‘Nobody Wants This’ Has Rubbed Many Jews the Wrong Way. They’re Missing the Point

“Can a rabbi marry a non-Jew?” Netflix viewers ask
By | Oct 15, 2024
Highlights, Latest, Opinion
Kristen Bell and Adam Brody star in 'Nobody Wants This.'

The Netflix show Nobody Wants This is a rom-com set in Los Angeles about an agnostic podcast host (Kristen Bell) and a “hot rabbi” (Adam Brody) falling in love. The show premiered September 26, and quickly garnered attention from Jews—both good and bad. On October 10, Netflix announced it was renewing Nobody Wants This for a second season, so clearly somebody wants this. 

The show starts with Joanne, Bell’s character, on yet another bad date that she will inevitably discuss with her sister Morgan (Justine Lupe) on their self-proclaimed sex podcast, also titled Nobody Wants This. Later in the episode, Joanne meets Rabbi Noah Roklov, Brody’s character, at a friend’s dinner party, and it is, you could say, love at first banter. 

Jewish stereotypes are woven through the storyline, mostly for comedic effect. The first stereotype falls apart when Joanne arrives at the party and is told that there are two single men in attendance—a recent divorcé and a rabbi. Joanne assumes the rather stiff-looking guy with a big beard is the rabbi. At the dinner table, someone asks for the rabbi’s opinion on something. When Noah starts talking, Joanne promptly stops him. “Wait, why are you talking?” she asks. “You’re the rabbi?” After taking a hit from a joint, Noah responds. “I’m the rabbi,” marijuana smoke exiting his mouth as he speaks. Certainly, this doesn’t fit Joanne’s stereotype of a rabbi.

You may be offended by or not like certain jokes, but at the end of the day, Foster delivers a funny, entertaining, wholesome rom-com with lead characters who share a notable chemistry.

In the second episode, Morgan drives Joanne, Noah and his brother Sasha (Timothy Simons) to a bar. As Morgan drives, she sends a text to Joanne that accidentally gets played out loud on the car’s Bluetooth system: “He’s cuter than I expected. He doesn’t even look that Jewish.” Noah then asks Morgan, “If I may inquire, what does Jewish look like to you? Are you picturing a bigger nose or curlier hair?” Sasha chimes in with, “Does my brother not look like he could control the media?” Some might be offended by this scene playing on stereotypical physical attributes, but I, for one, could not stop laughing. 

Beyond stereotyping, others have criticized the narrow view of Judaism portrayed in the show, claiming it’s not an accurate picture of Jewish culture. However, everyone has a different take on acceptable ways to practice Judaism or what it means to be Jewish, which begs the question: Is there a one-size-fits-all approach to creating content that will appease everyone in the Jewish community? 

Rabbi Steve Leder, the senior rabbi of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, consulted on the show by sitting in with the writers and reviewing scripts to ensure accuracy in how Judaism was depicted, according to NBC News.

“There is an exaggeration of the characters and the situations because it’s a rom-com,” Leder said. “It’s not a documentary on the life of a young rabbi. I think that’s a very important distinction.”

Viewers have also been upset by the representation of Jewish women as mean and controlling. The first example comes when we learn that Noah has broken up with his longtime girlfriend Rebecca (Emily Arlook). Instead of waiting for Noah to propose to her, Rebecca had found the key to his locked desk, taken the engagement ring she found there and started wearing it, which prompted Noah to end things. 

The danger of the depiction of Jewish women in Nobody Wants This is that people with little to no interactions with Jews may believe this is standard behavior.

Others praise what they see as a depiction of a healthy approach to relationships. Brody’s character, from the beginning, is a “green flag” in Gen Z parlance because when he felt like his relationship wasn’t working, he ended it. As heartbreaking as it is for Rebecca to see Noah immediately move on, should that stop him from being with Joanne if it makes him happy—even if his family disapproves? 

Furthermore, other reviewers believe that Esther, Noah’s sister-in-law and Rebecca’s best friend (played by Jackie Tohn), comes off as very aggressive and controlling in her marriage. In the second episode, she appears outside of the bar where her husband, Sasha, Noah, Joanne and Morgan are having drinks. Without leaving her car, she honks and screams at the men to leave. Although that reaction is excessive, I didn’t think much of it when I watched the show. Esther is a strong, independent woman with a robust sense of self, who exhibits loyalty to her best friend. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place when she is supposed to choose between being civil to her brother-in-law’s new girlfriend and respecting her best friend’s feelings. 

Noah’s mother Bina (Tovah Feldshuh) is a different story altogether. In the penultimate episode, it’s time for Joanne to meet the parents. When the couple walk through the door of his parent’s huge house, Bina doesn’t acknowledge Joanne’s existence. She goes straight to Noah, gives him kisses uncomfortably close to his mouth and tells him he’s too thin. Joanne presents a custom-made charcuterie board as a gift, which Bina has thrown away after realizing there is prosciutto, made with pork, on the board. At the brunch table, Bina criticizes Joanne’s intimate topic podcast. “Honestly it’s embarrassing. No woman should act this way,” she says. Noah stops his mother’s diatribe and she storms off into the kitchen. Joanne follows and finds Bina eating prosciutto from the charcuterie board that she removed from the trash. Joanne not only keeps Bina’s secret, she also takes the blame when Sasha discovers the prosciutto is missing. Suddenly Bina likes Joanne as a person, but she still doesn’t like her for her son. 

The scenes were mildly uncomfortable. Bina was acting like the stereotypically overbearing Jewish mother, and her eating pork out of the garbage was just offensive. Sure, it gave Joanne a way to blackmail Bina into accepting her and prove that she can keep a secret, but even though Bina disapproves of her son’s relationship, she still could have been respectful toward Joanne without the ulterior motive. My Jewish mother disliked my non-Jewish boyfriends, but she remained civil. 

No doubt a fair share of Jews dating non-Jews may have a similar experience to Noah’s. God knows, I’ve heard all of the comments behind closed doors about how I need to break up with my boyfriend because so many Jews were lost during the Holocaust. The danger of the depiction of Jewish women in Nobody Wants This, is that with limited entertainment content pertaining to life as an American Jew, people with little to no interactions with Jews may believe this is standard behavior. 

Can Rabbis Marry Non-Jews?

It’s time to address the elephant in the room: Can a rabbi marry a non-Jew? If you ask Noah’s close friends, family and coworkers at the fictional Temple Chai, the answer is a resounding no. Throughout Nobody Wants This, his family is armed with quips about him dating a “shiksa.” The only people who seem mildly supportive of Noah and Joanne’s relationship are his brother and father, bringing us back to the Jewish women being the controlling and unaccepting ones in the family. 

Noah’s dream is to become the head rabbi at his synagogue, and the moment his boss decides to retire, he is told that he would be passed up for the promotion if he’s with a non-Jewish woman. 

Two years ago, Moment’s “Ask the Rabbis” column shed light on this very topic. Nine rabbis from different denominations pondered whether a spiritual leader can be in an interfaith marriage. Five of them said yes, including a rabbi in the Reform movement. Three said no, and one said it depended on the situation. 

“I challenge folks who care about ‘how Jewish’ a spiritual leader is to specify precisely what is important to them. Is it ritual observance? Adherence to Jewish law? Depth of knowledge? Lay out the factors you care most about and then assess a spiritual leader for those qualities,” Rabbi Daniel Kirzane of Oak Park Temple said.  “I bet, when you get down to it, the religious status of a person’s spouse isn’t going to make the list.”

My only issue with the show is that we don’t get to see Noah and Joanne have these difficult and meaningful discussions. He asks her to convert, and—SPOILER ALERT—she declines after initially agreeing, but they don’t talk about how they would raise their children or what it would mean for him to give up his dream of being head rabbi to be with her. 

Others argue the true stereotype underlined in the story is the Jewish man lusting after a non-Jewish woman because the Jewish women are behaving poorly. Whether that is true depends on whom you ask. It was clear to me that there was an instant connection between Noah and Joanne, and deep down, it seems like Noah enjoys explaining Judaism to Joanne, however superficial people believe the explanations to be. One of the most endearing parts was when Joanne was upset that Noah ruined her first Shabbat, he made a makeshift Shabbat dinner setting at the restaurant where she was having a business meeting. 

“Participants in my community, most of whom are intermarried, children of people who are intermarried or partnered with people who are not Jewish, all live vibrantly Jewish lives,” Rabbi Denise Handlarski of the Secular Synagogue, an online Jewish learning, social justice and discussion community, said in her “Ask the Rabbis” entry. “In fact, we find that explaining celebrations and rituals to our loved ones can increase our own feelings of Jewish connection, for we articulate what the various aspects of Judaism are, what they mean to us and why they matter.” 

Is “Shiksa” a Derogatory Term? Maybe Not…

“Whether it is ignorance about the word’s negative con­notations, an attempt to turn the tables on them, a bit of Jew­ish and Gentile humor or some combination of all of the above, shiksa is undergoing a revival,” Nonna Gorilovskaya wrote in a Moment “Jewish Word” column back in 2006. 

The show’s casual name-calling of the “shiksa” and “Gentile” variety has an uncomfortable ignorant undertone; however, the shiksa usage falls under the Jewish and Gentile humor category. 

In episode two, titled “A Shiksa Walks Into a Temple,” Noah and Sasha explain what a shiksa is to Joanne and Morgan after Sasha makes a shiksa joke. “It’s basically you guys,” Noah says, adding, “Technically it’s a Yiddish insult that means you’re impure and detestable, but these days it just means you’re a hot, blonde non-Jew.” The sisters seem almost excited by the word as if it’s a term of endearment and even consider changing the name of their podcast to “Shiksas.”

Is Nobody Wants This Based on a True Story?

Erin Foster, the creator and showrunner of the first season, shares similarities with the main character. Like Joanne, Foster cohosts a podcast with her sister (called The World’s First Podcast) which focuses on friendship, dating, aging and religion. Contrastingly, Foster fell in love with a Jewish man who isn’t a rabbi, and she converted about five years ago. Although there are minor differences, it’s safe to say her life mirrors themes in Nobody Wants This.

The day after Nobody Wants This premiered, Foster shared photos on Instagram of herself during the show’s production. At the time, she was pregnant with her daughter, and Foster confirmed the story was based on her real-life relationship. “[It was] sweet that my girl was with me on set while we told a story inspired by her parents falling in love.”

To those affirming that nobody wants Nobody Wants This because it propagates Jewish stereotypes or inaccuracies, I urge you to consider who created the show. Foster’s experience with Judaism and her lifestyle won’t match everyone else’s in the Jewish community. You may be offended by or not like certain jokes, but at the end of the day, Foster delivers a funny, entertaining, wholesome rom-com with lead characters who share a notable chemistry. 

13 thoughts on “‘Nobody Wants This’ Has Rubbed Many Jews the Wrong Way. They’re Missing the Point

  1. Laurie says:

    To me the most disrespectful of Judaism was the episode when Noah was going to introduce her to Havdallah when it all went South. I felt that Havdallah was totally disrespected which is a sacred ritual

  2. Irina says:

    The depiction of dark haired Jewish women – in Woody Allen films, in Elaine May’s The Heartbreak Kid, in the French film, A Secret — vis à vis The Blonde — do we really need anymore ? I started to watch this and then when I saw the Jewish man lusts after the “shiksa” (I don’t like to use that word…) trope, I thought: nope and turned it off…. Talk about anti-Semitic !

  3. Mark says:

    After watching the first season, my wife and I had similar reactions, neither particularly positive. The stereotyping of Jewish women was cringe-worthy, but more importantly, with the exception of Noah and, in a humorous way, his brother, none of the other characters were particularly likeable. The show made no attempt to explain why Noah dropped Rebecca, who impressed me as a better fit. And Noah’s chemistry and attraction to Joanne felt forced. Joanne is, of course, reasonably attractive, but she came across as an unserious person who was so embarrassingly ignorant of Judaism that the story lacked any sense of nuance or reality. While Noah is smart and learned, and serious about his Judaism and profession, Joanne is none of those things. I am all in favor of interfaith relationships where each partner respects and takes seriously the other’s spiritual upbringing. But with a Rabbi, things should be treated with more complexity and education. Watching the Netflix series was more frustrating than enjoyable. That said, I am certain to watch season 2, although I hope that it allows Joanne to grapple with Judaism in a realistic and serious manner and which understands that, unless she converts and genuinely embraces Judaism, she really should not be with Noah.

  4. David Cohen says:

    My shiksa wife of 45 married years and I watched this series in three evenings. Unheard of. We usually get bored or at least stretch out how long it takes to finish a series.
    This rom com was funny, true to life, and sweet. Yes, I know and knew many Jewish women who behaved similarly to the show’s. I observed quiet Jewish men, accepting and eternally loving their domineering wives. We are both thrilled the show will have a second season.

  5. Rabbi Michael Swarttz says:

    I am a rabbi married to a rabbi. We both watched the show and loved it. Great cast, very funny dialogue–I found myself laughing out loud several times per episode– and a lot of Jewish content. Terrific “meet cute” in first episode. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Rabbi Leder consulted on the show, as I’ve read a few of his books and I have great respect for him. Certainly there are stereotypes, but what show or movie depicting a particular ethnic group doesn’t have them? The show was intended to provide fun and it did exactly that. It will be very interesting to see how Noah’s choice at the end of the season affects his career and his relationships with various family members in Season 2– can’t wait!

  6. alice jena says:

    I still dislike the presentation of Noah’s mother eating pork. It does not even resemble something that a person of that kind of character would do. These discrepancies ruin a decent show. Also, Noah’s ex-girlfriend breaks her wrist. In the next scene she has no sling or cast! Sloppy writing.

  7. Laurie Nada says:

    The funniest scene was the mother eating the traif from the trash! It is a comedy so I expected exaggerations. The two shika sisters entering the bat mitzvah celebration was a hoot. The Rabbi’s brother and Joanne’s sister almost steal the show! There was subtle reality like the shuttle bus at the bat mitzvah. The sex shop scene I could have done without but the outcome of the congregant getting busted was worth it! Can’t wait for the second season!

  8. Bruce Katz says:

    I was troubled by the fact that there were, to my mind, no sympathetic Jewish women in the series at all. Sure, you could argue that Esther is “strong” and “independent,” but she’s also singularly unpleasant. Remember the scene where she’s sitting with her friends and they deliberately cold shoulder Joanne? That’s not strong or independent (though it is likely true to life). Maybe it’s just me as an old man, but I thought even the make-up on the Jewish women seemed severe. To be sure, there really aren’t any women in the series who might serve as role models, not that such a character is required in a rom-com. Still, there could have been at least some middle ground.

  9. HARRIET S. KATZ says:

    While I generally tend to be non-judgmental about other people’s choices, there are times when I find it necessary to move outside that box. This is one of those times. With anti-semitism rearing its ugly head in so many places, I cannot applaud humor based on the very stereotypes which contribute to that dangerous trend. As the cartoon character Pogo the hedgehog (whose sardonic observations were genuinely funny) said many years ago ,”We have met the enemy and he is us.” Mocking Jewish spiritual leaders, Jewish mothers, Jewish rituals, Jewish traditions and reducing them to objects of derision brings us to the precipice of a very slippery slope. If this were presented just for Jewish audiences, perhaps it would make me less uncomfortable. But that is not the case. This program is saying to viewers of all stripes, “Look at the dishonesty and hypocrisy of these people (Jews) in the way they live their lives,” and that is not humorous at a time in history when we are once again targets for those who would hate us just for who we are.

  10. Micayla S Gershkowitz says:

    Such an amazing article. It’s a very insightful way to look at the show and thank you for highlighting. Literally everything I was wondering and feeling about the show. Whoever whoever wrote this I can’t wait to see.

  11. Micayla S Gershkowitz says:

    Such an amazing article. It’s a very insightful way to look at the show and thank you for highlighting. Literally everything I was wondering and feeling about the show.

  12. Brad H Feig says:

    Judaism is the real lost in this. Lets imagine Noah’s life in 5 years. He marries Joanne, maybe loses the ability to be head Rabbi or any congregations Rabbi and has settled for another career. He and Joanne now have two young children and it’s Christmas time and in their house is a huge Christmas Tree with a Jewish Star on top. The children have spent days decorating the home with presents under the tree. Of course they have a 5-minute lighting of the Hanukkah candles. The parents claim they are raising the kids in both religions, but it is obvious that when the kids are adults Christianity will prevail! So here is a man who was a Rabbi now years later all his grandchildren are now Christians ending his Jewish line!
    Then there is his brother Sasha who now has fallen in love with Joannes sister Morgan divorced his Jewish wife marries Joanne and now has children who are also on the path to Christianity.
    Maybe I just don’t understand why a Rabbi would want to marry a person of another faith and bring their culture into his home. Just how serious is Judaism in his heart?
    Getting back to some other issues. No Orthodox Jew (his mother Bina) would knowingly eat pork. That scene was misleading to Christians watching.
    Finally the Jewish women in this were portrayed poorly. They didn’t have a chance competing with the perky blond, blue eyed attractive Joanne. I guess the writers wanted to justify why nice Jewish men are so easily swayed away from obnoxious Jewish women!

  13. Matt Axelrod says:

    Stop it. Just stop it. The word “shiksa” is offensive and should simply never be used. We don’t call people “shvartsa” anymore—this falls in the same category, regardless of its origin or previous causal usage.

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