area and establish a no seagull fly zone.”
“I’m developing a very deep tan to show my complete sympathy with the Black Lives Matter movement.”
“Change that benefits all people regardless of color is what is needed.” As long as one group demands change for only themselves, right or wrong, their efforts will fall on many deaf ears.”
“By using excessive suntan oil to travel here, I feel like a Greasy ‘FLY’ VIRGIN AIRLINES Olive Oil product!”
“Of course I can recommend a good book.”
Recommend a good book
could be a winner.
Thank you, Lee.
Lee,
If you really want to be impressed by Stephen Nadler, go to his wonderful site, “Attempted Bloggery.” It’s one of the best on the Internet, all about everything humorous, creative and artistic, with an emphasis on cartoons and their creators, especially focusing on his own suggestions of captions for various competitions. Stephen is very low-key about his talents, but he is more thoughtful and skillful than most of us. If former President Teddy Roosevelt were alive today, he would praise Stephen for speaking softly but certainly carrying a big stick of creativity with him wherever he goes.
Thank you so much, Gerald. You leave me speechless.
Stephen,
You’re the last person in the world I’d ever want to leave speechless, for your words always inspire, planting ideas in all of us which bloom in all kinds of ways. Thanks for everything, including your marvelous site which entertains and leaves visitors with both wisdom and pure delight.
Thank you Gerald for directing me toward Steven Nadler’s site. I have started checking it out and you are correct it is very impressive, entertaining, and educational. I will be a regular visitor to AB site.
Lee, I’ll be sure to roll out the red carpet.
“Because you are having another lazy day on the beach, I ordered you a Sloe Gin Fizz Cocktail to keep up your SPIRITS!”
“What’s wrong with my reading ‘Mein Kampf’? I’ve always liked to get into people’s heads to see their points of view.”
“Flying at lightning speed to see you always makes me CHARGED UP with a SPARK in my heart!”
“I think I can guarantee you won’t get cramps if you go swimming.”
Caption: Don’t worry, I’ll be brief.
It’s great to be back. I think this might be comment #701. I have a lot of more detailed catching up to do. But I saw some great comments, captions and nice words-thank you. Congratulations to all the grrrreat finalists!
Dale,
It’s about time you came back! When the aliens abducted you, did you PUNish them until they let you go?
Everybody missed you, and where I live I am now “hot under the collar” because the ambient temperature has risen since you left (your fault).
“O GOD, Good News! Dale Stout is back at this Moment!”
Hi Marvin,
The aliens released me in Roswell as PUNishment – which was really out of this world. Congratulations on being a finalist! I will try to live in the Moment :^)
Dale,
Next time pay for your own vacations and don’t rely on aliens to give you a FREE RIDE!
I notified the authorities to search for you, but they disavowed any knowledge of you.
The investigators said you were considered an OUTLANDER and PUNctuated the fact that you were not of this earth.
WELCOME BACK DALE, now I need a vacation to recover from this ordeal!
Dale,
You can’t get away with just these few words. Surely you must have had many adventures to justify your lengthy absence here, like rescuing your family from criminals who were holding them for ransom or climbing Mount Everest and facing dangers like lack of oxygen and falling ice and fatigue above 26,000 feet. We missed you and are looking forward to hearing from you again.
P.S. And we’re glad that your family is safe once more, thanks to your bravery.
Hi Gerald,
There was no ransom ware, just underwear. And no Mount Everest, but we did go up Pikes Peak on the new cog railway. The conductor likes to say that if there is ever a runaway problem with the railway, there are two giant springs at the bottom to stop us: Manitou SPRINGS and Colorado SPRINGS. Congratulations on being a finalist!
Dale,
Sounds like a great trip, although no one could ever call you a piker. The summit, I seem to remember, is way more than 12,000 feet high, the highest paved road in the U.S.?
Well, now you’re back and, hopefully, again ready to transform cartoons into diamonds by using the power of your remarkable wit.
“This is why I created New Jersey.”
“Hey, the seventh day is over when I say it’s over.”
“I’m the new courier, Frank. And, frankly speaking, I have HOT FLASHES from standing on the sand.
So, I will just hover instead of being a FRANK-FOOTER on the ground!”
Caption: Leave me alone. It’s Shabbes!
“I was a GRATEFUL DEADhead on earth, and now I am a GRATEFUL DEADhead in heaven.”