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July/August 2008
A Spiritual Moment
There’s a line in the Psalms that says, “Today, if you could only listen to God today!” Imagine what today would be like if we could only hear God’s voice. Imagine what this world would be like if we could see God’s light shining forth from every lonely, unloved, poor, homeless, lost soul. Today, if we could only hear God’s voice today.
A long time ago, when I first became a rabbi, I had just led the most elevated Passover seder of my life. I walked home in a heightened state. Then I lay down in bed and prayed to God for a sign. I prayed, “What do you want from me?” I looked up, and there was a figure floating above me. It was shrouded in white strips of cloth. Here and there, strips were fluttering in the air. The white strips looked like…toilet paper. I couldn’t see the figure’s face. I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman. I was petrified. I didn’t know what I had called up. Was it an angel? The soul of my father, of blessed memory? Was it the Angel of Death?
I closed my eyes to make it go away. I opened them, and it was still there.
I closed my eyes again and said, “Please God, make it go away.” I opened my eyes, and it was still there. I closed my eyes again and this time I said, “Please, God, I’m not ready for this.” I opened my eyes, and it was gone. I closed my eyes again and was afraid to reopen them. I went to sleep.
The next day I met with Rob, my future husband, at the beach. He was only my boyfriend then. I was a little scared to tell him what had happened the night before, as we were just dating. I didn’t want him to think I was psychotic, but I told him all about this “encounter” I’d had. I asked him, “What was it? Was it a dream? A nightmare? A vision? Who was it? What did it want from me?” Rob said, “Naomi, if God could come to Moses in a burning bush, who’s to say that God can’t come to you in a roll of Charmin?”
It’s not every day that an angel comes to you in a roll of toilet paper. I needed time to make sense of this experience. Many years later, I came upon this story in the Talmud: Rabbi Joshua, son of Levi, has a mystical encounter with Elijah the Prophet and asks him, “When will the Messiah come?” Elijah replies, “Go and ask him yourself.” “Where is he?” Joshua asks. “He sits at the entrance to the city gates,” Elijah replies. “And how will I be able to recognize him?” Joshua asks. “He is sitting among the poor lepers: all of them untie their bandages all at once and then rebind them all, but the Messiah is the only leper who unties and rebinds only one sore at a time, thinking, ‘I must be prepared to save the world at a moment’s notice.’” So Joshua appears at the city gates and greets the leper, “Peace upon you, Master and Teacher.” The leper replies, “Peace upon you, O son of Levi.” Joshua asks, “When will you come, Master?” “Today,” is the leper’s answer.
When he returns to Elijah, the prophet inquires, “What did the Messiah say to you?” Joshua answers, “He lied to me. He said he would come today, but he has not come.” Elijah explains, “The Messiah did not lie to you. He was quoting the verse from the Psalms: ‘Today, if you could only listen to God today!’”
Maybe that’s what my angel wrapped in toilet paper was trying to tell me that night so many years ago: If we can spot the Messiah among the lepers, if we can see beyond ourselves into this beautiful, holy, horrible world, if we can just stop long enough to hear the cries of those who need our help, then we will be able to save the world.
The art of remaining aware is a challenge. It involves taking great risks. It means opening our hearts wide enough to feel and to receive. We need to peel away the layers of protection, to move beyond fear and arrive at trust.
Before we start praying for new blessings in our lives, we must first uncover the blessings that are here now. All of us have an angel of God calling out to show us the way to blessings, to clarity and to prophetic vision. -Rabbi Naomi Levy
Rabbi Naomi Levy is the spiritual leader of Nashuva, a Los Angeles Jewish outreach organization, and author of To Begin Again and Talking to God.