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July/August 2008
Ask the Rabbis
Who Cares What Women Wear (Or Don’t Wear)?
Sephardi
Modesty is one of the most fundamental of Jewish values, but is widely misunderstood and frequently dismissed as provincial, old-fashioned, outmoded or chauvinistic. Modesty is the art of directing focus away from oneself. Its relevance to our lives has not faded, but in our culture’s celebration of individuality this art is usually unpopular: What could be more significant than having our individuality acknowledged and acclaimed? We want to be admired for good looks, stylish dress, fancy cars and lavish homes, not for the depth of our intellect, the quality of our characters or the nobility of our deeds.
This is where modesty matters. When men and women dress modestly—and behave accordingly—they emphasize both to themselves and to others that libidinal attraction is not a goal. Those who dress modestly strive to affect the world through the wisdom they have acquired and the deeds they have performed, not through anatomical endowments that they have received from nature and for which they can claim little or no credit.
Rabbi Joshua Maroof
Magen David Sephardic Congregation
Rockville, MD
Chabad
I adore my mother; she should be well. She is wise, and wisdom breeds modesty. The clothes we wear are garments for our bodies; our thoughts, speech and actions are garments for our souls. Garments are borders, like skin, to keep the outside out and the inside in. Dressing immodestly is a sign of weak borders.
We reveal something of ourselves by our words and our deeds, but our true character is etched in the wisdom of words not said. My siblings and I have gained much from my mother's words, but her unspoken wisdom has sculpted our personalities and behavior. Although my mother has never said so, we know that every violation of traditional borders pains her heart and hurts her eyes. If anything keeps me trying to be a mensch, it's my mother’s modesty. What I have neither seen nor heard is as real to me as life itself.
Rabbi Manis Friedman
Dean, Bais Chana Institute of Jewish Studies
St. Paul, MN
Modern Orthodox
Modesty is rooted in ethical communication and is the expression of relationship. The deeper the friendship, the more I reveal and share verbally. So it is with the body. “Letting it all hang out” may arouse a physical response, but it violates the ratio between relationship and revelation. In traditional halachic language, this behavior is called “uncovering that which is normally covered.”
Modesty demands that one should speak and show the body based on the context of the relationship and social setting. This observation implies that dress for the beach is legitimately more uncovered than dress for the office or the synagogue.
Modesty is not a matter of inches covered or related only to women. In a society that separates genders (like Muslim or Haredi communities), uncovering may be considered more invasive than in a gender-mixed society. In most traditional settings, modesty has metastasized into prudery, shame of the body and beliefs that women should be less visible and avoid public roles. A coed culture has a better chance to achieve normal social interaction and is thus less likely to turn females into objects of sexual exploitation.
In either type of culture, the goal should be to set a tone of equality and reciprocal modesty that honors the other. A properly applied principle of modesty dynamically adjusts and nurtures human relationships; that is the Jewish ideal.
Rabbi Yitz Greenberg
New York, NY
Conservative
My opinion on modesty is still evolving. I understand that the custom of wearing long skirts and sleeves is a social norm rather than a law. If girls believe that their long skirts and sleeves help people value them for their brains and personalities, not their bodies, then I admire and support them. However, if they are taught that the body is somehow shameful or dirty or if they are compensating for thoughts that some men might have about them, then I worry about an excessive preoccupation with women as potential sex objects. I quip, “If men have the problem, why don’t they wear blinders?”
Rabbi Miriam Berkowitz
Boca Raton, FL
Reform
I love the wildly inventive fashions on the TV show Project Runway, but the show What Not To Wear addresses the question before us. Created in the image of God, we have a sacred responsibility to clothe the body that houses our divine spirit sensibly, sensitively and joyfully. Young or not so young, at the beach or on the bima, tziniut, or modest dress, can guide us. A contemporary recasting might also inspire us to consider what we put in our bodies and how to promote health within.
I was ordained more than 25 years ago, a time when there were barely 50 women rabbis. Curiosity abounded about what we would do, say and, indeed, wear! I wanted to be taken seriously, but as a young woman, I also wanted to develop my style. Fashionable? I hoped so. Modest? Absolutely! I never wanted my clothing to get in the way of my work. Critique my sermons, please, not my hemlines!
Although few of us are designers or fashion models, our Project Runway is called life. On our runway, we can use color, texture and design to robe ourselves with modesty and flair, dignity and honor.
Rabbi Deborah Zecher
Hevreh of Southern Berkshire
Great Barrington, MA
Reconstructionist
Contemporary Judaism should treat equality as a legal and halachic value and uphold it with zeal. Instead of asking, “Who cares what women wear,” why not ask, “Who cares what people wear?”
Even in our increasingly egalitarian age, women bear unequal burdens. Modesty is expected more of women than men. Women’s bodies are more often exploited for profit by various media. These images offer distorted views of what bodies are for and what women “should” look like.
Pressure over what to wear drains energy and money better spent on tzedakah or tikkun olam. It can also lead to eating disorders, even in young girls, making a de-emphasis of appearances a public health imperative. Clothing can be a fun and attractive realm of self-expression, but the real purpose of clothes is more basic (just ask the millions who can’t afford them). We’d all be well served by a bit more sartorial utilitarianism.
Modesty, or tziniut, is a key value in our era of baring all. But another important value is kavod, respect, which is a two-way street. Walking into an Orthodox neighborhood or mosque or many churches, we should cover ourselves, honoring the minhag hamakom, local custom. But the custom in Miami or Tel Aviv is quite different, and religious coercion is not the way to go. Freedom of dress is closely intertwined with still greater freedoms, such as assembly, press and religion. Let’s not abuse that freedom, but uphold it.
Rabbi Fred Scherlinder Dobb
Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation
Bethesda, MD
Renewal
Could the Sanhedrin, the rabbinic court in Temple and post-Temple times, make the same kind of decisions when meeting in the Temple as when meeting elsewhere? The Talmudic determination was “no” because location affects decisions. Although the Talmud was dealing with capital offenses, this principle can be relevant to many issues today, including the question of modesty. A one-piece bathing suit worn at the beach is modest compared with a bikini, but a one-piece bathing suit worn in a restaurant is considered revealing even if worn with a skirt or pants.
When I became a pulpit rabbi in the early 1990s, I asked the mothers of bar and bat mitzvah celebrants to wear a skirt or dress on the bima. Some congregants informed me that they considered nice slacks to be modest when accompanied by tops that covered their chests and shoulders. When the female president of my congregation appeared at High Holy Day services in slacks, I realized that I needed to change my standards. And I did.
When visiting a congregation, both women and men should be attuned to the minhag hamakom, the custom of the place, in dress as in other things. I wear a kippah almost every day. I wear a tallit when attending a Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist or Renewal synagogue, but as a woman, I wouldn’t think of wearing either in an Orthodox synagogue.
Respect in dress is, to my mind, a form of modesty because when we are modest, we don’t call attention to ourselves; we can be beautiful and modest at the same time.
Rabbi Pamela Frydan Baugh
Administrative Director of OHALAH: Association of Rabbis for Jewish Renewal
Independent
No one ought to care what women wear. I am against burdening women with the responsibility of curbing the sensuous impulses of men by restricting their choice of dress and degree of exposure. Immodesty has to do with drawing unnecessary attention to yourself; wearing long sleeves and ankle-long skirts would be considered “immodest” in a community where women wear short sleeves and short skirts because it would draw unnecessary attention, conjuring up others’ judgment and assumptions.
As the late ultra-Orthodox rabbinic authority Rav Moshe Feinstein boldly pointed out, there is no Torah injunction against nudity. Remember how our great chieftain King David danced in front of the holy Ark of the Covenant in just a loincloth?
Women should be encouraged to connect with their God-given beauty in any way that makes them feel comfortable, admired and appreciated—and that heightens their self-esteem and sense of self. Let the men who complain about it free their sisters from being burdened to protect them from their own lewd thoughts.
Rabbi Gershon Winkler
Walking Stick Foundation
Thousand Oaks, CA
Humanist
Dressing modestly is really code for not dressing revealingly, seductively or, according to some, sinfully. But what transgresses “normal” in some cultures or families is attractive and appealing in others. Even within cultures, what is comfortable for one person may not be for another. Ultimately, each person must figure out what works for them—not on the basis of limitations imposed from outside, but of those within, including how at ease we are with our own bodies. That’s part of the story of freedom and personal emancipation that we treasure.
Rabbi Peter H. Schweitzer
The City Congregation for Humanistic Judaism
New York, NY