Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by February 15 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“She had these candles and a big bowl of stuffing, and said, ‘Your choice.’”
—Jim Gorman, Thousand Oaks, CA
“I’ve got to prove to her parents that I’m Jewish.”
—Michael Lomazow, Riverside, CA
“Yes, actually, it IS a pain in the ass.”
—Rich Wolf, Westminster, MD
Vote for your favorite! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.
Chuckle at the September/October 2021 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“Haven’t our people suffered enough?”
—Adrian Storisteanu, Toronto, ON, Canada
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by December 15, 2021 Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the November/December Issue 2021 contest (see finalists above), use the vote form.
To Jim Gorman,
Congratulations on your Winning caption.I thought it was very good..
Kudos to Jim and to those who had the courage to compete against him!
I can’t take 100% credit for this caption. It comes from Hebrews 4:1-11. Theologians have long debated the length of the 7th day. Some say it continues right up to the present. Of course this is predominantly a Christian debate.
“So I guess you are asking to be spared as a Chanukah miracle.”
“I’ll explain Mitzvah after you grant the reprieve.”
“It’s a miracle! It’s called THANKSGIVING-UKKAH!”
“I have a burning TAIL to tell you!”
Congratulations to every winner.
I wish that I could buy you dinner.
But since I can’t do what I should,
Let me say your entries were all good!
“OMG, I didn’t think you really existed. You must be the fabled older brother of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!”
“I’m listed in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (ZOO COLLECTION)!”
“Don’t worry.I can still lay eggs on Chanukah.”
“TURKEY HANUKAH is a celebration for TURKEYS LIKE YOU!”
Michael,
Billionaire Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater Associates, reminds investors that the worst asset to hold in this environment is cash.
“Some people make the mistake of thinking that they are getting richer because they are seeing their assets go up in price without seeing how their buying power is being eroded. The ones most hurt are those who have their money in cash,” Dalio noted.
“Don’t ask,don’t tell.”
“I’m just the main messenger, not the main course!”
“I’m a one-of-a-kind turkey menorah. You’ll love how I’ll not only pvovide but light up your Channukah meal.”
“I not only give you food, I let you see what you’re eating.”
“Wild Turkey Bourbon gives you the BEST FOWL TASTE (for the holidays)!”
After looking closely at the cartoon today,I’m no longer sure that the Menorah is attached to the Turkey.What do you think?
“My mother was a wild turkey, and my father was a traditional Hannukah menorah. So I guess you could say I’m a product of a mixed marriage.”
“I need to hold on to my rear, because I just found out that a National Dish in Samoa are TURKEY TAILS!”
Reference: Gastro Obscura<info@atlasobscura.com (You just can't make this stuff up.)
Michael, the menorah seems to be attached more to the side than to the top of the turkey, an awkward place for it to try to cling to, more a failure of the cartoon than of the anatomy of the turkey.
I thought that I was the only one who noticed such things
“She had these candles and a big bowl of stuffing, and said, ‘Your choice'”
Nice try.
“Notice my seven gold branches and six bright lamps. Sort of puts Rudolph’s one red nose to shame, doesn’t it?”
“Haven’t you heard about burning your candles at both ends? When I turn in circles, that is precisely what I am doing!”
Michael and Gerald, the turkey’s tail fans out into the branches of the menorah.
Stephen,
It doesn’t look that way. It looks as though the menorah is taped to the side of the turkey, not so much a natural outgrowth. But if there were anyone I would defer to in such matters, it would most certainly be you. Thanks for your always expert perspective.
“You don’t mess around with a member of the tribe.”
“Want to see my dreidel?”
“In the beginning of life I was TURKISH, and in the END I turned out to be JEWISH!”
I used up all the peanut oil.
Sorry, the stuffing got burned.
I march to the beat of my own drumstick.
“At the White House, I was given a RELIGIOUS PARDON!”
What does everyone think of the verdict in the Rittenhouse case?
Rittenhouse was a kid torn by emotions who tuned in to the swirls of civil violence around him and unleashed his fury by killing the unarmed guys he came upon, then later broke down crying in court. He should have had to serve time to be able to assimilate what he did, but legal decisions, like everything else, are based on society’s attitudes at the time, so he got a “get out of jail free” card. His next move might be to run for Congress (I hope not) as a (what else?) Republican.
Gerald,
I agree with you.He was obviously looking to use his new weapon,looking to be the big man he wanted the world to see him as.I will note however,that his self defense theory had to be disproved by the prosecution beyond a reasonable doubt,which under the circumstances of what transpired,was too hard for them to do so I can’t argue with the verdict technically. By the way,the first guy he killed had a long record of assaults and child molestation so if there is anything to the theory that sometimes you can almost feel a really bad guy and your reaction is influenced by the vibe that is put out.
“My philosophy of life (according to Gerald Lebowitz) is don’t chew off more than you can GOBBLE DOWN!”
My philosophy of life is that it is sometimes better to eschew than to chew. The only way to have one’s cake and eat it too is to have it lie undigested in one’s stomach, which is not very pleasant.
(Marvin, how do you manage to keep all your marvelous posts coming? You never seem to run dry.)
Gerald,
I use 50% humor & 50% wit. So, I developed a shtick that’s HALF FUNNY/HALF WITTED!
“If you kill me for Thanksgiving,my Mishpucha will put a Chanukah curse on you.”
“If it gets too cold to strut my stuff, then for the winter I will extinguish my menorah & QUIT COLD TURKEY!”
“Am I immune from the doom?”
“That’s certainly a unique Kashering.”
Please, I barely survived Thanksgiving.
OK. Next year you can light the first candle.
I think you would rather have a nice chicken.
I agree, next year you can light the first candle.
I am sure you would rather have a nice chicken.
“You have nothing to say to me, if you CAN’T TALK TURKEY!”
Remember, No Stuffing!
“After Chanukah I shed my menorah for Christmas.”
“Just because you WOBBLE, that doesn’t mean you know SQUAT!”
Come on,be honest…..What do you think of the current cartoon?
“This is dangerous work. The other day I almost burnt a turkey leg.”
Submit a caption:
I received a pardon from the Prime Minister.
“I was born on an Israeli Kibbutz, so I am considered a real CAGEY KIBBITZER!”
“It’s true I’m very popular now, but after Chanukah nobody wants anything to do with me.”
Do you like my disguise? It beats getting eaten!
Guess we’ll be having a plant-based Thanksgiving dinner this year!
Bruce and Brenda,
Good captions! May we look forward to seeing more great lines from each of you? You’ve brightened up the site.
Thanks.
“My Macy Thanksgiving Parade contract was cancelled, because they said I didn’t HOLD UP MY END!”
“Eat BAGELS & cream cheese this Thanksgiving, and save my PRESTIGIOUS BUTT!”
“You light up my life.”
The only problem is, this time of year I have to add a lot of oil to my diet.”
“With your bad eyes, thanks for recognizing me as a TURKEY VULTURE!”
“A Jewish farmer,a Menorah on my back….This can’t be Iowa.”
‘i really wanted an electric menorah, but the cord wouldn’t be long enough for me to really spread my message.”
+++THE TURKEY CREED+++
NO ROOST FOR THE WEARY!
“I was born with a small mezuzah on my back, and then it just grew.”
“There is light at the end of the tunnel. Follow me in the tunnel and SEE THE LIGHT!”
“I’m a little nervous about the upcoming challenge from Rudolph, but the odds are in my favor as to my ability to outshine him.”
“Turkeys are made of the RIGHT STUFF-ings!”
“I don’t think I can afford to do this much longer. Are you aware how much the price of oil has gone up since last year?”
“My elaborate candelabra proves you are hanging around with a BRIGHT CREATURE!”
“Can you believe it? I was just issued a major health violation for not having the menorah placed on a sturdy, non-flammable surface!”
“My diet this year upset my stomach, and now I possess a GAS-LIT MENORAH!”
“Don’t ask,don’t tell.
“I’ve got to prove to her parents that I’m Jewish.”
I know I’m wearing my religion on my tail, but as a compassionate Jewish farmer you have to admit that no one would dare harm a feather on my menorah!
“Thankyou for sparing me.A blessing on your head,Mazel Tov,Mazel Tov.”
“Yes, actually, it IS a pain in the ass.”
“Is it hot in here?”
“It’s uncomfortable, but it saves my butt every November.”
Caption:
“This time of year I travel light.”
Caption:
“Butt now…. on a lighter note…. my hindsight is much better.”
“The difficult part is evenly releasing the precise amount of gas required to maintain flames of constant color and shape.”
This cartoon for me is the most difficult to caption yet. I reviewed my own words above and find them to be ghastly inappropriate.
“Religion is my game; survival is my fame!”
+++TURKEY TALK+++
“Don’t PLUCK with me!”
Turkey is not on the menu for Hannukah.
“A great miracle happened back there.”
“Wait, you’re Amish?”
“Next time you light them, leave your hat on.”
“A foil-wrapped chocolate coin for your thoughts?”
“Could we extend the reprieve through Chanukah every year?”
Stephen,
Would you say that anyone drawn to Chanukah for the money has a gelt complex?
“I plan to retire when I am BURNT OUT!”
“Would you believe I enjoy ice cream from TURKEY HILL?”
“The phrase, ‘I’ll be keeping a light on for you,’ was stolen from me!”
“Actually, this candelabra has no religious significance at all. My mother got it at Liberace’s estate sale after he died. She was a big fan.”
a
Remember, no stuffing, I am allergic to stuffing.
Yes, I am a little hot under the collar.
Bruce,
Way under the collar. Good pun. Thanks.
“Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.”
—Irving Berlin
I’m just thankful they didn’t turn me into a turducken.
I am grateful people were thinking ahead about Chanukkah this year.
I’m just glad they didn’t turn me into a turducken.
“You said your name is Butch. Is that short for BUTCHER?”
“What do you mean that I should donate to the FOOD BANK?”
In this year’s fall games: a decisive first-place tie for Chanukkah and Thanksgiving while Christmas comes in last.
Just so you know…the effects of my tryptophan last for eight days.
“ Think of me as your enlightened companion.”
“So I told the Genie,LET THERE BE LIGHT.”
“You heard of a one-trick pony? Well, I’m a one-holiday turkey.”
Like the One Holiday Turkey. Good Caption, could be a top three.
Lee,
It already reached the top in my book thanks to your praise, which is always much appreciated. (I see every submission as being on top.)
“I’m so happy this time of the year. I will shake my Menorah & perform the TURKEY TROT!”
“I’m your spiritual guide who just happens to be a Jewish Turkey.”
“As the frigid weather approaches, I become the Hannukah SNOW BIRD!”
“Having this menorah attached does offer disadvantages. So far four deer in heat have tried to get too friendly to me.”
Here’s a re-d0:
“Wearing this menorah has put me into uncomfortable situations. So far many deer in heat and full antlers have tried to get too friendly to me.”
I think you took the idea of a Hanukkah tailgate party too literally.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++HUNTING NOTICE FOR MENORAH TURKEYS++++++++++++++++++++
“You have been invited to a MEMORIAL PARTY and HOT TIME as the guest of honor of a MENORAH POT ROAST!”
Time: As Soon As Possible (During Turkey Season).
Location: Local Hunter’s Lodge.
“A menorah on my back beats a price on my head.”
*This is my entry as your Dec. cartoon caption Please get it to the right place! ”
“Do I have a whale of a tale to tell…”
Third Attempt (“if at first you don’t succeed…”):
“Does this menorah look like antlers? Since I’ve been wearing them, more and more deer have been coming on to me.”
“My religious feathers are not only for decoration, but are designed for TICKLING YOUR CURIOSITY!”
I’m taking a chance reprinting this article. I don’t want any of the many bagel lovers on this site to have to be placed on suicide watch as a result of reading it. Here goes:
Zabar’s is running low. Tompkins Square Bagels is down to sticks. Pick-a-Bagel has only a few days’ supply left.
All over New York City, bagel makers say, a schmear shortage is threatening one of the most treasured local delicacies: a fresh bagel with cream cheese.
“This is bad. This is very bad,” said Pedro Aguilar, a manager at the Pick-a-Bagel chain, which has several Manhattan locations. On Friday afternoon, Aguilar said he had only enough cream cheese to last until Monday.
Nick Patta, who has worked at Absolute Bagels on the Upper West Side for 11 years, said his usual supplier in Queens had run out of the shop’s go-to cream cheese brand for the first time that he could remember.
“We went this week and the shelves were empty,” he said.
Supply chain issues have plagued the United States for months, causing scarcities of everything from cars to running shoes. In Alaska, residents are struggling to acquire winter coats.
Now, New York’s bagel purveyors are starting to feel the impacts in a sudden and surprising development that has left them scrambling to find and hoard as much cream cheese as they can.
Scott Goldshine, general manager at Zabar’s, estimated Friday that he had enough to last 10 days.
“Begging is one of my plans, which I have done, and it’s helped,” Goldshine said, adding that he had called about eight distributors in recent days. “If anybody’s got it, let them call me.”
New York bagel sellers go through thousands of pounds of cream cheese every few weeks. The recipe for the beloved spread, which according to The Kraft Heinz Co. originated in New York sometime in the 1870s, is fairly simple: lactic acid, pasteurized milk and cream. Many shops start their mixes with Philadelphia cream cheese, a Kraft Heinz brand, which arrives on huge pallets.
The pallets are not filled with the Philadelphia cream cheese found on most grocery store shelves: The raw product that comes to bagel shops is unprocessed and unwhipped, said bagel makers, who use it as a base for their own creations. Without that base, they said, the spreads just won’t taste or feel the same, and customers will notice.
But for about three weeks now, dairy suppliers said, the cream cheese orders they have placed with manufacturers have come up short.
“I’ve never been out of cream cheese for 30 years,” said Joseph Yemma, owner of F&H Dairies in Brooklyn, a dairy product distributor for many of the city’s bagel shops. “There’s no end in sight.”
In interviews with owners and workers at about 20 bagel shops and delis across the city, many said they were frazzled, frustrated and rushing to find cream cheese after learning about the shortage in the past few days.
Absolute Bagels has enough cream cheese to last until Thursday, Patta said. But employees at his typical supplier told him they could not confirm when the next shipment would come in. Although he planned to check with other suppliers in the Bronx and Queens, he was still alarmed by what he was hearing.
“If we cannot find cream cheese, I worry now, what are we going to do?” Patta said.
Several customers at Absolute Bagels on Friday said that if cream cheese was not available, they would be less likely to order a bagel at all.
“Probably not, no,” said one, James Giaquinto. His reasoning: “That’s an essential part of the bagel.”
The first cracks in the supply chain started showing several months ago, some shop owners said, when they started to run low on items such as deli wrappers, Gatorade and coffee-cup lids.
“It’s been very weird things, and always the same story,” said Christopher Pugliese, owner of Tompkins Square Bagels in the East Village. “All of us behind the scenes, when you go into the shops, we’re all struggling to patch things together.”
Pugliese said he had gotten a call from his dairy supplier Thursday night telling him that the 800-pound order he was expecting Friday would not be arriving.
“I was like, ‘What am I going to do this weekend?’” Pugliese said. “Four people just told me they can’t get me cream cheese.”
After calling four other distributors, he said, he finally got his hands on a case — except that instead of the usual giant bag of cream cheese, the box was full of individually wrapped 3-pound sticks.
Some bagel shop owners are taking their cream cheese scavenging across state lines. On Friday afternoon, Frank Mattera, an owner of Bagelsmith in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg neighborhood, said he planned to drive to New Jersey to pick up 2,000 pounds of cream cheese himself.
Mattera said he had been forced to go that route in recent weeks to meet the demand for the thousands of bagels his shop sells each day without raising prices.
“I’ll jump in my truck and I’ll drive to northern Jersey and pick it up, but I usually wouldn’t have to go that far,” he said. “You make a phone call and it’s dropped off to you.”
And because the cream cheese that bagel stores use is in its rawest form, shop owners cannot simply supplement their stashes by running to the grocery store for a few tubs.
“We also don’t want to keep opening up 500 little packets of cream cheese to get what we need,” said Adrian Concha, general manager at Shelsky’s Brooklyn Bagels in Park Slope.
One supplier, Pugliese said, had told him it would be asking smaller dairy farmers to help fill the gaps. But, Pugliese added, the supplier was not optimistic that it would be able to keep up with demand.
Phil Pizzano, a sales representative at Fischer Foods, one of the largest food distributors in New York state, said he had gotten hundreds of calls from panicked bagel shop owners over the past few weeks asking whether there was any cream cheese left for them to sell.
He has struggled to understand why the Philadelphia cream cheese coffers have suddenly run dry.
“You get answers across the board from every manufacturer,” he said.
Jenna Thornton, a Kraft Heinz spokeswoman, said in a statement that the company was seeing a spike in demand for several of its products. To accommodate the increases, she said, the company had been shipping out 35% more product than last year to food service partners, including bagel shops.
“We continue to see elevated and sustained demand across a number of categories where we compete,” Thornton said in the statement. “As more people continue to eat breakfast at home and use cream cheese as an ingredient in easy desserts, we expect to see this trend continue.”
Problems have popped up at every point along the supply chain that brings cream cheese from factories to the morning bagel, Pizzano said, including a labor shortage in the manufacturing sector that began at the height of the coronavirus pandemic, a lack of truck drivers because of resistance to vaccine mandates and a scarcity of packaging supplies.
“If someone like us orders 1,000 cases, maybe you only get a portion,” Pizzano said. “Or maybe you order a truckload, and you only get a few pallets.”
The cream cheese shortage, he said, was also posing a challenge to bakeries, many of which expect to churn out hundreds of cheesecakes and other cream cheese-based desserts for the holidays.
“Everyone right now on the market is scrambling to purchase whatever Kraft products they can,” he added. “It’s not just cream cheese.”
Although the shortage appears to be the biggest crisis facing bagel shops at the moment, several also reported new problems finding meat, an essential ingredient in many breakfast sandwiches.
Kayla Ramon, a supervisor at Bo’s Bagels in Harlem, said the shop had recently been able to stock up on cream cheese but was having trouble getting Taylor Ham.
“Last week, we started feeling the shortage,” Ramon said. “Now, little by little, it’s taking its toll on us.”
Barney Greengrass, a popular appetizing shop on the Upper West Side, has been struggling to find enough pastrami and beef tongue.
Owner Gary Greengrass said he had heard from bagel shop owners as far away as the Carolinas who have been unable to get cream cheese. The supply chain issues should be a wake-up call for Americans who take the complicated process for granted, he said.
“We don’t appreciate what goes behind everything to move things from the source to the store and throughout the country,” Greengrass said.
It remains to be seen whether the shortage will translate into higher prices or limits on orders, several shop owners said. But distributors said they did not anticipate the problem resolving itself anytime soon.
Pugliese said he had pondered eliminating less popular cream cheese flavors such as espresso for a few weeks. Others said they had turned to lower-quality suppliers.
“It sounds kind of silly, talking about this like it’s some kind of huge crisis,” Pugliese said.
But, he noted, a bagel with cream cheese is a New York institution and a “big deal” to many of his customers.
“Sunday bagels are sacred,” Pugliese said. “I hate feeling like I’ve let people down
“Forget the cream cheese. I have it on good authority that a tapioca pudding schmear is heavenly.” Where have I heard that?
Cartoon idea: man and wife talking to divorce lawyer around a table;
Man: “This holiday always brings out our incompatibility. She insists on spelling it ‘Hanukkah’ while I know that ‘Chanukah’ is correct.”
If you need a holiday food treat, then call 1-800 BAGEL BOOST and a message will describe a HO-HO-HO-HOLEY FEAST!
“It’s a miracle.My electric bill has gone down.”
“Don’t worry, we eat latkes.”
JR,
Well, your caption for this contest came in just under the wire, but I think it’s good enough for you to be chosen one of the three finalists when all is said and done.
Hope your sister is OK.
“I’m just a simple wild turkey. Why do I have to carry the responsibility of celebrating such a great holiday on my back?”
“For the seventh day of Chanukah someone mistakenly set fire to my tail.”
“I avoid cooking pots but prefer SMOKING POT!”
“You think being the turkey for the Temple is bad, with these candles on my tail? I didn’t know it included a private meeting with Rabbi Rosen, and a BRIS!”
“When in heat, a turkey like me has a HOT BEHIND!”
I just wanted the skin cooked crisper! This MNRA (prsma/nssa) mutation is much too much CRISPR.
“This beats waiting to be sold in a butcher shop. Last time I was in one of them, a woman looked me up and down and very thoroughly examined my beak, wattle, feathers, wings, breast, drumstick, and thigh and then got in a terrible huff when I asked her if she could pass the same test.”
“This beats being examined by customers in a kosher butcher shop. Last time I was in one of them a woman looked me up and down and very thoroughly examined my beak, wattle, feathers, wings, breast, drumsticks and thigh and then got into a terrible huff when I dared to ask her if she could pass the same test.”
“If you buy me a drink in a bar, never say BOTTOM’S UP!”
“Originally the plan was to hire a public relations firm to generate publicity for the holiday, but that turned out to be too expensive. So they hired me.”
“My hero is Roy Rogers who sings my favorite song, ‘Happy TAILS To You!'”
Jim,
If this is addressed to you, there is no nefarious intent. It is simply that you are one of the few on this site who are interested in and actively respond to the comments. If it were not for people like you and Michael and Marvin and Lee, among many others, I would not bother.
In 2005, Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at his alma mater. Many people who work in tech nearly know it by heart.
“Truth be told, I never graduated from college,” he began, then going into his decision to drop out of Reed College before starting Apple.
Then he revealed that he had just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was contemplating his death. He said that he’d come to see mortality as a gift, “the single best invention of life.”
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve encountered to make the big choices in life,”Jobs continued. “Because almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.’
“You are already naked,” he concluded. “There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
I also think of Steve Jobs a lot lately, and I wonder what he would have thought of the world since his death. A visionary like no other in our times, would he have been alarmed, or would nothing have surprised him?
“You forgot your kippah.”
“I was also offered a lot of money from various Jewish organizations to publicize their activities, but I’m sorry to say I turned them down.”
“Would you believe it? Both Exxon Mobil and Shell wanted to pay big bucks to display their products on the back of the menorah. I never knew Chanukah could be such big business.”
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Unless someone steals my MENORAH TAIL!”
“You are no NBC Peacock, but Jewish Broadcasting Services may be interested in using your image for their new logo.”
The curtain has just closed and the houselights are now on as we experience another intermission between contests. It is like having been expelled from Egypt and set to wander in the wilderness until a new contest calls us back.
It would of course be nice if the site could now be swept clean of past contributions so that all of us could have the space and clarity to contribute fresh comments and thoughts on whatever new drawing Dr. Schwartz will present to us.
Here is a story: In a small town a man who disliked the rabbi went about spreading malicious reports about him. At a certain point the man realized that what he had said was unfair and had damaged the rabbi’s reputation. Full of remorse, he made a confession to the rabbi and begged his forgiveness. The shocked rabbi then told him, “Go home and take a feather pillow, then go outside , cut it open, and scatter its feathers to the winds. After you have done that, come back to me.”
The man thought the request bizarre, but, relieved that this act would gain the rabbi’s forgiveness, followed the instructions to the letter.
When he returned, he asked the rabbi, “Am I now forgiven?”
The rabbi replied, “One more thing.”
“Now go and gather up all the feathers.”
“What you see is what you get! If you don’t see it, then it is still mine! My Menorah Tail can be a sight not to BEHOLD!”
Trump and covid are two plagues that will not go away.
I would not be shocked some day to find that the first plague was instrumental in setting the second plague into motion.
Hard to believe he was President and could be again.Terrifying.
Hard to believe that his supporters say they are worried that without DT we will become a Socialist Country. They are willing to overlook his efforts to end democratic elections and are blindly supportive of his obvious attempts to become the first U.S. dictator.
I think Trump lost the election because it became obvious to everybody that he didn’t know what he was doing regarding the virus, that many thousands died because of his ineptitude. So in a strange way the plague might have served its purpose.
What’s really depressing is how many votes he did get.
Gerald and Lee,
Recent polls show that Trump would beat Biden if the election would take place right now.Fifty per cent of our country are too stupid to be allowed to vote.
“When I have sex at night with other turkeys, they have this sensual GLOW IN THE DARK!”
I’ve asked questions before of fellow contributors to this space. Now I’d like to direct a question to some of the many prominent rabbis who use Moment as a sounding board.
What do you consider more important in Judaism, right action or right beliefs? I’ve met too many people with a disconnect between their behavior and their words, and I wonder how Judaism sees this unfortunately common event.
CEO CJMacDonald for one once said, “Your actions speak so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”
I tried to make myself a Rabbi online so I could answer your question but it didn’t work.I can be a minister,get a masters and doctorate but I can’t buy myself a rabbinical designation!
What do you get when you cross a Menorah Turkey with a Cuckoo Bird?
(ANSWER:)*** A CRAZY HOLIDAY CELEBRATION!***
This menorah is great. When I cross the road, drivers see me and stop.”
Michael,
Michael,
The only way we measure anything is by contrast. Biden was glorified because he followed Trump. But now that we see how inept Biden is, some of us might be willing to swing back. You must admit that Biden on his own is not very appealing, to put it mildly. And with the clock ticking and Biden getting even older, things don’t look so promising.
Do you remember Senate leader Mitch McConnell’s story involving former secretary of state Rex Tillerson? In 2017 the State Department strongly denied that Tillerson had called Trump a moron. “Do you know thy Tillerson was able to say he didn’t call the president a moron?” McConnell asked. “Because he called him a fucking moron.”
This is the man who could very well return as a default.
Swinging back to a man who should be in prison for attempted election fraud,for inspiring the Jan.6th attack on the capital,for essentially treason against the U.S.,to say nothing of his other defects ,too numerous to mention,is not (for me)remotely possible.His disrepute made us laughing stocks.
“NASA wants to send me to the moon. I’m considered a MOON SHINE candidate!”
“I’m not just a turkey, I’m a symbol. If you hit me with that ax, you’d be ruining a perfectly good menorah.”
Gerald / Michael
I am changing the discussion a bit, but I would like to hear your thoughts as to why generally only very wealthy candidates, or candidates with very wealthy friends are elected president?
Bill Clinton was one of the only non-wealthy candidates I can think of but again he was groomed by the oil, and gas billionaire Stevens Brothers from the time he first ran for governor in Arkansas.
Will it ever be possible for a sincere honest non- wealthy candidate to be elected president?
It is obviously extremely expensive to run for President so those with money have a big advantage.Usually the wealthy have similarly rich friends who are very helpful to the candidate.There is a mindset in rich people that allows them to value themselves in a way that average people do not do.There is a confidence that money brings.They are use to being looked up to and held in esteem.They believe they have the tools and having already accomplished so much,they are looking for ways to further their careers in a way that everyone will take notice of.
That being said,can a person with average wealth run and win?Yes,but it would take a person who can capture the imagination of the country and inspire a lot of donors,someone like Obama.It would take a confident accomplished person,maybe someone the public already admires despite their lack of wealth.Think astronaut,athlete,military leader.Yes I think a person who is not rich can still win but they have an extreme disadvantage.
Think you for your thoughts on this. I think you are right, it could be possible with the right person.
I was ask this elementary question by my grandson a few days ago, I had told him it was in fact possible but during the last couple of days I began to worry if I might have failed him with my answer.
I will discuss this with him again soon and with your permission I may borrow a few of your thoughts.
I seem to worry much more these days about the answers I give to my grand children than those I gave to my children.
My thoughts are yours to use.Grandchildren are precious things.I have two who live in Seattle so I haven’t been able to see them much.This damn covid.
Michael,
It sounds very biblical but true: “To those who have, more will be given, but from those who have nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.” Wealth begets wealth while poverty drains every resource, made popular as an aphorism by the poet Shelley: “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.” But no matter how you say it, it’s very rare for people to rocket from having nothing to having everything, at least not in my lifetime.
Gerald,
Rich people can afford to spend on many things,like business acquisitions,stocks,bonds,expert advice,medical advantages,real estate and many other items that have appreciated tremendously.Even some ego type purchases,like expensive paintings and antiques have generated large gains for the somewhat discriminating.If you have money you can play the game and as the saying goes,you can’t win unless you play the game.
“I walk the walk, but I don’t talk the talk. My actions speak volumes!”
I couldn’t find a way to be deemed non-kosher, but then I hit on this.
“In order to become the Menorah Turkey, I had to pass my rabbinical physical exam with FLYING FEATHERS!”
“Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.”
—-William Shakespeare, “Cymbeline”
Good fortune and happy new year to everyone.May your boats find safe harbor.
Thank you Michael, Happy New Year to you and everyone here. Hope all have a healthy, happy,
Prosperous 2022.
Donald Trump has made us forget all the other idiots who were president, but there was always George W. Bush. Remember him?
Here are some of his gems. Happy New Year, everybody!
1) “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” —January 2000
2) “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.” (At the White House menorah lighting ceremony—December 2001.
3) “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about ways to harm our country and our people; and neither do we.”—August 2004.
Both Presidents GWB and DJT lie to the U.S and the world on a daily basis. GWB’s lies resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent women and children, and many of his supporters were willing to dismiss these deaths simply as collateral damage.
DJT has made comments regarding nuclear weapons which seem to indicate that he feels that
the use of nuclear weapons by the U.S. are overdue. DJT is probably the one president that GWB can truly call a disgrace.
DT
“This Old Menorah Turkey wishes every decent human turkey lover a HEALTHY & HAPPY NEW YEAR,
especially, all you OLD GIZZARDS!”
Every new year is filled with joy and anticipation but also fear because we never really know whether what we choose to do will turn out well (you know, “the best-laid plans of mice and men…”). Let me illustrate what happened when a very wise man made a decision that didn’t turn out as well as he had hoped.
In 1877 the brilliant and celebrated Leo Tolstoy suddenly decided to follow the path of Jesus. He became a vegetarian, made his own shoes, and started giving his possessions away to the poor. When people came to visit, he asked them to make their own chamber pots while his servants stood idly by. As his life reached its end his wife Sonya suddenly found out that he was even planning to surrender all his copyrights, which would leave their children penniless. A violent argument followed that led to the eighty-two-year-old author fleeing his home. His railway car was unheated and he died of pneumonia days later.
May we all make better choices.
I took my dogs for a walk in a park today which has some homeless people I have gotten to know.I was offered coffee and a sandwich from a church group which comes in and offers this to the homeless population.I guess I am mistaken for homeless based on my usual choice of clothes,ratty sweatshirt and sweats pants.Some of the homeless have dogs as well,so I fit right in.As a matter of fact,some dress better than me.
Michael,
Jesus was homeless too, once telling a scribe, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the son of man has no place to lay his head.”
So you’re part of a noble tradition after all.
It’s already January 3.Where is the year going!
One of our leaders is among the missing. His last zinger was posted in mid November. Dale Stout, as I recall, lived in Colorado Springs, an area that was hit by fast moving fires and strong winds. But if humor is indeed a defense against misfortune, I can think of no better person to handle problems than Dale, although I hope that he has been spared and that the reason we haven’t heard from him lately is that he won millions of dollars cashing in a lottery ticket and is using his time spending the money.
Noah knew that the flood had receded when a dove suddenly appeared to him, bearing an olive leaf. We don’t expect that from you, Dale, but something similar would be appreciated.
We miss your puns, which are even worse than mine!
Gerald,
I noticed that Dale entered another contest so I’m sure he’s fine.
Michael,
Thanks for the information. I don’t usually look at other sites so I wasn’t aware of
Dale’s other activities. His spark will light up whatever road he takes. But I do miss his presence here, as I miss everyone who shows talent
and then inexplicably vanishes.
Gerald,
It’s a New Year, a new month, a new day, new Covid problems, new problems in the world, but the same Ole Marvin!
Yes, we do need new talent, least everyone still has to contend with yours truly. Oy vey the thought. Sign in Dale with others! AMEN!
Marvin,
I beg to differ. It may be a new year, a new month and a new day, but every day brings with it a new Marvin with new sparkling wit.
Never the same old Marvin.
+++++The “Coat of Many Colors.”+++++
I t has been reported that the father (Jacob) & mother (Rachel) provided their son Joseph a coat of many colors in the land of Canaan centuries ago.
Joseph relied at the time, “I don’t need a coat of many colors, just an ordinary coat will do me just fine.”
But Jacob answered, “A coat of many colors will make you stand out and be recognized!”
Joseph nervously countered, “I don’t want to stand out; rather blend in with my many brothers.”
Jacob implied, “All people will be jealous of you, and you will be sought out in the world!”
So, Joseph wore the coat and his jealous brothers sold him into captivity without his coat.
The brothers presented the coat with blood to Jacob and said, “your son was eaten by wild animals and is gone forever!”
The moral of the story is: Don’t get too wrapped up in fancy objects, or your MOMENT in time will find you missing!
Dedicated to Gerald Lebowitz who continues to put up with my nonsense.
If I may say so, Marvin if this site was likened to a coat of many colors you and Gerald would be the ties that bind it securely,
And As far as nonsense I have yet to read either of your post that I would consider to be void of all meaning. Entertaining yes, nonsense no.
Lee,
Your words are well appreciated. They remind of the time when an Australian soldier was a prisoner during the Boer War
and was about to be executed by firing squad. He was reported to have said just before he was shot, “Fire straight you bastards, don’t make a bloody mess of it!”
Well, he inspired his fellow countrymen/women to be brave and made them so proud! Your words to me have similar meaning to be brave (in my writing) and to carry on.
Although I don’t profess to be an erudite like Gerald and others, I shall strive (to struggle) on because of your inspiring words. THANKS SO MUCH!
Lee, thanks for your kind words, but everyone who contributes to this site is the most important element tying it all together.
This reminds me of an old debate as to whether the human body had a boss Two arguments were pitched. What is really the top dog in one’s body, the stomach or the brain? One could argue both ways. Let’s first argue for the stomach. The stomach is fundamental. That’s what eats, and eating is the fundamental thing of being alive. By putting food into the stomach, we see that the stomach digests it and from there it goes out and energizes everything else. Obviously the stomach is the most important. The hands, the mouth, the feet, the muscles all exist to serve the stomach, and naturally as a final achievement of the stomach comes the brain. evolving later in the evolutionary process as a gadget up there to scavenge around and find stuff for the stomach to eat, that’s the function the brain. But now let’s take the argument to the side of the brain. The brain says: “Oh no, no. Just because I arrived late doesn’t mean that I’m unimportant. I was being gotten ready for, like John the Baptist coming first to prepare the world for Jesus. I am the thing that is the flower at the top of this thing, and the stomach is my servant. It is doing all the dirty work and getting energy to put currents through my wonderful circuits. So that by the creation of all the fruits of the mind like the arts and the sciences and religion and philosophy and so on, I am the true head of man.
Well, both arguments are right because there is a relationship between stomach and brain which is a sort of polarity. The one exists for the other. It’s like propping up two sticks against each other, they will stand up so long as they lean on each other. Take one away and the other collapses. So chop off the head and the stomach is finished. Take out the stomach and the head is finished. This is the way all organic life proceeds.
Thanks for all your comments, Lee. I’m always grateful for the opportunity to share them.
From the physicist John Wheeler:
“Nothing is more important about the quantum principle than this, that it destroys the concept of the world as ‘sitting out there,’ with the observer safely separated from it by a 29 centimeter slab of plate glass. Even to observe so miniscule an object as an electron, he must shatter the glass. He must reach in. He must install his chosen measuring equipment; it is up to him to decide whether he shall measure position or momentum. To install the equipment to measure the one prevents and excludes his installing the equipment to measure the other. Moreover, the measurement changes the state of the electron. The universe will never afterward be the same. To describe what has happened, one has to cross out that old word ‘observer’ and put in its place the new word ‘participator.’ In some strange sense the universe is a participatory universe.”
Are Fed Chairman Jerome Powell and top infectious disease expert Anthony Fauci the same person? By a mere substitution of two words, either could be talking. “If we have to raise (interest rates) (vaccine requirements) more over time, we will.” Either way, austerity is just around the corner.
Speaking of Dr. Fauci, I thought of a cartoon idea. Man reading newspaper looks up at wife, says: “There’s good news here. It’s 2042, and Dr. Fauci has just said that with the 510th booster shot, all of us will definitely be safe.”
From “All About Me! My Remarkable Life in Show Business,” by–who else?–Mel Brooks:
“In America things were good, we were still at peace, and the Great Depression wouldn’t start until 1929. I was born in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, New York, where the Williamsburg Bridge makes its way over to Manhattan. I was the last child born to Kate Kaminsky, whose maiden name was Katie Brookman. A little later on in life when I was fourteen and learning to be a drummer, it occurred to me that if I was going to be in show business, Mel Brookman was a much better stage name than Melvin Kaminsky (which would have been a good name for a professor of Russian literature). So with my new stage name decided on I began painting it on my bass drum, but when I got to B-R-O-O-K there was no room left for M-A-N. I only had room for one letter, so I threw in an S at the end of BROOK.
“Hence Mel Brooks, which has stood me in good stead ever since.”
So many people in this environment are having bad days. It’s wintertime across the United States and the flu & Covid problems persist!
We need a distraction from Dreck Boys (Jan. 6 insurrection) & other stupidity that we see and hear on the news.
So, what is the solution? Time for a BAGEL & CREAM CHEESE treat. It won’t solve your problems, but it will put a good taste in your mouth.
Therefore, your words and thoughts will temporarily be interpreted with scrumptious meaning. A MOMENT in time can be such a pleasure!
Marvin’s talk of bagels made me hungry.If you had to pick three meals,breakfast,lunch and diner that you would have to eat each day,to the exclusion of everything else,what would it be.No cheating by listing large meals.This is for a normal meal for each.Remember,this is forever.
My only mail today was from the cremation society.I hope they haven’t evaluated my medical records.
I once knew someone who was violently opposed to cremation. When I asked him why, he answered, “Because I would never want to make an ash of myself.”
“Chanukah’s come and gone. How much longer will I be punished by having to lug this menorah around?”
TV news has almost as much coverage about Novak Djokovic as the hostage situation in the Temple in Texas………….pathetic
I guess I must be a glutton for punishment,but I continue to pray jeopardy with my wife each night and I get humiliated every time.My wife beats me like a drum,never missing in categories relating to books and authors while I prevail in sports.She wins the remaining categories.What gets me is that she does this while also reading a book while I am completely concentrating on the show.
“I’m not in the same place I was yesterday. I branched out.”
“I know it looks like I’m out on a limb, but I’ve always liked to live dangerously.”
“The arc of my youth brought me under the influence of a cult of ‘Tree Huggers’. What is it they say? ‘Once a TH, always a TH.”
“This tree and I have something in common. Our bark is worse than our bite.”
Adrian, congrats on your win. You don’t post a lot, but when you do it is always spot on.
“I fell asleep here last summer. Now I can’t get back.”
“You are not really a twisted person, but you must BRANCH OUT from your surroundings!”
“The flood is over (knock on wood), the rescue boat is on the way!”
“Without your COVID SHOTS, you are BARKING UP the wrong tree!”
“Gorman, Lomazow and Wolf” sounds like the name of a blue-chip law firm.
But in actuality it names the winners of the last contest.
Not really blue chip? These guys certainly are,
Individually and separately, each one a star.
It’s a treat to be beaten by them.
Let me add my congratulations to all the winners now and in the future. If it is a TREAT to be beaten by them, then I choose any cognac from France!
L’CHAIM to all!
“I’m sorry you picked the wrong TREE HOUSE with no bathroom facilities!”
Congratulations to Adrian for the win. Excellent caption!
Best of luck to Jim, Michael, and Rich. Great job all around.
“This is so embarrassing. I forgot my kippah.”
“And these are my good-luck briefs.”
“Well, how do YOU celebrate Tu BiShvat?”
“If you see a bear wearing a red sweater,plaid pants and a ski jacket,give him a piece of your mind.”
“Tell Benjamin Schwartz this isn’t as funny as it looks.”
It’s only funny to Ben Schwartz and to us because we’re not in the cartoon.
“Could I borrow your scarf or anything else?”
“No,I won’t sell my shorts.I chafe too easily.”
“I haven’t decided what I’m protesting yet.”
“If I were a squirrel, then I would consider you a HARD NUT CASE to crack!”
“Shall I tell your boss that you are HUNG OVER?”
“Worst of all, I was treed by a rabbit.”
“My wife got everything in the divorce.”
Stephen,
This is a good one. Anyway, doesn’t “alimony” sound a little like “all the money”?
You’re a little like Adrian. You wait, with your pen (pencil?) poised, and then you strike and hit the bullseye..
“My wife got everything (but my SCHMEKEL) in the divorce!”
“Have you heard of the Polar Bear club?” We decided to ‘Branch Out’ this year.”
“No,I’m not the Wolfman.”
“Trump asked me to to go out on a limb for him.”
“Listen Dad.One of us still looks like a tourist.”
“I’m from Brooklyn.We are all a little nuts.”
“My psychiatrist said there might be a period of adjustment to the new dosage.”
“What do you mean by saying you were scared by a MENORAH TURKEY?”
Marvin,
I think we were all scared by the menorah Turkey.Very difficult to caption and somewhat unseemly.I’m glad we’ve moved on.
Marvin,
Can a bottle of wine with a Swist Off top still be a good wine?
Michael,
A Swist Off Top (NEVER), but a Twist Off Top (Depends on vineyard, date of manufacture, grapes, costs, review, and most of all your personal taste!) 🙂
“Where else would you get an offer of a thousand dollars for your scarf?”
“You’d be freezing your ass off, too, if you were in my position.”
“Your STARGAZING has reached a new plateau!”
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
—Mark Twain
“Naked In her trees, Mother Nature considers you a SAPPY INDIVIDUAL!”
Why has Dr. Ben Schwartz provided a tree for us in the newest cartoon? Has it occurred to anyone else that it might be his way of honoring TuBishvat, literally “the new year of the trees,” which occurs every year on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of shevat. It began this year at sunset on January 16th and ended on the evening of January 17th, a time of planting trees in Israel in celebration as well as drawing attention to the need for ecological awareness.
Just a thought that Dr. Schwartz might have given us the new cartoon with a deliberate twinkle in his eyes. Comments, anyone, on the possible coincidence?
“You do your tree hugging your way,I’ll do it my way.”
“Because you were in show business, I say BREAK A LIMB!”
“You see things and say why?I see things and say why not?”
Borrowed from and George Bernard Shaw,with modification
“I said lift yourself up, LITERALLY!”
“I’d be grateful if you could just call my parents and ask them to send my pajamas.”
“Looking down on me is so BENEATH YOU!”